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Does anyone ever experience their OCD themes shifting extremely quickly? This has been going on for the past few months. I keep flicking through health concern, contamination, psychosis and sexual orientation.

I have realized my fear is a bit different from people who just have emetophobia but not ocd, even when the phobia mimics obsessive compulsive symptoms. They fear the actual act of being ill, and all of the gross stuff that happens with it. They also have a fear of not being in control. I have found that I moreso fear contamination. While I would be okay with being sick from a spinny ride, what would cause me to not be able to overcome it would be the fear that it was because I was actually sick with norovirus. This is perhaps because my body would not mend itself immediately after being sick one time if I caught something. The idea of being infected with something foreign disturbs me deeply. I also feel as if everything will be ruined if I am sick, that the world will end. I get comfort from remembering that the things and people I love would still be there, that they wouldn’t be contaminated or gone, which is something I don’t see with just emetophobics.

Just wanting to put this out there to see if anyone else relates. I’ve always tried to pinpoint the root cause of my most frequent “themes” for my intrusive thoughts. I experience Sexual Orientation OCD, Gender OCD, Relationship OCD, Pedo OCD, Harm OCD, and few others that I feel I’ve gotten better with like Germ OCD. I think my OCD really began when I was a teenager and the more I think back and think on my themes and their impact on my mood when they happen, makes me try to relate them to some trauma I experienced as a child that causes me to question my reality and beliefs. Like being called a lesbian slur in school because I was self conscious of my weight and so I wore boy clothes because they were more comfortable and not form fitting. And I also think I may be autistic due to many reasons (like the sensory issue of clothes being too tight) but one being that I mirrored people I wanted to befriend or be liked by and this was a problem in school growing up because I tried skateboarding and sports and such to impress boys because I thought to be liked by them, I had to relate to them and it happened again in high school when I tried to be “country” and like hunting and trucks and all that to fit in more with my new school that was in a small southern town. All of this to say my whole childhood, all I’ve wanted was to be liked, loved, and to fit in and I WANTED to be feminine but femininity didn’t fit with my body size/shape and all the girly things just made me too seen and like everyone could see every flaw I had in bright neon colors. Thankfully as I’ve grown up I’ve found my own style and way of expression and embracing my femininity and curves. I’ve let loose on my personality to be my authentic self but my thoughts throw me back to when I dressed and acted more boyish to fit in and get boyfriends saying “you’re not feminine, you’re masculine, you’re just acting feminine” amongst other thoughts and it makes it hard to enjoy being happy with ACTUALLY being myself because my mind keeps telling me I’m faking. I also had trauma with being groomed growing up by older men and my older sister practicing kissing with me even though I didn’t want to (we are 2.5 years apart) and that gives me intrusive thoughts about finding younger people attractive (like teens much younger than me) and gives me anxiety when I’m trying to change my nieces diaper giving me intrusive thoughts like “don’t touch her there, don’t look there, you’re violating her” when in reality, I’m just trying to make sure she doesn’t get a UTI from not being wiped all the way clean after pooping. This was a much longer post than intended and I could keep going with more examples but I just want to see if anyone else can relate to this and what has helped them.

What do you do when your main support person is giving up on you and threatening to have you committed because they are tired of dealing with your OCD? It wasn’t even that big of a deal, but then her anger led to a traumatic moment of triggers that just escalated the situation to a level 10. I’m trying my best and felt like I was finally making some progress doing ERP, but then she just told me today she was going to call 911 and have them come get me and take me away because she’s over dealing with my OCD. I feel so lost and alone and worthless. I have contamination OCD, so it’s not like I can just leave for a couple days or something. I don’t know what to do. I just feel so awful for making someone else feel like they want to have me taken away. I’m so scared and sad and feeling like it would be better if I did go away.

