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Does anybody have time to talk

Atraction, arousal, crushes, I have them all, I didnt had them before the thoughs, but I do now, and it all honesty I don't recognize the false part, the crushes come from memories or thoughs and now I'm starting to believe that maybe I never had a crush on a woman cause these false crushes feel so intense that I honestly have no idea how could they be false but at the same time are so intense that if I always had them like my brain says then how didnt I notice before, same goes for the atractions. So real tired right now.

TW: mentions of S3xu@l @buse Like the title said I had a really horrible dream of my abuser performing oral sex on me. And Inside the dream I kept having the same feelings I had the day he abused me. I had also the same feelings I have when my OCD attacks. The thing is my brain kept trying to switch his imagury of that of a woman (which is way more pleasing) still I remember his face and I woke up with a lot of anxiety and disgust. I honestly hated it I know OCD can affect dreams I just hope this doesn't become recurring... I really don't know what to say anymore. I didn't enjoy it but my OCD keeps trying to say I did. I think this is the worse part of it really.

I, like so many others, have had ocd for most of my life. I have had many themes throughout my life. I am a mom and have had harm and pocd as well. For me those have been the most difficult and most painful themes. I have seen many people post on this app and they have had some pretty horrible and disturbing intrusive thoughts or false memories and real events ect. much worse than mine and I have never judged anyone because I know how bad ocd and intrusive thoughts can get. I had someone comment on a post I made recently asking me if I even have ocd insinuating it’s not ocd and i’m a actually just a pedo. That upset me so much because anyone who has experienced pocd knows how horrific and disturbing the intrusive thoughts can get and how opposite of who we really are ocd is. Our ocd already makes us doubt ourselves so to have a fellow sufferer of ocd say something like that can be so damaging. So many people are afraid to seek help or post on apps like this out of fear of being judged so we have to be mindful of what we comment. This person, after reading their bio has never experienced that theme and so they have no idea what it’s like or how bad it can get. I am writing this post because I think we need to be more understanding of those who suffer with themes we haven’t and not be judgmental especially if we don’t know them or their ocd story and what they have been through. I beat my ocd and for years I was ocd free until a recent stressful situation in my life and it came back and has been relentless and worse than ever before. I have had so many kind people give me great support on this app and I give support as much as I can when I see posts of others going through similar things as me. Be kind and think before you comment.

I have this phobia of sleepwalking and doing something bad without me realising. Las night something happened that made me think I could've sleep walked and do something horrible. I woke up at like 4 am wanting to go to pee so I got up normally and before I reached the bathroom I had a bad intrusive thought of doing harm but I just tried to ignore it. After I left the bathroom I went straight to my room and fell asleep almost immediately. However this morning when I woke up my dad asked me why I left the kitchen cabinets open and took out a pack of napkins. I froze and felt my blood turn cold when I heard that because there are knives in those drawers. I told him that maybe he took them out and don't remember but he said he didn't do that and never got up during the night. I asked everyone else that was here last night and they said they didn't do that either. Now i'm here literally shaking, feeling like losing my mind and crying histerically because first thing I thought was that I slept walked after having that intrusive thought and opened the kitchen cabinets to take out a kn*ife to do something horrible. I am absolutely terrified if that happened, I clearly don't remember doing that, I only remember going to the bathroom, peeing and going back to the bedroom right away. This couldn't have hapened right?! I would remember if I had slept walked and did that, right?! I don't have a history of sleep walking in the past, as far as I know. I have no explanation to this incident and I feel like i'm about to have a nervous breakdown and feel like I need to find out what really happened yes or yes or I will not be able to cope. Someone please help?!!

I have a favorite character from a video game which of course has to be a damn child (he was an interesting character and was actually based on my favorite horror movie which what made him my favorite) and I made an oc cause I could do that which she is a little girl since the character is a young boy as well and (it’s a whole thing) and I thought it would be fun but now I’m just suddenly having these thoughts about being attracted to the character which I never really was and I want to keep it that way. I feel so ashamed and it just keeps coming to haunt me. How do I stop this madness? I don’t know if it’s because I’m an adult now and have a mind of an adult or what I just want this to stop bro. Like I NEVER felt attraction to the character what so ever he was just my favorite because he reminded me of my favorite horror movie character. And I guess it was because we got to see the horror movie character grew up and the video game character never got to see as an adult. Which is kind of disappointing actually because it had three games to the series. Like…

