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I truly don't understand what's happening to me. I'm evolving into a monster... I swear absolutely every time my cat licks its private part I HAVE to watch it, my head physically moves and watches it, And i try to look away but my brain says "no u enjoy it, look right now" And I HAVE to look, and the worst part is it feels like I feel "pleasure" Both mentally and physically?!?! Like why is this happening? Why do I have to look? If somebody hold my head I would still need to look?!? What the fuck is happening:( I'm turning into a monster... Why am I watching my cat lick it's private part????? What form of sickness is this??? Why do I have to look? Why is my head moving there to look??? I can't believe this :( why does it feels like it's giving me pleasure? Do I look because im a sick monster not managing to control my fetishes? Is it a fetish? OCD can not do this right? I'm a monster, I'm a monster, im a monster. I need to quit ocd therapy. This isn't ocd. I can't believe why I was born a monster. why me, why me.

I saw someone on here talking about how they don’t think people with severe ocd can be in a relationship because they’re too much of a burden and it really really freaked me out. I know it’s not reasonable and they were probably just in a bad place but all I want is to grow up and have a husband and kids and it already hurts when my ocd is attacking that and making me feel undeserving but thinking that I’m completely unlovable makes me want to crawl in a hole. I just want to be happy and I’m afraid I’ll never be able to have a good life because of my stupid brain that latches into everything. I’ve already wasted so much time freaking out over random stupid stuff I just want to be normal and happy. I’m not sure if asking for help and advice around this is reassurance because it’s not really a part of my ocd it feels more like general anxiety. But I would like to hear other people’s experiences with dating or just generally living with ocd.

No matter how many times I try to tell my mom I have ocd she won’t believe me. I even told her I was diagnosed by my therapist she still thinks I’m self diagnosing and I’m not. I feel so alone. Why can’t my mom just understand? I’m so tired of her telling me “Just think of something positive” “you can control this” “Just stop” when I told her about groinal response she said to stop looking words on the internet. I’m sorry but I can’t do this anymore

I can’t even tell if this OCD anymore, this sounds more like a psycho’s mind that someone with OCD ‘s mind. These thoughts about harming my family are getting really bad. These stupid “m*rdering your family” thoughts (damn god I sound freaking insane) keep rounding my head and I’m starting to lose my mind. Its like something wants me to do something bad and it’s “dragging” me to do it, so I just wanna die and disappear because I feel like each time I’m getting closer to do it. And I’m scared, I want to die before I do anything please help, I feel like something is pulling me onto it but I am trying so hard to escape it and I can’t. I feel like it’s gonna happen anyways and I am so desperate.

Did you talk to your family about it? Why/why not? What was the responses?

When I try to ignore my intrusive thoughts, later on I tend to get false memory about what happened. Like today a kid needed to pass by my seat to enter the row and our knees bumped. After I kept thinking “Did I do that on purpose?” An intrusive thought came up as she was scooting by me but I just ignored it and tried to avert my gaze but I’m not sure what to think. Any tips?

Been dealing with an old obsession recently. False memory ocd about cheating on my boyfriend while I was out drinking with my two girlfriends about a year ago… can anyone relate to this? Even though I remember the night and eating food and getting picked up by my boyfriend I’m worried I can’t remember when I went to the bathroom alone and what if someone came in with me .. I obsess over the fact that “I can’t know for sure since I was drunk” and it tortures me when the obsession comes back. I really didn’t think anything of the entire night until I got home because I was telling my boyfriend about how the bartenders were being flirty with me. Then I had this thought about what if I let it go further? I was with all my friends all night except when I went to the bathroom and that’s what the obsession targets. I’ve discussed this many times with my boyfriend.. he didn’t even think much of it and thinks it’s my ocd. Obviously reassurance SUCKS and doesn’t work which I’ve learned. Because every time he says it’s my ocd my brain is like “great he thinks you’re innocent when you’re not” … I’ve recognized all these things as hallmarks for OCD but when it comes back to haunt you it can feel so real again. Since this is not the first time I’ve had to fight through this obsession here’s some things I have learned. I learned that OCD attacks what is closest to our hearts. In this case my boyfriend who is my absolute best friend and soulmate. I’ve realized when you try so HARD to remember something that you don’t remember your mind will fill it in with a false answer just to have an answer. Since the certainty is what the ocd needs. It thinks a false answer is better than no answer at all. Aka the creation of the false memory. Also I’ve learned that of course we don’t remember daily normal things that we do. Like brushing our teeth or going to the bathroom. I remembered the flirty gestures when they happened because they stood out so wouldn’t I remember if I made out or had sex with a stranger or if someone came in the bathroom? I’m not asking this with the intention of getting answers it’s just to show how we have common sense and know ourselves but ocd will still make you question that. It’s not fair and we shouldn’t let it take the trust we have in ourselves. If you have a similar experience PLEASE reply or comment