Idk how to help myself bc I don’t understand what I’m thinking or why. I constantly feel disconnected from the world around me and I don’t trust anything I do. I don’t trust myself not to do things. For example, I find washing my hair rly difficult because I don’t trust that I haven’t poured bleach over my hands or something causing my hair to get damaged. It’s rly random, but it’s almost always contamination and chemical based. Idk what to do anymore.

the way my ocd works is anything in my room is automatically mine and NEEDS to be clean, if another person steps foot in my room everything in there is automatically not clean and I feel the need to throw everything away. On the rare occasion I feel okay enough to let someone in, they can't touch anything. Today I had my dad come in to show me how to install some shelfs for my legislation, and for some reason he decided to put the not yet clean shelf on a pile of unfolded laundry despite the fact I told him less than 5 min ago to not, I have a HUGE room, so much floor space, so many within arms reach places. I instantly started panicking and crying since now I feel the need to throw all my clothes away and he started screaming at me, saying he didn't want to play into this childish fantasy anymore. As well as threatening to touch everything in my room and mocking doing so I know it's not a reaction I cant control, but I really do wonder if I have ocd or if I'm just a really weird freak. Have I been lying to myself this while time? Did the doctors lie to me? I feel so... immature for acting so badly to it, but it genuinely makes me want to rip my own eyes out. Why doesn't he understand it? Is that my fault too? I feel so lost and misunderstood and alone. I don't know what to do.

I have severe emetophobia, and last night my partner threw up. They had taken too many edibles (completely legal in my state and we’re of legal age) and asked me to go downstairs so I wouldn’t have to hear. I was panicking, going through all the times I had touched/kissed them that day, trying to work out how contagious it might be, etc. I definitely fell into the reassurance seeking/googling trap for a minute, asking them if they were SURE they weren’t sick, that it was just the edibles, but eventually I managed to put away my phone, tell myself “If it does end up being contagious, I can worry about it when it’s actually happening,” and go to sleep. I certainly didn’t handle it perfectly, but for where my mental state has been, I’m glad I was able to calm myself down and go to sleep.

I may have brushed up against my bed with my outside clothes on. Will this contaminate my bed? Also has anyone else felt that they had breathing problems from spraying excessive Lysol?

I need advice. Or similar experiences shared. I have contamination OCD. Was in NOCD therapy and doing ERP. Initially saw progress with ERP, but I hit a wall. I had to give up therapy and switch to a psychiatrist to seek help through meds. I had to give up therapy for psychiatry due to financial reasons. Anyways, i’m a couple of weeks into my transition from Lexapro to Zoloft with the intention of slowly upping my dose of Zoloft. In the meantime, I have suffered several panic attacks (something that is not common for myself), emotional breakdowns, and periods of random crying and severe sadness. My mood has stabilized some but I am still very easily triggered. My living situation is slowly becoming harder and harder to navigate. Kitchen is contaminated. So is the living room and dining room. My boyfriend is contaminated. Physical touch is extremely challenging and it breaks my heart. Where he sleeps and his things are contaminated. So is the laundry room. I used to be able to say my bedroom, bed, closet, and bathroom were my safe spaces. But now, that’s going away as well. Recent bug incidents in both my bathroom and closet have changed that. I don’t know what to do or how to fix it. We spray our pest control product, call for the apartment to do the same, I have light plug ins for flying insects, and another set of plugins supposed to emit some sound that bugs don’t like. I keep a clean and tidy house. I know having bugs is normal- but it’s making my OCD even worse as of late. Any help, guidance, suggestions, or related experiences are extremely welcome.

