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This disorder sucks. I can't keep or make a friend. I never wanna go out with someone cause idk if they're contaminated with drugs or anything. People just don't wanna be my friend.

I felt horrible earlier, I even cried out of anger, so I left my place to get some fresh air, plus I had already planned to run errands after I finished washing 3 loads! Unfortunately, I don’t have my own washer/dryer since I live in an apartment complex with a shared laundry room, which can be quite stressful sometimes. Not only because I need to find a convenient time to wash when the washers aren’t all being used, but also because I have to make sure no one touches my clothes. It’s happened before and it happened again today! And this time it was my toddlers clothes, which I’m even more sensitive about. When I went to get our clothes, I was hoping the dryer was still on, but I had to use the restroom and was waiting for my husband to change our toddlers diaper, so it took me about 2-3 minutes after my timer went off to walk down to the laundry room and when I walked in, this lady was literally picking up my toddlers clothes from the floor! I told her “That’s my clothes. What are you doing?!” And she stuttered, “Oh, oh, I’m sorry” and proceeded to put the clothes back and the dryer and I told her to stop and that I would do it. I then asked her “Why did you open my dryer?” And she said “I thought it was mine. I’m so sorry!” I took a deep breath and put everything in my laundry basket plus the other load and had to come back for the third one, which was still on. When I walked in my apartment, I told my husband and I started feeling more upset, so I teared up because I felt as if I washed everything for nothing! I told him “Now I have to do it all over again”… He said he could do it, but I told him I would do it again tomorrow at an earlier time. I then felt so stupid for being late a couple minutes and I cried once again. I usually never cry, when I get triggered. I just feel the anxiety, but today was BAD. I feel a headache coming now and I’m still anxious…. I keep thinking “Why did she even do that?” “Her hands were probably dirty” I didn’t accomplish anything today. 😔

Do you ever get hung up on the fact that at one point in time, you did not have detectable symptoms of ocd? I literally did not have contamination ocd until Covid. I used to lay on the ground with the dog, go out and come back home and lay on the couch in the same clothes, put my phone and keys on ground etc. Now I can’t even walk in my socks in house because it’s going to contaminate the couch when I put my feet up. Now I can’t sit on my couch unless I change my clothes, and now if I even have to touch my phone when my hand is “dirty,” I have to wash my hands, wipe my phone, and wash my hands again. This really sucks. I wish I can go back to a time where I wasn’t like this.

Officially trying to get help for my OCD. Contamination OCD is mainly what I’m struggling with right now. It feels like my brain is going to explode from the thoughts on repeat. Just wanted to vent that in a safe space. Stay strong everyone.

I find myself in an incredibly difficult and distressing situation, and I desperately need your help and guidance. The contamination and health concerns related to my OCD have taken an almost complete hold over my life. What's worse, my husband has been manipulating me for years, exacerbating my OCD and causing immense emotional pain. It started gradually, with him making hurtful remarks, seemingly incapable of finding happiness when I was happy. As my OCD worsened, his behavior became more extreme. He took my beloved dog to the basement, claiming it was a threat to me. However, he didn't stop there. He started using derogatory and offensive names for my dog, such as "satan dog" and "fucking dog." Every day, he expresses his hatred towards my dog, saying he hates dogs. This relentless emotional abuse has only served to worsen my OCD. In addition to the emotional torment, I have endured several traumatic experiences, including three painful miscarriages, constant fights with my husband, prolonged separation from my family for seven years, a pervasive feeling of unsafety, and the isolation imposed by the COVID-19 pandemic. Rather than supporting me through these challenges, my husband has made it his mission to make me feel worse. He frequently works long hours, leaving me alone for at least 12 hours each day, with no relatives or friends to turn to for support. To add to my distress, my husband has bombarded me with distressing news and videos, particularly those depicting plane disasters. Consequently, I have developed an intense fear of boarding planes, which hinders any possibility of being reunited with my family. This fear has also spilled over into other aspects of my life, making it impossible for me to go out or even open items from the grocery store due to obsessive thoughts about contamination. What concerns me even more is the mistreatment of my dog. My husband has locked him in a small transport box, leaving him in darkness throughout the day. He keeps the key with him and has purposely created obstacles, such as leaving trash and disgusting items, to prevent me from accessing my dog. Yesterday, he even threatened to kill my dog, a threat he has made multiple times before. I have pleaded with him to give my dog away to someone who will care for him, but he adamantly refuses. He has also made disturbing comments about getting rid of his cokatiel. The constant fear of harm to my beloved pets and to myself and my baby is consuming me. In my desperation, I suggested divorce as a way to escape this torment. I promised not to ask for anything but to leave with my baby, as my husband shows no interest in our child and often ignores us. His indifference and disconnection have become glaringly apparent. Although he claims he would never hurt us, his demonstrated intent to harm innocent lives — our pets — leaves me doubting his words. If he is capable of such cruelty, I fear he could easily harm us as well. He seems bored and annoyed by our presence. Adding to my distress, I feel trapped and unable to seek help from authorities due to his threats. He has warned me that if I reach out for help, he will manipulate the custody of our baby, blaming it all on my mental health struggles. Furthermore, my lack of citizenship complicates matters, making it even more challenging to find a way out. I have tried to confide in my family, but they refuse to listen, believing my husband to be a good person. I desperately long to return to my home country, but the distance of over 11,000 km makes it seem impossible. If my pets are harmed, I fear I will never be able to regain a sense of normalcy. My husband consistently blames me for everything, compounding my heartbreak and leaving me shattered. I implore you, the members of this forum, to offer any advice, support, or resources that could help me escape this abusive situation. Your guidance and assistance in finding a way to safety would mean the world to me. I feel utterly brokenhearted and in dire need of your help. Thank you for taking the time to read my plea. I eagerly await your responses and appreciate any assistance you can provide.

