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Do any of you have lots of trouble “accepting uncertainty” as part of your ERP because as a Christian sometimes you wonder if it’s really OCD or true conviction? I’m struggling with this right now.

my aunt gave me edibles to help with my anxiety from my intrusive thoughts. well i think i ended up greening out and i woke up this morning and my brain feels all fuzzy and i still feel like im going to die. has anyone with ocd ever been through this. im so scared right now.

What do you do with yourself when it feels like it’s all true and that’s who you are and what you want now? It no longer feels like I’m doubting, it just feels like it’s reality. Please, tell me that it’s actually possible to turn into THAT? I can’t keep hearing everyone saying OCD when none of you know what’s going on inside my head and how I’m feeling. Please.

Does anyone that is diagnosed have experience having different themes come up in a day? It’s like I ignored one thought and then my mind comes up with another one until it figures out one that is scary enough for me to ruminate. Does it ever make sense? Like today my intrusive thought was an image of me in the space or falling into space which made me also think - this is non sense! Am I going crazy for having such an unrealistic intrusive thought? And then my psychosis OCD comes to play 🫠 it’s EXHAUSTING but I’ve been answering with “maybe or maybe not” and “I don’t care” which is something I saw someone saying that helps and I’ve been using it. I haven’t started ERP yet but hopefully soon. Just this year this came up and I still catch myself feeling so sad and remembering how I was before this. 😭

Has anyone have been in a weird state like everything feels weird? I have OCD about schizoprenia and now i am not just dealing with that and fear of hallucinations, but i also feel weird. I am scared of everything, even people, but like i know that everything is fine, its just my mind makes up delusions that everything is dangerous and i am walking on a thin ice. Nothing feels right and its soooo weird and scary 😭 it also feels that any second i will lose my mind and i feel constant tingeling in my chest like im in stress about something

I am 16, my name is marie. I am in desperate need of help. Here are afew of my stories. 1. and ever since I was 8, I want to say, I have struggled with POCD. I always felt like a predator to my younger niece and cousin. I’ve grown to hate her for solely no reason, and with my two other nephews that came along, I’ve also grown to hate them. Only because I don’t want to seem like a predator, even though it’s in my mind, do I want others to know I hate them and have no liking for them. There were other cases where it isn’t my niece and nephews and I just always had a hatred towards children I felt like if I actually had a bad experience with them I would’ve seriously harmed them. 2. I have no connection to watching Gore, or I was never exposed to Gore until the age of 12, which was a hard year for me. In 2019-2020, I believe it was when a complete stranger, Ronnie Mccnut, killed himself on a livestream, and people made it an internet meme for years after, and still to this day, I see it. I can’t remember if it affected me at 12, but that was the only time I saw it. Now, at 15, in March 2024, it came back to me. It feels like a curse. I’m just so tired. The same nightmare has been going on for months. Since March, it’s more just memories than just nightmares. It feels stupid because I don’t know the guy, but I always have nightmares of him, and I haven’t even seen the video since I was 12; ever since. I cannot sleep ever since I have had no proper sleep schedule and could only sleep when it was daylight at 6-7 a.m. and wake up at 2-3 p.m. My friend is not helping; she’s saying he’s spirit is attached to me, and I’ve lived thinking for the past few weeks that he was attached to me and wanting to curse me in some way and I felt like I had to kill myself/ felt like I was going to die the same way as him. I always had a fear that if I came to someone online and told them my intrusive thoughts, they’d always use them against me. My other friend who is diagnosed with OCD says I have all the symptoms and I just need to be treated. I can’t afford it, and I hate therapy.. my father is always involved for the consultation and laughed at me the last few times. I was forced into an eating disorder clinic from my narcissistic sister and that did not go well. Ohio health care is no help and they don’t care for you. 3. I don’t remember much but around age 14 to beginning of 15 I always felt the need to die, I felt like I needed to kill myself for everyone’s sake there’s no explanation for this one I was a normal kid I was going to school, good grades I have friends I was going to events I just had this task to having to kill myself, yes I’ve attempted a ton at the age of 14 and luckily I haven’t had any serious harm done to me. There is nothing more to say to this it’s a fuzzy memory.

