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Has anyone gotten sober since finding out they had OCD/other mental illnesses and how have you felt since?

Sorry if I haven't explained this well. Does anyone else with SO OCD have a trigger of women that are sexualised in films? At first I'm like freaking out cos my brain is like "she's sexy" (even though that's the point) and is like "straight girls don't find other women sexy" and have this intimidation thing where they feel like child or a boy (or less of a woman) around women like that. When I was younger I used to look up to pretty girls cos they were considered popular and cool and like you know hug them and hang out with them (like little girls do) but my brain is now like "you did that because you're bi, and you only want to be friends with pretty girls which isn't normal and makes you gay". Just wanted it to be said that I do NOT care about appearance. Only personality. I grew up that way and still am that way. I used to be aware of that I was the "ugly" friend growing up so I would try to improve myself to look like pretty girls and my ocd is playing off that and twisting it. I couldn't care less what people looked like, only whether they were a good person or not. Always has been that way for me. But like now, after my ocd started I have an issue with sexualised women and even not because of the intrusive thoughts, but just cos it makes me feel weird and anxious and idk if that's because of the trauma of ocd. Idk. Just want to see if others go through a similar thing??

Someone please help, i dont want This to be true, it feels so real. Omg its like actually have done something to her in her sleep. I Get the urge to just tell my mom and say «i have done it» im scared that that means that i have actually done it. I cant. I will off myself. I cant do tvis anymore im scared i feel so bad my poor sister doesnt deserve This

Yesterday intrusive thoughts not so heavy but today they are very active towards my wife. Some of the kinds of thoughts I have are: tonight is the night to kill her, different ways in which to harm her, you’re going to do it tonight, you want to do it tonight. I’m just letting them little bastards be and trying not to let them distract me from enjoying my life. Y’all can do it to I believe in you!

I can’t live like this

I want to change something I said the other day. The other day I said the reason OCD is so uncomfortable is cus certainty equals safety. But I realize now that may not be fully true. In certain regards certainty can equal a sense of safety, such as feeling certain that home is safe and sound and a place you can always go back to. It feels safe. But certainty can also feel unsafe. People who are always certain something bad will happen, or who always look back in time to bad events that have certainly happened, definitely don't feel so safe either usually. So certainty can equal safety, but so can uncertainty, cus depending on the context, both can keep us present

please i can't breathe i need someone to talk to

Hey you all I'm new here hopefully I cant get some help with my religious intrusive thoughts once and for all

Does anyone else struggle with dermatillomania? It's one of my most significant problems right now and it's one of the only things I can think about. Can anyone relate? Or have any advice on what helps you?

Hey! Any queer people on here with SOOCD? Whenever I try to talk about it with people I end up triggering them unintentionally, so I'm just looking for a community of people with which I can share. Thanks! (For reference, I have both sexual orientation and transgender OCD. I think I'm cis and bi but for a bit I thought I was a lesbian. Comp het kicked my ass most of my life.)

Does anyone who is NOT in a relationship worry about getting into one? I worry my family won't l like him and I'll break up because of that, I'm worried about the ROCD that could come, I'm worried about if I will pick the right person to date, etc. Am I alone in this? Not trying to look for reassurance btw, just wondered :)

This is the most terrifying thing I have ever heard. https://open.spotify.com/episode/5QEPCd447d6PPkUqq02irC?si=YhJiKtVgRbOTjnZS_XaD6A&dl_branch=1 This woman who now identifies as bisexual struggled with SOOCD from the age of 12, just like me. She just couldn’t accept herself. I can’t do this. I’m freaking out.

Can someonw tell me what ruminating is

I started my medication a little over two weeks ago on July 20th. From then to about the 3rd of August I felt great, like I was better, like I could handle things again, and I was sleeping through the night. I was taking buspar 10mg a night before bed. Then I had some panic episodes earlier this week and now it feels nonstop. I started taking buspar 5mg in the late afternoon and still taking 10mg at night before bed. I don’t understand what’s going on with me or what is wrong with me. I’m having anxiety every day almost. I feel like I’m getting worse with each day that passes. I’m waking up almost nightly now in a panic now. The sensations in my body are getting overwhelming. I’m getting so tired and exhausted from dealing with it every day and I just want to feel normal. I keep trying to sit with it. Be okay with it. Talk to it. I get up and go for walks at 3am. But my head feels like it’s in a clamp. There’s so much pressure squeezing my head I could scream or cry. I feel like I’m breaking down, losing my mind, and I don’t want to. I want this to be over, the sensations. The shivering. The pins and needles. The heart and thoughts racing. I just don’t know what to do or where to go anymore. I’m not suicidal but I’m afraid of suicide or getting to the point of just being so fed up I would do something like that. But that’s my biggest fear. Dying. I’m just exhausted and over feeling like this. Buspar worked for my panic/agoraphobia/anxiety back in 2011, shouldn’t it work again for me? That’s the only reason I went back to it cause it saved my life before. I had the same feelings and it handled them all then. Should I give it more time? 3 weeks is august 10th. Maybe it hasn’t gotten into my system well enough and all this anxiety and panic is just me. But part of me wants to blame the medicine for making it worse. But I know I felt this before the medicine. I don’t know I’m scaring myself and I think I’m scaring my fiancé and I just feel so utterly alone and that no one understands.

