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I think I’ve ruined myself. I was so happy in my relationship. I’m going to be blunt. Because I need to vent the facts. When I first had sex I really didn’t enjoy it because I didn’t realise I had a medical problem that got in the way of enjoying it. It means I used to have to fantasise, in me head, to get any pleasure. I then met my current girlfriend (post operation) and when we first slept together I literally cried with joy afterwards because I was so happy I could finally enjoy it. I didn’t have to fantasise at all after that. Everything felt right (😊) my OCD is telling me I didn’t feel this but I know at the time I did. I was so in love. Then one day I remember realising how I hadn’t been fantasising and actively said to myself (you need to try and keep this up) and from this point Whenever we had sex I would get so scared I’d have to go into my head that I would end up doing just that. When we weren’t together for about three weeks (due to work commitments) the relationship OCD kicked in (my dad left when I was a child) so I feel abandoned easily. I then went into full relationship OCD mode (I had had OCD in the past but this was more with physically counting and locking things repeatedly etc…). All the classic ROCD questions came in. Until one day someone on the TV mentioned they were gay and the HOCD came piling in and that’s been my endless obsession for the last few months. I have ruminated so much that I’ve managed to go over my entire life and find reasons as to why I must be gay. And everyday my reasons that I must be straight disappear. I had never even contemplated the thought of me being gay despite all the sexual trouble I had with my health in the past. I was so in love with my girlfriend. But gradually over the last few weeks I’ve lost all attraction for her and now most women. If I ever do find a women attractive it feels artificial. When I see a man I get very anxious, which I can’t tell is attraction or anxiety. I’m done! I’ve managed to convince myself so much that I’m gay that I nearly fully believe it. I never asked for any of this I was so happy and ready to spend the rest of my life with this person. And now I can’t even see that anymore, I don’t even know if I want to anymore? OCD has taken everything away from me. I am done! Is this it? Will I ever be able to feel the way I did again now that I’ve put together all this evidence in my head that I feel I can’t ignore? I want to feel that way again but I just can’t even see it happening now because everyday it seems less and less likely. I don’t know what I want anymore? And I feel like maybe deep down I’ve always been gay and never realised it and now I’m just rejecting it but I was so in love and I just want that again with my girlfriend.

Just a question? Probably will turn into a chapter of a book however. Does anyone know of a therapist that will message on the weekend and is a Christian. I'm just beginning ERP this next week and wanted some info on it. My therapist finally answered me back, but made sure I knew she doesn't message on weekends. I kinda need someone who is understanding also.

Has anyone else found that the engagement on this app has gone down massively? I swear that a while ago (some months ago) if you posted something, it was likely you’d get a number of responses, albeit with many of the same people. There just seemed to have been a lot more activity on the app. I think that now covid is becoming more and more distant in the past, people are busier, and have less time to engage with others.

Do you also feel nervous and worried when its weekend and things are generally slow and cool? I find it hard to feel calm during these days when other people just relax and have free time. Most of the times i have free time and nothing special to do I feel so anxious and i just hate it. In addition I feel somehow guilty that i am not productive and just waste my time. Are these Ocd related???

I'm struggling. I've been anxious all day. I'm trying to ride the wave but it's been going all day. I've gone with my wife to do a couple things and that has been nice but even then I'm sweating so much and and shaking. My heart feels like it's going to explode. Help please.!!!!!!

OCD Recovery -vs- Managing OCD This has recently been on my mind and I have landed on the opinion that Managing OCD is a more productive mindset for me. To me the word recovery implies cured, gone, and it is my understanding that OCD does not leave the brain, but the symptoms and effects can be managed to the point that they do not appear for long stretches of time. Therefor I believe it is not necessary for managing OCD to be the primary daily focus during those times of remission. Currently coming out of a full blown relapse with OCD symptoms about 85% reduced (from at their worst) at this point. Went thru intense ERP treatment (5 hrs a day, 5 days a week, for 8 weeks) and my symptoms were about 95% reduced for a few months, and then I had a major physical health issue. About a month after the health issue happened I realized I was almost completely back to where I started when symptoms were at there worst. Knowledge is power: With this new mindset I have written out for my self and my family a few proactive steps I can taken in the future during times of major life events, flare ups with other health issues, or if they or I notice an increase or reappearance of symptoms or behaviors associated with my OCD struggles. I sincerely believe this approach will help me catch or even prevent a potential lapse in the future, before it turns in to another full blown relapse. Just my thoughts… figured I would share if maybe it resonates with any one else too. 😊 Happy Saturday 🤘

