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the NOCD Community

Hi everyone, hoping to get some advice. I am looking to change my Zoloft for new medicine. It has been my medicine for 18 years and I am currently taking a 250mg dose! I just found out that the side effects are what have caused issues (such as sweating and dry mouth) for years! I am so scared. I’m terrified to change and have a medicine not work. I’m scared it will not work or make me basically “lose it.” Having a disorder such as ours is debilitating and mine is very managed, but I’m so scared to go back to when I was a child and got diagnosed, it was a very dark time for me. Anyone else go through similar situation? How has the transition been? Did you feel secure/safe throughout?

My heart hurts so much right now. I am a mother of two and I am afraid to be near my children. Two weeks ago, everything was fine. I never had an intrusive thought about them at all. My mother recently told me that my father SA’ed me and I do not remember it because I was too little to remember. Well, while trying to cope with that information… I had a terrible intrusive thought. “What if I become like my father?” “What if you’re attracted to you kids?” I instantly felt sick, I threw up and then I could NOT stop thinking. I keep getting this horrible sinking feeling near them. I keep crying and missing how simple it was before. I love them so much and it’s only pure mother love. I don’t even have any urges it makes no sense why I can’t let this thought go. I just want to go back to being their mommy. I was looking at videos of when they were tiny babies or even from a few weeks ago and just crying because it was just simple and life was amazing and I cherished my children… now I am afraid to be near them. I told my boyfriend because I was having such terrible anxiety from this and I’ve been in a dark place. He knows I’ve had other obsessions and panic attacks so he is being very helpful through this. He says he trusts me and knows I would never harm our kids. But I keep feeling so guilty for even having this thought at all.

This isn’t even about ocd but I need to vent. You don’t have to read or respond if you dont want to. I’m such a failure and I don’t even know why I’m alive. All I do is sit in my bed and go on my phone 24/7 a day. I never do homework and I’m doing so bad in school because it’s so hard. And I’m literally the weakest person ever and I give up at everything. I try to work on a project for one second and give up. I have no hobbies or any goals for the future. I’m just so lazy and a burden to everyone in my family. I’m ignoring my friends. I just feel like such a negative lazy person and quitter. I don’t know how I’m gonna get anywhere in life.

Does anyone else feel like a trigger is hearing other peoples opinions about your life? Like hearing someone say “oh youre just in denial” or like someone thinking they know you better than you know yourself. Like my identity loss due to OCD gets so bad sometimes that i just numb myself out because hearing peoples words in my head repeat like “you probably like this since you avoid it so heavily and youre in denial”. Like especially from people who label themselves spiritually “woke”. I guess im just ranting/venting. But ive grown up hearing things like that a lot and it makes me so uncomfortable when people think they can figure you out easily

Hi all. I felt better yesterday afternoon. I promised myself I wouldnt look up about OCD. It was hard but I did it. I felt much better last night but then I wake up this morning feeling like I am back to square one as have huge anxiety again. I have done my ERP this morning for over 20 minutes but anxiety has only gone down from 7 to 5. Feeling better one day and then not the next.....is this how the erp is starting to work? I have only been doing it for a week and a half. Just need some support at the moment. Thank you xx

Anyone else have ocd around pleasing ppl? I’m a huge ppl pleaser and will overanalyze conversations like crazy if I thought I hurt someone’s feelings or said something off

Hey yallll happy Saturday night! Here's a pic of a random tree carving I saw on my road trip today 🤣 I hope everyone is doing alright tonight. Keep in mind that you're doing the best you can in this present moment. You do not need to compare your progress to anyone else's. Be happy for others, your time will come and you deserve it! 😊💗

I was doing some research for a project and some experts have said that it's near impossible to have ADHD and OCD, is that true or is this just another case of the medical community being sexist?

