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18+ please taboo subject So I want to post about something that’s really bothering me to just get it out there in hopes that maybe someone will understand or relate. I don’t know how long ago maybe last year I was watching a video about these two guys just talking about stuff kind of like a podcast but it was a video and the p word came up caused a huge amount of anxiety then I got groinal response which gave me an urge to well ya know the m word I hate saying it but ya know what I’m talking about. But I told myself I would wait a few minutes that way it wasn’t because of that. I would give the anxiety time to go away and then whatever it was fine but now my ocd is trying to convince me that I did the m word because the p word (bad person) was brought up. I don’t know how to explain this better but hopefully someone will understand. I just feel so icky and wrong because of it and I definitely DO NOT want to be a monster or a bad person p word whatever.

Why I feel so much empathy? I try to understand and have compassion for everyone in the world, good and bad people. Sometimes I feel like I am wrong for feeling like that. I "cant" hate someone who did something wrong, like a crime or something horrible and I understand people who want revenge and feel hate and dont believe in redemption. I try to see both sides, as I cant really understand us humano beings so much. We are so much complex and dificult to understand. I think maybe this is because my real event ocd, but I dont know. I dont believe people are totally bad or that people are totally good. Our human nature is twisted and crazy. Sometimes I feel more compassion for others than for me. I Just hate feeling like a horrible person for feeling like this. I think so many things about that, like punishment and justice. I feel like crazy. I dont want to feel like that, I Just want to be a good person.

Just got really triggered Saw a post on Twitter saying “does he give you butterflies or are you just disgusted by him” and all of the comments were full of women saying this is how they knew they were lesbians. I’ve always gotten really anxious before dates and the idea of relationships, so this is a huge trigger for me. Trying to sit with the anxiety and accept uncertainty but it’s so difficult :(

not THAT OCD related, but i’m so tired of looking in the mirror and picking apart the things that i feel are wrong with myself. after my first session with my therapist, she said i also have body dysmorphic disorder, which is commonly seen in people who have OCD. i’m not a person who cries easily, but this problem i have within myself almost brings me to tears often and eats at me every single day. i cant enjoy simple things without being fixated on how i look/my appearance while doing them. if i’m swimming in the pool, i’m thinking about how my face looks with my hair wet and get uncomfortable when i feel like someone is looking at me for too long. i feel uncomfortable in rooms with certain lighting. i adjust the angle or position my body is at while interacting with other people just because i’m concerned with how they’re seeing me. just a rant, feeling really defeated.

is there anyone here i can talk to? it might be a bit graphic but i really need help

I keep telling myself "stop thinking" "ignore the thoughts" "like you did it before you can do it again" "just do nothing and everything will happen naturally" etc. It's like I always feel inclined to tell or remind myself how to deal with my ocd and it's very annoying. These thoughts keep repeating in my head over and over again and they just won't stop. They're driving me crazy. Why can't I just stop thinking without constantly reminding myself to. Has anyone experienced this theme before in particular and can anyone give me any advice on how to deal with it?

How’s everyone doin today? 🙂

hey can i talk to anyone? it might be a bit tmi but idk what to do

Hi Everyone! I live in a country where OCD-specialized therapists are basically non-existent. I’ve tried to sign up for NOCD therapy, but turns out it isn’t available where I live, which was quite a bummer. Ive come across ERP School by Kimberly Quinlan, she provides a self-led online ERP course. Does anyone here recommend it? Or can someone give me advice on what to do in my case? I’m desperate for ERP! I really want to start my journey in recovery. 17 years of untreated OCD is enough 😞😖

Hello all! I hope you’re all doing well! I’ve been battling this thing for about 2 months… SOCD that is… I want to literally defeat and conquer this thing and go back to how life was prior, I swear at times it’s like the compulsions just suck so bad… like the compulsions in trying not to look at another man, and then again at times I hear people say “It’s okay if you look at another dude like that you’re still straight!” Like no I shouldn’t be looking at them like that at all… But at times I have to check down there and when I do it’s not like it’s moving from an erection but more so from uncomfortability… I tell myself and know damn well that I would never have sex with another man… just me saying it disgusts me to be honest… but sleeping next to, loving… NOPE, that’s just not me one bit, but then intrusive thoughts kick in and I’m taught to let the thoughts pass by and when I do then I start thinking to myself… wait if I’m okay with these thoughts does that make me gay? And using these words I promise you all it just feels like… not me… feels as if I’m a prisoner inside my own body asking to let this entity to be free from me… It all started at work (I worked at American Eagle and actually today was my last day due to me having to move into my apartment) when I was posting for an ambassador program and my manager(who happens to be a guy) slid up on my post w heart eyes and I replied with a comment that related to the store clothing because I assumed he was referring to that… but still I had to approach him about it because it made me entirely uncomfortable… and then I realized how many of the men that worked with carry themselves very flamboyant in terms of speech, walk, etc. The intrusive thoughts have gotten worst like whenever I lay down for bed it’s like what if I was laying here with another man? I don’t want this to be the case at all… never was into men and I don’t plan on being… But one thing that helps is looking in the mirror at times and seeing that I don’t carry myself like that all & at times whenever I’m in my head I just realize what I look like to others and it helps tell me that this is all in my head lol… All in all, this has caused me to push away a good friend of mine who happens to be gay because of the false perception that I thought he was coming onto me, feel like it clouds my perception in the sense of judgement, and it’s influenced me to invest more into taking women out on dates. At the end of the day I want to be with a WOMEN. Another thing to(swear last and final thing haha) is that at times I watch how friendly I am towards males and females, like how to act with males because I don’t want to act too flamboyant or give off the wrong vibe that I may be gay or something(because like I said this isn’t the case) or even with women it’s like I don’t want to be too friendly because I don’t want to be associated as being a women’s gay best friend because that’s not the case… you know prior I’ve been told that I’ve always been a very outgoing person and just a bright light of energy, people will feel welcomed to approach me but now it’s like I’m watching over my shoulder with this OCD. I want to respect and acknowledge people but do not want to be associated with being gay because at my core… I know damn well having sex with another male IS NOT an option AT ALL lmao. But curious to you, what do you believe to be the source to you all’s SOCD?

