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Help me! Oh no. I'm remembering some thoughts I had that felt real and like i wanted them. I need to analyze! It feels more like I wsnted it than I didn't even though it made me anxious! I want to think about it amd see so I can continue my day what do I do?

Struggling hard today. Really hard. I seem to have identified my “core fear” that’s underlying most of my recent themes: I’m afraid of myself. I’m afraid of who I am “deep down.” I’m afraid my identity is a fraud. I’m afraid I don’t know myself and never will. And I’m afraid to know who that “real” person is. I’m afraid knowing it would mean losing all attachment to everything I have in my life now. I use quotes because rationally if I were talking to someone else on here I know I’d tell them there is no “deep down,” and there is no secret more “real” person. I’d tell them to sit with the doubt and learn to tolerate it. I’d tell them it will get easier with practice. And yet right now, I am at such a high distress level I can barely think. I’ve been having an anxiety attack for 4.5 hours now. And it won’t stop. All of this was triggered by being home with family for thanksgiving. Being home means being in an environment with people who know me and have known me my whole life. I know they have a specific image of me and think they know me. And sitting next to the people I care about most in the world and not being sure that the image they have is “real” is terrifying. If I’m someone else entirely, I worry I’ll lose them. And even if I don’t lose them, I worry they’ll lose me — lose their daughter that they have known and loved for so long. I would hate to make them mourn the loss of me and have to accept some new/different version that even I barely know. The distress of defining my identity and being comfortable with it has been weaving in and out of my themes the past few years: ROCD, HOCD, TOCD. I’m not sure how it fits into my themes from youth (health ocd and existential ocd.) but it may if I dug a little deeper. I don’t know who I am. And I’m trying to remind myself to do what I tell everyone to do: “maybe there are parts of me deep down I don’t know. Or maybe not. I don’t know. And I don’t need to know with any more certainty than I have in this moment.” Sit with that. But the anxiety just won’t stop. I wish I knew exactly who I was. Being so unsure makes me feel uncomfortable just being with myself. And I can’t believe that we all have to live with a disorder that can make us feel this way based on absolutely nothing but doubt.

hi everyone, I've suffered with harm ocd since my little girl was born 9 years ago. I also have fears about being a psychopath or narcissist. I've recently had a bad patch and my OCD has returned and it feels worse than ever. an intrusive thought I keep getting at the min is "everyone is the same, living the same life someone has to be bad else wouldbt the world be boring" it's like I fixate on what a psychopath might think and then my OCD makes me feel like it's me who wants that thought. I wasnt sure if it may be a but of existenial mixed with the harm OCD. I wasnt thinking like this a few weeks ago so why now does it feel so real 😔 wondering if anyone can relate?

Hello! I’m feeling very anxious and sad. I don’t know why i’m scared that my parents could die or turn sick or having a cancer..my parents are the love of my self and this anxiety cause me intrusive thoughts about it..i love them soo much! Anyone can relate?

Hi guys, Straight female here. Having a tough night. I guess I'm ruminating on how this OCD started, I was browsing an app and came across half naked anime girls and I guess sexual images in general arouse me (I'm not sure why), but then I froze and told myself "oh my God, I must be a lesbian and I can't be with my boyfriend anymore." Ever since then, I've been checking and checking and checking some more. I've managed to not research anything (which I'm proud of), but it's just so unbearable, I'm worried I'm somehow in denial or something because the thoughts at first didn't really give me much anxiety but now I'm very stressed out. I keep thinking about my past and if I was a normal "straight" person, and wondering if I'm somehow actually a lesbian. I keep having awful dreams about it. Ironically, I can still be intimate with my boyfriend and somewhat enjoy sex but other times not so much and my brain tells me I am lying to myself. I keep trying to reassure myself that I'm not homosexual. I can't even fall asleep tonight. I checked my stress levels on my health app and its through the roof. I just want to feel like I used to and be confident about my identity, but my brain tells me that I only enjoyed sex with my boyfriend back then because it was new and exciting and just a fling. Before all this, I was only ever attracted to men and only had male crushes. Now, I find it hard to even understand what's going on and I find more comfort in wondering if I'm just asexual so that I don't have to deal with it. I'm physically shaking writing about this because I feel so hopeless. Just a few hours ago, I thought I had a breakthrough and I was feeling alright. I accepted the thoughts as they were and I was going along with it. But now it's triggered again because I'm not sure if they're intrusive thoughts or me being in denial, because I keep having to reassure myself that I'm not homosexual and that I'm attracted to men. The guilt of how it all started is keeping me from moving on because it is somehow proof that I am not straight. This is awful. It feels good to write it out. Thanks for reading.

