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the NOCD Community

Do you guys ever feel like you'll never be able to find love because of all the obsessions and intrusive thoughts you have? Especially if you have have real events it's based on? It's definitely something that comes up for me frequently. I feel undeserving of love and that no one would understand me.

Does anyone elses ocd attack you from things you did in the past?

I'm deciding to type all the obsessions I can remember having over the years. I'm 18 now so it'll be a long list lol. -Me worrying I harmed a friend in kindergarten. I avoided him. -My star wars toys don't really belong to me after receiving them on Christmas. I kept worrying about it and felt bad Those are the youngest ones I can remember. I was 6. - In fourth grade I had the obsession I would go to hell. I had "I swear to God" playing in my head constantly and I compulsively prayed CONSTANTLY. This was one of the worst obsessions I've ever had. -Fifth grade I'm afraid about simelnilla from my turtle, ( I don't know how to spell it) I used stupid amounts of lysol and washed my hands way too much. Overall this was mild. -Sixth I was worried my sister would get pregnant by sharing the same shower as me. I scrubbed everywhere I touched including the sink, toilet seat and THE FLOORS. This is the end of my younger obsessions I can recall. My OCD seemed almost dorment for a few years then covid hit with lockdown. This is why I'm in a hellhole now. During lockdown I've obsessed, -A family heirloom I have on my shelf will break because of my shelf snapping. I covered it in over three feet of blankets and checked it constantly through the night. In the morning I gave it back to my father - I've worried I'm a reincarnated N@zi and traitor to my country. This was very stressful. - I worried I had transgender surgery at birth and am not a male. -I worried I was attracted to animals -I worried that the women I've been attracted to are secretly male or have had transgender surgery. -I worried I wanted to kill my family -I worried I want to touch children These are my main themes as of today, -Ive worried I'm gay -Ive worried I'm bisexual Why does life have to be so hard? I've been punished so much. I've had three surgeries on my neck. I've moved many times. I was bullied until 7th grade. I've always wanted a wife. Now it's like I can't have that. I seriously don't want to be with a man. I'm very lonely. My girlfriend played with me, lied and cheated then called me a bad person. This post makes me realize I've been through a good amount of shit in my short time. I want peace.

What are the goals really for ERP and recovery? I’ve been reflecting on this as I finally feel that I’m making some progress. For me personally, my goals are less anxiety when exposed to triggers, and less frequency and intensity of intrusive thoughts. I know they’ll never truly go away, but I’d love to get to a point where they don’t bother me as much or I hardly notice them anymore. Is this realistic? What are your guys goals?

Someone help ? Please ?

Feeling a bit anxious this morning. I am worried that my intrusive thoughts are beginning to give me semi erections. I thoroughly believe they are groinal responses but it’s because of the obsessing. Furthermore, these groinals are so unnatural...everyone who’s a guy knows that erections are gradual and pleasurable. The problem is I have no control over my thoughts. It is as if my my mind has conditioned itself to associate my thoughts with sexuality in general and now I can’t even masturbate without immediately seeing a dude in my line of vision. Even when I stare at pretty girls it’s like it morphs into a dude. I know my OCD is taking over but this is scaring the shit out of me. It’s taken away my masturbation and my mental clarity. Mind you I’m 23 and NEVER in a million years would I have questioned a thing like sexuality. I feel like I’m trapped inside a box and my ocd brain is now calling all of the shots....

I know I'm not bi/lesbian, but I'm scared what if I turn bi/lesbian after this SO-OCD journey and I don't want that. Since I've been saying "Yeah, maybe I'm bi", I've been having these weird dreams and images that would give me anxiety every time. Isn't it suppose to stop once you've accepted uncertainty? LMAO maybe I'm still doing the compulsions and all of that. The thought of turning bi doesn't even bother me anymore, but it doesn't mean that I am or that I would want to be one. I don't know SO-OCD is sometimes convincing, but I still can't see myself with a girl because it is SO different from what I've always dreamt of. Anyways, I'm just so confused about my sexuality and I wish I could go back to myself before.

