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I have the urge to hurt myself and I don’t know if it’s me or my ocd honestly I feel crazy and not in control of how I feel.my thoughts keep racing.i want to cry but I’m not a cryer so I’m just keeping it in

Today has been awful thoughts. It’s just getting worse and it feels like real thoughts and feelings even though I’ve been fighting it. I wish I could explain how bad it is to my parents. How do you tell anyone you’re having horrible horrible thoughts of sexually harming others and other terrible things?And there’s events from my past that make me not want to do anything because I feel like I deserve to be jailed. I’m worried I won’t be able to get a job because I can’t act like a normal person, or learn to drive. My mom said I need something to keep my occupied, find some classes to take. And she’s right but I’m worried I can’t even focus on that and again I feel like it’s a waste because I feel like I deserve to be in jail. I’m 21 I feel like such a failure. I don’t know how to get help, I really feel like I don’t want to live anymore, it feel like the only way out. But I don’t want to hurt anyone and I don’t want my family to feel at fault. I don’t have any diagnosis so it just all feels too real. It’s CONSTANT thoughts about harming others. It feels real, it sounds proud and almost like it’s mocking in my head. I feel like I’m voluntarily thinking these things. I don’t understand why this has happened and why it’s gotten so bad. I know in my heart I have ZERO desire to be this person. I’m sorry I keep posting so much, it’s just so difficult.

y’all i need a little pep talk. im going back to school tomorrow and im worried about if im gonna start having harm thoughts about people at school and then of course tack on the worry of it affecting my grades. or the even bigger worry of having a thought and liking it

Good evening everyone! Long story short- I had Health OCD 12 years ago but was never diagnosed. No idea how that’s even possible, I had every sign and saw 2 licensed psychiatrists but they labeled me with GAD. Knowing what I know today, it was 100% Health OCD. I fought it for 3 years until one day I literally surrendered. No training and no NOCD…but I remember breaking down sobbing and accepting that my fate might be terminal. Obviously I’m still here and my fate wasn’t terminal and over time it went into remission. For 12 years! Gone! Amazing! Looking back, I still had minor signs but my maintenance dose of Cymbalta kept me straight and steady. Until I decided that I didn’t need Cymbalta anymore and I got off it cold turkey last January. Well, it came back with vengeance and brought a new theme. I finally got a proper diagnosis and found NOCD. It’s helped me but I’m still fighting - after two major relapses. I’m doing all my techniques but the voice is still loud in the mornings. The ruminating is still there. It definitely ebbs and flows and I’m questioning my meds again- Cymbalta seemed to help the last time… Anyway, I got to thinking about how I managed to heal the first time and how I just gave up, literally. I am wondering if that’s what it takes? My new theme has me fearing a local stalker- that he will come after me. I know…it’s not about the theme. But, as much as I want to surrender and get better…my fight or flight is trying to keep me safe from this evil convicted felon. Those of you who have succeeded, did you finally have to give up too? Or can you use the ERP and meds to eventually quiet it? Thank you and much love.

plz help me i’ve continued thoughts of self harming and have panic attacks also i can’t get rid of it my mind can’t stop thinking

Hi everyone, this is my first post here. I have OCD for as long as I can remember. But the last year it has become unbearable... I don't know how to move on... My brain began to generate terrible, and scary thoughts about the people who are the most important and dearest to me. It's tough even to write about this... My fear is based on "magical thinking" and the belief that if I think something bad about someone I love, bad things will happen. And the more I worry about it, the more terrifying scripts my brain creates. Here is my OCD story in a brief summary. I started to have intrusive thoughts as a kid. Even in my childhood, my rituals were mostly mental. During my college years the obsessions almost disappeared. Then a few years later they came back (probably because of stress at my work), but I still could live with intrusive thoughts because they didn't take up most of my time. Everything has changed recently, after a chain of traumatic stressful events occurred in my life in a very short period of time. My anxiety has increased significantly, OCD has gotten worse. When I was looking for some useful information about struggling with intrusive thoughts, I read a post by a woman in which she wrote that she was afraid of accidentally cursing her child. I understand that it sounds crazy and there's no logic at all, but after a while I realised that this thought popped into my head and I can't get rid of it. This really scared me. I know that OCD quite often attacks the things we love and care about. For me, it's my family. I'm afraid that I'll wish my loved ones something bad and it will hurt them... These thoughts come up against my will. I realize that this is illogical, and probably the only person I can harm with my thoughts is myself. But the "what if..." thought destroys me. Unfortunately, I can't afford the ERP therapy because I live in Eastern Europe. At this moment, I'm researching sources and specialized literature on my own. As I understand one of the main factors in the success of therapy, and one of the first steps is the acceptance of the thoughts. But in my case, the problem is that there remain a couple thoughts that are still in my mind unacceptable (like wishing bad things on my family). I don't know what to do about it... I'm so desperate... Maybe someone has experienced something similar? I really want to believe that there is a way out of this trap because OCD is taking everything I care about... I'm really scared, and it's occupying all my mind.

