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I’ve never been the type of person to open up about myself but these last 3 months have been the hardest, worst time of my life. I’m 16 years old, and I’ve been anxious and had anxiety my whole life. Over the last couple years I’ve learned how to cope with my anxiety and be a happy person. But one night in January, i was watching random videos on YouTube, and a video about serial killers came on. I’ve always been interested in crime shows/documentaries, so I didn’t think twice before deciding to click on it. In the middle of the video I had this intrusive thought that said “why do people murder loved ones or innocent people” and “what does it feel like to kill somebody” I am not aggressive, or have ever caused harm, but these thoughts scared me to death. I felt a instant shock of anxiety and panic immediately. I thought something was wrong with me. I turned my phone off and went to bed hoping the next day I would forget about it. Unfortunately I never forgot about the thoughts, and still have intrusive thoughts that affect my day to day life. I feel so hopeless, even after seeing a therapist, and being on Prozac for 5 weeks I don’t feel a difference. Every time I try to be positive and tell myself “they’re just thoughts” ocd tells me, “yeah sure, but what if you did these things”? “What if you WANT to do these things”? I stress that I might actually want to do these horrible things secretly and am convinced that one day I will commit these crimes. I don’t know what to do anymore, I feel so hopeless, and even being around my girlfriend who used to bring me so much joy, I still can’t be my regular self. Please I feel so hopeless and sad I can’t even do the things I used to enjoy, remembering I have these thoughts is with me 24/7 from the second I wake up to the second I fall asleep. Anybody have advice? Sorry for the rant I just needed to get this off my chest. I just want to be normal again and enjoy being around my family and my girlfriend again

Hiii. So I’ve been having not so great a day today and recently. It’s honestly not even involving OCD and more my general anxiety and depression. It’s just stemming from an issue that I’m stressing over and struggling with. I’ve been feeling kind of alone, but I’ve been reminding myself of the community I have on here and that’s a great comfort. If anyone is in need of any help please let me know. I’d love to help ❤️❤️

God I can’t take this anymore I can’t live with these thoughts and feelings anymore..does anyone else’s brain make them doubt that their worries are okay and making up reasons for it. I’ve been battling the thought of me like humping a baby and leaving me feel like I want to do it but in reality I would never hurt a child. These thoughts are so hard and I feel so ashamed and frustrated. I feel like every time I try and reassure myself I get this woosh of anxiety and makes me feel like I’m lying to myself

Hi guys Been having a hard time lately with my religious ocd today. I went to church yesterday (personally I didn’t feel like going) but I went for my mom. And I’ve been angry at god and Jesus. There have been a lot of changes lately that have been stressing me out. I have a disability that I need nursing to watch me all the time. I will talk about that another time. It’s lent and they were just talking about how you have to go to confession or you will go straight to hell when you die. It struck my religious ocd like crazy. Personally I believe that if you feel badly and talk to god about it. You don’t have to go to confession. Cause your confessing to god. I’m 25 now and I graduated collage at the age of 23. Which was the most exciting thing ever. But when I was in freshman or beginning of sophomore year I was having a hard time with the transiting of college even though I commute. The reading was a lot for me and even in high school I hated reading and it took me longer to get threw the homework. We had an essay that we had to get done with reading it was nuts. And I couldn’t get it done. My mom also had to go to the emergency room because of her high blood pressure and they thought she was having a heart attack. it was nuts at the time. So I made a horrible choice and cheated on the essay because I couldn’t find the damn chapter in the book for the last question and it was due at 12:00am and I was cutting close to the time. I was caught but the professor gave me a second chance and I got a B+ on the essay. I feel horrible and guilty still for doing it. And graduation was hard for me cause I felt I didn’t deserve it at all. My mom doesn’t know about this at all since she was really sick at the time and I didn’t want to stress her out any more then she was. I pray to god and Jesus to forgive me. I tell myself Jesus gave me a second chance and I showed him that I will do the right thing. But I still feel guilty and I replay it in my head all the time. Do you guys think I’m going to go to hell for cheating. Or do you think Jesus forgives me. I’ve been worrying about it all night. Thank you for your help.

TW/tmi I know I’ve mentioned it on here before, but the idea of gaining a lot of weight is a fetish to me(I’m really sorry and mean no offense to anyone who struggles with weight). My psychiatrist said I shouldn’t worry, so long as it doesn’t victimize anyone (which I never seek after that). But I used to look up imagines like “imagine someone fed you” etc. Unfortunately, some people posted furry stuff related to weight gain or in the imagines the person would say “pig” to the person. Both the furry thing and calling someone a pig I found very disturbing, and that again wasn’t what I was looking for. But one time I saw a pig keychain on my professors bag, then I started imagining her gaining weight (again I’m so sorry). I didn’t imagine her as a pig, just herself, but I just feel sick. I don’t want to be a warped person. I remember when my roommate told me the synopsis of the first black mirror and it sent me through a panic attack and I felt disgusted. I don’t want to harm people and I don’t want to harm animals, nor do I want to make excuses though. yet I can’t shake this anxiety.