Anyone here suffer from contamination OCD? I hardly see any posts about it and, after searching, I read that others have said the same thing even years back.

im very. tired. just drained. the past four or so weeks have taken everything out of me. the energy, drive, hope, etc. i would love to believe it's tied to school (im in my 4th week) but honestly its been the only thing keeping me from js throwing in the towel on everything (not saying in a self harm way, i mean as in js completely giving into the depressive episode). cant trust my dad. cant trust my mom. was already the case before, but gets worse and worse every single day. as in remembering or finding out abt things that fundamentally change the way i see them as people, let alone as parents. nobody in my family is aware of the actual details of my mental health/illnesses. not to say i want everyone to know everything, obviously NOT, but i don't have anyone to go to as my symptoms worsen, knowing i will either be called a liar or they'll tell everyone else. same with friends. not that i don't trust them, but im scared it'll either scare them away or they won't know what to say and ill be left feeling more alone than i already feel. im ashamed and im terrified of myself, of all the years ahead of me people keep talking about, unaware that everytime i think of the future, i think of the fact that some of my more severe symptoms/illnesses will never truly be gone. in fact, inversely, much is expected to worsen. im trying to act proud. they ask so many questions, and i give answers to appease. but i feel myself spiraling out again and i am so, so, so exhausted. my rituals... the handwashing, the magic number, the taboo intrustive thoughts, the skin picking and now the hair pulling (these two are now taking up most of my days home), etc. and the bpd, this empty pit i feel, these huge jumps between being so angry with someone and a moment later crying myself sick because i feel bad about the anger and interpret everything as rejection or conspiracy. then there's the visual and auditory hallucinations, the constant nagging in the back of my head telling me im being watched, im only acting human, everything i am saying is untrue and someone else is acting through me, unaided by the dizzying jumps from dissociating, depersonalizing, and hyperawareness... even writing this, i keep thinking i am lying. i am lying, everything i do is false, orchestrated, action taken through me from someone or something external, it's taking everything out of me. i can't sleep, then i sleep too much. the addiction, too. im not going to, nor do i feel necessarily the urge to, harm myself. im just tired. very tired. thinking of harming myself, actually, feels like such a waste of time and energy. i just want to let the world pass me by, drag me along with it, let it take over. ugh.

I've been getting carpet beetles (i saw 2 over the past few days) and I read online that they can lay eggs all over including in clothes and now i'm paranoid that all my clothes are contaminated and i have to rewash all of them and I just feel so gross and it feels like carpet beetles are all over me.,

I wish I had someone in my life that understands this that i could talk to when i feel my panic attacks happening.I feel so exhausted my brain hurts and it’s attacking me every second of the day especially right now.Every day it makes thoughts abut something happening to me or someone i know and i can’t control it ,I am loosing weight and becoming unhealthier than before because my mind has made me think im gonna get hurt every time i eat.I tried eating right now even when the intrusive thought was horrible so that i could get over the fear but now my stomach feels weird and i am nauseous , which is leading to a panic attack.But im just crying alone because i cant explain this to anybody. (sorry for this i just had to write some of my feelings down)

What can I say to my 30 something daughter when she says she won’t go in my car because my bag touched the floor near where a ladybug died and I put my bag on the passenger seat. Now the seat is contaminated. She is living with me right now and not driving.