After a huge death at a relatively young age, followed by many years of cheating and emotional abuse almost directly after, I’ve been plagued with retroactive jealousy (I just found out this is a thing but it is sadly me to a complete T) and fears that partner is going to die. The retroactive jealousy is mostly me acting out compulsions that have slowly become a daily thing over the last two years. I’ve been checking my partners exes instagram and multiple of their social medias every day. Usually as soon as I wake up. I can’t help but see what they’re doing. It doesnt help that they’re so much like me but not. I can’t help but see them as better. Again, it’s been going on for almost two years now and I was wondering if anyone has any good advice on how to stop caring or to switch my mindset? I’ve tried to be open with my partner but I don’t think they understand how much I’m comparing myself and how much it’s effecting me. It makes me not even want to get up and do stuff for myself. On the other end with the thoughts of death, I want to stay with my partner but I always get so scared they will pass away sooner than later, or that I will once we start our lives together. If I don’t text them goodnight or “get home safe” or check their locations when they’re going home then I’ll have horrible anxiety and feel like something bad will happen. It’s also starting to affect my day to day. I know I’m asking for advice on very huge subjects but I appreciate anything! Thank you so much for reading. This is my first time using this app so I hope I’m using this correctly !

Earlier this year, after 7 years since I first experienced it, my SO OCD returned. When I had previously experienced it, I remember taking all these tests at the time, that said I was most likely experiencing SOOCD but I completely neglected the OCD part, and let the experience of that period of my life haunt me. When it returned this year, after weeks of worsening depression I told my wife and finally reached out to help. It was then I finally realized the OCD aspect, received a diagnosis and became aware of just how my OCD had been tormenting me through the years. I am writing this at a point where I believe I have finally conquered this theme, or at to e very least am close to conquering it. I could very well have a lapse though, but the one thing I am thankful for with this theme is that it helped me finally confront my demons, some that I didn’t even know about, and learn the tools that, hopefully, will prevent me from reaching the pit I have fallen into. As I write this too, I’ll be honest in admitting that a lot of what I have experienced this year feels like a blur. I wish I could recall every thought and feeling that I have had to help whoever takes the time to read this post, but I will do my best in just listing some tips that have helped me, especially in the last few weeks. So hopefully these help at least one person out there - Get off of social media - no Facebook, no Twitter, and especially no Reddit, even these OCD subs. You will see highly triggering things on these sites, and while you may not realize it yet, the reason you are even coming to subs like this one, is for reassurance which is only keeping OCD around more. It’s hard but the more you’re able to resist any of these the better - Stop watching porn - Whether you’re watching gay or straight porn to make sure you’re still turned on by it, or not turned on by it. Doing this will result in you performing a checking compulsion. Even then, are brains are wired to get turned on by anything sexual. If you listen to the podcast Purely OCD, they have a snippet in their episodes covering SO OCD that says it best, it that we are all animals when it comes to sex. - Get therapy - If you can afford it, and if you can’t try to reach out to someone that does OCD peer support like Chrissie Hodges - Your SO OCD may just be a disguise for another theme - Throwing their name out again but Purely OCD, both the therapists mentioned how they see SO OCD as being either moral scrupulosity OCD or existential OCD. For me I found both to play a role. A lot of the “reasons” I was actually the opposite of the orientation I thought I was, had an existential reasoning, i.e. there was some kind of extreme super repressive way my brain was actually keeping me from knowing the truth and the what happens next had a moral scrupulosity basis, I.e I have to leave my wife because it’s not fair to her - Try to be the orientation you fear - you running away from it is keeping you stuck in fear. Now for me when I see a dude. I accept that I’m going to be triggered. I even tell myself, hey, if you’re going to start liking dudes now I’ll have to get over this anxiety so, and guess what happens? Nothing. I don’t suddenly turn gay. I still feel distress sometimes and when I don’t, I’m not even thinking about figuring out what my thoughts could mean towards my sexual orientation. The simple fact that you’re feeling this distress shows that what you’re experiencing is SO OCD, and if you’re not feeling distress you’re not thinking about it and having the response you want to have. - Know that SO OCD is misunderstood - there will be people who say to just try engaging with someone of your feared orientation. These people may mean well because unlike something like harm OCD, engaging in a checking compulsion isn’t as bad, but these people are wrong. This will only lead to more confusion and distress. Trust the therapists that know what SOOCD is. - Watch out for a theme switch - OCD is a tricky beast and will do whatever it can to keep you stuck. For me my SOOCD switched to meta OCD along the way, but still wore the mask of SOOCD. I have spent months now trying to figure out if I really do have OCD and those thoughts only reminded me of my SOOCD and kept me stuck fighting that illusion while I was really fighting a new one - Trust yourself - There is a reason you think this is SOOCD. Your brain is stuck trying to find a new answer, so you can not trust the thoughts and feelings that you currently have. Instead trust the you that got you here today and work towards being a new you that sees these thoughts for what they are, meaningless. - Do not set a time table - much like anything else in life it takes people different times to learn things. Overcoming OCD take time and practice. You will have lapses and you won’t be perfect in resisting compulsions, nor need to capture if you’re doing a new compulsion right away. None of that takes away from the progress you have made and will make fighting this terrible illness. Even everything that I have written will not just “click” right away and that’s okay - OCD can do anything - if you worry if what you’re experiencing is not OCD, just know that it is, and that the answer to whatever question you want to ask as far as, can OCD, has yes as an answer. - You are not alone - that voice inside your head is a liar. You have the 4th most debilitating mental illness in the world and probably have been dealing with it longer than you have even realized. You have plenty of community with people online but know that what I have written and what others will say do not make your fight with OCd effortless. just know that you are not alone in that fight however and that you can do this!

