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For some reason, my thoughts aren't bothering me as much anymore and it's scaring me. I don't want to do those things, but why aren't they bother my? is this a good or bad thing?

Does anyone else feel the need to know their diagnosis and want to find exact explanations for why you feel the way you do or have certain thoughts. I’ve just had one NOCD therapy session so it’s just the beginning portion with assessments and have more this week but I keep having thoughts like “Is this OCD or GAD or something else?” and “What if this actually isn’t OCD?” which leads me to Google the diagnoses and also ask others for reassurance (“Do you think I have OCD?”). Any advice on how to cope with this?

Good morning everyone. I struggle with uncertainty in general and am looking for mantras or ways to respond to anxiety when I feel like I need to know the answer right now. Sometimes the sense of urgency can make it hard to focus on other things aside from the thoughts so I will often engage in a form of reassurance seeking. Going to be starting NOCD therapy this week!

i have severe existential ocd and get plagued with existential thoughts especially when i’m stressed. I have exams this week for finals and all i can think about is the existential thoughts and it’s causing me immense distress. i’m crying 24/7 and having multiple panic attacks a day. i don’t know what to do? does anyone have any advice?( please be gentle)

Idk if this is the right place to post this. But i feel like such a burden to the people around me because of my anxiety. I woke up this morning super stressed over a dream that reminded me of some messed up moments from my past. My girlfriends kinda listened but i mostly felt ignored. Then we all got in the car to drive my sister to the airport. And on the way, i started to get anxious cus of al the traffic. But it wasnt rlly that, it was the fact that no one seemed to care or wanna help me when i said i was anxious. So i asked if i could just hop out of the car and walk. I felt like such an attention seeker, and my girlfriend got annoyed and took the next exit and dropped me off. But i feel like such a little bitch cus my girlfriend was able to handle everything n i left her to come back alone from the airport. I dont feel like a man or like im capable of anything right now. I wish i could redo it all so that it never happened. I feel like i gave up so easily when tryna handle my anxiety n im ashamed of myself

does anyone have any tips on managing and controlling this? especially if you have said questionable things in the past or as a kid. A long 13 yr friendship of mine is ending and the ex friend really despises me.I can’t help but obsess and ruminate over what I could have possible done wrong even though they’re the one who said hateful things to me. I can’t help but wonder about all past friendships and ex friendships and whether it’s tied to me being a good/bad person. Does anyone have any advice on managing this? I try to reflect on different friendships and why it ended but still end up ruminating on my morality and self. Thank you ❤️

this is an event that im not at all clear on, it took place 7 years ago when i was 12 (i am now 18). i was holding my baby cousin on the couch and using snapchat filters to entertain them per the usual. i used to love doing that, i was always the baby in the family so i was excited to have a baby cousin of my own. and then i think i looked down and noticed my hand was over their diaper area and they also had on a diaper & pants ofc), and i think i scratched it and rubbed over the entire front of it (ew)🤢 i think because of the area and curiosity, this is what i've tried to remember. and now my head is saying that i liked it and was turned on idk truly, it happened years ago it's all a blur. i don't know why i would do it. but i know i would never hurt them, i mean i've been obsessed with them since before they were even born! but i don't have any clear memory of what happened, but i do think it was something like that. I think i was too young to think much of it or see the full spectrum of things because they had a diaper on. but i still feel terrible, this is an old obsession because i almost offed myself 2 years ago because of the same dilemma. the whole thing disgusts me. I've talked to my sister about it, she's a therapist/ social worker. i broke completely down and was crying so hard i could hardly breathe. she told me to calm down, & that i was probably curious and i was young. but i still feel like i sa'ed them, even though i didn't actually touch their privates and definitely had no intentions of it either.

