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I have spent about 6 hours today trying to figure out the answers to a couple questions. And I feel like I will lose my salvation if I don’t get the answers right. At this point, I am just going in circles in my mind.

I feel like crap. I am out in medication but I know it is not a fix all. I know I still have to work on this and I am still going to have tough days I am just so scared that I am not living my life ti the fullest. I am just really tired. I am trying my hardest though. I am scared the most about not being happy. I have had to live one day at a time before. I don’t want it ti get that bad again. I feel like I am just stuck in this infante loop. I am happy, then normal then horrible then slowly I pick myself up again and I can be happy but I miss out on so much while I am miserable. It is the worst feeling. It feels like nothing can fix this, all my fears are true and life has no meaning. I have am having a really hard week. I am sick, I m trying to socialize, I am doing work, I am away from home. It is just really hard right now. And I am scared it is going to just get worse

my ocd triggers my ptsd everyday and im struggling to escape these vivid intrusive thoughts. i feel so detached and unaware, like im not me. am i in denial of reality in some way? if so, how do i snap out of this daze? im in a dream state all the time i think cuz of the pain im in. i just want one day without sinister chatter in my mind and gross feelings invading my body whenever my mind goes blank. instead of silence in my brain, there's something that fills the emptiness with negativity. it feels like a gravity pulling me down into a terrible place like something wont let go and im being gas lighted into thinking i want it. it's also like im compulsively mocking myself in the most cruel ways i can think of, but it's a voice that is definitely not me. then i follow it up with a defense compulsion even though i shouldn't need to since the truth is obvious that i am not evil and i dont wanna do bad things. my trauma is taking away my sanity/consciousness and im tryna gain it back, but i welcome any positivity.

I see people living their lives and just enjoying themselves. Not taking things too seriously and not overly stressing. And then there’s me. Who stresses at the slightest thing. Whose OCD has taken massive chunks of my life that I’ll never get back. It feels like I’m going through life just terrified of my own f*cking shadow… Any small thing I have to deal with that to anyone else might just cause slight inconvenience or nervousness, causes me to have an almost complete and utter breakdown. WHY CANT I HANDLE LIFE. I am so ashamed of who I am. I want to be someone who is brave and courageous and who does things and lives life anyway, regardless of fear. But no. I avoid living because of it. Why am I even here if this is how my life is? What is the point? I’m going through it today, friends 😭

So it started i think a month ago when i saw a video about a psyhopath and it said that they start by killing animals when they are young and when i was younger i was killing grasshoppers and from that day i had a fear in my head what if im a psyhopath and don’t know it. i couldn’t get the fear out of my head its like alaways on my mind and i got so scared that something is wrong with me so i started googling stuff because i was so scared that i have a mental illnes so i started reading about stuff one google and i saw a illnes called Schizophrenia and i read about it and when i saw the symptoms i got scared that i have them because i have felt kinda stuck in my mind because of the fear and now im scared that im in the early stage of schizophrenia. Please i just want the fears to stop someone give me advice i just want to live a happy life and focus on my school but its hard because of my fears please how do i know that i dont have schizophrenia because i have read about it i feel like i actually have the symptoms im so tired i would love some i advice please

I've been miserable for days. And the worst part is, I feel like I'm turning into the person I hate. I feel like I'm turning into a devil, a monster. Anything that used to make me feel bad and guilty doesn't make me feel bad anymore, and I feel like I enjoy those things but I'm hiding it. I feel like the people who act like they say they hate these things, but they don't actually hate them but support them. These things include cheating, unfaithfulness, perversion, using people for various reasons, and many other evil things. I feel like im pretending because i don't even feel guilty enough.. I feel like a demon.

This passed December I was diagnosed with severe OCD and it hit me like a whirlwind after watching a movie and then thinking that everything isn’t real and that I am in a simulation like the “don’t worry darling” movie. This was very distressing to me because I was a person who read her bible everyday and every night and then would talk to God through prayer a lot and when this happened it was very difficult for me to pray or open my bible because I thought nothing was real and I made up God in my mind or the person controlling me did to make me think this is real. Shortly after that happened I started having harm thoughts of “oh well if this is isn’t real you could harm someone and then wake up or you would realize if it was or wasn’t real?” like in the “don’t worry darling movie” “Or I am going to have to harm myself to find out or being in Heaven would be way better?” Which ultimately led to crying spells everyday feeling like I was going crazy. I then went to the hospital and got diagnosed and am going through ERP/ACT therapy currently but those thoughts are still very active. And even though my thoughts are active and seem very real I know that there is power in prayer no matter what my thoughts are thinking, so please pray for me to get through this and heal. It’s very hard to see a light. Thank you for reading this and hearing me.