Hi so today I feel ok and really terrible at the same time. I realized that I feel fine and dandy at moments with friends and totally strangers but with my family I put on this almost act of suffering around them from my guilt but as my parents talked to me about it too it seems like I am manipulating them. And I feel weird because going back to my blow up I think I could have been okay I just chose to let it all go and out because regulating myself was tiring and I didn’t even notice how bad my persecution’s became. I’m not sure what to do now because now I’m living a very different life with my family and I feel like I am kinda being a manipulative fraud despite me wanting the complete opposite. My actions don’t align with my good intentions I want. I can watch YouTube videos and talk with friends and strangers but I can’t do that with my family?? Even I think it’s weird. I need help because I’m starting to believe my thoughts of who I am and that is not good because I am a good person. Not a bad one I know it but am not showing it.

Hi, I'm stuck in a hole of overthinking and depression that has lasted 2 months. I had a baby 3 months ago but I remember the moment I fell into my theme of thinking about my thoughts. I'm obsessed that I'm going mad or that my mind is wrong. I analyse every thought that pops in my head. However trivial amd I'm like 'how am I thinking' or when I speak to people I'm like 'how is it that I can speak' it's insane and I'm going mad and it's left me desperately depressed. I'm away from my family and spend most of my days in bed. I feel like this is my life now and I'll never get the old me back. Is this OCD? Does anyone else have this? I'm going to lose my kids and my partner if I don't get better. I'm so depressed. I have been taking antidepressants but I just feel so depressed I can't see a way out.