anyone one else suffer with feelings of numbness? i have been mostly anxiety-free today, but i think i would rather have the anxiety back than feel this numbing feeling. i feel little to no connection with the things around me, like my partner and hobbies that i usually enjoy. i’m also getting easily irritated today, which makes me feel worse; it’s like the only feeling i can get is annoyance. this happens to me every once in a while, and comes without warning. if you struggle with this, what do you do to get out of it? i usually just wait it out, but it sometimes can last for several days.

MORAL SCRUPULOSITY SUFFERERS NEEDED (if you want) Hi all, I’m doing an English speech for my English gcse and the topic I’m doing is moral scrupulosity. But for it i need to put how it affects people. So I was wondering, if anyone wants to, anyone with moral scrupulosity ocd feel free to respind with how moral scrupulosity ocd affects you and your daily life. Totally optional feel free to ignore if you want. 😊 thanks xx

Does anyone else have a hard time deciphering what is your own desires and wants and what is compulsions? Does anyone have tips for that? (Trigger warning, talk about hair plucking compulsions and a small mention of hair loss. If that's troubling for you to think about due to any hair loss related cercumstances just keep in mind it's mentioned in here. It's not too bad it's just my experience with it.) The best and biggest example I can think of is my picking issues. I have Trichotillomania, which is a common issue for people with OCD. So trichotillomania is compulsive hair plucking. It can be obsessive as well. I had issues for a long time where I felt like I looked like I had been going through chemo but not because I had no eyebrows, no eyelashes, a lot of hair missing on certain patches of my legs and patches of hair missing on my scalp that were small but lots of breakage in my hair where you can see I've plucked it and it's grown back and it's shorter now. So in regards to the original question, I have noticed that my issue with picking sessions isn't that I don't notice them, which I thought might be what the case was until I was doing well enough thanks to medication that I was able to stop myself after a few minutes of picking without any pain from slouching or "defeat" or interruption. It was just me making the active choice to self discipline and say stop. It's not doing any good at all. It's not worth it. And I noticed I still can't do that easily. It's only after a few minutes of picking. So I thought that mean that I wasn't noticing it happening. Which sorta, like there are times I don't notice quite that I'm picking but I know I've plucked a hair... Idk how to explain that. But I noticed that in most cases, I know I've started picking and I'm justifying it. I'm making reasons to follow, I'm saying it's a desire not a compulsion so as long as I can stop it's fine but even then sometimes I can't stop unless there are people in a room to look at me and notice me because if that's the case I'm too shy to do it. My enemy is the bathroom. If I goto the bathroom I could get stuck picking for 20 minutes before I can make an active decision to stop. Because no one can see me, others might think I'm showering, or just busy 🤣 but if I'm in the living room I wont do it more than just a little in a way that doesn't look odd or concerning. Because I know I'll be stopped. It's.. so hard. But I guess, does this happen with other compulsions to others? Are you ever in a spot where you have to be the difference between a compulsion happening or not and you can't decide if it's free will or an ocd compulsion so it's like... Hard to tell yourself that you should stop in a way you'll listen? Especially because compulsions sometimes make me a bit irrational and it's hard to remember my therapy in those moments. Especially if it's a panic attack causing it.

Feel like i want women and not men, this is horrible :( But then the actual action of doing something with a girl in real life gives me so much anxiety and im so scared id like it but dont wanna And then w/ a guy since i have no attraction to them rn, i dont wanna kiss them. So this just isnt making any sense :(

Gotten into a really bad habit of trying to see if I’d rather be with the guy or girl when I see couples. If the girl is more attractive than the guy it feels like I want to date her just because I think she’s better looking. This is so annoying

Yesterday was another ocd day. Even if I try hard these thoughts come again and again. I am afraid all the time that ocd will never leave me. I feel angry all the time as I feel like I am stupid and i cannot control these thoughts. Why is it so hard to get over these thoughts? Even when I don't have intrusive thoughts I feel numb and scared. It's like I live in a constant darkness and can't see the light anymore. I feel like I am the worst and most stupid person alive because i allow these thoughts to come in and destroy me. Is it gonna be like that forever????

If we break up will I feel relief? I can't live like this

I have struggled with addictive behaviors a well as anxiety depression and intrusive thoughts (possibly OCD) for decades. I've started getting a handle on my addiction b thanks to God and the 12 Steps. I assumed that my depression anxiety and intrusive thoughts would get better after I got sober. Instead I feel like things have gotten worse mentally... Especially with regard to intrusive thoughts. Can anyone relate to this?

Anyone else experience "psychosis" that felt like extreme ptsd or ocd? My experience wasn't like the typical psychosis. Sometimes I wonder if it was actually something else.

If I’m not anxious, does that mean I really wanna do it?