One of my themes is HIV fears, and I was just at Walmart picking out a shirt from the rack that they have them all folded up on. I was reaching for one from the bottom shelf and my hand brushed against the underside of the shelf above and they're was a sharp part that cut open my thumb. I panicked and took a picture of underneath and it was just the shelf was sharp where it looked welded but it made me bleed a lot and now I'm freaked out thinking it could have a disease

I’ve been with my wife for 5 months. We haven’t moved in together 100% yet for various reasons but we spent 50% of our time together in the same apartment. I knew she had some anxiety before we got hitched, but she promised to treat it. I didn’t know it was SEVERE anxiety, OCD and intrusive thoughts. She washer her mouth after a kiss for fear of bacteria amongst other things. I don’t care about the compulsions. I care that she cannot handle any slight amount of stress. She always needs space if there’s any tension, sometimes a week. I didn’t understand didn’t understand her condition in detail and felt often that she just maybe didn’t love me because she never cared if she hurt my feelings. If I raised a concern, she’d get frustrated and overwhelmed. Even by asking “Do you see us growing old together?” She’d get super annoyed. She’s 37 and I’m her first real and serious relationship and her first real lover. It was too stressful trying to meet anyone and she only talked to 2 guys before me a few times in the past few years. She’s a very warm loving snuggly person who took great care of me in many ways. She promised to get treated and kept breaking her promise and I eventually lost a bit of patience and told her I cannot continue and I want a divorce. She tried to keep me - even did everything she normally finds disgusting or shameful to show me she’s normal and for me to stay. When I told her it’s over, she was crying, and super sad for a couple days. I was crying non stop for like a week. She’s the only woman I’ve ever truly loved, but I just couldn’t see light at the end of the tunnel. 5 days later I met with a counselor here and felt bad because I started to understand her more and I realized I’m probably triggering her unintentionally because she thinks and feels differently. She was sad for a couple of days and then she flipped to angry, overwhelmed and never wanting to speak to me or see again. In fairness, I had messaged a bit too much to make sure she’s okay. I was worried. I apologized to her 4-5 days and said I never want to leave, I’m just trying to find a way to make our relationship healthy - she can’t communicate well or deal with any negative emotion or criticism. I asked if she can forgive me and we can try again and She said No. A week later - I met her for dinner to end things nicely. We had a wonderful evening. She was hugging and kissing me, I slept over, she clearly was jealous and didn’t want me in any other relationship, but the next day after sleeping over she was annoyed when I said I don’t want a divorce. She still hugged and kissed me from her heart after. Next day I called her and She said it’s just not going to work, it’s my feeling. I asked why she feels that way and mentioned feelings change. She had a bit of a meltdown and I tried to calm her. She just said, I’m sorry. I’m too nervous. I can’t talk. I have to hang up. Please don’t be mad. I’m hanging up now. Click. Literal overload and meltdown. I contacted her mom and brothers for help, she got super mad. They all Blocked me everywhere and said she never wants to see or talk to me again and that there’s too much emotional distress. I don’t understand how she thinks. Is this just her being overwhelmed? Is it actually over? Does she need some time to calm down and remove the block? Will she ever remove the block? For now I’m giving her space. It’s been about 4-5 days… but how much space is too much space? She’s still my wife. So confusing being married but single 😵‍💫

Hi everyone, I’m new here and this is my first post. For about a year now I have not drank any tap water (not even filtered). Somehow I became convinced a while back that my tap water was not safe to drink straight from the tap, and shortly after that I became convinced that filtered tap water was contaminated too (and that the filters themselves are somehow contaminated). Logically I know none of it makes sense, and I’m not even sure what I am afraid of happening if I do drink it. It doesn’t feel like a fear of getting sick, just an intense sense of dread at the thought of drinking the water. I also have some problems with drinking bottled water especially if I feel like I can taste the plastic. So I have almost exclusively drank canned sparkling water for a year now. Has anyone dealt with similar contamination fears?

Does anyone else struggle with normal everyday things like going downstairs to get food? I’m really hungry right now but don’t like being downstairs or in my kitchen because I’m scared of being contaminated I live with my parents and siblings still so there’s so many people and I feel contaminated being in contact with them or having to touch door handles /cupboards and food in the fridge Because I find it really hard to leave my room sometimes because of how alert and aware I constantly feel like I have to be because I’m worried of things contaminating me And people in my house don’t really understand and aren’t aware of me and not coming into contact with me My room is my safe space and I don’t like people coming in here because it feels contaminated if they do but they just don’t get it It just takes a lot of my energy to be doing normal things If anyone has tips or similar experiences please share so I know it’s not just me 💕

My mom has hurt her leg and is struggling to use it as of now. With me dealing with overwhelming contamination thoughts this scares me as I may have to help her to use the restroom or shower until she’s able to maneuver. I feel like a bad person for being overwhelmed by this because I don’t want to be selfish but I feel so scared that i’ll have to deal with this fear I have if she ends up needing help from someone else in the house other than my dad. I am super afraid of my own bathroom germs so this is just extremely overwhelming and scary to me. Has anyone ever dealt with anything similar?