i don't even know if i have ocd but it would make sense. the semester before i dropped out of college i was completely unable to function — i was addicted to weed and getting high on cough syrup and i could barely eat. i ruined my friendships and broke up with both my partners because i was so so scared that people would find out how awful i was. i didnt feel like i could trust the people around me to be an accurate judge of morality because i felt like they were too black and white. looking back, I was the one that was too black and white but ive never trusted myself to be a good person instinctively anyways so i was just caught in a web of "i dont know if im doing the right thing i dont think im doing the right thing i think everyone is being too harsh but maybe they're not maybe im just a horrible person" and nobody SAID that but i believed they thought it (or would think it). i was trying so so hard to be a good person and to do the right things all the time and i was NEVER succeeding so i would just get high and try to shut off my mind and pretend it wasnt happening. when my cousin died it was awful and i was shocked and grieving but every time i cried i was so, so relieved because since i was 7 I've worried that if a family member died i wouldn't be affected. i felt so guilty when matthew died because even though i cried and i knew i was sad i felt like i shouldve been worse. i didnt like when people talked about it because i knew i shouldve felt more but i didnt know what to say and pretending i did and trying to act like a normal person grieving for their cousin was exhausting and stressful and i hated it. when i spiral about something i did or something i said i fantasize about being stabbed in the stomach or gouging my eye out and i used to cut myself for some sense of relief but now i mostly hit myself or use the end of my cigarettes or dig my nails into my skin because it's easier to hide. nobody notices bruises or tiny circular burns on your arms so i dont have to wear long sleeves and long pants. My entire life ive known there's something wrong with me and it's only recently that I've tried to talk to my family about it and every time i do it just goes horribly. it's not like theyre not supportive but they dont believe me and they just tell me it's normal and they get frustrated when i try to explain that it ISNT because there IS something wrong and i didnt know what but im pretty sure it's OCD because that makes sense with how my thoughts spiral and the guilt and the patterns and the rules for how i interact with people so that they might forgive me for everything else. and sometimes i just want to be hurt or sick or something undeniably horribly wrong so people will feel bad for me and i used to SH and act suicidal because if someone found out then maybe they would know how bad i feel and maybe then they would forgive me for it. and maybe this isnt ocd or maybe it is but im just so so tired of being told im fine when im NOT because it's not like i can just say all of this to them. it's not like i can say "the first time i tried to kill myself was when i was seven because i got yelled at so i tried to drink nail polish remover." i cant say "i dont know if i care if i die at 60 because of smoking" and i cant say "ive always been the fuckup of the family and the only thing that makes me feel even a little bit better about that is if i stop trying not to be." i cant SAY that

Hey, does anyone has had OCD about hallucinations/schizoprenia? One day i was driving home at night and it was stormy outside, and thats where it started (about 3 weeks ago). I was soooo scared of the trees and everything around me looked like something else, but not exactly. I cant even describe it. But not like as i was watching in front, but in the side of my eye, and when i looked directly on the tree it was all normal. But from that night i have soooo much stress in me, that i see very vivid images (but like in my head not in real life) but it makes up like it will be in reality and i will see those images any second. But i dont see them. Like i know that that isn't real, i know that there is no one standing or that tree is not a big bird (funny as it sounds), but in my mind i convince myself that i will see it. Like one day me and my boyfriend were driving and i imagined that his face turns into a monster and when i looked at him everything is okay, but when i turned aside i saw in my thoughts that horrible face. I knew that it is not real and its just my imagination, but damn i am scared, like i can't even do anything, i think about seeing something in front of me every second and i am so avare of everything around me, like every person, every cloud, flower, everything. Tomorrow i have an appointment with my psychiatrist and i sooooo soo much hope that this is just my ocd and extreme anxiety... please someone let me know that i am not alone in this 😭

Recently I've been experiencing intense and intrusive thoughts about how time is constantly passing, and one day I will be old and frail. Like, OCD is trying to convince me that my whole life will pass me by and it'll be like one day I wake up and suddenly I'm old and on the verge of death. With this has come fear of what comes after death. I just want to enjoy life now, without these thoughts plaguing me. It's like I'm stuck living in the past and future rather than what's right in front of me. And it makes me so sick thinking about how one day I won't have my mom, or my dad, or my grandparents. It's not that this is foreign to me, it's just that my OCD latched onto it and now it just keeps playing in my head. It's so hard to live in the moment. Im thinking it was exasperated by the fact that my families dog died recently; she was so endlessly loved by all of us. It's been several weeks and I haven't been back to my mom's house since then. Not to mention I'm also moving states in a month. I am so stressed, and scared, and I feel like this feeling will never end, even though I know it will. Can anyone else relate? Or have any advice for getting through this theme? TL;DR: I've had really bad existential ocd lately based on mortality and the afterlife. Has anyone else experienced this?