Just venting...sharing my experince. Very afraid, but going on meds and seeking treatment from NOCD. Triggers: False Memory OCD about Cheating and POCD I have struggled with what I assume to be False Memory OCD for about 10 years now... I'm a 33 y/o female. I've gone to a couple of therapists, one a specialist who was the first to ever recognize the sub-type of OCD I was likely dealing with. My flare ups happen when I'm in a relationship, and I will have this sudden thought/fear that I was sexually inappropriate with someone (perhaps someone I was working with, had been around). Eventually a scenario will pop into my head, or I'll *create* a scenario, and mentally check/compulse for HOURS and MONTHS to see if these things really happened. I'll go back and forth thinking these things happened and didn't happen. They end up feeling very real, and I can never decipher 'deep down' if they truly happened or not. It's just this cycle of "Review, Review, Review, eh maybe this didn't happen, Review, Review, Oh GOD I think this happened....did this really happen? Do I really think this happened? Oh god I did...I need to figure this out some more..." I've had many scenarios in the past where I've eventally gone to the person I thought I may have done something innapropriate with, and they reassured me it was all in my head. And then at one point I had one where I mostly convinved myself I sexually abused my boyfriends child....I became suicidal. Fast forward to now, I'm in a new relationship of about 8 months with EASILY the love of my life... In the past 4 months I've had two instances where I had thoughts/fears 'latch' on: 1) I became convinced I was sexually innapropriate with a friend and 2) months later another where I got it in my head I slept with my boyfriend's best friend when he visited us for a night. In particular with that last one, at the end I became pretty damn convinced I snuck up into the loft and slept with him. I get these thoughts and scenarios in my head, then mentally review and imagine those scenarios to see if they happend. Particularly with the second one, I become pretty damn convinved I did it....a certain image will really 'stick' and it's like omg shit...I think that happened! But I eventually checked with both people, who both reassured me I had done NOTHING by any stretch of the imagination. Just as I was starting to accept maybe this was all just my OCD, I had a fear/thought latch on that I was sexually innapropriate with my boyfriend's 3 year old nephew the last time the three of us went out and I was alone with him...about a few months ago in the spring. Initially I was like oh shit...not THIS scary stuff again...I'm just going to ignore it. I've seen him multiple times since then, even this last weekend...SURELY if I had done this stuff it would have been in my conscious before and I would KNOW." Well, now I have a scenario in my head that I kinda think happened...it feels like it did when I imagine it and do those mental reviewing/compulsions. And I'm torn up over it...it makes me want to throw up and just...die. It's horrifing. I spend all my time memory reviewing...." Did I do this? Lets imagine it and see...oh my god I think I did this! Did I really?? No, this has JUST got to be your OCD bullshit....but then why am I thinking this happened when I imagine it?! I would KNOW if I had done this...do I know? Am I just not admitting it to myself because I am scared?" And the cycle of fear continues. I don't even have a deep gut belief that it DIDN'T happen....just like, "I would HATE myself if I had done this. I don't want this to be true, it's HORRIFIC!" So I just spend my time in complete fear and depression, and then I'll get pissed and be like "NO. It's your OCD. It pretty much fits your patterns, so if it walks and quacks like an OCD duck...it's OCD! And you KNOW you cannot trust your mind to 'figure out' if you truly did these things or not." Which gives me peace b/c then I don't have to believe my thoughts when I think these things happened....but then I feel like I'm just in denial and using that as an excuse to not have to deal with the ramifications of having done this shit. And around we go. If I look at my patterns of OCD over the past 10 years, it certainly fits my pattern...but this last one with the child I pretty automatically got into the headspace of "omg I think I did this!" when I imagine the scenario and mentally review. And it's just like....WTF, I would never want to do this! The first time I thought I hurt a kid it mortified me and I wanted to die! And here it is again and I'm terrified and wouldn't want to live b/c I'm a terrible person. Yesterday I decided to call my doctor and have been put on Clomipramine....I've always gone unmedicated b/c I'm afraid of anti-depressent side effects. I'm also going to get help from a NOCD therapist. I've told my boyfriend all of these things and he is SUPER supportive and loving, for which I'm grateful. I'm just really scared. He told me IF something did happen with his nephew, we would get me help b/c obviously I'm not that type of person and I self- shame and self-flagellate way more than anyone who ACTUALLY does these things would. I just...would be devastated if I did this disgusting thing to a child. I'm just so afraid I'm thinking it happened b/c it did happen....but then another part of my brain is like you KNOW this shit pretty much follows your OCD patterns and latched onto you like OCD does. It's OCD brain, and you CANNOT trust your thoughts. So take the leap of faith it is OCD... I'm just also afraid that it's real....if it is, there is no way my boyfriend should be with me. He wants to eventually get married and I couldn't do that to him....to his nephew...to their family...I would hate myself for forever and just live my life in solitude b/c I'm no good for this world or for anybody, and ruined my relationship with the love of my life. Not sure why I'm posting this ....I guess hearing other people's struggles makes me feel less alone. It's isolating in my own head.

