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Am I the only one?

It's like my symptoms of ocd I had vanished like the unwanted thoughts do come sometimes but I get like a little shake in my body and a bit anxious then literally seconds later ok, before I had anxiety 24/7 loads of thoughts and gronials now, little to nothing but I keep having the feeling of I'm a p and I don't feel scared, whenever I see a kid/tween whatever I'm not scared like I was idk if I'm attracted not attracted I really don't know I can't tell if I'm attracted to adults like its confusing, I try to let I go and maybe, maybe not but it just seems like it's not working. The only reason I'm still believing it's probs ocd is because start of the year I had my first ocd theme with soocd and thoughts I was gay for nearly 5/ 6 months then It changed to pocd for 1 month then because of work cause I worked with kids at amusement Park it kinda went I forgot it for like 4 months and then again it came back and for the last month I'd say I can't tell if its ocd not ocd its like I'm obsessing over it but I am and idk what to do and don't want a bot answer me aswel please a real human

Does anyone else get intrusive thoughts that are commands? Like “you need to kill someone” or things like that. I feel crazy even typing that but sometimes mine are like that and I hate them

I’ve been reflecting a lot about my childhood and how my OCD tendencies were so obvious but I didn’t even know what OCD was… just thought I’d share so we can laugh (hopefully) and recognize that we can’t help that we have OCD! Most of the following were things I’d do when I was between the ages of about 8-16…I may or may not still do some of them 🤣 * praying with my hands turned up because if I prayed with them face down I was praying to the devil * Correcting mean thoughts about other people to nice thoughts otherwise I was a bad person * Beating myself up for not smiling at other people in public * Washing my feet every time I played outside barefoot because I feared that dog poop somehow got on my feet and I would get sick because of it (even if I know I didn’t step in any) * If praying specifically about someone else I would HAVE to include everyone or something bad would happen to them * Pushing a thought away by shaking my head no or literally spitting it out * Confessing about making a MySpace because I wasn’t allowed to have one as an early teen, and ruminating on it for an entire summer (!!!) and fearing that someone would abduct me (due to the horror stories of predators on it at the time) even though I wasn’t active on it * Constantly making sure friends liked me by asking them (“are you sure you want to be my friend?”) * Constantly making sure my parents weren’t mad at me (“are you mad at me? Did I do something?) * Over apologizing (like 5-10x) if it wasn’t a big deal and needing to be sorry was not necessary Oh ✨ OCD ✨ you’re so silly!

I was feeling pretty confident lately had no worries about my intrusive thoughts and body signals, but all of a sudden I had an urge/craving for groinal response which is weird for me but I acted on it, (just imagined it and scan my body) recognised that it doesn't necessarily comes from intrusive thoughts but about 50% they come from intrusive thoughts. I acted on it let it sit and wonder if I'm really enjoying this got concerned and it went downhill from there I'd say. Later another day I had a feeling that I would like (sexually) my intrusive thought so I imagined it and felt thrown off immediately didn't enjoy it at all and was disgusted for few days. (I know that I shouldn't check but it worked for me for the longest time) Also had some moments when I felt like I miss adrenaline or intense feelings in my life which I had with OCD and it again felt like I wanted the thoughts only to be disgusted, anxious and stressed. Weirdly when I had the same feelings about other themes, I could brush it way more calm (harm OCD, sexual orientation OCD) but with pOCD it just wrecks me. I needed to vent out past few days has been blocked out for me and I have trouble focusing for even a moment constantly thinking I'm psychopath. :( Can someone with a similar story could share their experiences? That would mean a lot, thanks

Y’all I am so goddamn mentally exhausted it’s incredible. I have a cat, she’s two and in perfect health, but my OCD won’t leave her alone. I’m constantly worried she’ll get crushed under a recliner or die of heat stroke in the dryer. My mom accommodates as much as she can, we keep the dryer shut and we keep a cat bed in the living room so she has a place to hide instead of going under the chair. I’ve never had an animal more than a year or so (hamsters that met tragic ends no matter what I did, and a senior dog that we put down after a year due to declining health) so I think the lack of experience with a pet is a big thing here, and she’s the first animal I’ve ever actually bonded with for real. I just want to make my brain stop describing her possible deaths to me and I can’t figure out how. Anything is appreciated. Thanks for reading, folks.