Hi everyone. I hope some of you can sympathise with me and my story, and why not share yours also..:) I wanted to share my story here because im at a very BAD point in my life and i basically feel burnt out and hopeless. My story with **OCD** begins in 2020-21 when i first googled if its normal to have constant thoughts you dont like or go against your character, and thats how i found out about ocd. Life was hell for some months as i constantly battled with some of the worst types of OCD that go against my character and who i am. *Also my dog was killed by a psycho and that impacted me a lot* -its a long story involving an ongoing *trial* My life was hell Long story short i visited a **psychiatrist** and got my diagnosis, she persisted its curable and others had overcome it and i did not go to therapy nor use ERP or other methods. I basically sat on a chair, cried for hours and explained what is going on inside my head and boom i just got meds and a new lifestyle because I HAD to go to another city to attend UNI. I got prescribed **escitalopram** and went back to Pharmacy school (yes the year i got diagnosed was my first year in Pharmacy School in my Country \[Greece\], i failed many classes and retook them next year, some i passed, some i failed again and with the pressure of time, many learning gaps and new classes i am now finishing year 4 out of 5, only having passed 22 classes leaving me with 24 more and thats when my troubles with mental health, anxiety and panic attacks begin again. \*my psychiatrist always tells me how a person like me is like a marathon runner trying to run with a broken leg. She used this analogy and never tells me you have this you have that. I see it written on my prescription though. Maybe so that I do not identify with my problem and use it as an excuse to cry all the time? She is kind of down to earth and harsh some times. But i know what i have. After balancing (or ignoring) my mental health all these years and some slight breath of fresh air and finally getting some stability for a short period of time- **without unwanted thoughts**- (purely out of attending uni and meeting my *boyfriend*, change of enviroment, having to live on my own etc.) last year my psychiatrist said that it was ok for me to get off meds and that i was stable and confident enough. **But i think i just tucked my problems with uni under a rug**. I got a part time job to help my financial needs and not be a burden for my parents who help me financially and i hated that job that only paid 3.5eur an hour and it wasnt worth the cope and it drained me so i quit after 2 months. I also couldnt attend university and had a major setback this year Academically. So much behing my peers. I feel like a failure and pharmacy school is hard and i have totally lost my spark and belief in my self and my abilities. I feel like i cant even remember basic chemistry, i cant recite anything, i cant absorb info OR MEMORIZE HUNDREDS OR THOUSANDS OF MEDS without crying and feeling hopeless before even starting. The constant anxiety and doubt about my future and panic attacks are killing me. I feel like i am brain dead and im constantly thinking about how many lessons i have to pass and i have Pharmacology Classes, Pharmaceutical Chemistry, etc etc while having so many GAPS from not even attending, memory loss, diziness etc and i dont know what to do. My family is kinda poor and have gone to great lenghts to help me go to uni in hopes of a better future and get my mental health under control. I love my parents and they are true gems and they care avout me very much but they are also very anxious and when i have a panic attack they cant handle it and it all ends in screaming and telling me to quit if i cant handle it. **The thing is:** -I feel like i am disappointing them and my old self on top of all that. I was not like this. Maybe i got burnt out or maybe this was not my calling and i cant do it which lead to all this mental crisis. -But i feel like i *have* to give it a try for the shake of my