Let's me start by saying I already have a solid mental health team (psychiatrist and therapist). I also am officially diagnosed with hypochondria, GAD, panic disorder, and ptsd. I have had SEVERE anxiety all my life, especially health anxiety, it has made me completely housebound before in the past but I'm having new symptoms and they are scaring me. Has anyone here ever had this same fear obsession? I feel like my brain is fried, my thoughts feel scrambled, I just feel so out of it. I feel like I can't think, I feel lethargic, I have become super sensitive to everything, anything triggers a fear response in me, I can't concentrate, some days | feel so restless that i just want to crawl out of my skin. I feel like I've become socially awkward and more self conscious. I feel like I am having trouble forming sentences and carrying on conversations and I'm not sure if it's because i have become so hyperaware of what I'm saying because i am always on the look out for symptoms like "disorganized speech" and stuff. I'm constantly having mind pops of completely random memories, I'm having racing thoughts and so many more symptoms. I just don't feel like me anymore ): I feel like I will never be normal again, but at the same time I can't even remember what normal is like. I have been deep in this schizophrenia obsession for about 5 months now. If anyone can relate, please comment.

I'm literally just hanging out with my sister and having a good time and I realized "I'm not gonna be young like this forever" and that I'm not immune to death or aging. I'm living just to slowly watch my body die. I'm already going to be 15 this year. I've already passed so much time and I feel like it's going to be so quick and I'll be dead. What if I like living more? What if there's nothing after death? What if it's just black and everything is for nothing. It kinda makes me wish I wasn't born so i wouldn't have to deal with this. it's so stressful. Every moment that passes I'm just getting closer to something I can't control. It's so scary. I can't do this. I physically cannot accept one day I'm going to be gone absolutely forever. I'll have to leave everything. Two minutes ago I wasn't as close to death as I am now. I'm cant handle this.

i was wondering how long everyone has been experiencing ocd? lately i’ve been making myself believe that these thoughts and feelings should have gone away by now and because they’re not, there’s actually something wrong with me. like i feel like i can’t justify these thoughts as ocd anymore and really i’m just turning into a bad person.

This is a very disturbing thing so if you are sensitive please dont read it. I remember i had this type of ocd and even now remembering it scares me alot cause i still question some things So im a christian and i remember last year i was in therapy, and the sad thing was that my therapist dealt with my ocd like its partly true. I had suicidal ocd and she told me in some part it is true. So this made me suffer more. I couldnt decide if im really suicidal or not, i remember there was a time when i even accepted that i am and i need help to stop the pain(the pain caused by rummination of am i suicidal or not). And that time the thoughts were horrible. I remember one morning i was half awake half asleep, and i had vivid thoughts and those thoughts said that God accepts suicide, He will keep me safe there, it was like God calls me to end my life. When i was fully awake, i was terrified. And now remembering this gave me those feelings back and im still terrified about the thing that it might happen with some that they misinterpret intrusive thoughts as God voice. There are some cases where people do bad things cause they think God told them to do it. And with clear head we can say "you know its not God" yeah i know, but in that moment, i just remember it now, you dont know it cause then it wouldnt make you eb afraid. I remember the feeling of its true made me feel terrified that im actually suicidal cause i think God calls me to do it. And not just this fear, but the thought itself that i experience a thought like this, and it feels true, it scares me. Maybe im afraid that i can change my belief so easily, maybe beliefs doesnt change so easily, but i was afraid being manipulated by these thoughts and actually doing it, cause at some point it wasnt about "am i really suicidal" it was about "is this true? God really allows suicide and its okay?" So even this that i was thinking about if its true or not still makes me feel bad. I learned now what is God voice and to not interpret any thought as his voice but now that i exposed myself to that past feeling i realized how hard is this cause the feelings make you feel like youre actually planning doing something, not just self harm but even harming others, having thoughts like "God wants me to hurt that person". Its terrifying, and im still afraid cause i think it couldve been possible for me to follow that thought and believe it but i didnt.

Do you guys have the feeling that you are desensitized? I'm afraid of losing my values ​​and acting like my thoughts. I still know what's right and wrong, but I'm no longer shocked or anxious about some things I see (like bad news or cases where there are a lot of differing opinions)...

Hello, long story short. In July I saw a message from a recruiter pop up on LinkedIn. When I did, I heard a voice say “I will protect you” and I felt like it meant that God was going to protect me somehow by giving me this job. I reached out and ended up going on a bunch of interviews and they made me an offer. I didn’t love the offer and then declined. Then fast forward another job pops up with a friend. I accepted it even though I really didn’t want to because I thought it was God’s will for me to go to protect me from something at my current job. Now my current job just offered me a promotion and a ton of money to stay. What should I do? I’m so scared to not go if it was God but I’m scared to go and it was just an intrusive thought all along.

