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the NOCD Community

I had a very creepy dream where I was running around in some building where i knew it was an odd Catholic church and I was avoiding it but at the same time trying to see what was in there and all of a sudden I started seeing ppl getting possessed and killed! I saw a person all bent backwards with its skin looking like acid had barely been thrown on them and at that point I had felt the devils presence and I was super scared so in the same dream my ocd mixed in I began mind chattering about the devil to come for me and he did! He literally encarnated in like an old lady with an evil smile with a black hood on and he had cold long bony fingers reaching for my neck he was trying to choke me! I began speaking scripture upon him and he began to back away from me slowly but wouldn't go fully I felt like it wasnt working! It wasnt until I mentioned "the blood of Jesus has power!!!" That he completely disappeared. I woke up and I felt really scared about it that while tryna fall asleep again I was still thinking about the such force he tried wrapping his fingers on my neck and since I was laying on my bfs chest at that time apparently I had my wrist right on his throat and he gently moved it off so now I'm like what if the devil was tryna make me kill em ?? my head's hurts quite bad I'm even shaking

Is it a compulsion to constantly test scenarios in your mind? I’m always testing what I like and I don’t stop until I feel like I get to the bottom of it but recently I feel like it’s getting nowhere and just making the thoughts seem more real.

As I said before My new thought is about not loving him for the person he is, but for the way he treats me. Only liking his hugs and love ... it worries me. I want to love him for the person he is. Im worried about just using him to make me feel better... He would NEVER deserve to be treaten that way :( Anyone that can relate or tell about what the did about that thought?

I wanted to try & get pregnant this year. But bc my anxiety & HOCD have been so bad this year Idk if I should. Makes me sad. Idk if I could handle all the thoughts with a baby. I just wanna be me again ??‍♀️

Philippians4:7 I know you expressed a little while ago that December 23 is hard for you. Just have a couple things in mind for you I think would help (of course all of you are welcome to use this) 1. It’s just another day. Jon Hershfield instagrammed a caption that read “There are no such things as December or holidays, or a new year, even ‘Thursday’ is just a construct to arbitrarily label this current revolution around the sun. The only thing that’s real, that’s not a story is this moment. 2. When a thought comes to your head ask yourself if it’s productive or destructive? Depending on the techniques you use to relabel the thoughts you’re having, or strategies you implement, that is the perfect day to do it. You will be so proud of yourself that when the date comes up again you will know how to handle these feelings, and your brain will gear to it automatically. 3. Remember the thoughts are only worse because of the memory to it. You go through these thoughts all the time and it’s no different. There is no such thing as time, etc etc. Again, they are all labels. 4. Again, do the strategies! One thing I can recommend is that what goes on in your head is none of your business! Happy holidays and I know you can get through this tough time. Remember Jesus loves you and focus (non compulsively - I can’t stress this enough!!!) on scripture. Distract yourself, use mindfulness, self care, and recreate a bad memory with a new one. Listen to a sermon, fave song, and maybe some motivational music or something. Always have a can’t back down attitude. Everything passes! Thank you for reading :)<3

I’m not sure if this is OCD related but it causes extreme anxiety. Are there any vegetarians/vegans here? I was once a vegetarian and had to go back eating meat because I would bruise very easily. Then I became flexitarian and pescatarian. Now I’m craving meat but the problem is I’m feeling guilty because I’m an animal lover and an advocate and I care about animal welfare. And unfortunately majority aren’t humanely treated. I don’t know if it’s OCD related but it really causes anxiety for me. That if I eat meat I’m a horrible person and that I’m a hypocrite.

I need help. Possible trigger. I finally got out of bed and walked around the apartment barefoot (I usually have some kind of protective wear on). I’ve always been scared of something stuck under my feet. (Like I would step into a mouse/rat poop unknowingly and squish it with my foot(feet) and get it stuck and that if I carry it back into bed again unknowingly, somehow it’ll go into my mouth and I would swallow it while I’m asleep). After I was ready to go back to my bed, I check my feet and what do I see? Two black spots. At this point I’m freaking out. A part of me wants to shower and other part of me wants to say f-this and go into bed. I took some pictures as I slowly got into bed. I’m crying too so now I’m triggered by my bodily fluids. I’m now laying down and not sure what to do. I’m so overwhelmed. I’m scared I have something in between my toes. Im trying to remember one of the exercises I did with my therapist about rubbing “mouse/rat poop” (which was really just a lint. But who knows maybe one was actually a poop. Like maybe one day I will step on mouse poop) all over my face and body. I’m acting like a five year old throwing temper tantrum. Yes I cried and screamed and yelled. I have a hard time controlling my emotions when I feel threatened. I ended up removing them with rubbing alcohol. But I feel everything is dirty. My bed, my legs that touched the spots, my face from crying, I want to clean everything but I know that’s not what I should be doing.

I often wonder if I am the only person that has had nearly every type of ocd. I swear I can relate to all of you guys on here and I don’t know if that is normal or not

Does anyone else experience having a tight feeling in the throat that can last for hours to days?

I had to nap because I had a meltdown. I woke up to a nightmare about the man I love (my ex/but supports and cares for me). In my dream he told me he was getting treated by two nurses. And one wore something a bit revealing. He came back and I saw the video of his treatment (don’t know why-dreams don’t make sense just like ocd I guess) and I instantly got angry and jealous. I have body issues. I’ve been dumped over my body parts and it didn’t bother me at the time, it does now. I pointed out about the nurse with cleavage showing clothes and he said “yea, she has an amazing body. I love her!” That triggered me. I jumped on him and a little silly but I was biting and scratching his face. I thought if I can’t have him no one will and got off of him to go stab this nurse. That’s when I woke up with tears. I’m scared what if I do it in real life. If he meets someone and I get really mad and jealous because I’m not the one he wants to be with? You hear so many stories about deranged jealous exes killing. Last night I thought I saw he was talking to one of his ex and that alone really made me anxious. I’m really jealous of his exes and any woman he talks to. I tell him I wish he were gay. I had so many nausea, panic attacks and melt down I really thought I was losing it. That I was going insane. For a while I was just looking up at the ceiling and I don’t know why but I started to sing twinkle twinkle little star.