Please answer! What happen after we finally finished all ERP session then we can say we can "managed" it. Manage OCD. What recovery really means? On my case, i educated myself through self-help about ERP then practicing ERP by myself over and over. Then ocd become less and less and i got better. Currently i live in a place, when i diagnosed ocd, work with psychiatrist for medication and psychologist for CBT. But not specifically with ERP. Let say you in theraphyst or NOCD and complete all the sessions. What happen after you complete all of that that? For me, i can do what i value in my life or my purpose. But after doing erp by my own i still experiencing some anxiety and guilt, many intrunsive thought and little compulsions. Then become less and less over time. Is this mean manage and we succed at it? I'm curious what recovery really means and life after we finisihed all our session with theraphyst. I think there no perfect or all compulsion go away. But reduce it then we can continue our live instead wasting hours for compulsive behavior. So we develop attitute or streng to deal with intrunsive thought, although still experiencing some obsession, anxiety, guilt, even little compulsion. So recovery take more time, even after you without therapyst. Give me best answer on that. Thank you. Love you so much <3 <3 <3 I really don't know where to get answer on that now. Instead get understanding from you guys. Please correct me! :')

Can I talk to someone on here about a situation? I'm willing to give advice or listen but my brain is on loop

I don’t think this has much to do with obsessions but I would like some help :( I’m 17 years old, very good in school I have a 3.9 GPA. I took the SAT earlier this month and got a score of 980 :/ I also got a 13/24 on the essay and writing is my passion. I’ve been feeling very dumb and useless and I do not want to continue leaving. Any advice?

It’s so hard to feel like this theme is really ocd and not just denial. I’m so scared :( and I feel like me not being in a. Relationship / having little experience romantically and sexually is proof

I’m constantly enjoying my intrusive thoughts, the anxiety isn’t even there anymore idk what to do. I can’t take it anymore

I was sitting and got the random intrusive thought "Go smear soap all over your TV and yourself." It was a thought. It's my understanding that we aren't supposed to do anything with intrusive thoughts. My therapist, who works with OCD, said "In the grand scheme of things, it wouldn't matter whether you smeared soap all over your TV or yourself." I don't understand what they meant by that. I thought the whole point was to allow the random, weird, intrusive thought to be there without doing compulsions. I'm not sure what the purpose of digging into the content is. With OCD out of the picture, it'd still bother me to to smear soap everywhere. Basically why did my therapist say "In the grand scheme of things."? It's causing me a lot of distress and throwing me off in what I'm supposed to be doing therapy wise. I thought we accepted the thought itself, not the content inside of the thought.