I was doing fine and right now I’m ok but I still have this mental anxiety. Basically I keep seeing images when I’m in the bathroom of me putting the paper on my mouth or face. It’s so gross. I can’t get the image out of my head. It’s based on a true event like I really did go to the bathroom but I didn’t do that I know I didn’t because I checked my face and my mouth after there was nothing there no drops of anything and I didn’t even lift my hand to do something like that. Also in the moment I didn’t have anxiety but as soon as I washed my hands and stepped out of the bathroom how come I got anxiety and images then? Well actually I didn’t have some anxiety during but the thing is I’ve been paranoid about using the bathroom for a few days now so every time I go I get scared. Actually not every time it’s only really specific times. I don’t understand any of this if anyone has any answers please help me. This even affects me when I shower and it’s ruining my life.

If you suffer from taboo themes, and deal with groinal responses… Do you feel they have disappeared? Do you still notice them? For myself, they have become so engrained/automatic , so while i do not get “anxious” by them anymore i still can clock them & it can feel discouraging … What are your experiences?

When I was in college I would exchange inappropriate pictures with dating app matches online. In the year or two since I’ve matured a lot and am ashamed of that behavior. I’ve also developed stronger OCD which causes me to ruminate and make more of past actions than what they might have been. I recently got my dream job, and one of my fears is being cancelled. Another thing that scares me are those past pictures coming back to bite me or make me look bad. I also have started having false memories associated with my ruminations. In this case I’m worried that another person might not have wanted said pictures although I can’t really remember that ever happening. Am I putting too much thought into this? Do other people struggle with these same thoughts? Any advice would be helpful.

i had some intense intrusive thoughts about the past while trying to sleep and it scared the hell out of me to the point that i couldn't sleep. i just woke up this morning feeling like crap after getting a nightmare afterwards.

The pain of ocd is unbearable...I know it's not me. But why do I have these thoughts? What's wrong with me?! People should stay away from me. I'd rather my arms be cut off than harm someone. I hate me...the medication isn't working. I keep remembering past mistakes adding to all the reasons I think I'm evil. Seemingly validating my ocd intrusive thoughts...I can't do this. I wish I had a therapist. I wish I could afford this app.

A image popped in my head that I saw earlier today, and something in my head said something gross in detail of something gross I saw, and said “oh you thought that on purpose” or “you said that, you’re a bad person” and it made me go “what if I’m a bad person And said that” and it’s causing me to panic, because I genuinely believe that I said something like that, because I feel like did??? It sounded like my voice?? And I genuinely feel like a bad person?? What if I did say that??? I have go over the story to make sure I didn’t actually say that Let me know if this is ocd so I can do better with how I react with it

Is the brain really that clever that it can distort real memories? Looking back part of my false memory could actually be true but I’m so sure the other parts never happened (the bad parts) I don’t remember them. Is the brain really that clever to add false memories to real memories? It feels like because mine contains reality it must alll be real, but I don’t remember the bad parts and I think I’m confused. This is also worse for me if I’ve had alcohol. This also started from a what if and intrusive thoughts.

If I felt distress afterwards and a feeling of doom, it wasn't real attraction right? It was false right? At worst I might have aknowledged that it looked somewhat attractive but wasn't inherently attracted to it, right? And even then it is confusing because maybe by purposely imagining something "attractive" to test for attraction the image was accompanied by that kind of feeling, but it isn't genuine but fabricated. I don't know. I feel depressed because of this.

