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My theme is fear of pshycosis and im scared :/

Went to the gym and got a decent shoulder workout. Saw a couple cute girls which was nice haha. I felt like some dude was there triggering me in purpose maybe he was maybe he wasn’t but I still finished my workout even though my soocd was being triggered. I have my rational voice which always helps me out on top of my voice. It is what it is. Like I only need a little bit of erp to be done by a ocd specialist but can’t seem to find one who wants to do it. Like my previous therapist could build it for me again but she refused to do it cuz she didn’t believe in me anymore and would rather believe a psychosis theory that never went away while being on an antipsychotic so it is what it is smh. I mean I don’t want to feel what I feel every day. I don’t want to make my life harder and others too. I want to be normal and would like for a therapist to help me to be normal but they aren’t understanding me so I just got to keep going.

Does anyone else’s OCD try to tell you if you don’t ruminate you are just suppressing the “real you”? To just admit x,y,z to your self? These things just don’t feel right in my soul. I’m really struggling and I hate this illness. I just want my happy back so bad. I don’t want to feel like I’m loosing myself to this illness.

Trying to explain to my mum that I feel numb about most things not just my relationship and she says well not really, you love your job and your pets etc. And now I'm like great so it's not ROCD then it's real 😔

i cant stop thinking about the fight i had with my boyfriend two days ago **might trigger ROCD** hello everyone! i just needed to vent somewhere, and maybe get a little bit of advice. two days ago, me and my boyfriend (L) )(been together for 5 months now) got into an argument over the phone. this wasn’t our first argument, and we both knew it wasn’t going to be our last. it wasn’t a screaming match, nor was it laced with insults of any kind. it was a disagreement over something silly, and we both escalated it. eventually, we decided to sit down and talk about it all. we resolved things peacefully, he apologized, and i apologized as well. after this, we went back to our normal, goofy selves. problem is, i cant stop thinking about the argument. i cant stop thinking about how nervous i felt during it, as well as after. i still feel nervous whenever it’s brought up and whenever i’m away from him. i want our relationship to last for a very long time,,but i’m getting so scared that my nervous feelings will get in the middle of that, and make me break it off with him. im aware that i have anxiety (GAD), as well as a strong feeling that i have OCD, but it just bothers me that i still haven’t let go of these nervous feelings. what is this trying to tell me? my brain is telling me that this is the beginning of the end, that sooner or later i’ll stop loving him because of our argument, and that i’ll never see him the same way i used to. im scared because i feel myself already believing it. i cant look at a picture of him without being reminded of what happened. L might be coming over today, and all my brain can think about is “what if you can’t hug him or kiss him the same? what if you don’t want him to come over?” I told L all this and he understood. he once again apologized for causing all this pain. although he didn’t want one, L offered the idea of a break, but that made me feel worse. i don’t want a break from him. i wake up and wish to talk to him. i want to spend my summer with him. I love him, and i don’t want to end it or put a pause on what we have. It’s even worse when my brain tells me that i don’t love him anymore because of the argument. i don’t know what to believe. i am so so lost. i don’t know what to do. i have no one else but him to talk about this to. i don’t wanna suffocate him in the slightest. someone, please give me advice. i feel like i’m drowning.

((Tw for health anxiety)) I’ve had a sore throat for close to a month and all I can think of right now is the possibility of it being throat cancer. I vape regularly (even though I know I shouldn’t) and I’ve never had any issues, but a month ago it became painful to swallow and it feels like I have a rock in my throat and I’m so scared over it tbh.