Take a mental pause from your OCD. Answer these questions and give yourself a break from your obsessions- you deserve it. 1.) Would you rather explore the deep sea or outer space? 2.) What’s a quote you think about a lot? 3.) Do you like having breakfast for dinner? I’ll start: 1.) Deep 🌊 2.) “Life is like riding a bicycle, to keep balance you must keep moving.” 3.) It’s 8pm I want pancakes. 🥞

So ERP has really helped with my OCD symptoms, but I have seen an increase in my social anxiety. Has this happened to anyone else?

i’m really anxious about something i sent to a group chat about an assembly about highlighting the talents of black students in my school (i go to a preforming arts hs) which is so cool and jokingly i said “fr like why are the ppl here actually talented i thought that was a joke hfhsosbk” and someone responded and said “Obviously this was gonna be amazing, I expected nothing less” so i responded feeling really bad clarifying what i meant and said “yea ofc i meant like at this hs like ppl who go here are so talented and it’s like wow y’all are so good i feel so out of place yk y’all weren’t joking about being talented “ and no one responded to that message and i’m so scared that i offended them/ they think i’m racist/ they hate me and i’m crying/shaking and i feel so so bad

I don't know if i am hyperaware or actually hearing things Last night was rough...only got a few hours of sleep because I was getting anxious over whether or not I am hearing things. Sometimes thoughts would pop in as i was finally drifting to sleep but then is get anxious thinking if that thought was a voice and I was hearing things. Then I thought I started to hear bird chirps, making me pretty distressed. I have tinnitus, so im thinking that and my hyperawareness to everything plus the anxiety made my mind play tricks on me....or maybe i am having like auditory hallucinations...im trying to disregard but its hard this time around.

My intention on sharing this post is to find others opinion on that or what their therapists told them or what they are doing in this situation. I would appreciate it if you would answer me Does anyone else sometimes have an intrusive thought that turns you on? Also my psychologist told me that is natural and that doesn't make me a p*** and she even told me that even if I masturbate on this thoughts doesn't make me a p***. Someone who is a p*** he is stalking and seducing kids. She is absolutely sure that I am not a p*** because we are talking about that 9 months now and she would find it out in this time... I don't know anymore... I know that I m not indented to harm any kid and I know that I will not do it. But from the other hand I have listened about people who are p*** and they haven't ever acted on their desires, but my psychologist disagrees. P*** is someone, she says, who is doing it,and the same thing is for a murderer. Murderer is someone who is planning to kill someone or he kills someone not someone who is thinking about murder...

In combination with depression my adhd and ocd are at a standstill right now. I am experiencing a deep depression that I can't even describe. I'm scared to take anything to help with my depression because most of it makes me anxious then I get too scared to try anything again. I can't even take anything for focus because it also raises my anxiety and even natural remedies I'm starting to lose hope in. I can't wake up. I don't want to move. I have no motivation and see no hope in my future. I start cleaning then get distracted and give up minutes in. I can't complete tasks. I don't want to even be around anyone I just want to isolate myself. This over anxiety... but it just truly is difficult. I'm at a loss for what to do..

I’ve noticed that i genuinely don’t care if i was a lesbian, I dont want to be with a woman at the moment (even though i feel like im lying to myself). But what terrifies me is that I won’t end up with a man and will end up with a women and it makes me so sad cause that’s not what i want :( Idek at this point man im so lost and confused and yeah:/ This is just attacking my identity to the core and i can’t even fantasize about a guy anymore without being triggered And girls just make me uncomfy and scared and i don’t like those thoughts and dont wanna like them because it’s just not me then im scared it is me and im just lying to myself🙃 And the opposite with guys 🥲

hey all! i developed anxiety tics a couple months ago and was wondering if any of you guys got them too? if so, what are u guys’s like? do they happen a lot, or only sometimes? is there a certain time of day when they get worse? what tics do y’all do? i’m just so curious haha!