just wanted to share what happened to me yesterday. I had bad diarrhea but it kind of forced me to control/dial down my handwashing. So I got diarrhea at 12am and then had it around several more times after that, it didn’t stop til 11 am the next day(yesterday). Typically I wash my hands 3 times to feel clean after using the restroom and sometimes get stuck in the process of it when counting if it doesn’t feel right, so it’s time consuming and i’ve been trying to work on that, but I always give in. I thoroughly washed my hands only once after the second and third time I had diarrhea. I’m proud of myself and hopefully this permanently changes me to only washing my hands once bc a regular bathroom visit doesn’t need so much handwashing. though I still have steps and a process of how I wash them, but a step forward is a step forward. I felt like crap, hadn’t slept, and been sitting on the toilet and waiting it out so I think my brain wasn’t focused so much handwashing, plus I had other things to do so I wouldn’t have had time to do my lengthy handwashing process anyway. I was waiting to shower just in case I had to visit the loo again. I had to use my parents shower bc mine was occupied I feel uncomfortable in other showers I don’t like to touch other things in it, so i guess i was kind of stalling but I really wanted to shower. I showered like normal and my finger accidentally touched a sponge brush handle when turning off the water. if this had happened on a different day I would rewash my hands in the shower but my body wanted to lay down and rest asap so I didn’t give in and i just walked out and changed. I washed my hands later but for a different reason and it was short. While I still have contamination ocd about bathrooms and people not washing their hands after using it, lengthy handwashing was one of the bigger issues i wanted to tackle and so hopefully after what happened yesterday i can keep the time under control. Has this happened to anyone, where your ocd isn’t as bad and you hope it stays that way? To add, i am kind of worried about what caused my diarrhea though. so hopefully that doesn’t manifest into another part of my contamination ocd. i just have to be careful when handling food.

Religion : I am scared that I’m not doing enough God but I also feel like I don’t have the capacity at the moment to provide and be a better Christian worried. I am worried to the point that I have stopped consuming certain TV shows I would stop whenever I feel like this is something that is infringing, my Christianity Work : started a new job and my mind is blocking. I can’t remember or retain new information. Sometimes colleagues can pressure you and say you have done this before so you can do it or you overthinking and it doesn’t help feel like tearing the moment and just say shut up, but is a new job, the worse is the person that is training me feel so ashamed to look in her to her eyes and see that she’s trying to deal with something that is bigger than me not understanding it just like I have a wall and I don’t understand why, because normally I understand things i’m fearing my capacity to do things understand when I do training. I’m the one thinking more taking more notes making sure that I can read everything and when it’s time to put things into practice i am blocked even with the text in front of me feel like I’m distracted but don’t where I am at, but I’m forcing my brain to focus, and during hours and hours get earworms which I’ve never got worried about but the ridiculously horrible now. Feel like crying all the time when things don’t go right if I don’t understand if I’m able to proceed actually unable to proceed more tasks actually reinforce and help me are not working because deep down I know that true as many tasks that they want and I’m still blocked and never had learning difficulties before, but now It’s just horrible. I forget things easily. Friends: I i’m worried that my friends think that I am mad. I have started to explain some things that happened to my head and it’s horrible because sometimes they may listen but it just feels like they don’t want to say a lot. To not hurt my feelings or call me crazy and sometimes they make comments but it just feels like they don’t understand the subject if they do the way they pushing is not helping but I’m still appreciative about how they are listening to me but I feel like a heavyweight and I don’t think it’s their responsibility which is very sad. Don’t really know I can’t see what is affecting my relationship, but I don’t want to be selfish and I’m concerned that I’m making everything all about me. I want to hear them as well. Changes : i’ve always been to be very organised but I’m getting to the point where it’s becoming extreme so normally I organise my jackets by colour and because it’s a rack there is also space for shoes and I also tried to organise by function colour and weather normally I’ll always do that but now I’m observing certain things that I don’t find normal specially that is actually affecting my daily life is extreme need of having everything always correct 100% it’s a problem obviously my products cause it takes. I organise them by function and size the same thing for my wardrobe. I’ve always done this. I organise it by function column is extremely organised. Keys are always in the same place basically that you always try to put everything is in the same place, but now I’m becoming worse when it comes to hygiene I have this constant obsession of cleaning and making sure that everything is perfect. The perfect is actually, overwhelming if I don’t do it I’m worried that I’m not enough I’m getting discussed for example if I see something that it’s not clean enough and if I don’t clean up, I don’t want to touch it. I’m always disinfecting my hands removing my shoes when I get home if I don’t remember I don’t like it but doesn’t bother me too much to be honest for some reason I have this urge to have perfect habits I’ve always had the same rituals. I would say every day I wake up I tried to do things in the same order, sit on the same side each time that I have to eat the same products and I wondered if there is not everything repetitive and when it’s not black-and-white I would say frustrates me before I was able to deal with things that I couldn’t control even though they would bother me now I just block when I leave the house. I checked my door probably five times or even minimum three times I would say I have constant songs or my brain is creating melodies and if I don’t record it I’m going mad sometimes I have the urge to write them write it I’m going mad, if I lose the melody that my brain just created, I will probably besad too. I have probably over 100 recordings that my brain created on my telephone. It’s now affecting me and my main concern is end up unemployed because I don’t wanna stop working but if I don’t have the capacity to even remember little information, how am I supposed to work? Like this is just a brief it’s probably remember that I’m unable to remember. Gets repetitive behaviours wanna and can’t stop.