I know I shouldn’t ask for reassurance, but I have been googling nonstop and can not find any reasonable answer. I’m worried I’m a hidden sociopath that is just really good at pretending to care about everything because it benefits me to make other people feel good? How can I ever know for sure? It just makes me want to lock myself up and stay away from everyone in case I am but that just makes the problem worse because I’m socially isolating myself. How do I know if I’m actually trying to listen to someone because I care about what they have to say or if I’m just pretending to try to because I know it’s important to them? I do care, of course I care but I just don’t know if it’s in the right way, especially being so depressed sometimes it’s hard to care about anything at all. I feel like if I’m kind or generous to people, even if I want to be, I worry that I’m just pretending. After having existential OCD, harm OCD and others, Major Depression and constant experiences with disassociation after being through constant panic for months (and years), I’m worried I may have accidentally unwillingly turned into a sociopath. I feel like I can’t accept the world at face value, and I have no idea how to just accept social norms anymore and have this compulsion to prove every part of existence before I can rely on it because of existential intrusive thoughts, but that seems like such a sociopathic way to interact with the world. Coupled with feeling completely numb and unable to love like I used to, I’m really freaking out. I would rather die that hurt anyone, but when I think about taking my own life just in case I am a sociopath or a potentially harmful person, I’m scared. I don’t want to say goodbye yet but what if I’m just destined to get worse, living already hurts so much every day. I feel like my soul switches on and off 5 - 10 times a day, I don’t want anyone to love me in case I’m a bad person and I also just can’t accept that I’m worth loving no matter how hard I try which is so toxic and it’s my responsibility to fix but it feels beyond me. I’m trying, but I’m so so tired. I’m sorry for being a bit negative but I just need to vent.

I think I've struggled with OCD all my life. I struggle with intrusive thoughts alot and recently I just broke down and fell into a spiral I can't get out of. I found out about relationship OCD and sexual orientation OCD and think I may have those. I had an intrusive thought a few months ago that what if i didn't love my fiance anymore and since then I can't shake the idea. Just the day before I told him how much I wanted him to be my husband and up until that point I didn't question my love for him. I don't understand how things can just shake me like that quickly. I know I love him deep down and anytime I get those feelings back my brain is like "you sure about that?" A week later I had a thought about what if I've been a lesbian this whole time and that I'll marry my fiance only to come out as a lesbian in the future. I've always been ok with being Bi, I considered myself 10-20% into women and 80-90% into men. I always had crushes on men and dreamt of finding the man for me one day. I also find women nice to look at but I don't know if it's admiration or actual sexual attraction. Either way I was find with identifying this way but now I'm so stressed that I've actually just wanted to be a lesbian this whole time and that I'm in denail and closeted. These thoughts are debilitating and now I can't look at women without being stressed or getting aroused.

is the worst and it’s so scary

Idk if this is reassurance seeking, but i really need some comfort right now because I don’t have e anyone to talk to about this 😭 Is it possible for intrusive thoughts to tell me that evil things aren’t evil and that “everybody is just being told that it’s evil but it’s really not” ?!? And then I tell myself all the reasons why that thing is wrong and why we shouldn’t do stuff like that but it keeps coming back and it feels so real like what if i’m losing my morals and I think that sh*t is okay to do? Wtf is happening, i’m scared and I don’t want to become a bad person who doesn’t think hurting others is bad. I’m so mad at my brain I just want this to stop right now and to be sure of my morals again..

I just can't stop feeling depressed and down. It's not really about anything in particular but I am just so depressed all the time. The small, rare periods where I feel genuinely happy I want to cling onto because I love how I feel in those times. But in general I am so down, just so not happy at all. I feel like I will never be truly happy no matter what. Then I think about how I am working towards my career goals and I'm like what's the point? Why am I doing this? What's the purpose. I'm just so unhappy.

I want to beat OCD/GAD? because I'm tired of being this shell of my former self. My brain has been hollowed out by the chainsaw of fears while my body remains fixed in place, unable to run. I once loved to sing and write. I once remembered conversations with others. I once was actually able to hold them myself. Now, I can barely complete coherent sentences without my thoughts veering off. My OCD leaves me exhausted. It's so hard to feel rested when you think something awful is going to happen all the time. I have started to affectionately call it Chicken Little Syndrome. However, it doesn't deserve any affection. I am supposed to be savoring the little songs my toddler sings or the jokes my husband cracks, but I am worrying about making ends meet or about inadvertently not being able to help my patients. Why did I have such issues with time management last shift? Why couldn't I focus on other simple tasks? People have shown me so much love and I can't even think of the proper way to respond, nevermind coming up with something clever, eloquent, or creative. I am a shell. A chainsaw of fear. My family is so good. They deserve to have me back.

Does OCD ever make it seem that if you follow your dreams, preferences and goals you will punished by God. I get that feeling a lot that God will punish me if I do and that I’m getting thoughts of God telling me to give up my desires and goals. It’s really stressing me out and getting me sad, anxious, disappointed and angry