I’ve been to the hospital a few times due to harm ocd, I don’t know how to control it and I’m just worried about my safety, but I don’t wanna go back to the hospital.. How do you guys think I can handle this..?

Does anyone else obsess over whether they need to be hospitalized for mental health? It’s a common theme I have. It stems from having harm ocd thoughts and then spirals into what if I am a danger? What if I need to be hospitalized? And it just keeps going. It makes me so anxious and comes up multiple times a week. I’m not sure if it’s a sign I should be hospitalized or just an obsession 😭

Hey All - was just wondering if anyone here has ever said something by accident? And what they said is related to one of their fears? And if so - does that still relate to OCD, because it's an action rather than a thought?

I should start by saying, I have Pure- O OCD that for years was just centered on religious and harm themes. I went to a therapist who told me to remember that I am not my thoughts. So once I realized that, I felt much better. I told myself, these thoughts have no meaning. I moved on with life, if I had a thought that seemed illogical to me I'd just say, it's not worth worrying about. Or if I felt a great amount of stress I'd just try to think of the things that are important to me and make me happy i.e. nostalgic memories, my family etc. And almost always, this helped me a great deal. To thr point where the past 2 years these have been my coping mechanisms and I've made it to the Dean's list at college, I've been almost always happy and relatively low stress. But since I tried to focus on what made me happy when I had an intrusive thought, is that not technically a compulsion? And what about the reassurance things. For example if I thought absurdly negative thoughts I'd tell myself "I have my family who loves me and I know they would help me get by" and then the thoughts wouldn't really bother me. If they came back I'd just say to myself "Oh, that's illogical to worry about" and move on. But I've read that when you have OCD, ANY attempt to relieve anxiety is a compulsion and compulsions are negative reinforcement. So now my mind will tell me whenever I watch a youtuber I always liked that I can't feel happy because that's a compulsion etc. Whenever I feel comforted or at peace it tells me that that's a compulsion. Before, I would say "What that's absurd" and then not care about the thought anymore. But yeah, if I do these so called mental compulsions then my life is great truly, as I explained before, for years it was great. But once I stop then it's been literal misery and constant anxiety because my ocd will barely let me feel positive emotions then. And it's getting harder to go back to before since now I have doubts about it since I read that article. The only time when I can ignore that stuff basically completely and do my so called compulsions is at night, I know how important sleep is so I just listen to my favorite youtuber, don't care about the other thoughts and get sleepy and almost always sleep a good 7-8 hours. I'm just wondering if what I've been doing for years is bad, or if there's some good to it? What advice would you guys give/what should I change? Thank you and have a great day!

Lately, I've been trying to pinpoint exactly what is causing me to feel down on myself all the time. I also have been having a hard time making and maintaining relationships or connections with others. I'm not sure if it's me, what I'm going through, or just the people I'm dealing with. I feel bad blaming it on others. Anyway, for the past 6 or 7 seven years I've been dealing with a bit of depression and anxiety. It started when I was about 13 years old. I felt like nobody wanted me around, everything I did was wrong, I hurt everyone around me, and everyone would be better off if I would just pass away. However, about two years later I started high school. I was in honors, doing well in my classes, and had made a few friends. I was really happy. Then covid hit and I began to feel depressed, nervous in public situations, and alone. During all of this I was also questioning my sexuality and because I went to a private school and my family was very religious, I was absolutely terrified of being gay. My junior year of high school I was feeling even worse and more alone. I began cutting myself. Then, a couple months into the school year I made a few new friends and met a girl that I liked. I began feeling a bit better about myself and was happy to have people around that shared similar experiences with mental health and sexuality. Later on, things began to go down hill. The girl I was talking to soon hated me because I didn't properly communicate my feelings. She started saying hateful things which in turn made me upset with her because I had apologized multiple times and tried to make up with her. I was also extremely upset with her because I had found out that she had really upset my younger sister and made her uncomfortable. About a month or two later one of my other friends told me I was a horrible person for sticking up for a girl I considered to be my best friend at the time. I noticed after these events and interactions I became a lot more insecure with myself and began feeling like everything was my fault. I overthink every interaction and everything I say when around a girl I like. I get scared that I'm bothering them, being annoying, or I'm making them uncomfortable. However, I also feel that most don't want me around, see me as embarrassing or childish, see me as too emotional or high maintenance, or just don't care about me at all. I then obsess over what I should do or what I may have done wrong. I sometimes also make impulsive decisions. Whenever I have feelings for someone and I start acting like this, they tend to get upset because neither one of us can understand what's going on or why I'm doing the things I'm doing and I feel like I've lost a few good people because of it. On top of all of this, I feel bad for not having my priorities in line. For some reason I worry more about friends than I do about family issues. It's also embarrassing because others deal with much more than I ever have and probably ever will. At this point I'm scared that nothing will change and I will always be in this position. Sometimes I feel like the only way out is suicide or self harm to atone for everything I've done wrong. If anyone has any suggestions on types of therapy, what I may be dealing with, or just simply how to go about getting better I'd love to hear your ideas. I would really like to get better so that I continue to help my family, help those around me, and enjoy my hobbies or things I love.