As the title suggests, my OCD acts up whenever bodily fluids are involved, including my own. 😅 It has caused me difficulties in my relationship. My partner is perfectly content with the pace we are at regarding intimacy and is incredibly patient with me; however, I can react at even the slightest idea of getting “contaminated” with, say, my partner’s fluids. ☹️ Early in our relationship, even when we were hugging fully clothed, I worried about contamination (and also magically “getting pregnant”☠️) because our bodies were touching at the crotch area. I’m doing better now, but I’ve been unable to engage in certain acts because of it. My partner is not asking for anything—in fact, he is perfectly content waiting until marriage! I’m more so asking for my sake. I just know that when the time DOES arrive that we both want to get more intimate—even if that means just removing more clothing,—I know I will be terrified of getting contaminated. Today, for example, while kissing, I accidentally bit his lip and tasted blood. INSTANTLY the mood was destroyed and I couldn’t function properly. I felt so much guilt for being this disturbed because it’s my PARTNER, of all people, but I began worrying about STDs. Does anyone have any tips? My OCD mainly fixates on pregnancy and STDs here.

Peace to you all. I have sexual and contamination ocd. Being a father has been one of the greatest blessings in my life. Having ocd has made it challenging for me and unfair for my wife as I often burden her with seeking reassurance. Im a devout Muslim and value my family deeply. So being born with pocd and sexual ocd along with traumatic experiences throughout my life has been unbearable at times. Im also in the middle of moving to back home to my country and trying to balance work and family duties has flared my ocd. The other day i was multi tasking. My wife was talking to me and asked me to change our childs diaper, I was running late to a meeting while trying to get ready myself. I normally wash my hands after I change the babies diaper because of my contamination ocd. However due to the stress I was rushing I went straight to the toilet for myself before I left for a meeting an hour away. Since I didnt wash my hands and used those “dirty hands” for my own personal hygiene using the restroom the OCD said if i wipe with those hands its sexually inappropriate because I used it to change my babys diaper and didnt wash. I remember being mindful of the thought. Normally i would wash my hands or use s side of the toilet paper that didnt touch my hands. I was going back and forth in my head until i just wiped with the side that touched the hand i used to change my babys diaper and went about ny day. And since i used that hand for her hygiene snd my own my sexual ocd and contamination ocd has been freaking out saying i did something sexually inappropriate. Saying did i act on the thought “Why didnt i use the clean side? Why did i forget to wash my hands”. I feel like if i were to clean my hand it may be giving into s compulsion but if i dont than im doing something wrong snd inappropriate. It bothers me because its against my core values, i have no history of anything inappropriate, but ocd convince me this time its real or this time i did something bad or this time i had a ill intent. I cant afford therapy and dont have insurance coversge. Its been bothering me for a week and im unable to perform at work and am distancing myself from my family. I talked to my wife snd she reminds me im a good person. Its ocd. I didnt do anything. Othr people wouldnt worry about this. Please advise! 💔

I definitely have an infection on my hand due to washing my hands so much they dried out and opened.. and now two of them on my hand are pretty painful, no pus they look like the want to heal but can’t, they’re reddish/purple though.. I just went to the hospital the day before yesterday for something different but now I feel like I have to worry about this too.. I’m trying really hard to fight my compulsion but when I do touch something dirty I have to wash my hands.. idk.. will Neosporin fight infection in my hand? It’s not necessarily growing but I don’t know if it can kill the infection either.. pls would like some advice.

Idk if this is OCD but I can't stop using qtips/ cleaning my ears. I get ear infections quite a bit so I clean my ears every day. This prevents and causes ear infections. I can't stand the feeling of wax in my ears so if there is any new wax I scratch. This causes infections. To prevent scratching I clean them which works for awhile until it causes an infection. It's never ending. I have no idea how to stop the cycle. My family says it's not OCD, it's just sensory issues because I'm autistic. I don't want to be saying I have OCD when I don't and make someone upset. I put trigger warning because I have no idea if this post will upset someone. I'm super new to this.

Before i went to school i bought a juice for the day and it looked sealed well but when i opened the cap it came off really easily and i got anxious that it was already opened before i bought it even though it looked sealed.Today was gonna be the day i was going to ignore all my intrusive thoughts but im so scared to drink it because my brain is telling me someone opened it before, but im really thirsty and have to be in school for a long time 😪.What should i do?