Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Hi all- I have been relapsing in terms of my fear of driving. Plus I want to become a highway driver and learn to parallel park. Any tips from others with driving OCD?

i could use some support right now. I had a harm thought and then another one like “i think im gonna do it” and it didn’t cause me anxiety and i don’t understand why. and it felt really real and now i just feel scared and confused i keep telling myself i dont want to hurt anyone and then im like what if im just saying that

I have no official diagnosis for OCD but I have recently expected I have it. My whole life I’ve had people tell me I have OCD but I thought they were joking or making fun of me and I’m not a person to self diagnose but then I realized how obsessive I am over my thoughts and started researching. I do constantly ask myself pretty much everyday why I am the way I am, I constantly think I’m hurting someone emotionally then I have to check for reassurance, I beat myself down consistently. I’m always worried I’m going to hurt myself therefore hurting the people who love me. I obsess over the way my body looks and managed to get to the point I only eat once a day. I have never admitted this but I have violent sexual thoughts but they’re directed towards me not other people, these thoughts are completely against what I believe are my morals. I do have a need for organization and functionality within that organization, if someone touches the way I’ve organized those things it gives me high anxiety and I either have to fix it right then or I end up avoiding it altogether until I can find time to fix it cause I know I’ll take hours. If I write notes and I make one mistake, I have to rewrite the whole thing.. this caused a lot of overdue homework in high school and would take up hours of my time. Ive been married for a year but started dating 7 years ago but for some reason I still have thoughts if we’re the right match or not, etc. I relive conversations in my head daily, about 4 months ago I was in a car accident cause I ran a stop sign and t-boned somebody, I was dazed out because I was reliving an argument with my mother in my head and once I realized I crashed I instantly thought I killed the other person, my husband had to reassure me multiple times that the other driver was okay. I’ve read up on rumination and that seems to be a big check mark for me… I could go on but based off the examples I provided do you guys believe I possibly have OCD and should seek treatment for it? I don’t want to offend anyone because I understand this is a very hard disorder to live with and there’s obviously different severity levels but I’ve wondered since I was child “what’s wrong with me” and I want to know if I’m finally figuring it out?

Struggling with scrupulosity around real events. It makes me want to kill myself. Some days I just feel the need to either be locked up or killed. I don’t want anyone to have to deal with me. I know there are people who love me and want me alive, but I can’t help but think it would make things better if I were dead. I thought about harming myself again after a few years of being clean. I don’t want to but I feel like I have to for the greater good. Like I’m being just by punishing myself for feeling like a bad person. I can’t stand myself. I want my life to feel like one worth living. People tell me to stop wasting my time and just be happy. They don’t know how hard that is. I wish people could see into my mind and see how much I’m struggling.

I’m worried bc feels like i’m not disgusted or scared enough by my thoughts, does this mean i want to do them? I feel like im becoming a psycho or something, and my brain keeps saying “that’s not bad so why are you worried about it” like wtf yes it is bad and i’m so tired of explaining why to it but like what if im losing my morals like im dizzy idk 😭

My daughter said she has been raped right before the Thanksgiving holiday which she told me on Christmas Day However she won’t go to the police so I went but unless she comes they’re not doing anything So I will go to the tavern where he the rapist works tomorrow for lunch because I will leave this town on Saturday I’m going to ask him if he is willing to go to the police and confess what he did I must do whatever it takes to settle this case unless my daughter nor the police don’t do anything

so like my intrusive thoughts are harm themed usually. today my thought is just repeatedly saying “i don’t wanna hurt anybody” and even this is giving me anxiety ? so it’s got me like what if that means i do ?? has this happened to anyone before?

I have had OCD my entire life and my obsessions have changed one after the other. As a child I was afraid I was going to overdose on pills, stab family members, then being transgender and gay, leaving stove or iron on, and now my dominant obsession is getting the wrong degrees and going to wrong school. I’m 39 and it’s very debilitating. When the intrusive thought comes about my education I feel so bad and I feel like I’m being held hostage. It’s very intense and I wasn’t able to hold a job and I contemplated suicide many times. I feel a tremendous amount of guilt because the major and university didn’t align with my values or who I really am. I would seek relief by googling the university etc. but it never helped. My OCD has taken over my entire life. Whenever I think about my education I don’t like it and it doesn’t sit well with me and I don’t even like discussing it with anyone. I feel dead inside and I feel like I’m just surviving. I carry a lot of guilt and shame and I always feel like the worst.

I went to a Nurse Practitioner psychiatrist today. I told her about all of my intrusive thought OCD. She said I don't have OCD but that its a form of bipolar and maybe some psychosis. She asked me 20 times if I hear voices it see things that are not there. She said OCD is just people who order things and must have it done. She made me feel horrible and asked if I had ever acted on any of this. When I said no she almost acted bewildered. Very frustrating. My Lexapro has reached its shelf life and I just wanted to try a new SSRI. She prescribed Lamitrigine. Anyone ever try this?

