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the NOCD Community

I feel like I am at the top of the age bracket here. I have lived so long with OCD and finally getting targeted help. It fascinates and frightens me. I wish I had this earlier in my life.

i am really really struggling. recently people haven't been answering me on here and i feel insane. i am at 150 mg of sertraline and i technically feel better but it's freaking me out. im scared because my obsessions are lessened so does that mean i don't care anymore?!? im really scared of going insane, cheating, being a bad person. the obsessions of these ideas are causing me to actually get upset outwardly which makes it seem even more real. i also have been thinking i may have bpd and that's consuming and im scared and idk why. please help me please

Is anyone else on here who is a Christian, struggling with the back and forth of letting the thoughts pass, but also feeling the constant NEED to fight them because were supposed to “take our thoughts captive” and I don’t want to feel like I’m accepting the thoughts and feelings as truth. Sometimes what people advise to do in the church can seem Contradictory to the practices of ERP I feel like it’s a vicious cycle and trap for my mind of how to actually healthily cope with all of this crap. Like I know there’s a healthy balance and combination and validity in the fact that just not fighting it so hard doesn’t mean your accepting it as truth. Like I can think logically about it but then still feel stuck like it’s impossible and I don’t know which way is the right way.

Does anybody else’s intrusive thoughts come in the form of “delusional thoughts”? I’ve been in a terrible episode of hypochondria or ocd for the past 6 months where I have FULLY convinced myself I am developing schizophrenia, it started with becoming really easily overstimulated and not being able to concentrate and now it has spiraled out of control to where I am constantly getting intrusive thoughts center around demonic stuff, which i have never ever believed before, I have always been a skeptic. But now i get these thoughts all the time like “what if this song has hidden demonic meanings?” “What if your wife is a demon” “what if nobody is real and your just in hell” “what if this political figure is being controlled by the devil”, the typical kind of delusional thoughts you would expect from a schizophrenic. Keep in mind I am a literal atheist and all about facts, science and evidence, I am a skeptic. Not only does the fact that I’m even having these thoughts in the first place scare the life out of me, but I have to constantly battle with these thoughts in my head if I believe them or not. I feel like I have to constantly hold myself back from fully going off the deep end, I feel like I have to constantly disprove these thoughts and stop myself from believing them, but they feel so real and it’s scaring me so much. One part of me is like “why can’t we just stop worrying about this, this is delusional” and another part of me is like “what if I actually do need to worry about if these things are true or not, they FEEL true” and I’m just like “wtffff I shouldn’t have to worry about if things like this are true at all in the first Place!” I feel like I have fully lost my mind, and in no time I’m going to lose this little bit of insight I have. I hate these thoughts so much, I don’t want to think about them, but now that they are here, I feel like I can’t forget them. My dpdr is already making everything feel so off and weird and unreal and I feel like it’s only giving these thoughts more credibility and realness. I feel like this could also be partly a terrible form of existential ocd that’s being thrown into the mix with all these “what if thoughts”. Ugh I just want to be normal again ): but I don’t even know what normal feels like anymore because I’m constantly on the lookout for symptoms that I can’t even be normal anymore. Btw: yes I am seeing 2 therapists and a psychiatrist and all of them do not believe I am developing schizophrenia.

I just am so sick of constantly battling my mind it’s so fucking annoying like what’s even the point of spending anymore time on earth if non existence is preferable to existence. I’ve been diagnosed with OCD but more obsessions than compulsions it’s really more of a mental fight than anything psychical although I do have a bit of that contamination OCD. I’ve tried the SSRIs and I would 100% reccomend them to anyone who has OCD but it feels like there are too many triggers that force me back into that intrusive thought loop which is just hellish. Its really hard to imagine any sort of torture that could be worse than those thought loops genuinely hard to conceive of any torture even physically that could be worse than that. I have actually been doing much better recently but I really just can’t conceive of going back into another one of those fucking miserable intrusive thought loops again like I see the symptoms coming back and the feeling that I get before the intrusive thoughts start really really piling in has come back again. Idk just thought I should share my experience like anyone else who has this mental condition I feel really sorry for. Here’s something that I read I feel like was really important that I wanted to share with anyone else who has OCD “You are a sensitive person, so altruistic that you get worried by even having bad thoughts. Learn to be a bit more selfish, and fight for your own happiness. You truly deserve it!”