Hi everyone, I'm suffering from a pure OCD for 5 months. Two months ago, I went to the psychiatrist and started the therapy. The first obsessive thoughts were POCD, then fear of loss of control ( schizophrenia bipolar disorder) , and then intrusive thoughts appeared that I am a transgender person (TOCD). TOCD is very rare type of OCD and TOCD is upsetting and preventing me from studying and everyday tasks. I've never had any indication of transgender, I simply saw some transgender person on the internet and wondered if I am a transgender person? This is a rare type of OCd, so I wonder if anyone else has similar experiences? I'm 22 years old.

Day 3 on Zoloft 50mg and I feel so hopeless, anxious, like these obsessive thoughts will never go away!!! I’m scared. Why do I have such bad thoughts of my family :(

POCD is genuinely terrifying. Yesterday, I was reading fan fiction on tumblr because I was bored, and I thought that it might help as an exposure because whenever I read it, I get a lot of intrusive thoughts. And I haven’t read it in a while because it scares me, so I thought I would try and read it. All of it was fine, but then I came across one that I wasn’t sure what was happening and then toward the end, it was more clear that it was a teacher and a student (I re read it to make sure that it wasn’t anything in appropriate) and I think it said that the girl was nearly 18, so it was legal anyway, and I think the teacher was quite young. But for some reason, I then started to worry and thought omg what if I read it wrong and it was an illegal relationship (nothing even happened in it, they just held hands) but I really started to worry, and then I got scared that everything I read yesterday was inappropriate. I’m so sick of my OCD twisting everything and making me believe things that aren’t true. After I read it, I of course was spiralling and then I had a memory come to me that I think then turned into false memory. Because when my nephew was younger, I used to babysit him, and so I had to change his nappies. And obviously, when you change them you have to wipe them clean and then put the new nappy on, and for some reason, yesterday sudden panic ran over me and I was like ‘what if I did something inappropriate to him’ and it’s ridiculous because I obviously would never hurt a child or do anything like that ever, the idea sickens me ! But my OCD is making it feel so real and I feel so depressed and sad. And the more I think about it, the more it seems so real and I get scared that I’ve done it. I feel terrible and sick and i just want get away from my mind !!! What makes it worse is also the ‘fake feelings’ as well. I hate myself so much, I just want to cry. Has anyone experienced a similar thing to this ?

If anyone needs help in exposures or something they are struggling with I’m open to help! I’ve been dealing with OCD, anxiety, and depression for a long time now. I’ve got a pretty firm understanding on the mechanism of OCD and ERP. I am struggling with depression strongly at the moment but I’ve seen large and tangible progress with ERP ?

maybe TRIGGER WARNING I just have to share...I am struggling today. No depression, just thoughts. Thoughts. Thoughts. THOUGHTS! I am so afraid. I am pretty sure it is my OCD but I have had them for so long, even without knowing until recently that is was rOCD. I grew up with my now husband. We were never close friend but later in high school I knew he liked me...I completely wrote him off until senior year. Something felt different about liking him. Before anything could happen I met another guy I was attracted to. I was so confused then, I told them both it wouldn’t work. I told myself I must not have liked him if another guy looked appealing. It feels good to write this out. Only nice comments please. Later, after an awful spell of OCD (the one where I was diagnosed with OCD) my now husband supported me so much with prayer and encouragement. It began to feel right again (the relationship) as I got better with that lapse of OCD. Although I had SO MUCH anxiety over the 1st time I liked him. I was so judgmental over everything he did when we started dating. I felt like I wanted to marry him...I mean I couldn’t imagine anyone else but I kept thinking “why doesn’t it feel the way I want it to?”. This was all before I knew what ROCD was mind you. 4 1/2 years later and I am having such a bad spell of ROCD. I have had the thoughts since we started dating but now it has turned into a full blown relapse. I keep thinking “what if I made a mistake? What if I only liked him as a friend?” I am terrified. I married the most amazing man. I just can’t deal with these thoughts ? Sorry for writing a book but, again, it feels good to write everything out.

Just here to say don’t give up guys! I used to take about an hour in the bathroom washing my hands repeatedly. After a couple of months of frustration, I reduced it down to 30 mins. That was one of the best feelings I ever had. Fast forward to another couple of months (about 4) I reduced it down to 15-20 mins. Today I tackled the problem of washing my hands to less than 5 mins. I’m still waiting for the anxiety to kick in, I don’t know how I’ll handle it. Keep trudging on and let’s all win this battle! :)

Anyone experience a depressed mood for no reason? I feel absolutely terrible for no reason. My mind keeps looking for reasons of why I feel so bad. My OCD themes are that I would harm my wife and/or daughter of that I would become depressed and take my life. I have no desire to do either of these and the very thought of either of these things causes a great deal of anxiety. I have been doing really well for the last 2 weeks until 3 days ago. And I have had this feeling like something is wrong or that I am depressed. I have noticed that colors and certain settings cause me to associate them to negative experiences or thoughts. Perhaps this is what is bringing my mood down. I just want to feel good. Any thoughts or suggestions?