I’m so sick and tired of OCD ruining my happiness. Whenever I’m genuinely happy and content, it comes back with full force. I can’t be sure if this is even a real event or a false memory but I constantly feel like a shitty person and that I must confess. Long story short, my ocd has convinced me that when I was young like pre-teen years (I’m 22 now) that I google searched ‘child porn’. I know for a fact I 100% have never watched or liked anything like that and that I am not a pedo but the memory is giving me extreme anxiety and guilt. I have no idea if this is real or not?! How can my brain just make up something that is not real????? I had this OCD thought first occur a couple of weeks ago, I got over it and felt happy again and it came back??! Am I stuck like this forever? Shall I confess to my boyfriend who will definitely not understand? Please someone help me. Do I just sit with the anxiety? Does that work for this type of OCD?!

18+ please taboo subject So I want to post about something that’s really bothering me to just get it out there in hopes that maybe someone will understand or relate. I don’t know how long ago maybe last year I was watching a video about these two guys just talking about stuff kind of like a podcast but it was a video and the p word came up caused a huge amount of anxiety then I got groinal response which gave me an urge to well ya know the m word I hate saying it but ya know what I’m talking about. But I told myself I would wait a few minutes that way it wasn’t because of that. I would give the anxiety time to go away and then whatever it was fine but now my ocd is trying to convince me that I did the m word because the p word (bad person) was brought up. I don’t know how to explain this better but hopefully someone will understand. I just feel so icky and wrong because of it and I definitely DO NOT want to be a monster or a bad person p word whatever.

Why I feel so much empathy? I try to understand and have compassion for everyone in the world, good and bad people. Sometimes I feel like I am wrong for feeling like that. I "cant" hate someone who did something wrong, like a crime or something horrible and I understand people who want revenge and feel hate and dont believe in redemption. I try to see both sides, as I cant really understand us humano beings so much. We are so much complex and dificult to understand. I think maybe this is because my real event ocd, but I dont know. I dont believe people are totally bad or that people are totally good. Our human nature is twisted and crazy. Sometimes I feel more compassion for others than for me. I Just hate feeling like a horrible person for feeling like this. I think so many things about that, like punishment and justice. I feel like crazy. I dont want to feel like that, I Just want to be a good person.

Just got really triggered Saw a post on Twitter saying “does he give you butterflies or are you just disgusted by him” and all of the comments were full of women saying this is how they knew they were lesbians. I’ve always gotten really anxious before dates and the idea of relationships, so this is a huge trigger for me. Trying to sit with the anxiety and accept uncertainty but it’s so difficult :(

not THAT OCD related, but i’m so tired of looking in the mirror and picking apart the things that i feel are wrong with myself. after my first session with my therapist, she said i also have body dysmorphic disorder, which is commonly seen in people who have OCD. i’m not a person who cries easily, but this problem i have within myself almost brings me to tears often and eats at me every single day. i cant enjoy simple things without being fixated on how i look/my appearance while doing them. if i’m swimming in the pool, i’m thinking about how my face looks with my hair wet and get uncomfortable when i feel like someone is looking at me for too long. i feel uncomfortable in rooms with certain lighting. i adjust the angle or position my body is at while interacting with other people just because i’m concerned with how they’re seeing me. just a rant, feeling really defeated.

is there anyone here i can talk to? it might be a bit graphic but i really need help

I keep telling myself "stop thinking" "ignore the thoughts" "like you did it before you can do it again" "just do nothing and everything will happen naturally" etc. It's like I always feel inclined to tell or remind myself how to deal with my ocd and it's very annoying. These thoughts keep repeating in my head over and over again and they just won't stop. They're driving me crazy. Why can't I just stop thinking without constantly reminding myself to. Has anyone experienced this theme before in particular and can anyone give me any advice on how to deal with it?