Every day I make the choice to face OCD. It tries to bully me and sometimes it wins, but for the most part I bully it now (lol). I stand up to it by LIVING! I stand up to it by doing exposures that sometimes can feel so wrong and irresponsible. I stand up to it by not allowing myself to get stuck in rumination but yet refocusing on something I actually want to do. I stand up to it by saying I don’t know and just embracing the uncertainty that what I fear just may come true. I stand up to it by sharing what I’ve been dealing with in hopes that it will help someone to know that sometimes you need therapy and Jesus! Some days are easier than others and I truly have to remind myself that recovery isn’t linear. Life ebbs and flows and so does this journey. I am learning to sit with the anxiety until my body naturally calms down. I still go about my life as usual not letting anything stop me. I face things that surround the themes I deal with in real time. Uncertainty isn’t comfortable and I’m still learning how to accept it. Im still learning how to accept these random thoughts that go against who I am while also understanding they don’t define who I am nor are they true. I’m a believer in God and this is truly a process of renewing my mind. For 35 years I had no clue that OCD was there. I just found out last February because things had got so dark for me. But I can look back now and see signs of it starting around 2014 and probably even earlier. I’m claiming that I am already healed in the land of the living. What that looks like, I have no clue. That’s up to God. But I’m trusting the process and I will continue to thrive. Even on days that feel rough, I am more than a conqueror in Christ Jesus. My prayer is that we all see breakthroughs as we continue to go through ERP. I’m so thankful for NOCD and that there are tools to help us navigate our way through this. Despite the lies of OCD, there is light at the end of the tunnel! Stay encouraged. We got this!

Hey guys, my obsessions revolves around taboo themes which include sexual intrusive thoughts about family members. One of my biggest triggers is caused by photos of family I have around my home. I feel that as soon as I see a family photo my mind tends to sexualize it. I still keep the photos up since I know hiding them will only make the ocd worse. I also try to sit with the anxiety/discomfort/uncertainty caused by the photos and not ruminate on it, not try to “figure it out”. How can I overcome this trigger? I feel like my mind is so conditioned to think of sexual content as soon as I see a family photo which can be a bit discouraging. I’m hoping that with time, and not responding to my trigger, my mind will slowly start to not sexualize these photos. Can someone please provide any advice?

If you experience an excessive need to research and gather information about something how do you handle that compulsion? I find I’m doing that now with my ocd diagnosis and it’s exhausting. There’s never enough information to satisfy it . Any help would be appreciated.

I’ve been pretty bad with eye contact lately, and it’s gotten worse… I’m afraid to look my mom in the eye lately because I’m afraid I think I might look at her chest or her lower body. I notice I’m doing some things on purpose like when I notice her in my peripheral, I’ll look when I don’t wanna look, or I’ll find an excuse to look at the areas I want to avoid but I know I don’t wanna look there, so am I using this as an excuse? Am I lying to myself? Do I really want to look at my mom like this? Like I’m avoiding to look at her by looking the other way or when looking down, but I’m looking down, I’ll purposely start looking near the area I want to avoid but I know I don’t look at my mom in any other way. I’m just distressing myself, it’s stupid.