So its been almost a day and I just feel a little bit better but i still feel like this is not ocd, and i cant move on and forget the thing i was thinking about yesterday. I feel shame to move on and scared cause i feel like if i dont do something about this, this will come back in the future. I will hear people talk about their struggle with suicidal ideation and i will see myself in that. I started to read about Socd, i wanted to see others if they have the same feelings as me cause its annoying that people with socd feel just afraid. What i felt is so similar what people with suicidal ideation go through. Mine its not just what if thoughts. Its hard to see if i want it or not, cause right now i can say no i dont want but when it feels real, i cant decide cause i have that feeling that i dont want to live my life like this, suffering. I get really angry when things still feel bad and dont change, and because of anger i vent it out like i let this feeling of i dont want to live like this be fully there, but because of anger it feels so real, and i cant find anyone who relates to this and it sounds similar to ideation and thats why i dont feel good. I dont want to accept that its real suicidal ideation, that im thinking about suicide. I dont want to accept that. Yet i dont find anyone relating to me and experiencing it this bad. I really try to see the pattern and see what it is but when i feel like its ideation i just lose control and get emtional. I said before, i dont want to die. But in that moment when its really hard, i dont like something or i feel dissapointed and angry i feel like this is not how i want to live. And the thoughts gets real, the anger and sadness gets stronger, i feel sandess and that this is unfair and when it gets too much i vent out like yeah this is what i want. Then i feel bad and guilt, shame and im worrying that im suicidal. This is whats happening now. I think this is the best way i can describe it. If you want to help me with the "please contact a doctor or keep yourself safe, have a safety plan" dont write it cause i view these as compulsions. I talked with many doctors. I understand if its ocd this is another compulsion seeking post, but when you cant relate to anyones ocd cycle its okay to ask if others can relate to you. Cause if noone can then maybe its not ocd. And now i see it like noone actually relates with me.

It’s been two days since I ended up not going to check in my fridge to see if I did lock a stray kitten inside of it, if there was indeed one, it’s most likely dead by now, and I’ll never know if there was one because it’s possible my parents who also use the fridge have seen and removed it, though they might not have seen it because they are quite careless, or found one but didn’t tell me because they now about my mental illness and don’t want to hurt my feelings. I’m still not sure it was the right decision, I could’ve taken 15 mintues to thouroughly check the fridge one last time. I feel like shit...

Has anyone on here recovered from POCD and willing to share any helpful tips. I’m sick and tired of worrying about this I just want it to stop. And my therapist says I just need to accept the presence of the thoughts but before I had POCD I don’t remember ever having thoughts/urges/feelings like this. I’m terrified of myself and I don’t trust myself or anything that my brain says. And when people say oh you need to just carry on with your values ? What if my values aren’t even my values ?? I’m not even sure what my values are anymore and who I am as a person. It’s so scary. I feel like I’m actually just a terrible person capable of horrible things. All I wanted since I was young was to be a stay at home mum and have my own family but that’s never going to happen now coz I honestly don’t know what happened to me. I miss my old self so much I grieve her everyday. Idek who I am anymore