If you’ve experienced several ocd themes, has one theme felt different than the rest? Have some themes really felt like ocd to you and even though the thoughts were distressing, you understood it was ocd as opposed to maybe one theme that really didn’t feel like ocd? If that makes sense? While most themes I’ve experienced were highly distressing, I feel like they don’t get under my skin quite as much because I truly feel they are ocd thoughts.

even when i’m not actively obsessing, I do things so that people don’t think i’m gay. THAT IS DENIAL. THAT IS SOMETHING ONLY A GAY PERSON IN DENIAL WOULD DO. PLEASE SOMEONE HELP.

someone please help! I've been showing pure o symptoms for about a month now. terrible intrusive thoughts, rumination, shame, guilt, doubt.. i feel like shit. i decided to open up about this to my mom (I'm 15) so that i could seek help and she doesn't understand. She thinks that I'm just being dramatic, that this is just a phase, that i just need some fresh air and a distraction like doing chores blah blah.. i told her that i could have ocd but she started saying that ocd is obsessing over organizing, cleanliness and other stereotypical shit... i even showed her articles explaining my situation and she seemed to get uncomfy and tried to change the subject. whenever i bring it up she either makes jokes about it to make me "laugh it off" or mutter something like "yeah yeah" and it's so annoying. today she even told me that she's "depressed" and that if she can pull through then so can I (she's isn't clinically depressed she's never seen a therapist in her life). she doesn't understand the severity of my situation. im afraid my intrusive thoughts will start getting worse if im left untreated. she really made me think that maybe im just making this up and that im just a dramatic little b*tch. ive always loved my mom and she's always been supportive but i feel so betrayed rn. i feel helpless

Im struggling with my faith! Any Bible believing Christians here to talk?

My OCD makes me physically sick, I can't function. My mom was watching the show Big Sky and it's about sex trafficking and the question popped in my head "do I think sex trafficking is hot?" but OF COURSE I DON'T but why why does this have to torture me I want it to be done!

Omg my real life ocd is just unbearable :( For all you who have this, how long do your "episodes" normally last?? I have lost all appetite and I'm so drained ☹️

How do you explain ocd to your family? They don’t seem to understand how my brain works differently no matter how many articles I send. I have contamination ocd which they kind of get but tend to say I’m normal and it’s not a bad thing I’m worried because I’m being safe but they don’t understand how irrational it is. They think bc I’m a smart person i wouldn’t have irrational mental and physical compulsions but I can’t get them to understand it’s not about intelligence. Even I don’t really understand how I can logically know something but still feel this way. What’s worse is I struggle mostly with POCD and wish I could explain it to them but feel like they would either be scared of me or think it’s silly and I’m stupid. Do any of you have tips/relate?

18+ I was such a horrible boyfriend. I was friendly and flirty with other girls and I would always justify it by saying that I wasn’t cheating (which I never did). I also got super drunk during a family vacation and I don’t remember anything but I fear i may have kissed someone, even though my family has to me that I didn’t because they were with me 99% of the time. I realize however that it doesn’t take a physical act to hurt your partner. Flirting is just as bad. I don’t know why I was that way. I was always an attention seeking idiot. My guilty conscience led me to develop OCD. Now all I do is obsess over every day of my life trying to figure out if I did anything wrong so I can confess it to my partner. I wonder if I’ll ever be enough for her again. I feel so unworthy of her love. She is hurting so much and I can’t believe I caused her that pain. She tells me to let it go but I feel like she deserves to know who I was. She says she forgives me because I am no longer that person but I can fucking forgive myself. I’ve tried meditating and doing affirmations but it’s been months and I feel like I am tainted forever. I led her to believe that I was someone that I wasn’t. I told her I only had eyes for her but I still found other girls attractive and watched porn behind her back. I don’t know what to do. I don’t eat or sleep or do anything but be in my bed crying. I love her so much and I can’t believe I was such a piece of shit. I want to move forward but I don’t know how to. We’ve been together for over 5 years and I can’t believe I am just now realizing all this. I wonder if it’s too late. I’ve been an atheist for years and I’m even praying out of desperation. I hate myself

I don't know how to put this but... I'll try my best... The pain that I'm suffering now is too deep. I'm struggling to catch my breath every second. I can't sleep, I can't be awake... I can't do anything. I'm freezed in this stage of endless pain that has teared my soul apart. There's nothing left now... I can't see things work for me. I'm too tired of this... I can't take any step further. There's no end to this. My soul is dead from inside...