I’m so tired of my OCD changing “themes.” And no matter what it changes to, it’s always directed towards a specific person - my mom. My mom and I are very close. I consider her my best friend and we live together. I can share anything with her and she’s very supportive. I’m 32 now, but harm ocd started when I was 15 and she was the main target back then as well. I had a bad flare up this year and the harm thoughts came back, but about a week ago they turned into sexual thoughts. Graphic thoughts and images about incest. These thoughts typically make me feel panic and dread, and just an overall depressed feeling. It has made me uncomfortable to be around my mom, since I can’t even look at her without a sexual thought or image popping up. Even watching a romantic scene in a show, listening a romantic song, etc. My brain wants to put an image of her in my head. Even me fantasizing about a man that I’m attracted to will replace the man with my mom. They just keep popping up. So this of course makes me think I actually want these things, and are actually fantasies. I have started to wonder if I’m in actual denial or that these are my true feelings. I have never been a relationship before due to not having much interest in it plus my mental health issues started as a teen, but someday I would like to get married. But now I’m thinking maybe I’ve never pursued a relationship with someone else because I’m actually in love with my mom and want to be with her, but I can’t so I’m just suppressing my feelings. And I do love my mom, but I question myself is this just platonic or familial love? Also questioning our relationship in general now - is it unhealthy or too dependent? It makes me feel doubt, since I have never really been in love before with someone else so I have nothing to compare it to. Always just crushes or finding a man attractive, and I identify as straight. But I also have not thought of my mom in a sexual way before, so I’m hoping this is just my OCD acting up. Even thinking about a future relationship with a man is making me feel nervous, since I think if I have feelings for my mom, will I ever be able to be in a serious relationship someday? If I’m with someone will I actually just picture her? It makes me feel hopeless, like I can’t help how I feel and what if these things are true? Would I act on them? My brain even made me think, “you want to ask your mom to be in a sexual relationship with you and/or want her to ask you.” I feel like such a pervert for writing that, like a truly disgusting person. I know I don’t want these things to be true, but what if they are and I can’t help how I feel? Again just feel doubt and uncertainty, that I’m in denial, and not to mention just feeling like a very sick individual.

Can anyone talk I really need some questions answered please

earlier i got a thought but it didn’t cause me anxiety and i brushed it off now i’m worried it was my true actual intention and i can’t remember if it was i don’t know why it’s not making me anxious, maybe cos i know how bizarre it is and that i wasnt actually doing that? but my memory is so blurred and i dont know anymore

Does anyone else ever feel like they urinated on themselves, even though they know they didn't. But, I also have weird sensations on certain parts of my legs as if maybe I did, yet I know I didn't. How come I am having these feelings and have an urge to check and wash my legs? I know it's my OCD, but I just feel. Like I can't ignore it. Please share any tips or experiences that y'all can share?

Its making me feel like I cant remember things properly... making me question every woman Ive ever been explicit and explicitly cybered with... making me doubt my memories on their 18+ verifications... intrusive thoughts of me "explicitly cybering with a minor" and of me going to jail because my worst fear of "unknowingly cybering with a minor(s)" coming true... im genuinely depressed... and I feel so alone... uncertainty has brought me nothing but hell... and theres no getting out... it feels like im waiting every day for my intrusive thoughts and fears to be proven right, and ending up with me going to jail... I have never felt more alone... I just keep getting intrusive thoughts that one day, when I become famous or get my dream job, im going to get a future moment of any girl I explicitly cybered with in the past, saying "Hey, I was a minor when we cybered and while you didnt know, im going to get you arrested or cancelled." I genuinely despise my life. God has allowed me to suffer and suffer with no end. There is no happiness. There is no hope. I genuinely wish I didnt exist. Maybe my mom and my dad and my sister and my dog and my cat wohld be better off. Maybe everyone ive ever wronged would be better off. Screw this world.

Today I had a really bad flare up. I left for work, and as soon as we got on the highway, I had an overwhelming fear I forgot to turn off my flat iron. I compulsively googled the user manual of my iron to see if it would auto turn off. Went on multiple subreddits finding the answer. Googled how many apartments were burnt down this year due to hot tools. I posted on the NOCD app. I told my boyfriend I had an upset stomach to plan for my escape from work so he “wouldn’t know” it was OCD. I got to work, went to the bathroom and had a panic attack, lasted a whole 10 more minutes more before I made myself sick and started crying at my desk. I told my coworkers and boss it was because of stomach flu and left. I heard sirens on my hour long ride home and was convinced they were headed to our apartment for a fire I started. I got home, I was scared to go into my actual building even though my complex itself was still standing. And when I entered, the flat iron was not only turned off but unplugged and rolled up, put away. I “knew” I had some memory of doing this but couldn’t remember for certain and convinced myself that I was just telling myself lies. I’m sitting here hours and a lot of ERP later, and while I’m a lot better, I’m also crying writing this - allowing myself to realize that OCD won today. I’ve gratefully been at a really healthy place these last 9-10 months but I needed to post this for accountability. There are going to be bad days. But it’s how we react to them what matters. I’m not letting this make me go down a spiral. Hope everyone is doing well out there - thinking of you no matter where you are on your journey.