To start off, yes I have a therapist, yes I have a psychiatrist and so far I am only diagnosed with ptsd, ocd, gad, hypochondriasis, and panic disorder. So for the past 5 months I’ve been dealing with a terrible ocd/hypochondria theme where I have COMPLETELY convinced myself I am in the beginning stages of schizophrenia or some other related horrific psychotic disorder. Ive read way too much on common delusions, symptoms, hallucinations, personal stories, Reddit stories etc. Anyway, for some reason my ocd has really latched on to the common symptom schizophrenics have which are religious delusions, at least I hope it’s just my ocd and not actually schizophrenia. Everyday I get these terrible existential/demonic “delusional thoughts”. Like “what if my wife is a demon” “what if my cat is a demon” “this song has demonic energy” “the face that person made was demonic” “this house has negative demonic energy” “what if you are possessed” “what if these ugly brown mushrooms growing in your yard are a sign of demonic energy”, shit like that. Literally everything I look at now has some sort of “negative energy” or feels eerie or “demonic”, everything I look at always has to have some sort of malicious intent or negative undertone, I can’t watch anything on YouTube anymore, I can’t listen to my favorite bands anymore like Black Sabbath, Iron Maiden etc, these thoughts have made me become so avoidant of dark things and even normal light hearted things! Now first off, I am a literal atheist, I am a complete skeptic, I have never ever been superstitious. I was a huge Marilyn Manson fan in my teens, I’m a horror movie junkie( or at least I used to be before this theme took over), i literally have shirts with pentagrams and upside down crosses etc. why has my ocd suddenly branched off into this religious ocd/delusional thinking? Is this maybe a dp/dr thing too? It literally feels like I am in a horror movie, when I’m really REALLY spiraling and ruminating hard, it feels like I’m in another world filled with pure DREAD and horror.I know for sure that every single one of these thoughts and feelings are untrue and very unlikely when I’m not as panicked but when I’m in deep rumination/obsession it seriously makes me question what I believe. I do not believe any of these thoughts at all when I’m calm! Yet the fear they create and the vibes that accompany them make it feel real. When I’m in full blown panic and start to spiral really bad sometimes I feel like I almost believe these thoughts, and feel paranoid almost, when the anxiety and fear passes though I can have a brief moment of clarity where I can laugh these thoughts off and almost be myself again, but it’s very short lived before these thoughts start creeping back up. The content of the thoughts is scaring me but the fact that I’m even having these types of thoughts and fears in the first place is scaring me even more because it is reinforcing my fears that I am becoming schizophrenic/psychotic. Why have I suddenly become like this? I can’t enjoy anything anymore without getting these awful awful thoughts. Has anyone ever experienced anything like this?

Why do I want to feel like I’m telling the truth to my parents by telling them I’m a rapist please help me

I feel like every time I do talk to someone or journal or type it I feel the same and lately I’ve been feeling worse and worse mentally and I’m worried that I’ll do something he won’t like and he’ll get angry at me or won’t trust me anymore nd sometimes I get worrriwd that I’ll hate working and that my depression will get too bad to where I can’t get up and go or maybe I’ll have a bad hair day and don’t have time to do it and sometimes when I vent to him I feel like I’m hiding something or trying to change the subject from something idk i think bc he’s my boyfriend and he rly cares abt me and I think if I tell him certain things he won’t like it and he’ll make me stop those things and sometimes I feel so crazy not like psych ward crazy but unwell n delusional crazy like hell breakup w me bc of how irritated he could become bc of me or the things I do or say or feel or think. idk I just hate having a mind of my own sometimes and when I get suicidal thoughts that I’d never go through I get sad bc of how badly I think I’ll end my life before I reach 24 and I get sad bc I wouldn’t get to experience life with him or kids with him or a first home with him I would miss out on so much and I get sadder bc fomo and his love for me and my love for him is the only thing I feel like keeping me alive currently and then I feel like it’s selfish bc now maybe it potentially feels like he’s w me by force which ik he’s not it’s bc he loves me! And I think im just not used to it n I expect us to always be together always b texting always have each others attention 24/7 bc I don’t do anything but he does and I think that’s what makes me feel crazy like I need to find a hobby like him so im not left feeling so alone and more obsessed but then ii think that’s so dumb that people go an hour or two without texting Bc they have their own lives n im so stuck just rotting and not taking care of myself like others are able to do and recently I’ve been eating so bad I can’t bring myself to finish a meal or eat breakfast all I do is feel tired and drink water and get thoughts of wanting to cut myself bc I want an outlet and sometimes I want my outlet to be cutting myself bc the release is so big and I scar and touch them and hide them and I can control how small or big or deep it is or who I want to tell or don’t want to tell but isn’t that selfish? Or manipulative? To know that ppl don’t want me to do those things or ask me not to and I end up doing it anyway ? Idk I’m rambling I’m so sad all the time I’m crying all the time I cry everyday of my life and no one knows