Really need help Bit of a background story: i had a weird online relationship for three years, i was 16 then broke up when i was 19. it started out as just “roleplaying” as anons (anons are people who faceclaim celebrities to roleplay whichever character/personality you wanna be but not use your face) basically this girl and i, we were just acting ourselves except we were both anons of a band we mutually liked. I never had a boyfriend before (i’m bi) and when i was 16 this was a nice way to feel that “lovey” butterflies feeling in my stomach or just something fun. We started out as anons first but later on fell deeper for each other, beyond anons. Basically we broke up when my ocd flare up first time happened. It’s been three months, we talk sometimes we’re good. I still miss her but we have both kind of moved on maybe. THING IS i’ve been obsessing over my next relationship. How am i gonna let my future boyfriend/girlfriend in this information? It’s all too weird but it’s important i confess this because i believe transparency is good in a relationship (also its my ocd brain wanting everything out on the table when i date someone, even the weirdest kinks) I’ve just been obsessing over this. What if i find a perfect guy but he gets turned off or weirded out about my weird first love?

I’m not gonna lie ... sometimes I feel like I have no control over what I think and feel. Idk if that happens to anyone else but I just feel plain crazy now. I’m not hallucinating or hearing stuff but like... it’s like my mind is just throwing all kinds of intrusive thoughts and my emotions are mixed

Lately I have been obsessing that I may have bipolar disorder since there is a higher chance of people who have OCD that also have bipolar disorder. I just keep telling myself that I have not been professionally diagnosed. Has anyone else ever experienced something like this? Am I the only one??

Hello Everyone! My name is Ted. I'm a NOCD Pro, a licensed mental health professional trained in OCD treatment. I would like to offer my knowledge and help to this community. If there is anything that bothers you pertaining to your OCD, please feel free to ask me questions in this thread. I may not be able to get to every question posed, but I will try to answer as many as I can. I look forward to it!

"Where do I start?" I have hocd (or sexual orientation ocd) and ughh Is so frustrating I can't imagine or think about relationships with the opposite sex... like I try to see a guy but in my mind is like: "No no no. It maybe seems like a man but in the inside is a woman and you know that. Because now you doesn't know if you like them, touché stupid!" and I hate this. I don't know how to scape from this. I have been triying to be okay with all of this because is not a bad thing. I'm also going to a good therapist I guess. God bless I can talk about this to her and to all of you. But the day to day is draving me crazy. That degenerates in a transexual or nb ocd because this makes me think there are no genres anymore or something. That I'm always wrong about it. And I don't even know why. I'm okay with my body. I'm okay with who I am. I was really okay with who I felt attracted. I can't write stories properly, and that was a thing I used to love. I can't feel it real anymore. And sometimes I feel like I don't want to see my best friends or meet new ones, I'm afraid of people of my own sex sometimes and is so embarrasing. I can't even enjoy reading a book because of the characters... or watching a movie or a series. I can't distract myself, is everywhere. I wish this would end someday. Im okay with anxiety. I have fought it before but these 4 months, and counting, are being the worst of my life... I know I have to keeo fighting and try to be positive but... nothing is easy anymore.

Does anyone like get extra anxious about an intrusive thought because you think to yourself “nobody else has probably had this thought.” “I must be crazy.” Idk those thoughts always seem to make my anxiety worse. I also have a fear of losing touch of reality and believing in crazy thoughts, if that makes sense? TMI but I also notice that my OCD is worse when I’m on my period. Can anyone else relate?

❀whenever you heal, it hurts❀ but eventually winter will end a flower will blossom amidst the snow a bittersweet coffee flowers could never bloom without being planted in the soil dirty petals beautiful roots a bittersweet coffee somehow you will find your flower so please bear with the taste of a bittersweet coffee ❀’til it hurts, is when you’ll heal❀

I can’t help but slightly blame my family for my lack of mental health. I have a mother that is a good person but cares so much about appearances that I now have anxiety over any imperfections. My dad yelled at me and my brother so much that my first reaction to anything is anger. And my dad literally always talks about how amazing my brother is. I was telling him how my boyfriend helped me out a lot by teaching me how to study and he then proceeded to name how much smarter my brother is. None of this pertains to OCD necessarily but it caused me to spiral. Usually that means cleaning but my house is cleaning so I’m just obsessing over how literally everyone but my mother thinks my brother is better. I love him very much. But part of me thinks that if he wasn’t here, my life would be better. My Pure O is more of the problem than OCD. There are no compulsions. Just obsessed with the idea that my brother will always be better than me. No matter what. It’s stupid but I just want to be a priority to someone other than my boyfriend or Jesus. I want someone in my family to understand my struggle with various mental illnesses and with always coming in second to my brother.