I’m struggling significantly with contamination themes for the first time in my life. I realize now that for a while it was looming in the background but it was always held back. I don’t know what triggered it but now, I feel like I’m drowning. I went through a liter of hand sanitizer plus multiple small bottles in a few weeks. I wash my hands and stuff around me constantly, and have started just avoiding stuff that I think is dirty because I’m tired of washing my hands and washing down surfaces, items, etc. The problem is that in my head, all of this is logical, and I genuinely do think there is a part of this that is tied into logic. I’m not worried about getting sick or getting others sick. My main issue with OCD is morality, and even with contamination, that still seems to be my fear. For example… I’m 23, so I’m an adult, and have sexual experiences. I also have three cats, and while my OCD tries to convince me I think a certain way about them, I’m positive I don’t. However, I have cat on me a lot. Cat hair, cat spit, just cat. It’s all over my house and while i try to clean it’s unavoidable to do it entirely. Anyway, I feel like I have to soak in hand sanitizer before sex because I don’t want them on me. Additionally, I have to use separate blankets and just hope there’s no cat hair. I’m also worried about having any bodily fluid of any kind on me and then seeing a child. Even if it’s only on a tv show or something. Essentially, my contamination is things like that and it makes sense, but something feels off. What I feel and experience is definitely OCD and I don’t understand what I did before I had this obsession, was I just a bad person? And I don’t understand what others do without the obsession! Plus, I go through so much hand sanitizer that there’s no way this is normal. It’s gotten so bad, I’ve put hand sanitizer on my lips, soap in my mouth, and cleaned my skin with a Lysol wipe because it’s what I had easy access to. I also damaged the microphone in my phone from cleaning it so much. Does anyone have any advice? Thank you.