To start off, yes I have a therapist, yes I have a psychiatrist and so far I am only diagnosed with ptsd, ocd, gad, hypochondriasis, and panic disorder. So for the past 5 months I’ve been dealing with a terrible ocd/hypochondria theme where I have COMPLETELY convinced myself I am in the beginning stages of schizophrenia or some other related horrific psychotic disorder. Ive read way too much on common delusions, symptoms, hallucinations, personal stories, Reddit stories etc. Anyway, for some reason my ocd has really latched on to the common symptom schizophrenics have which are religious delusions, at least I hope it’s just my ocd and not actually schizophrenia. Everyday I get these terrible existential/demonic “delusional thoughts”. Like “what if my wife is a demon” “what if my cat is a demon” “this song has demonic energy” “the face that person made was demonic” “this house has negative demonic energy” “what if you are possessed” “what if these ugly brown mushrooms growing in your yard are a sign of demonic energy”, shit like that. Literally everything I look at now has some sort of “negative energy” or feels eerie or “demonic”, everything I look at always has to have some sort of malicious intent or negative undertone, I can’t watch anything on YouTube anymore, I can’t listen to my favorite bands anymore like Black Sabbath, Iron Maiden etc, these thoughts have made me become so avoidant of dark things and even normal light hearted things! Now first off, I am a literal atheist, I am a complete skeptic, I have never ever been superstitious. I was a huge Marilyn Manson fan in my teens, I’m a horror movie junkie( or at least I used to be before this theme took over), i literally have shirts with pentagrams and upside down crosses etc. why has my ocd suddenly branched off into this religious ocd/delusional thinking? Is this maybe a dp/dr thing too? It literally feels like I am in a horror movie, when I’m really REALLY spiraling and ruminating hard, it feels like I’m in another world filled with pure DREAD and horror.I know for sure that every single one of these thoughts and feelings are untrue and very unlikely. I do not believe any of these thoughts at all, yet the fear they create and the vibes that accompany them make it feel almost real. When I’m in full blown panic and start to spiral really bad sometimes I feel like I almost believe these thoughts, and feel paranoid almost, when the anxiety and fear passes though I can have a brief moment of clarity where I can laugh these thoughts off and almost be myself again, but it’s very short lived before these thoughts start creeping back up. The content of the thoughts is scaring me but the fact that I’m even having these types of thoughts and fears in the first place is scaring me even more because it is reinforcing my fears that I am becoming schizophrenic/psychotic. Why have I suddenly become like this? I can’t enjoy anything anymore without getting these awful awful thoughts. Has anyone ever experienced anything like this?

My girlfriend and I had sex a about 10 days ago. She is not on birth control, I wore a condom but in the moment I put it on the wrong way at first and then switched it around. I’m terrified that I got her pregnant from precum. I’ve been absolutely obsessing about the possibility of it happening. From what I read it’s extremely low possibly, but OCD is saying she is pregnant. I cannot shut my brain off. I love my girlfriend more than anything and was going to propose to her later this year. I just keep thinking if she is pregnant will I be able to provide, even though I have a steady great income job and so does she. I think will my OCD get so bad that I can’t go to work and lose everything. I used to deal with Sexual and harm OCD, and I just keep thinking will this come back and start if I have a kid. Any tips or help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you everyone

Early morning havnt slept and ocd hasn't stopped for days I just want to be able to breath it's so debilitating in every way and I just feel the ocd thoughts start to pop ideas in my head and the things it comes up with like the worries are not just thoughts they are fully formed situations and very specific when I haven't even thought about it before it's like it forms this whole thing in my head subconsciously and then before I know it I'm chillin and then I'm just 50 ft under water drowning because it just throws a whole spacific situation at me that I never even thought of this effects me in every way possible and I just lay here misrible all day having seizer after seizer from stress being suicidal and just suffocating and so much more I just dread every moment I'm awake because the moment I am counsious it starts ugh it's every moment of my day just suffering so yeah really not looking forward to waking up 10 years of this and I'm exhausted the only relief I get is switching to another theme like i just wamma get pregnant so i csn obsess over that instead of what i am rn ot effects everyone around me and im just so miserable