Guys I can’t tell if I’m having a breakup urge or if this is genuine. About an hour ago I was like this is ocd and I love him. But now it feels like a genuine want to break up. I keep thinking that other people are fine when they do it. And it almost felt like relief. Is that ocd

If you get triggered very easily like me. I would NOT recommend reading!!! I wrote a whole ass essay lmao. I’m just venting about my obsession they are really crazy and feel very real. I feel like if any of you were to read this you would think I do deserve to go to a mental hospital or something. I feel that way too but I don’t want to end up there I want to get better. My whole entire life I’ve been obsessive. So many obsessive thoughts and fear. It has never been to this extent it would only last a couple of hours and it would go away. I was and am an over thinker. So when it first started I thought once I get my answers it would go away but it didn’t it wasn’t enough. I had been obsessed for like 2 months. My obsession turned into intrusive thoughts. I began to google dug myself I’m a hole. Decided I need help and I need to get out of this as soon as possible. I wanted it to leave as soon as it came. Ever since I started medication sometimes I feel like it took away the obsessiveness but some how I ended up still thinking the way I was before medication if that makes any sense. I just kinda remember looking back at photos of me and missing and wanting to be that girl again. Be her, be the person I new before my mind turned into this. I’m the beginning it would feel like a never ending nightmare always worried about my thoughts and obsessions. I would say these new thoughts are temporary when I wake up tomorrow I’ll begin to worry about my original obsession and that was true. Some times I would tell myself like wake up beat your mind. You need to get out of this mental state and be engaged get back to the person you were. I began to have fears of doing stuff in my sleep. Or I had fears of doing stuff that I don’t remember doing. I had fears of what if all these intrusive thoughts started because all along I had a personality hidden inside of me like the movie split and I got thoughts like that but the go away. Than I started to worry about my memory as if I couldn’t remember stuff. Like I was scared of not being able to recall my childhood, memories with friends, family. So I would test my memory. Than I would worry about the way I’m currently living and wondering if I’m the future I’m going to look back at this time in my life and remember it. I’m scared of forgetting this period in my life. I also began to think what if I’m the future I get intrusive thoughts about events that’s that happened and they are twisted and cause me to spiral. Than a coworker told me about a movie called “the beautiful mind” which has to do with a man living in his memories but actually is in a mental hospital because he is schizophrenic. I started to get thoughts what if everyday that’s what happening to me or would think if I keep thinking this way I’m going to end up going in that route. Than I began to worry about forgetting who the people in my life are. Yesterday I started to tell myself who I was and the people important to me because nothing felt real and it was dream. Than at work I started to feel as though no one around me was real. I guess like a simulation. And I would look at my coworkers like you guys are your own people with your own thoughts. It also felt like yesterday if I don’t see you physically you don’t exist to me which doesn’t make sense because I know you exist but for some reason my mind is taking it that way. I see my mom or people I love and I kinda panic because it like you are related to me you know me I know you and you live your own separate life. Than it starts again with the this isn’t real. I’ll look at pictures of the past of myself, my family members, and boyfriend, than I start to get thoughts like I don’t know who they are or don’t remember them. I’m terrified of my OCD making my actual brain forget everyone and everything that’s important to me. So when I’m not getting intrusive thought and it’s just me i try not to think about it because I feel like my brain will start to forget everyone. I try to go on social media to distract but than I start to get thoughts about how they aren’t real or how they live their own lives and stuff. It’s just hard to explain. Sometimes I feel the need to take pictures or write down everyday what I do so I can look back in case I feel like I’ll forget what happened that day. I also feel as tho maybe my dosage in medication is too high and I worry i have an excessive amount of serotonin and maybe that’s why I’m starting to question reality and those around me. Question if life is real or not. Also at work I had spilled a house hold cleaner and I picked it up. I washed my hands after but I have a bad habit of biting my nails and I bit my nail and tasted the cleaner and freaked out. I’m scared the cleaner that I had tasted is in mud system and it’s affecting my medication and my thinking process. Just so many possibilities and I just don’t know what makes sense. Im scared of doing erp for this because it accepting the uncertainty. So it freaks me out because I feel like I have to accept all those things. I have to accept every day I may or may not be living in a dream, simulation, my memories, and everything else I listed. And I feel like it’ll drive me mad. I’m scared that I won’t recover and I won’t get to live a normal life like I use too. I have so much anxiety writing this but this all how I feel and it must sound crazy and if you read this thank you and I hope you don’t get triggered but this how I feel and I don’t see it getting better. If you read all the way through and have advice please comment! Also thank you for taking the time to read this I hope you have a great day!!