Does anybody else’s intrusive thoughts come in the form of “delusional thoughts”? I’ve been in a terrible episode of hypochondria or ocd for the past 6 months where I have FULLY convinced myself I am developing schizophrenia, it started with becoming really easily overstimulated and not being able to concentrate and now it has spiraled out of control to where I am constantly getting intrusive thoughts center around demonic stuff, which i have never ever believed before, I have always been skeptic. But now i get these thoughts all the time like “what if this song has hidden demonic meanings?” “What if your wife is a demon” “what if nobody is real and your just in hell” “what if this political figure if just being controlled by the devil”, the typical kind of delusional thoughts you would expect from a schizophrenic. Not only does the fact that I’m even having these thoughts in the first place scare the life out of me, but I have to constantly battle with these thoughts in my head if I believe them or not. I feel like I have to constantly hold myself back from fully going off the deep end, I feel like I have to constantly disprove these thoughts and stop myself from believing them, but they feel so real and it’s scaring me so much. One part of me is like “why can’t we just stop worrying about this, this is delusional” and another part of me is like “what if I actually do need to worry about if these things are true or not, they FEEL true” and I’m just like “wtffff I shouldn’t have to worry about if things like this are true at all in the first Place!” I feel like I have fully lost my mind, and in no time I’m going to lost this little bit of insight I have. Btw: yes I am seeing 2 therapists and a psychiatrist and all of them do not believe I am developing schizophrenia.

I did a pretty intense workout with an empty stomach and I felt shaky and anxious right after. I hate this feeling. I ate and Im laying here for the shakiness to wear off. My anxiety is high and I’m having ugly thoughts like “am I going to go crazy” am I going to feel this forever” and it’s making me sad. Can someone talk to me. This feeling sucks.

2 years ago when I saw the news about Russia and Ukraine i almost became psychotic. I never leaved my room. And I never stopped crying with the fear that I was going to die. I live in the UK and there’s loads of stuff on the news (I’m not allowed to watch anymore because of my anxiety) and on tik tok saying ‘UK going to war’. I have this debilitating sense of doom. I’m hysterical right now. Please can anyone help me? Some information or anything?

Any tips on stopping the rumination that comes with the thoughts? Existential rumination mostly

I don't think about other people a lot, and when I do it's usually OCD bad stuff. Gift giving times are the worst because I'm expected to go out and get people things, which is a really nice thing to do, but what if I get the gift wrong? I could ask, and that's ok, but why am I so against this gift giving? I find it so hard to give anything. Giving attention, giving love, feeling love. I'm so empty, and in this time I need to get people things to show that there's something in here when I'm just so selfish and nothing. I'm lonely, but I just want to keep to myself. I want to care and feel love but everything hurts and I'd rather go the full day not talking to anyone. This sucks. What's wrong with me. Why do people expect so much of me. Or is it just me? My mom pisses me off so much because she always makes me feel guilty for not being the perfect happy person so I can be pleasant for others and not a rude inconvenience. I'm tired of thinking. The only reason this is happening right now is because my life long friend that I'm not so close with now thanked me for a gift I never bought him. My mom probably gave it to him with my name on it, how nice. I feel bad for not gifting him anything for two occasions, and he gifted me something really nice, but we're so different now. Times have changed, we're far apart, I have other friends, sometimes he says things that makes me uncomfortable. He's going through it, so I stick around to give him someone to talk to, but we just aren't close anymore and I don't know if I can be close. What am I? What is this? Why is this happening?

How to do this when others trigger you too cause they tell you it'a true. I know some will say here too that it's true... I don't take meds now, cause i want full recovery and that requires to live without meds, i said before that now im om a setback and my mind wants to make me believe its because i dont take meds and it constantls says that i didnt felt this when i took meds, and i know this is anxiety and going back to meds would be a compulsion. I remember i didnt felt good while i was taking meds either i jist didnt had this fear(ofcourse cause i took meds and i was atleast im on meds) but now my mind triggers me like im on danger i should go back taking meds to feel alright again(basic anxiety). Its hard cause i told this many times here and people just streghten my fear cause they tell me "yeah its because of that, go back to your doctor and take meds again, or ask your doctor" guys they will not say "keep it up, you can do it" its their job to prescribe medicine...they will never encourage you to do it without meds... So how to show my brain that its not because i dont take meds, i had feelings like this while i was taking it, ans no mather what others say, i know its not bc of meds? I can say this but the thought just gets stronger... everytime i experience a negative emotion the thought comes back and says "i will be back where i was before i took meds" and it scares me

This is my first time on here, and I’m just hoping to find a community that understand what I’m going through. I struggle with severe existential thoughts that cause me to dissociate near daily. Does anyone else go through this?

Does anyone else just feel like they are going completely crazy?