Therapist talk- So id like to make a comment. Im happy to start tackling my ocd head on but my therapist seems very cut and dry? We had a 90 min session but she wanted to end it 30 mins earlier. She didn’t really seem sympathetic to much of anything going on in my life. And interrupted me at times. I do like how she is active in erp though.

I’ve been struggling with suicidal thoughts this week but keeping a brave face on because I knew my husband was under a lot of stress with work, I figured I could talk to him about it over the weekend. He’s been consistently late getting home because of work stuff, but assured me he would be home at five tonight. When he called at five to say he hadn’t left yet...I sort of snapped. I told him I was frustrated and he got upset. And it’s so tempting to throw it in his face and say hey, I’ve been suicidal all week and you haven’t been there or even noticed because of this work crap... I won’t do that. I’ll be an adult (crazy adult but still) and talk to him about it later. Thanks for the vent. Peace out.

How do you know the difference between GAD and OCD? Had one of my assessment-appointments yesterday. And its driving me nuts. Have been lying awake for hours figuring it out. The OCD-specialist talked as if my mental compulsions is rumination which he meant was only for GAD. And I suppose I got GAD too, worrying about the small stuff. But I've had enough therapy that doesn't bother me that much. But what is torturing me is the intrusive thoughts about everything that is not "right". And the constant mental checking and figuring out. Did I say something wrong? My eyes are feeling strange, something is wrong with it. Constantly checking my body for sensations and feelings and checking for "wrongs". And I feel like I'm going crazy. I can't handle not getting proper help. ERP has been the only thing that has helped which makes me defo think its OCD. And now I have to wait 2 weeks for my next appointment. And all this makes me think I want to die and like I have to figure it out. And ofc I don't want to die. I want to live. But it's the normal end to the figuring out, it ends up with the suicidal intrusive thoughts. But one thing I read was the difference between GAD and OCD was that OCD was ONE (maybe two or three) themes, while GAD was more all over. And my thoughts seems more all over. But they have something in common and it is "wrong/right" whether that be money, boyfriend, feelings, body sensations etc. I'm going crazy!

POCD 18+ NSFW WARNING TRIGGER WARNING I need help and advice right now because I feel sick and disgusted. A long time ago there was a pornhub user named Ellesclub. She was verified on there and claimed she was 18 (or so at the time) I viewed her content and I didn’t know anything about who she was, except for the fact that she was extremely popular. Her viewer count was in the millions. Nearly 2 years back her account got banned and she never posted the reason why. I was curious on why her videos got banned and stuff so I viewed it a couple more times, then I forgot about her. I was 16-18 at the time. Turns out, she had lied to everyone about her age, and started making porn at the age of 16. She was born on June 12th of 2000, and I was born on July 1st 2001. And some of the videos she uploaded were at the ages of 16-17. I recently found out about this 6-7 months ago. I’m 19 now. I have never ever felt more afraid and disgusted in all my life. And worst yet. I’m so triggered and scared. I’m shaking and tearing up as I write this because of all the events that lead up to this and my current predicament. I don’t want to be a M.A.P or a pedo. I don’t want to go to jail. I don’t want to be a monster, and I’m so fucking scared. I don’t want to be a pedo or a M.A.P, and I’m so scared of what you guys might say. I’m so scared that I might go to jail.

I did something weird and I am not ok with it......I am afraid of going to hell but also the demons/OCD voices are in my ear, I want so badly for God to talk to me about this and I can't feel his peace....I wonder if it means what I did was really bad...uuggghhh----I am so sick.....I can't believe this pain. I felt like I did a good job for 13 years of not doing anything too bad...this happened a month ago and I can't take it back!...I swear God it was an accident! Help me God!!