Hello everyone, I am new here. I am glad that I can openly share my thoughts with people who will understand and not judge me. I am still not sure if I have OCD or just anxiety. I wasn't a tidy person before but I knew when I was still in school that I did want my schoolwork to be perfect and organized. When I was young I lost my grandpa who was very close to me. Then I started telling my parents "I love you" and "Please don't die" phrases which they find annoying as I say this to them maybe 5x or more per day. 😔 And now that I am married I always say this to my husband too. He got used to hearing it each day. I wanted to stop this. I tried. But I felt like my day was worse. I felt like if I was not saying those phrases, I had the feeling of ignoring them and that I was not concerned for them. I noticed that after giving birth and I talked with my nurse that I should wash my newborn son's bottle and stuff separately, my desire to make everything clean heightened up. I started to think that if I did not follow the advice my son's stuff would be contaminated by other things. That he might catch this and that. I even used a separate sponge and if I think it touches something I will rewash them. This is so time-consuming but it makes me feel that I am doing it right. Before the pandemic started, I already had a habit of washing my hands once I got home. I didn't care about the others if they did. But now, oh man, I want everyone to do the same in our house. My husband and my son are doing the same now. It became a routine in our home. Before when a visitor won't wash their hands, I do not care, but now it irritates me. I can't say it directly because I am afraid of hurting their feelings but I can't function properly. It will be in my head the whole time. And I will think that everything they touch is dirty. If I do not have access to the washroom, I will be using a hand sanitizer. I always carry one. When COVID was new, I thought it was just a normal flu, in Canada it is common in winter. I was not too concerned because I knew it would be cured. But since I watched a lot of news of people dying and unfortunately my dad was one of them, my cleanliness heightened. I do not want anyone to die. I felt like I did not give him enough advice to protect himself. I researched stuff on how to disinfect, and I learnt about making hypochlorous acid as a natural disinfectant without harmful chemicals. I wiped all our groceries. And the worst is once I go out I feel dirty and contaminated already. Everything, like literally everything that we buy, should be sprayed and wiped down. I even used the hypochlorous acid to spray myself before entering the house. Not only that but to my husband and my son too. At first, I do this to my visitors, but I know I am being judged. So I just close my eyes and let it pass. But the concern of bringing anything dirty into our home boils down in me. I can't be in the moment. I am overwhelmed. After every party, I will clean and spray everything to be disinfected. I will steam the floor so I know it's clean so that I do not have to wipe anything that falls on it. It is tiring but it makes me feel like I am living in my safe zone. I feel like I am protecting my family by giving them a clean home. When we travel, I will wipe down everything from the plane to our hotel room. I packed some of my spray and wipes. We will use slippers inside the room because I know a lot of people use their shoes inside the hotel rooms. Everything that falls on the floor is considered dirty. (Btw, I am Asian, and it is normal for us not to bring shoes inside the house) I always tie my hair up so it won't be dirty. I do not bring a bag so I won't quarantine it or wash it after I use it. We only wear our clothes once. I want to be normal. I tried to limit spraying myself and my family and all surfaces. I tried to not wipe the groceries and I do not know if this is just a coincidence but everyone in our family got sick. So I went back wiping everything again. I don't know what to do anymore. 😥 Has anyone experienced this or presently experiencing this?

i’m having such a terrible night. my day started off great. i went to the beach with a couple friends and was happy all day. it wasn’t until i was on my way home and anxiety over throwing up started to kick in. it hasn’t gone away since then and it got worse after being triggered by the possibility of getting sick from poor water quality. the beach i swam in was good equality but google says you can still get sick from it. then i was distracting myself, finally calming down when panic started to ensue. and this panic is unrelated however it’s making me nauseous, making my anxiety even worse. it came from me questioning if i was anxious or panicked over anything else after i was finally calming down and now i am. i can’t even explain how i’m feeling or what my mind is making me feel but it’s terrible. i would do anything for it to go away. i’m currently using my heating pad and have a cold pack on my neck, but it’s not working well. nothing sounds calming or is putting me at ease. and i don’t want to sit with it. i’m in fight or flight mode but there is not really anything i can to fix this immediately. HOW DO PEOPLE COPE WITH THIS?? i’m so tired of being in a constant state of anxiety or panic. it’s exhausting and i continue asking why it has to be me because that’s all i’ve felt for as long as i can remember. i’m so frustrated and CANNOT understand why i constantly have to feel like this all of the time. trying to cope literally feels against my nature because i feel like i’m in a state of imminent danger that i cannot rationalize in a way that will calm myself down. i just want this to end (i’m not suicidal). right now at this moment. i want all of the mental anguish and suffering to go away. i just want to live a day of peace. but what’s even worse is when i feel calm, it feels weird and uncomfortable. like being anxious and alert feels correct to me. it feels like a lose-lose situation. i’m about to cry because i’m so exhausted and frustrated. it’s either always something constant, new, or both. i never get a break. i appreciate anyone who took the time to read this, thank you 🫶🏻