How’s everyone doin today? 🙂

hey can i talk to anyone? it might be a bit tmi but idk what to do

Hi Everyone! I live in a country where OCD-specialized therapists are basically non-existent. I’ve tried to sign up for NOCD therapy, but turns out it isn’t available where I live, which was quite a bummer. Ive come across ERP School by Kimberly Quinlan, she provides a self-led online ERP course. Does anyone here recommend it? Or can someone give me advice on what to do in my case? I’m desperate for ERP! I really want to start my journey in recovery. 17 years of untreated OCD is enough 😞😖

Hello all! I hope you’re all doing well! I’ve been battling this thing for about 2 months… SOCD that is… I want to literally defeat and conquer this thing and go back to how life was prior, I swear at times it’s like the compulsions just suck so bad… like the compulsions in trying not to look at another man, and then again at times I hear people say “It’s okay if you look at another dude like that you’re still straight!” Like no I shouldn’t be looking at them like that at all… But at times I have to check down there and when I do it’s not like it’s moving from an erection but more so from uncomfortability… I tell myself and know damn well that I would never have sex with another man… just me saying it disgusts me to be honest… but sleeping next to, loving… NOPE, that’s just not me one bit, but then intrusive thoughts kick in and I’m taught to let the thoughts pass by and when I do then I start thinking to myself… wait if I’m okay with these thoughts does that make me gay? And using these words I promise you all it just feels like… not me… feels as if I’m a prisoner inside my own body asking to let this entity to be free from me… It all started at work (I worked at American Eagle and actually today was my last day due to me having to move into my apartment) when I was posting for an ambassador program and my manager(who happens to be a guy) slid up on my post w heart eyes and I replied with a comment that related to the store clothing because I assumed he was referring to that… but still I had to approach him about it because it made me entirely uncomfortable… and then I realized how many of the men that worked with carry themselves very flamboyant in terms of speech, walk, etc. The intrusive thoughts have gotten worst like whenever I lay down for bed it’s like what if I was laying here with another man? I don’t want this to be the case at all… never was into men and I don’t plan on being… But one thing that helps is looking in the mirror at times and seeing that I don’t carry myself like that all & at times whenever I’m in my head I just realize what I look like to others and it helps tell me that this is all in my head lol… All in all, this has caused me to push away a good friend of mine who happens to be gay because of the false perception that I thought he was coming onto me, feel like it clouds my perception in the sense of judgement, and it’s influenced me to invest more into taking women out on dates. At the end of the day I want to be with a WOMEN. Another thing to(swear last and final thing haha) is that at times I watch how friendly I am towards males and females, like how to act with males because I don’t want to act too flamboyant or give off the wrong vibe that I may be gay or something(because like I said this isn’t the case) or even with women it’s like I don’t want to be too friendly because I don’t want to be associated as being a women’s gay best friend because that’s not the case… you know prior I’ve been told that I’ve always been a very outgoing person and just a bright light of energy, people will feel welcomed to approach me but now it’s like I’m watching over my shoulder with this OCD. I want to respect and acknowledge people but do not want to be associated with being gay because at my core… I know damn well having sex with another male IS NOT an option AT ALL lmao. But curious to you, what do you believe to be the source to you all’s SOCD?

anyone one else suffer with feelings of numbness? i have been mostly anxiety-free today, but i think i would rather have the anxiety back than feel this numbing feeling. i feel little to no connection with the things around me, like my partner and hobbies that i usually enjoy. i’m also getting easily irritated today, which makes me feel worse; it’s like the only feeling i can get is annoyance. this happens to me every once in a while, and comes without warning. if you struggle with this, what do you do to get out of it? i usually just wait it out, but it sometimes can last for several days.

MORAL SCRUPULOSITY SUFFERERS NEEDED (if you want) Hi all, I’m doing an English speech for my English gcse and the topic I’m doing is moral scrupulosity. But for it i need to put how it affects people. So I was wondering, if anyone wants to, anyone with moral scrupulosity ocd feel free to respind with how moral scrupulosity ocd affects you and your daily life. Totally optional feel free to ignore if you want. 😊 thanks xx