TOCD Hi! This is my first post. I had my intake yesterday and it went really well! I actually felt really great afterwards. I've been having TOCD for about 2 months now. I've been all over the place with it, but recently have felt much much better after doing some personal work with ERP. However, I had a huge anxiety spike yesterday because I experienced what I can only call autogynephilia (arousal at the thought of having a vagina). I've experienced this before and it scares me a lot because the TOCD kind of pushes it to an extreme saying that I need to get gender affirmation surgery. Early on with the TOCD, I'd check if I actually did want a vagina, and like my checking would either be inconclusive, convince me that I did want one, or that I didn't, but no matter what it wouldn't last very long? Like I'd freak out about it and then like later forget that I was even worried about it. I'm a gay man, and I know it's not unheard of for gay men to experience autogynephilia and even to enjoy it and still be men, it's just very much all over the place with the TOCD. Like my guess is just that my OCD blows it out of proportion but I'm wondering if OCD can convince you that you like something to the point where you do like it? Like is this a backdoor spike? For reference, I believe I have experienced autogynephilia outside of an OCD mental state when I was younger, but as best as I remember it was a singular moment of experimentation that while enjoyable felt more like a fantasy than an embodiment of who I am if that makes sense. I'm feeling pretty calm about all of this right now, but I guess I'm just curious to see if anyone has had anything similar.

having a rough night accepting uncertainty

New to the group. Does anyone suffer from ROCD and jealousy? I don’t have RJ but rather severe jealousy over young woman. I’m in my 50s and with a partner for 2 years. I have body image issues and I have terrible thoughts of my partner cheating or becoming sexually aroused by these young girls. He’s not that type but I can’t stop the obsession. Do you have any good tools I can use ?

Without anxiety and ocd how would you like be?

Guys it's just so convincing I honestly feel like this isn't HOCD

Help! TOCD!!! Has anyone got TOCD on here? I have a few times obsessed about this theme but HOCD usually takes over. But today was the first day for a huge obsession of TOCD, I am so worried I FEEL manly, like I really feel manly, I don’t feel feminine a lot of the time and this really scares me. I am so confused and I read some Reddits for people becoming transgender and I really feel that’s how I feel but I really don’t want to be a man, I just want to feel womanly. This is so scary 😭. I’m not sure how much longer I can take of this OCD, today was the first time that I thought I’m not sure I can live a life like this. I don’t know who I am anymore. Sorry to be so negative! Hope everyone is doing okay out there ❤️

today is a bad day and i am quite convinced i'm bi in denial and feel sick

For those struggling with with ROCD do you let your partner in on what’s going through your mind? My boyfriend is my go to person to talk to about anything going on my life and really the only one who understands ocd but I feel it can be hurtful for him if I share intrusive thoughts about our relationship.

Anyone here struggle with suicidal OCD? If so and you have experience please help me understand what I'm doing wrong. So am I supposed to sit with the thought of harming myself. Zip... That's all, or do I tell myself and BELIEVE I'm going to do it? I'm so confused. I feel my brain already tells me I will, why would I try to give it more power. Please respond

I had a random memory (not sure if it’s real or false) that when I was young I googled ‘child porn’ to see what it was like. Obviously nothing came up and I didn’t see anything but I’m feeling ashamed for even searching for it. Now I know I’m not attracted to children whatsoever, but the fear and guilt is coming from even searching that out of curiosity when I was young. I don’t even know if this is a real memory or not but it feels real and I feel as if I can faintly remember but idk. I’m really struggling rn, especially since I was doing so well with my ROCD, it’s now taking the form of POCD which is utterly destroying. Please someone help.

How do you know the difference between resisting ruminating compulsions and avoiding?

when I get groinal response it lasts for so long even when I want it to leave is that normal?

Hello if anyone has any questions about how to expose/cope with certain OCD thoughts, feel free to type it in the comments. I've learned many things throughout the years that worked for me that can also be helpful to you. I'm happy to help and share what I know so ask away lol

Does anybody have trouble falling asleep due to intrusive thoughts? I fell asleep at around 2 in the morning because I was my thoughts just wouldn't stop. I usually like to distract myself so I would watch a show until I fall asleep but in this case it was really difficult. Last night I was tired but I was scared to fall asleep due to my intrusive thoughts.