I encourage you to read, I apologize in advance if this is too long. In 22 years of my life… I think this is the lowest point of my mental health it’s ever been… depressed would probably be a far-fetched statement but I’ve having more sadder days, more angered days. Today had to be one of the worst days I’ve ever had in my life so far… Recently, I’ve been overthinking EVERY SINGLE MOVE I’ve made, like seriously… every single move I’ve made. Here’s some recent examples. ( 3/4 of these happened today ) • I’ll hear some good music, I’ll dance … but I’ll stop because it feels like there’s a sexual intent behind. • I’m laying down, I put my hand behind the back and get comfortable… but I’ll put this image in my head so that this nice feeling has some sort of sexual sensation behind it and I’ll move my hand, being disgusted with the thought. • I’m half-asleep, these intrusive thoughts are intruding me, I sleep on my stomach which now enhances the sexual thoughts ( wanted or unwanted, mostly unwanted these days, I try to sleep in different positions but it doesn’t help ) and I’m groaning, acknowledging these disgusting thoughts, but I don’t switch my sleep position which feels like I’m encouraging the thoughts, it always feels like I encourage my intrusive thoughts more when I’m sleep/half-asleep. • (this is the worst one ) I usually take walks to listen to music and calm down but today… it did NOT work at all, I became more frustrated then I was before. I was walking back home. I noticed someone near my house and I assumed the worst thing possible ( what if it’s a kid/teen? ) and avoided to look, then I ended up looking at my house … but here’s the twist, I looked at the house as if it was the assumed kid/teen I was trying to avoid, I actually ended up looking at the person to prove a point ( didn’t work, I don’t know if it was an adult or kid? Barely looked at them ) So, the situation has gotten worse by the day… but here’s the worst. I mentioned in one of my previous posts that I love to watch movies and I sometimes challenge myself to watch a movie everyday whenever I get the chance to. I watched a hilarious movie the other day, so I decided to watch the sequel… so y’know, same main characters. The love interest is beautiful and she appears in the second movie… of course she’s an adult, mid-late twenties when both the movies came out but I’ll still assume the worst for no reason. It was her first appearance in the sequel, I closed my eyes because I heard a woman’s voice and assumed the worst, then I realized it was her. Once again, she looked very beautiful…but my mind was tormenting me… one second, it felt like I could look at her, then one second, it felt I shouldn’t look at her. Now, this is when it got really bad… she had a very revealing top, I had the same situation… “oh, I could look, wait… No I don’t think I should… I can look, its nothing to worry about… no bro, I don’t think I should. “ I’m watching the movie on my laptop, so I decided to cover her top with my backhand, I still assumed the worst so I closed my eyes. My hand was placed on the laptop screen and my fingernails had touched the screen, I noticed that feeling… and for a brief moment, I slightly moved my hand back and forth… but there was my image of my head as my eyes were closed, that I was touching her chest, where my fingernails were placed as I covered the screen. I felt like I liked it for a second, I think I did … but I immediately felt disgusted, and opened my eyes… noticed my fingernails were placed inches away from where she was in the screen… and I felt even more disgusted!!! I almost broke my laptop. The reaction felt delayed too even though everything happened in a quick second. The worst feeling is that felt planned, I think it was planned… so it’s a confusing feeling. It felt like my fingers were placed at her chest and I placed that image in my head but when I opened after being disgusted with that thought. I feel relieved and also… disappointment, but mainly disgusted because it wasn’t my intention when I decided to cover the screen. I tried to redo the action but it didn’t work because it felt uncomfortable and experienced a unwanted groinal response. I hope I’m not rambling to y’all. So I end this by asking was that me fantasizing or forcing an intrusive thought? I know it was an adult, and I tried to tell myself that and everything is all good… but whenever I assume the worst, the thought of a kid/teen pops out… even when it’s not there in the intrusive thought, it’s still there, if that makes sense.

I have this irrational fear that my mom is going to ☠️(i can’t type the word because i’ll trigger myself but i hope you get what i’m trying to say) and i won’t know because i live far away from her and it literally keeps me up at night and i’ve cried so much about it. A lil context my mom is like my best friend I love her so freaking much and that’s where this fear stems from because i simply wouldn’t be able to live if she did pass away. This fear will trigger my compulsions so i literally need to check in with her almost every day and make sure im telling here to be safe and just being annoyingly over cautious with everything she does bcuz it’s like ahh!! don’t ☠️ mom!!! If i love someone a lot the thought of them dying becomes actually debilitating and feels like it’s already happened in a way even when their perfectly safe and healthy. Just death all around I obsess over, even those who I have actually lost i obsess over the fact that their watching me at every minute of everyday and i cant do anything that i wouldn’t do in front of them? if that makes sense? Is this a type of OCD?

So I wanted to make an account on here because I need help distinguishing if it’s ocd or just plan anxiety. I have always been an anxious person, ever since I could remember. The earliest memory of me being anxious was when I was around 6-8 (memories from those years are blurred) and I’m 20 now. That being said, I’ve always been overly paranoid about my health, and always asking my mom or grandma to take me to the hospital because I thought that I broke something or I thought I had cancer, or some other health issue. I’ve also ruined a relationship recently because I was overly paranoid that I was doing something wrong in the friendship and I did something bad in our past, and I would always mention it and block afterwards after I apologize profusely. I realize I was in the wrong in this situation, which is why the sneaky feeling of me having ocd popped up, although I could be wrong. Another thing is that with my mental health, or health in general in recent times, I tend to spend at least 30 minutes to an hour making sure my symptoms aren’t anything that I deem “bad”. I tend to get extremely worried and irritable when people come into my space to help me clean or just to hang out, in fear they might find something or ruin my room in some way, which causes me to hide things that are really important to me, and if I can’t do that, then I don’t let people into my room. I also have a feeling that someone’s always following me or someone might pop up to my family home to kick us out, and it leads to me always checking windows, and I get extremely anxious when a car pulls into the driveway. I haven’t left the house in such a long time because of how bad my social anxiety is, for multiple reasons. Like I’m extremely scared of getting hurt or kidnapped, etc. Overall, my brain makes me think of the worst case scenario in most situations, and it’s hard for me to turn of my brain. All my life, most people and most doctors just chopped it to me being extremely anxious, but I don’t know if everything adds up to JUST anxiety, and I know I should tell this to my psychiatrist, but I’m not sure if I’m going crazy with thinking it’s something more than just anxiety, and it’s really frustrating.