Note: Im typing this at 8am and have gotten no sleep so I apologize for all the spelling errors and grammar mistakes. A little over 3 years ago I started work at this new job and while working there I met a guy who was kind of goofy, really cute and funny and played all kinds of instruments. He was just my type. I often gave him rides home from work and during those rides we’d exchange banter over random things. I really liked him and he really liked me. He even offered me piano lessons but for some reason I declined. After a couple weeks my job offered me a position at a different location for a huge pay raise and I decided to take it. I have no idea why but I never thought to get his phone number or instagram or anything like that before I left(maybe I wanted him to make the first move?). He has since left that store and I have no way of reaching out to him. I can’t help but shake the feeling that he’s the one who got away. After about one year in my new position I started daydreaming about me and him. what I had (possibly) missed out on. Sometimes I would even confide in him as an imaginary friend. I’d even think about him laying by my side as I’d go to sleep. I’m aware of how pathetic this sounds now but for some reason I thought nothing of it back then. At first I would only think of him once a month but over time as my depression and anxiety got worse it became more and more. Ive now become deeply concerned with how often I think about him which I think has only made my obsession with him worse. Obviously the problem is my loneliness but I have no idea how to fix that. I have zero social skills and any bonds I do start building I put no effort into keeping them going(as exampled by me not getting this man’s personal information before I left the store) It stresses me out how often I think about him and I have no idea what to do. I just want to stop thinking about him. I’ve also become concerned with what I would do if I actually ran into him again. Would I go ballistic and lose my mind? Would I hurt him? Would I keep it cool? Would my obsessiveness cause me to do something stupid or dangerous? Does anybody have any experience with this type of feeling?

i woke up in the middle of the night about an hour ago and since then i have been having a panic attack and am afraid that i am going to lose control of myself and seriously harm myself. the logical part of me knows i’m not gonna do anything but i am still so scared that i’m going to go crazy and hurt myself. i have dealt with pretty much all of the subtypes of ocd at some point before but this is my first time really having this and i can’t even understand what set it off. would love to know how those of you who have this subtype ground yourself

My wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl.. I love my daughter but why to I get this harm intrusive thoughts to harm my baby ... Am I mentally going I'll.. I have other symptoms of knifes, machete and sharp objects... Please help iam going insane

I had achieved "conqueror" but just like that it HIT me like a slap in the face. Anxiety. And thoughts about hurting myself so i wouldnt be a burden popped up along with ALOT of others. Images... should i say ... its crazy i dont like sharing that bc i feel like people are quick to jump and think i would actually hurt myself which makes my ocd worse. But in reality. i WOULD NEVER hurt myself. Idk if im making sense. But man its harddd to feel like im back at square one.

I haven’t accepted I’m a rapist i know I’m one, what shall i do, please help😭

Im new to this community, never for a single day did i ever think id find myself here, i guess i was too afraid to share what was going on until the theme of my ocd had shifted to something so deeply disturbing i had the worst panic attacks of my life. Im a military veteran and this is by far the most difficult thing i have yet to overcome.