troubles. All my teenage years i've been trying to score good grades to get into a promising school and help me and my parents some time financially. But i feel like i am basically stupid and cant get anything done. I open a book and cry. When in the past i had courage to study and i actually believed in myself. -I got into Pharmacy with courage, strength and many hours of studying but UNI has gotten out of hand for me and i feel like im crawling while my peers are running. -I am totally hopeless. I dont know what to do. I have like 4 or 5 more years before they delete me of the courses (thats how it happens here) and i feel like ive lost track of my life. I dont like anything about my life. I cant focus on my pets, myself, my boyfriend. i dont know what my next move is. I have failed so much and i feel like middle schooler in terms of knowledge. -I want a quiet life with a job that pays enough for me to survive and maybe travel once in a while, i want pets and a piece of mind I feel like cant do Uni properly right now and i dont know if anyone else has a similar story or has gone through such difficulty before How can i get back on track, get myself to study so much when i fear studying and failure. Its not like i have 5 classes left. they are SO MANY and scary and i need to enroll with 100% of my brain capacity again when im basically in a vegetative state crying all day. I was an A student, how could i let myself hit rock bottom. **I feel like i am throwing my life away** I dont have any friends in the city where my uni is and thats very hard. Also im not a social person and i cant easily open up. Do i continue and give myself an opportunity- mind you how hard pharmacy is or do i start something new from scratch? something easier in my town to soothe my brain? My Degree is an MPharm deegree which is very promising and allows me to go abroads which has been my dream . But i feel to stupid to complete the classes, too burnt out How can i start over when i am at this state?How will i complete my dreams when everytime i wake up i feel like a complete failure, unable to even read a sentence out of my textbooks. Is OCD about Uni a thing? Cause thats whats been going on in my head for months now. Anyone that's had a similar experience or has some advice to offer? About my meds now:: I take **Trintellix (Vortioxetine)** i am on my 2nd week and dont feel anything at all. Escitalopram (my previous drug) i think helped with the mess in my head 2 yrs ago but made me super tired and my mind was foggy and I couldnt attend classes easily. I needed sleep all the time and was lethargic. My psych says this drug is promising because i was also diagnosed with major depressive episodes with panic and anxiety attacks. Is anyone taking it? **Extra Notes**: * I dont know if i am capable of putting in any work in my state- seems like i cant after all this failure. * My parents are really depressed with my state. I dont know what i can do to help them. They said im killing them * Jobs in Greece arent easy to find- they pay shit- most are service jobs. I wasnt planning to do that with my life. Seems like i am wasting years and potential but at the same time my mind fights in favour of dropping everything * Should i work Season and save money for some other college? For something less hard. I cant survive here without some sort of degree. **My point is after all this blah blah:** How do i get past all that? how can i get behing my academic needs and stop the voice in my head? Is it possible for someone like me? ------- I really want to hear similar stories or opinions, or some spark of hope. I dont know anyone with ocd or even attending Uni with ocd. Please dont be harsh on me if you dont know how ocd works. I am battling with my head everyday to the point of mental and physical exhaustion Also my 1st language isnt english so sorry for errors Thanks for reading, *yes i know im undecided and a mess.* :) love and hope to all reading my story. I hope one day i come back with great news and stronger