"Ocd has no cure" isn't exactly a special case. Google any mental illness, including depression and anxiety, and it'll say there's no cure. People on here seem to think that this means we gotta live the rest of our lives just coping well but not ocd-free, which I don't think is true. All this really means is that with any mental illness it's not just "take this pill for a week and you're good to go 100% guaranteed." I used to have severe anxiety for example and now I have none, I'm not just "coping" well with the anxiety, it's actually not there anymore. I have the same intention for ocd.

I saw the most triggering post on here about someone getting ERP and becoming what they feared. I feel sick to my stomach and I am crying so much. I am about to start ERP and now OCD is telling me to stop ERP or your life will blow up. You'll lose the life you created with your partner. I am trying not to do compulsions but I feel so sick. I just sat on my bathroom floor and cried for a good 5 minutes. I'm so over everything.

Hey everybody! I hope everyone had a good day today! 😀 I was out at this pizza restaurant earlier today and I saw this skeleton with his skeleton dogs setup outside the place, lol. I thought it was funny and that I would share it with everyone in hopes that it would bring a smile to everyone's face. :) How was everyone else's day today? I hope you're all happy and healthy and that OCD hasn't been giving anyone too much trouble today. If anyone wants to talk though please feel free to comment and just talk about anything that's on your mind whether it be OCD related or just anything else going on in life. Or if anyone else just wants to share something happy or funny that they saw today please feel free to share that too! 😊

Any success stories with ROCD? Really struggling here. No reassurance, just need some hope that it will get better

Real event OCD people, how do you feel about the upcoming way to erase memories? Would you get them erased? Scientist are working on a better form of electroconvulsive therapy that doesn't get rid of good memories as well.

tw: reassurance seeking. i love my bf so much. we are long distance and i had a thought about this guy who lives close to me. i became obsessed w thinking “what if i like this other guy, what if my relationship isn’t good enough”. even tho i feel like i know i am not attracted to him i hadn’t been able to stop worrying that i like him for days on end. my bf came to visit me for the weekend for our 2yr anniversary and i felt so relieved from the thoughts. not even an hour after he left the thoughts came back bc i saw the guy in class and haven’t stopped since the beginning of this week. i keep comparing them to try to stop the feelings which makes me feel so guilty because i know he doesn’t compare. it only makes me feel worse. is this normal and how can i stop it? i just want to feel that relief again. i told my bf how i was feeling last week and i told him how it’s not real but it feels very distressing. i haven’t told him that the feelings returned this week and i feel super guilty bc the guy is one of my friends. it’s just really stressful. idk if i’m using compulsions by asking these questions, how to stop using compulsions, or if i even have ocd, but i have thoughts that i obsess over day and night (literally while i’m sleeping too) and i need advice:( it’s super confusing bc i feel like i know the truth, but the thoughts feel unbearably real. idk rlly how to not use reassurance seeking/compulsions while i’m venting abt this? i’ll put a tw on this in case.

I hope this doesn't sound crazy, but is there any way I could get a therapist to contact my previous therapist about an issue that I need to resolve with them?

Anyone else’s OCD not constant? I don’t know if this is normal or not but I’ve had 3 flair ups in my life time that I can remember. The first 2 we’re harm OCD (obviously I didn’t know this was what was happening to me at the time.) I was in middle school the first time and i randomly had a fear that I might hurt my mom. I remember laying awake all night and not being able to focus on my school work. That slowly just fizzled out on its own (Thank God.) Fast forward to 2017 and the harm OCD came back towards my boyfriend. I almost broke up with him over it because I thought there was no way I could ever be with him after having these thoughts of thinking I might harm him physically. Again, it just kind of went away after I opened up to my dad about it and he introduced me to what I now know are intrusive thoughts…Fast forward again to 2 months ago exactly. I got an intrusive thought that I didn’t love my Fiancé anymore after randomly finding someone else attractive. This is the same man I had the harm OCD towards. I married him a little over 2 weeks ago and I’m still currently struggling with ROCD and I’m surprised to say it’s even worse than the harm OCD ever was. Every relapse or flare up seems to consistently get worse and last much longer. 😞 I don’t want to have to live in fear of this always being a roller coaster I can’t get off of.