My huge ocd fear being “sick” . If you don’t get what I mean (I can’t say the word so I’m hoping you’d be getting it by now). It’s an action someone does when they don’t feel the best. Anywho. I hate it. I always need Dramamine, ginger ale and a hot shower ready anytime or anyone starts to feel the way. I have to envision a paper or something pushing it down. I always have to imagine that paper taking away any virus or potential cause of sickness. I always have to avoid words that correlate to the action or the “v” word. I always avoid pressing the volume up because it needs to go one volume down. I can’t say, see or breathe or touch green. Just typing it out lead my doing my compulsion. It’s honestly time consuming. I also have to repeat “blue”. Until it feels right at least. I also wonder if anyone else has tics with your compulsion. It also doesn’t help how I suffer with bipolar disorder, ptsd, anxiety and body dysmorphia. I need to take lithium and my ocd with the fear of side affects makes it so hard to take my medicine. Which has lead to me not taking it then leading to a pretty bad depressive or manic episode. When it comes to depression it makes my body dysmorphia 10x worse. I truly can’t even look at myself in the mirror. To this day I’m constantly looking for ways to “fix myself”. It’s gua sha, to looking into plastic surgery to looking into diets even though I’m skinny enough (legit gained to the ideal weight I’m supposed to be), to heavy make up and it not being enough to just in general not feeling enough and hating myself everyday. I hate it. I just want peace. I want to be able to drive without having the fear of another panic attack. Not being so jumpy or afraid. Having constant nightmares is an even more misery. I want peace. I want tranquility, like how I wrote in my poem. “As the water of the shower touches my legs, warmth and tranquility races to my mind, as it brings me back to a time where life was just a relaxing, rainy, blue-dull day.” -Nabila Roman (me tee hee).

Hi, this is my first post and I just wanted to see how others have approached their OCD with their partners? I am right at the start of my OCD therapy journey. I’ve had CBT in the past for health anxiety but it’s only recently I’ve been honest with myself that this is partly contamination OCD. It got a lot worse after a recent illness. I haven’t had ERP yet but have read up a little and know what’s involved. I absolutely cannot get my boyfriend to understand what I’m experiencing. I’ve tried to explain that when he does stuff like touch the bin then touch other things, it causes genuine distress, but he has said he feels like he can’t relax in his own home. Today he said “this has to stop” and I was trying to explain that it will, but not overnight and in the meantime I really need him to support me, even if it seems illogical. Am I wrong? How on earth can I make him understand what OCD feels like and what I’m trying to do to fix it?

Does anyone feel like when they go to the toilet, when you have to pull your clothes up with dirty hands you are transferring toilet germs onto your clothes?

Last year my dad tested positive for Covid but I went to the movies with my brother a day or two after! I wasn’t gonna go but my brother wouldn’t stop asking so I caved in and went. I wore a mask and thought I wouldn’t get anyone sick. Even worse, I went to the supermarket afterwards! Only because it was a quick trip and I passed people quickly. I can’t remember if I wore a mask but I’m sure I did because I wore one at the movies. But don’t I belong in jail for being so careless? Or at the very least, shouldn’t I feel guilty everyday for the rest of my life? I’m a monster. I can’t live with myself.

Hello everyone. My name is Julia and I have very bad OCD it’s debilitating. I’m hoping this app will help me. My worse part of my OCD as of now is my fear of bugs and my fear of getting myself or my kids sick. I wash my hand about 50 times a day sometimes more and take three showers a day on most days. I am on medication and it doesn’t seem to be helping much. My arms have cuts all over them from washing my hands so much. I pray I can connect with others with OCD of any kid and maybe get coping skills. Nice to meet y’all 💗

I have such a hard time to describe the feeling of what I call a “dirty space” I don’t always mean physically dirty. Like no there isn’t uni all over the floor all the time, no, there isn’t dust all over. It just feels dirty. In my body and head when I’m there. Like if I touch something there the “bad” feeling is now in me. Or on. I can’t explain it. Especially to people who have no clue about ocd, or anything. I had a meltdown last night because I had to go to a house for a couple of hours, and that place was a dirty space. The thing is, it isn’t dirty. It’s a well kept house. But something about the space just feels wrong? I got home and felt super off, like I physically couldn’t move because I felt the bad on me. I literally stripped out of all my clothes after pacing around crying and trying to shake it all off of me. Then changed. And I just sat there shaking off, rubbing it off, crying, and counting. The only place I felt clean was infront of my piano. So I played for a bit. Till I calmed down. Does anyone else know what i mean by “dirty space” and “bad”??