Everything seems soo sad like life was so beautiful as a small child then i turned into a teen saw the horrors of life and got stuck in that black hole ever since, 21 years old and stuck in the hole, i found meditation helps and staying away from drugs and alcohol. They say the brain declines as you age, the thoughts of war and prisons, death, and the way the human brain is so delicate scares me, i know i cant handle drugs and alcohol anymore, ive had enough relapses, oh man you guys should have seen how it took a toll on my mental health i looked like a complete schizophrenic when these things were going on, for whatever reason my brain stopped agreeing with those substances and every time i used i would experience violent images or voices in my head severe paranoia and just put in this disturbing place. COCAINE I don’t plan on going back. I just fear for myself, u know how Jesus had a life of happiness and then one day out of the blue he was beaten till the point of being unrecognizable and tortured on a cross, i feel like that, like the world is stressful and the end point is death, Sure momentarily i can have hope for the time being, ive been sober a long time now, life throws its swings, life punches and kicks, they say even Jesus was put in prison a few times leading up to that, i often wonder why the world is so cruel i mean look around you war in Hamas war in Ukraine, our troops gather and shoot and kill for fun, i overheard a sergeant telling the troops, “you will eat sleep and breath fire” , the fallen nature of man, We kill other animals to feel pleasure upon our tongues, our families grow old and die, Our presidents love to commit mass murder, its a war every day for them, the world leaders control everything and steal our money we earn all so we can dwell on their land, this life is stressful y’all, its the sad reality of life, i work on my mental health and i work for this and that all to have it tooken away from me, man you get sick all a sudden and have the flue or a worse disease like covid, i know a man who used to body build so dedicated to squatting and building his legs, few years pass and he ends up paralyzed from the waste down due to a accident at work, Our years we have are short, we were given life, make the best of it while u can, Go out to eat, go spend time with your family, express your feelings to them, Go shopping, go travel, go do something that makes you happy in a healthy way. Is there anyone who feels like me, If heaven is real i want to be there this world is miserable. Crazy to think dinosaurs dwelled here on this earth before us, Crazy to think we live somewhere in the middle of outer space, you read the letters on the screen and you feel the emotion to it, so many different languages, so divine this creation is, i do have some good times dont get me wrong, i just hate having harm ocd false memory ocd, i just hate the ending of the story, the twists and turns, you know i wish everything could be peaceful for everything that lives on this earth but as i said, its just not, right now as you read thousands of Americans are in solitary confinement in prison, with just their thoughts, no human interaction, then u have some president at the top of the world vacationing while he sends thousands of troops to destroy a city in hopes of solving his problems, I feel no freedom as an american, you can make a mistake at any point in time and then your thrown away into a cell with no books no pens just pissy floors with a bed that smells like piss, just you and your thoughts all alone, looking out that little window, even for small crime. Best to avoid all things that lead to crime now obviously, its just like, i have a family you know and i just seen to many of them die in ways that weren’t the best cancer dementia, car crash, and they leave us behind, one thing that gives me hope is “The story of garabandal “ Or things like nde experiences where people get pronounced dead for 30 minutes to an hour and they say they are floating out side of their body and they could see their body being operated on from above the table and all the sudden a light being comes and takes them to heaven and gives them life reviews and a message to take back to earth idk there is thousands of testimonies like this , some people have these experiences and say they even have seen hell, idk I do believe in God i just feel kind of lost in this world. I seek peace and love, thats all, when will the world ever know what peace and love is, are these things only possible in “heaven “. I cant wait to go. Idk Something created all this mess. I think i just want happiness, just everything i see happening on the day to day rips a black hole in my chest . Anyone feel this way ?

Am I the only one that feels immense guilt about my past? It makes me feel so alone and so lost. It always leads to me trying to com-pulse it which results in temporary relief, but it always comes back and is always in the back of my mind. It leads to me having suicidal thoughts because I can’t take the pain anymore. It feels like I’m trapped in my mind and in my thoughts and the only way to escape is through suicide. I really hate myself. I also cut myself because it relives the mental pain. I lift weights and put my body through hell running which ik isn’t healthy but it makes me feel better for some time. The thoughts tend to go away. Something about it is comforting? Idk how to explain it. I feel so messed up and alone. Just gotta keep trying and keep pushing.

Hi guys! I believe I have an OCD since I was around 12. I remember then I had a lot of intrusive thoughts about religious things and I had a counting compulsion (I thought that If I don't count to 8 in specific moments, someone gets hurt) During later years it was really changing - I stopped being religious, so the OCD theme also stopped. Then I had I reckon SOCD, harm OCD and many others. But for know my main topic is ROCD. But because of the fact that this is my main intrusive thoughts topic I start to have this awful thoughts that this is not OCD, I'm just with the wrong person and I need to accept this fact. This is really struggling for me, because i really love my bf and Im in the healthy realtionship but Im so tired of having this kind of thoughts, sometimes I cannot sleep because of them. Also the fact that I've never been diagnosed (I cannot go on theraphy right now unfortunately) is another trigger because I have thoughts that I dont really have OCD, I just making this up, because I cannot accept the truth. Is there someone with similar experiance? Or maybe someone who can have advice for me?

TW for ppl with existential or moral ocd! 🙏 So about a month ago I got a random thought in my head, “what if morality is a made up concept? what if love, compassion, goodness, kindness are all made up concepts?” Dang, those were (and are) things that were very important to me and my biggest fear was to become someone amoral! So i got anxious, and i couldn’t shake the thoughts off and the more i fought them the louder they got. I cried at school bc i didn’t want to feel that way, i felt like everything was fake and that it was all made up which scared me to no end, and i also felt like this was the end of the world, i was losing my morals, etc. like i didn’t deserve anything and i was just wanting to go back to normal. And i always feel like i have to fight the thoughts, i need to prove them wrong right now or i will believe them! And now they are mixed in with harm thoughts, checking to see certain immoral scenarios and how i react to them.. if im not disgusted enough maybe i don’t believe in morality anymore or something and i will become a bad person! Doubts flood in all the time bro idk what to do anymore but im starting therapy tmr.. Does this seem like OCD or am i going crazy? 😭 Has anyone gone through this?

I feel like giving up. Idk what to do anymore. All of these intrusive thoughts idk if they are real or not. I wouldn’t ever hurt my daughter but I feel like I can’t be a father or am capable of it anymore. I’m so down and out of it.