- Date posted
- 6y
sometimes i can disregard my false memories for weeks on end but then they’ll come back and seem even more real which sends me into doing compulsions and seeking reassurance, what i’ve read about false memories is that if the thought starts with “what if i......in the past” it’s a false memory cause if it was real you’d 100% remember it but i’m scared that i might’ve done something inappropriate to my sister ( when she was 2 ) like held her in a wrong way or put my hands on her in a wrong way in the past, i can’t remember doing this i just have really vivid images and high anxiety which makes it feel real, i fear that i might have done something inappropriate but like not seen it as inappropriate at the time? but that also doesn’t make any sense because i definitely wouldn’t touch a child that way because i feel no attraction towards them at all i’ve always been attracted to people my age so there would be no reason for me to do that. Then i also have thoughts like “maybe you saw it as funny or as a joke” but that doesn’t make any sense either, i know that i’ve patted my sisters butt when she was younger and used to crawl because i found it so cute. I wish i could remember everytime i’ve been affectionate with her so i’d know for sure if i ever did something bad but no matter how hard i try i cant, everything is so fuzzy. i just started my last year in high school and i really want to enjoy my last year with my friends and i’m also taking a lot of courses that i like this year but OCD makes it impossible. i feel like i can’t just disregard these thoughts as false memories cause what if they’re real? or what if i’ve just convinced myself that they’re ocd and they’re actually real? i’m sorry for the long post but can someone please help me i feel hopeless i don’t know how much longer i can put up with this, i’m anxious all the time.