Does anyone else have a such a bad fear of death that it keeps you up at night? Makes you scared to close your eyes? I’ve been struggling with this for years & don’t know how to accept the fact I’ll die one day. For example when people I knew from school or through my parents etc died I will fear for days I’ll be next. My friend can’t even mention dying or death around me because it will my emotions & fear. I am so scared to die tragically, (murder, car accident, shooting etc.) I am scared to die young. I am scared I won’t become elderly. I’m scared going in to a new school year wondering If I’ll be next to die. I’m scared of going into a new school year wondering if I’ll die in a shooting. I’m scared I will randomly have an unknown condition that can kill me. Sorry this is so long but I need to know if anyone else is like this.

Hi, does anybody here relate to waking up every day wondering what "to do in life". I am a woman who have worked for 20 years in the same field with hidden and untreated OCD which I thought I was "handling". I didn't know what it was and was convinced that my life would be destroyed if I said the truth about the daily thoughts I was bombarded with and my paralyzed avoidance. So I just kept going until it all collapsed by it self and I was diagnosed with OCD 18 months ago. Now as I am slowly understanding more and more I suddenly realized that every day I doubt my work and if it's the right thing to do. I still have some deals where I am supposed to deliver, and despite this it feels like my professional life is like a joke, I am a joke, so I ruminate at about what to do thought-out the day and then again the day after not doing what I am suppose to do to my work. I never thought about this as part of my OCD but it suddenly occurs to me that it very well may be. Very greatful for response. Wish you a wonderful day with good recovery.

Hi everyone if you haven’t read my latest posting I’m ysabelle & I am 16 years old and this is my on going battle with OCD, depression, anxiety and DPDR. To start off if you want to hear my story of how I first got it I have another post up! I wanted to ask if anyone has every experienced existential intrusive thoughts but has suicidal OCD too. I’ve been trying to find some type of comfort because the first theme I had with intrusive thoughts were suicidal/ harm. I’ve learned how to deal with them where they don’t bother me like they used to, long story short I was having existential intrusive thoughts without knowing it. I thought I was developing dementia because I would stare at my mom and an intrusive thought popped up into my head “ what if you don’t know her “ she was my comfort until that day. I was terrified thinking I didn’t know her or recognize her like I used to. Well I wanted to ask if anyone has dealt with suicidal OCD but existential thoughts like “what’s the point of living if we die anyways?” & how did you cope? I was overthinking because I was trying to figure out if I was suicidal because I would get these thoughts and it made me feel uncomfortable and just more defeated and depressed. I now know it’s the existential intrusive thoughts so I do feel a little better. I was thinking these thoughts were coming from me because of my depression but I’m trying everyday !🫶🏻☀️

feeling a little off at the moment. i have a very panic/anxiety attack esc mindset. my mind starts to feel very dystopian and i just don’t very feel good overall when this happens as i’m sure most do. i know i’m supposed to sit with it, but i really hate it. i feel like i’ve brought this on a little bit as well because earlier i was questioning why i’ve been feeling so okay this week. i’ve been taking magnesium glycinate every night so that could be what’s helping me a little, but it just feels so weird not to be constantly alert and worried about something. i feel like that’s the only way i function and it feels comfortable. is that normal? i wish i had a group chat of people to talk to instead of constantly coming here when i need to talk. not that that’s bad but sometimes i need immediate responses and support and i don’t often get that here. however i always appreciate those who respond and let me know i’m heard and not alone, so thank you 🫶🏻

Recently I’ve been finding it really hard to enjoy moments with my family because I am so worried about them all the time. When I’m with them it’s great and I love spending time with them but I can’t help but worry about all the things that could happen to them at any given moment. These feelings started becoming much stronger after I lost both my grandparents a couple years ago. I have never experienced that kind of grief before. I constantly am thinking about how I am so scared for when they die and I have a hard time accepting that the people I love won’t be around forever. Im scared I won’t survive on my own without them because they are so important to me I worry I will be consumed with the grief. And it’s not like my parents are old and withered they are still relatively young. It’s really distressing to feel that way about family all the time. I don’t think it’s normal to be thinking about this as often as I do but I guess that’s why I am here lol. Anyone else relate?

I made a very reckless decision. Last year I went to the movies when my dad tested positive for Covid and I did not even test before I went. Not maliciously at all, I just didn’t even think to since I didn’t feel sick. But I got sick a few days after. I wasn’t gonna go to the movies but my brother wouldn’t stop asking me and I caved in and went, since I wasn’t going to be face to face with anyone and I felt it was low risk. No one sat next to us. I wore a mask of course. But obviously there were still risks. People could have gotten it from touching the door handle that I touched and then touching their face when eating popcorn. Can’t believe I didn’t think of this. I cannot even live with myself. Usually I’m careful when it comes to Covid but not this time. Yes people make mistakes but nobody has made a Covid mistake as bad as this one! I don’t deserve to live.