Is this normal? Does everyone experience this or if you experience it it really means that it's not for you. Or this is the same as relationship ocd? Im not in a good state these days but its okay cause im actually getting stronger now, but im really prone to have negative thoughts and any feelings that makes me question everything. I want to work with music, when im in my normal state i do know i want to work with it, but now i got feelings like maybe its not for me, and even that i dont like it now or something similar, and it scared me, it scared me cause deep down i think i want it and before i knew this is my path but now these feeling and thoughts scared me. "Does it mean its really not for me? Am i just avoiding to accept im not good for that, it's not actually for me?" I have these kind of thoughts.

I feel like I’m at a point that I’ve had the thoughts so long that now this just can’t be OCD. It feels like I’m losing touch with reality. And I’ll get one thought and then another one comes and it gets so confusing. I will feel better for a split second but then I will feel like I’m just getting worse in the next second. I don’t even know how to explain it. I am terrified and I want this to go away. The feeling of just being out of it or not all here is killing me. Even writing this feels odd. I’m so scared I’m losing touch with reality. I don’t know what to do.

I’ve been dealing with OCD for quite some time, and have had plenty of themes come and go. Some lasting years and some months. I have three major themes that still haunt me. They’re this constant dread of death, my moral dilemma of if I’m a good person, and recently my gender identity as a man. They all tie into each other and I more or less look at them as evolved forms of “conquered” themes. Like my self harm, Sexual Orientation, and pedophilic/assault themes. Death is a hard thing to accept though and I no longer have too many intrusive about harming myself or others for that matter because I’m constantly afraid of death. I don’t feel like a good person for my constant compulsions and compulsive behavior. I feel weak to them. I give in to my constant googling and forum browsing. I know for a fact I ask for reassurance constantly. I question my own sexuality and gender identity quite often because I’m not sure if I’m a good man and how could I prove that I am? I have a lot of compulsive regrettable and more importantly unproductive sexual encounters to make me feel like 1. I’m not gonna die 2. I can do something with my life that isn’t destructive 3. I’m a man doing my duty. Now for the gender identity portion of this I wanna make it clean that I love people from the LGBTQ+ community and support them 1000% but I feel like I’m a horrible person for being anxious and uncomfortable with these thoughts because nothing’s wrong with being gay or trans y’know?It’s either what if I’m in denial or what if I’m being too feminine y’know the whole “what ifs” thing? I don’t wanna die, I wanna be a good person. I am genuinely just scared, I just wanna live and not have the noise so loud. I mean I have panic attacks constantly. I try not to ruminate but it’s an ugly battle. It seems to me that my OCD flares up moth to month like I’ll have a good month of manageable intrusive thoughts but then the next moth I just decay. You know how many times I’ve scanned my mind just to find proof for and against all these themes? I’m sure some people can relate. OCD has made my life so isolated and I hate myself for that. I’m sorry for all the words, I’m just a mess right now. If you read this far I appreciate you so much.

So with my ocd I have realized that over the years my obsessions switch out like one week I’ll obsess over this and the next week I’ll obsess over that. I have one obsession that really scares me and it’s zombies because I’m severely terrified of them. I know it sounds childish but it’s making it hard for me. I feel embarrassed being scared of them. I’m currently obsessing about them now. I’m so scared of them and the walking dead show. A couple years ago I watched it till season 4 and I was fine the entire time. Then I realized how terrified I was getting so I stopped. Now it’s just a cycle that I can’t get to go away. And I have this cycle with many other obsessions too. I just wanted to talk about it to let it off my chest. I think it scares me because I also obsess over death and sounds like alarms. Alarms scare me as well. It’s just really taking a tool on me so I wanted to share. :)

i’m having a really bad episode rn. i have a very bad theme of not understanding life kind of. right now it’s not understanding the concept of talking. how i don’t really even need to think to respond to something? like i just automatically can say something and it just comes out without having to think about it. it’s making me think this isn’t real and there someone on the outside or something controlling me because i don’t have to think to talk it just happens so someone or something else is just controlling what i say or thinking for me. i’m so deep in this loop hole i feel like i’m going crazy and can’t get out of it. it’s making everything feel fake. idk what to do. i literally cannot understand the concept of speaking and how it works like how do i just talk and it comes to my brain without even thinking about it. it’s happening right now as i type this. how do i even know to say this stuff how is it coming to my head without even thinking about it. idk what to do. this is so scary.

I have no feelings anymore. The only things I can feel Is anxiety and depression. I'm never Happy, i'm miserable all the time. Nobody cares, nobody understand. My therapist pretty much gave up on me. Why should I continue to live like this?

I can’t find anyone that can help me and I feel hopeless