Literally no one would believe me when I tell them I didn’t exactly know how bad it was when I made the mistake I did.. not even me some of the time. I keep telling myself I should have thought so much harder before doing that. Even if I had just done one thing different it would have been fine. I want to turn back time so badly but i would feel guilty if I did because with feel I deserve this pain which I do but🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣lmao

How do I stop believing my obsessive thoughts around my health?

someone please reply i need help

I’ve been dealing with ROCD for over a year now… obsessing non stop but now it feels calmer but yet I am still the same… I have had loving moments with my partner. I am still 2nd guessing everything worried if I am with him for the wrong reasons…. ☹️ everytime I think about having sex with him I think about how I felt last time and it makes me wanna avoid it. I am at a loss honestly…

I’ve got a point where I feel like I’m leading my girlfriend on with my HOCD. If we ever have an argument (which is rare anyway) it adds to my OCD evidence. Every time I read a coming out story I find a little nugget in it I relate to but it still just doesn’t make any sense to me. I feel like OCD has stripped me apart and changed me into something I don’t want to be, but I have no choice but to go along with it. I keep going back over my past and finding evidence that I was in denial I all along and it’s just getting too much because the evidence doesn’t make me feel better, or feel relieved it just makes me feel awful. As if I have no choice in the matter and I just have to do what my brain tells me it wants. This all started when my ROCD was really bad and I literally just heard someone mention the word “gay” on the TV and that became my latest obsession and now I’m starting to think maybe this isn’t OCD at all maybe I’m just gay and in denial but I don’t want to be, but it feels like I have no choice. I was so in love before all of this and it’s taken it all anyway.

I spend a ton of time picking at my face every time I see a mirror. Sometimes I can sit there for almost an hour, and by the time I'm done I can look like a burn victim bc my face is so irritated. I just now, at 3:30am, got done doing this for 30 minutes, and now I have anxiety. Does this have to do with my OCD, and does anyone else experience this???

TW POCD I’m really freaking out because I just had a random thought that I think was an intrusive thought I’m not entirely sure but it was soooooo disturbing! I had a thought about a family member that OCD likes to attack a lot. It was about my niece who’s staying with my family next week and I don’t think I’m going to be able to handle the intrusive thoughts. I really don’t. I’m already having them and she’s not even here. The intrusive thought was about going to a store that she likes to go to and in their Halloween section they have this green wig and I thought at first it would be hilarious and silly ya know but then I had a horrible thought that it would be “sexy” or “hot” if she wore it and now I’m very disgusted and freaked out. I’m just venting but I’m really upset now and I don’t know what to do. I’ve also struggled with when I have intrusive thoughts like that, that I actually feel like it’s real and I do actually think that but I know deep down it can’t be true because that’s just not who I am. I really care about my niece and would literally do anything to protect her and make sure she’s safe and try to be a good role model to her. OCD just really sucks man 😭💔

Holy Moly! As if unlocking a new theme, real event ocd, wasn’t hard enough, my body decided that today is the day to have a side effect from changing medication…anxiety 👍🥲. I am currently in my room trying to keep myself calm but good lord it isn’t working very well. As a few people on here have probably heard from me recently, I am struggling with some bad choices I made in the past (some in the recent past). For the life of me I can’t stop asking myself why I did that repeatedly. It wasn’t a mistake I made once and moved on. I don’t think I thought it was a big deal at the time ( which also concerns me because why would it not be a big deal back then). Plus some people mentioned the topic in question in their posts the last few days which has just sent even more alarms off in my head. Gosh I would do anything to go back and stop myself. More than anything I wish there was something I could do to make up for it. I am so scared it means something bad about me. I feel like such a horrible, sick person. Medication changes and new obsessions are such a horrible combination.

Has medication helped any of you ? I’m looking into it because I feel like I just can’t cope anymore everyday is a struggle for me to do anything with my kids or around the house cause I feel so trapped by my thoughts I really feel I could benefit from it.

Ok so I seriously need some help here: I haven’t received the help that I need but I have done a ton of research and have a great understanding of intrusive thoughts and what they do and do not say about us as a person. My themes have varied from POCD, HOCD and ROCD. I have been terrified of losing control, prison and anything in between. Lately, I have been hyper-focused on the story of Gabby Petito. Like I do somehow do that very thing to my significant other. Even though I have no “urge” to hurt them, or desire to, I somehow believe it is my intention and my capabilities. It’s tearing me apart. Due to all of this? I have contemplated suicide, I have had thoughts about not being around anymore. And yes, all my thoughts center around, “well How do I know for sure they don’t mean anything about my true self or my true intentions?” Any help would be appreciated, even if it’s reassurance at this point.