Another nausea, panic attack and meltdown. Just spent three hours “stuck” in the bathroom.

Is anyone on Prozac or has taken it by chance ? I am on day 17 of 20 mg - first 7 days 10mg - and the last 10 days 20 mg And I feel exhausted and my anxiety feels wayyyyy worse. I get scared to drive in my car or be in public places. I am seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow but would love some insight ?

Does anyone here have children? I read that OCD is hereditary and that it can get worse during and after pregnancy. That terrifies me so much and I’m scared to have children

Need some advice I can’t get over the fact that I just found out today that I emotionally cheated on my (recently broken up) ex partner. Back then I think I didn’t know it was wrong but now seeing the old conversations with the person it makes me feel so much guilt. I let them call me baby and wished they could take care of me when I was sick. They told me they wanted me and I asked what way? (It’s not in a sexual way, just like wanted to know if they liked me romantically) We were kind of physical like cuddles and all that but of course I never kissed their lips or stuff. My partner was pretty affectionate with others too but seeing all of these and remembering I did and said all of these with another person makes me feel so bad. We were good friends. I had initially thought I like them. Which confuses me now because I knew I loved my partner then. I don’t know what’s real or not now and I can’t remember everything before. My reaction, my feelings, how it went. So my head keeps doubting everything. I forgot about all these and this was 2 years (almost 3) ago. Ever since I had never acted that close or affectionate with anybody, or so I remember, my head is making doubt things now. I love my partner so much and they have always thought I had emotionally cheated before. They know now again because I finally admitted today after just realizing it now. Anyway, I dont know why I feel like I have to specifically say what I saw and show them even though thats not a good idea and i really dont want them to see it and further hurt them! someone please hell me.

When did you guys first feel like you had OCD? Or the first symptom/thought/compulsion you felt was related to OCD?

Lately my bf has been showing me videos about Christians who say women who like to look good with make up dye their hair get their nails done do their hair and wear jewelry go to hell for vanity and my ocd is making me feel paranoid because I like to do all that. They also said that those women have a Jezebel spirit. I started to look up the characteristics of one and ended up even more paranoid although I KNOW I'm not one. As I was researching I started to hear a beeping noise on my right ear and Ive been told that means negative energy is around. I told my bf and he randomly told me "rebuke all thoughts " it was like God told him or something and that made me feel like my intrusive thoughts have much more meaning than I thought they had ???

How do I stop worrying about illnesses? For some reason I’ve been stuck on a kick where I’m constantly worrying about getting cancer and I am always googling symptoms of various cancers. I read that leukemia can cause a rash and I thought about it so much I have a stress rash now (which obviously makes me worry I have leukemia). I’ve had fatigue and headaches from pcos for years but I’m convincing myself it’s bc of cancer. It started bc I had pain in my armpit for a couple days and it went straight to me stressing about breast cancer. The pain resided after a few days but I’m pretty sure I have a phantom pain every once in a while bc it’s all I can think about. Any tips?

NEED HELP. sos. Please Just broke up with my ex. Past before I thought i had ocd: i started talking to a person before and they made me feel butterflies. however i did not want to leave my partner for them or dreamt to. this person was an almost lover but they left then i met my partner, we got together then this person came back. of course my partner knew about this. thing is idk if this was early signs of ocd but thoughts of like maybe i liked the person came because i liked talking to them and was actually sweet to them too. they tried to make advances and i did like put a barrier at times but i feel like some i even encouraged. Im not sure now cause of my memory. Present: my ex and i have been together for 3 years. In the past i have cheated (idk why i felt like it was an urge or like curiosity. I just made out with someone, they didnt take it too well cause we were only 3 months) YES i know i was an asshole. I accept that. That was also why they had trouble trusting me from the get go. then a few months after the person from the past came and just questioned if i was having feelings for another person. But god damn did i love them so much and did my best after that to be the best partner they had cause i truly TRULY regretted it. both of the incidents probably led to my fear and guilt of finding someone else attractive or interesting other than my ex Anyway, i was scanning through my files and fuck, i saw screenshots of some conversations with 2? Friends and immediately it dawned i may have emotionally cheated on them. now dont get me wrong, i’ve seen my partner “mess around” in a somewhat flirtatious way with other people, be affectionate with other people, call other people pet names and i did get jealous but we somehow knew they were only jokes/messing around and platonical. even though some of the people fell for them too. a lot of people have tried sabotaging us too. back to the point, guilt is eating me up. I feel so worthless and self loathing that i probably did emotionally cheat my partner before and i didnt even like know it was wrong or knew about emotional cheating before. Now im second guessing if i knew all along or not. Im just so torn and i hate myself so much. Sometimes i feel like dying. I just want to restart in life and treat my ex better because i love them so much.

I can’t stand the ignorance of some people in the world still! I read some comments on a Facebook post about anxiety disorders and it’s baffling how many people make comments like “just speak to god”, “take vitamins”, “go for a walk” and “trust in Jesus”! What I would love to respond with is thank you but that’s about as fucking useful as saying have a cup of tea! If you don’t experience it don’t open your mouth! ??

I dont think my mom understands OCD. She told me she might have a little bit because she keeps checking and checking stuff. How do i even explain its not just that. It’s the endless thoughts and fear and doubt and guilt