I feel like I wanna kill myself sometimes and it’s been popping up in my head for a while but I’m also scared of the thought of doing that but I really just feel like not living anymore :( im scared of life

I hope this doesn't really come off as reassurance seeking and if it does, don't reassure me, just give me some advice. Don't get me wrong, I hate this and I want it to be gone but I'm scared. I think I'm doing better with feeling apathy towards the thoughts but OCD tells me that it's not apathy and that I just accepted it. I tell it that's not true, I'm just trying to ignore it. I just feel weird. During this subtype I would either feel so much fear that I would want to cry and have cried, (Even though I hate crying.) Or peace knowing that it's OCD. But I just feel weird and like at a middle ground. I still feel fear And I never want to be the thing that my OCD is telling me I am. But at the same time sometimes the thoughts will decrease some days or I would try not let it bother me some days. The groinal responses would decrease or sometimes I just wouldn't feel it at all. I think I could be getting better And people on this subreddit and on the NOCD app have been really great at helping me. But I just Don't really know. I think that's what scares me. Is a possibility (And this is probably the most likely one.) That I'm getting over it. Or the possibility I could just be accepting it. But I don't want it to be true because I've never felt attraction towards kids, never wanted to do things to kids, honestly nowadays some too scared to be around kids. I only started feeling groinal responses after being scared that I could be a pedo. I remember I was sitting at church and my intrusive thoughts were running rapid and then I felt a groinal response which scared the hell out of me. I used to hate sunday's bc I had to go to church but now I hate it bc my brain ingrained that feeling in my memories so now when I go to church I feel groinal responses there even if I'm not having intrusive thoughts about pocd. Anyway the thoughts still bother me but it's like I care less. But I'm scared that I care less because maybe that could mean something I don't want to actually be true. I want to feel apathy and I do sometimes feel apathy but I'm scared that It's not what I want it to be. I know deep down there's a little voice telling me that it's just OCD and I'm not a pedo And I really want to listen to that voice but OCD is just so loud. And I want to say I'm not a pedo because the fact that I fear being a pedo, it goes against my morals, and the fact that I'd rather kill myself than live my life as one, I'm still scared I could be one. I know I'm repeating myself multiple times but honestly I really don't know what else to say. I don't think I feel as hopeless as I felt a week ago but I wish I just felt better. I wish that I could be 100% certain that I'm not one. I wish I could just not let these thoughts bother me. I wish I could just live my life without being scared I could be one. Honestly I wish I just never had thoughts at all. The good and the bad. I used to want to have children. Then I got PCOS which made me sad but then realized that if I wanted to actually have children I could just do IVF. But POCD has completely shattered that wish. Because I'm scared to hold a child for more than a minute. And even when I don't feel groinal responses towards a child, I still get scared. And the fact is I see my siblings and my parents hold children and play with them and feed them but even when I do the same thing I feel like I'm doing something wrong to that child. Recently I would usually try to ignore the thought or successfully ignore it but like I said multiple times, my OCD would tell me that I'm not ignoring it, I'm just accepting that my worst nightmare is true. I feel like the thought pattern just goes in a circle. I know I have to feel apathy towards the thoughts to feel better but when I feel apathy towards the thoughts, sometimes I feel better knowing that I'm not letting it bother me, But a lot of the times I'm scared to feel apathy. I usually would have intrusive thoughts about being scared of being a pedo but nowadays I'm scared about feeling apathy. I could be getting better but at the same time I feel like I'm getting worse. As I'm typing this, I'm sick so it muffles my thoughts a bit so I'm kind of glad for that. But I hate that I have to feel physically ill to feel mentally better. Like I used to hate being sick but now I'm somewhat glad about being sick so the thoughts would stop bothering me as much. But even after all of that, mentally and emotionally these past couple days I've have felt some type of peace. These past couple of years (especially since April of this year when my POCD got really intense.) I would basically have non-stop intrusive thoughts. It got worse during the summer because I was bored and I had nothing else to do. But now since I'm back in school and try to do my work and try to stay on top of my work and since my birthday party (not my birthday bc it's in a couple days.) Was yesterday, I felt really happy. Which is just really weird for me. I feel like even though I'm not done with my battle against OCD, I feel like I'll come out stronger. These past couple days I've been having bad intrusive thoughts which isn't new but I've also been feeling hopeful that it will go away. I think that's what I definitely need to feel and I feel like the little voice in my head is getting louder. Hopefully they'll get loud enough to drown out my OCD. I feel like this post is all over the place so sorry.