OCD can often make you doubt your diagnosis or your struggles. So many times, I hear from people who feel like they are faking OCD or are an "imposter" - like they're not sick enough or OCD enough. OCD is the doubting disorder and will make you doubt EVERYTHING - including your treatment, your symptoms, whether you have OCD in the first place, etc. Try to respond to these doubts the same way you would with other doubts in the disorder. Just try to let them be there, try not to answer those questions, try to just move on with your regularly scheduled programming as if you did not have that thought and witness the anxiety come down naturally.

I feel like ever since the pandemic and the intense anxiety that came with it, my intimacy has never been the same. I focus too much on how I “should” feel or if I feel “enough” for my partner instead of just letting myself feel. I have unrealistic standards about what sex should be and I have this mindframe that sex should be visually appealing as well, as in I need to find every single thing about my partner attractive. I love my partner, but I’m not a fan of hair and sometimes I see him naked and think damn genitals are weird lol and then I feel guilty for feeling that way. The biggest reason I don’t let myself just feel and think how I want is because I’m terrified that I don’t truly enjoy it or that I’m forcing myself to. If my partner looks attractive to me naked I worry that it’s only because society says I should like a shirtless man and not because I actually like it. All these thoughts and false notions make me feel like something is “wrong” during intimacy even if I’m truly enjoying myself which makes me spiral more and worry that something is truly missing even though all I really desire is to have my partner with me in bed. I worry that if I didn’t push past my anxiety, would I even like it ? Am I just forcing myself ? I don’t want to, I don’t think I am. I have my likes and dislikes just like everyone else but for the most part I truly love seeing my partner in pleasure and when he does the same for me. What can I do to fight these unrealistic standards and the feeling of doom and despair and worry I have each time we engage in intimacy ?? My themes have gotten better but the biggest battle I fight now is just letting myself feel without worrying that I don’t feel enough. Is this even a part of ocd ??

Is there anyone I can talk to about existential thoughts. I’m not sure if they are intrusive or not but they are about that. I just need some advice please. If you don’t get triggered easily than I would appreciate the help!! If you do than continue scrolling and have a nice day :)

Im having thoughts which I dont even know are intrusive or not towards girls. Rumination and overthinking has brainwashed me so much, I was reading my comments on ocd videos when it first started and i cant recognize or feel emotion towards my own words. I was sure it was ocd back then, I was sure that I was straight and liked women and not men I was sure of many things but it feels like all that was accidental and all the rumination(if thats what it was) led me to today giving these urges, feelings and thoughts and that these are the real me and I believe in it too. All the shit ocd put me through makes sense when I put the pieces together, Idk what I have done to myself. Im genuinely scared that Im gay now, If I told a therapist all my thoughts they would think this too, I dont really want to commit ßuicide but its the only way out it seems, Im too far gone

does anyone else struggle with worrying that they don’t have ocd bc that little voice in your head during compulsions has shut up? i realize i’m doing compulsions now with no little voice telling me what will go wrong, what might happen if i don’t do xyz, etc. and so now i’m worried i really don’t have ocd bc there’s not the thoughts telling me to do the compulsions i just do them now. and most of the time i’m not aware that i’m doing them and so whenever i do have that realization i get super freaked out and my anxiety rises bc i think that it’s not actually ocd and that i’m doing this to prove to myself that i do when i don’t?? but i KNOW i have severe ocd (self diagnosed) for example, today i opened the fridge at a grocery store and it took me 6 different tries to pick the “right” smart water. now 6 isn’t an ocd number for me but the feeling of something being just right is and so earlier when that happened i realized i didn’t have any thoughts beforehand telling me “if u don’t pick the right smart water xyz is true/will happen” << which that is a typical intrusive thought for me but when i had that realization i freaked out and my brain listed all of the intrusive thoughts i could pick from and put in place for that compulsion however i didn’t think of it beforehand and so i’m freaked out i don’t have ocd idk i’m so fucking tired of all this shit.

Why is it I only feel love randomly… I know I’ve been under a lot of stress. My uncle died 2 days ago and I am sad about it but I feel normal more than I have ever been. Why…. I know I need to sit with it but it’s difficult. One day I feel so good to at I can say okay. I know I love my partner and everything is okay. But then I start thinking about the future and it all goes down hill.