I’m so tired of being triggered. Feeling horrible today…

Does anyone else struggle with, what I found through a NOCD article, is termed "Race OCD". I constantly worry that I'm being perceived as racist. I'm white, I consider myself to be an ally of BIPOC and to work on being anti-racist. Lately though, I get hit with a ton of intrusive thoughts about coming across as racist when I speak to a BIPOC, which causes anxiety, which my anxiety probably then appears racist to the other person. I can't imagine what BIPOC have to endure on a daily basis just because of their skin color, so I'm not trying to make this about me. I'm just wondering if I'm alone in this or if other people struggle with this OCD theme. To be honest, it's pretty severe and it's scaring me, because this "theme" feels opposite to what I value & who I am. I can tell that other people notice I'm anxious, and I just hate that I'm displaying nervousness because im sure it makes the other person uncomfortable. It's like my OCD/anxiety has found another thing to torment me with because I care about being anti-racist & being an ally to BIPOC. It feels so disgusting to me that I'm triggered when I pass by or interact with a BIPOC though. I know I'm coming off as anxious. I know it because I'm trying so hard not to be perceived as racist, that interactions just get weird, anxiety filled & awkward & I'm sure the other person is like wtf this person is a racist. I just hate my brain.

Can someone tell me how to control ones racing thoughts at night replaying every crucial moment you had throughout the day? "Should I have told her/him that?" "I should have said this, or that instead?"..." "What am I gonna say tomorrow?" "What if this was wrong ND I get in trouble tomorrow"? Literally, my entire day replays with different scenarios of how that situation could/should have gone. How do u make it go away????

Hello everyone my name is Ash and I’ve been struggling with contamination OCD since I was a kid but it didn’t get as bad as now until I was about 16. I used to take hour long showers, use bottles and bottles of soap, and wash everything I thought was dirty/contaminated. When I was 16-19 (I’m 21 now) I was functioning, like going to school & work and I could function outside in the world, however I would come home and that’s when the rituals and routine washing would start. The environment I lived in during those years was not the best in terms of cleanliness and supportiveness. I would be belittled and judged basically everyday about my OCD by my mother and when she would get mad at me because I was doing a compulsion or something she would call it “bullsh*t” among other things. Within the past couple months my sister got a house and she let me come and live with her. The environment is amazing, and she’s very supportive. However I’ve still been messing up and still dealing with doing OCD behaviors and compulsions. I take less time in the shower but soap is still an issue I’m working on. Since the pandemic started everything has become worse. My fears of germs and contamination before were just really in my head, but now they are kinda confirmed because of this virus and that makes me really anxious. It’s more of the confirmation things are dirty contaminated then touching something and then worrying if I’ll get sick if that makes sense. Since the pandemic I haven’t really left the house that much but I’m starting to make an effort to go out and see friends with masks and stuff just to try to expose myself but I have to come home and make sure I don’t use too much soap or take too long in the shower. She’s said I will have to leave the house if I don’t get better and she’s 100% serious. I am starting to speak with a therapist who specializes in OCD and i want to get to a better place. I don’t wanna be like this anymore. Recently, it’s felt like so so overwhelming, more then normal and I can’t talk to her about it because I fear that if I do she will just get mad and kick me out. She’s said I can talk to her when I’m anxious but I don’t feel like I can. She’s the one person I’m the closest too but she’s said some pretty hurtful stuff as well and I just don’t feel like I can talk to her at all. She’s said i have destroyed our relationship, which I get because I’ve been living in this prison but still, it hurts to hear that. I’m just so afraid of her kicking me out, cutting me out from her life and never speaking to me again because she will do that. I want to get better, more then anything. It’s just very hard when you wanna talk about something to get it out there but feel like you can’t because then you’ll be kicked out with nowhere to go and will lose my sister which is not what I want to happen at all.

I used to have a friend before i met my now boyfriend and i found out he had a crush on me and I'm kinda worried about the fact that i might have feeligns for him even though we haven't talked in a year and i truly love my boyfriend