My ocd has been flaring up and I’ve been doing many rituals to prove I’m not a pedophile. It is so mentally draining at the end of my shift and I really need help cope and control these intrusive thoughts because I love this job and I want to be the best for the kids. But I’m so tired

Ever since I started 5th grade I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping. At one point I could sleep up to 15 hours at once because it was like my mind trapped me there and my whole body and thought process was frozen outside of the real world. At another point in time I was obsessed with getting exactly 8 hours. Now, I cannot sleep at night no matter how tired I am. It’s as if sleeping when it’s dark outside makes my intrusive thoughts worse. But as soon as the sun starts to rise, I pass out and stay asleep forever and just like before, I get stuck in my sleep. My dreams become awful, endless nightmares (I’ve had these since I was 4 or 5 but they’ve somehow gotten worse). Like I have no idea what I’m going to do once the nights get longer during fall and winter and I have to go to classes during the day. Part of it may be medication or my other medical condition but a lot of it seems like it’s a part of my OCD or another mental illness. Has anyone else had a sleep problem like this?

so, i’m in this relationship which is the healthiest relationship i’ve ever been in, he treats me well, he loves me, he is supportive of my struggles as he shares some of them, even if it isn’t full blown like mine are, but my brain out of fear of what could come, is shutting down my feelings. my ocd is known for locking down my feelings about anything, putting them in a cage so i become numb, allowing the hurt to be less once someone leaves or gets tired of me. but i don’t want my relationship ruined out of fear, i’ve had a few that ended due to me never being able to stop the intrusive thoughts about them leaving, hell some even got exhausted or annoyed by trying to reassure me that they aren’t gonna leave, so they left anyway. i don’t want to lose my relationship with my bf as i truly do want a future with him, but my ocd fear paralysis is stopping me from tapping into how deep my feelings actually are for him and it makes me really sad. i also had a bad dream about him ending up with someone else and since then, i’ve been extra worried. but it’s an inner worry as that’s happened before to me. my ocd is manifesting into more than worries and i don’t want this relationship also ruined when it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me, but my ocd is constantly scared. does anyone else also struggle with it?

Hello everyone I’m new to this forum and I think I may be suffering w/ SOOCD specifically HOCD. I think my HOCD doesn’t make me viciously anxious when it first started now I just feel numb now sure if anyone feels the same. At first it felt like a switch went off in my head and started getting excessive thoughts about women. Even today I’m afraid to be friends w/ women in fear I will like them. And it doesn’t help that I don’t get frequent crushes on guys/not as desirable when it comes to dating. I always thought women were attractive but in an aesthetic way and any sexual attraction to me was groinal or forced due to my compulsions. My mind is convincing me I’m a lesbian but identifying as one doesn’t feel right and I’ve always imagined being w/ a man. I just need help because I’m working and applying to grad school and it’s making me physically sick/unable to do anything. Just wanted some thoughts and advice if possible. (And for context I’m 21 and got triggered at around 15/16). Thank you!