I gotta share this because I think we can all get through this OCD! But you gotta put the work in! The homework therapist gives is to help us, and for me, i think i had a breakthrough. So I am a month into my ERP therapy through here and let me tell you… it sucks most days. What i like about my therapist I got on here is she told me she’s been working in hospital and prison wards, so she’s probably heard and seen some stuff and what I got probably ain’t that bad. I started with CBT but my OCD was getting rough after about a year so now I’m giving ERP a try. I was asked to write a letter to someone that I believed was triggering my OCD and so I did. I went through a whole spiral with my POCD, honestly I feel like a monster. But! I’m also recalling some stuff I have kept suppressed and never wanted to mention in therapy, and I think it’s probably time I process that stuff, no matter how ashamed or guilty I feel. Ultimately, it’s probably what is causing the doubt disorder to overtake me. So for those of you struggling, keep going! And be completely open! I promise you your therapist has heard some stuff and you are probably far from what they have heard.

I want to beat OCD/GAD? because I'm tired of being this shell of my former self. My brain has been hollowed out by the chainsaw of fears while my body remains fixed in place, unable to run. I once loved to sing and write. I once remembered conversations with others. I once was actually able to hold them myself. Now, I can barely complete coherent sentences without my thoughts veering off. My OCD leaves me exhausted. It's so hard to feel rested when you think something awful is going to happen all the time. I have started to affectionately call it Chicken Little Syndrome. However, it doesn't deserve any affection. I am supposed to be savoring the little songs my toddler sings or the jokes my husband cracks, but I am worrying about making ends meet or about inadvertently not being able to help my patients. Why did I have such issues with time management last shift? Why couldn't I focus on other simple tasks? People have shown me so much love and I can't even think of the proper way to respond, nevermind coming up with something clever, eloquent, or creative. I am a shell. A chainsaw of fear. My family is so good. They deserve to have me back.

My my name Brendan Simons. I first learned about my OCD when I was around 6 years old. It all started when I was in my daycare, and one of the kids was talking about the scary ghost of bloody Mary, and spinning three times in the mirror while saying her name will make her appear and harm you. As a kid, this horrified me as someone that was very afraid of ghost this led to my first experience with OCD. My OCD took this to a new extreme touching doing or saying anything threes times would cause harm to me or somebody that I love and care about this lasted around five years it seems to be a theme in my OCD that keeps coming back, but not always in the way of numbers are doing things multiple times. Later, on in life in my teenage years, it seemed to change from Numbers to that just right feeling. As I’m sure some of you as experienced as I’ve looked online and many people have had that just right feeling, it’s very hard to explain what we’re talking about but I would repeatedly do my actions over and over many times of whether that’s turning on and off water touching closing a door multiple times until I felt just right and if it didn’t feel right, I thought something bad again what happened to me or somebody I care about. More recently, my OCD has come along with intrusive thoughts, and it kind of like what was going on as a teenager with the just right feeling but now my mind tells me to think of harm to somebody that I do not care about so that way it will not affect somebody that I do care about. As family ages my worries continue to grow and I have just recently moved out and live on my own now and I’m very very stressed about my family back home. Now recently, my OCD has started to take over my life. I was prescribed Zoloft for anxiety and OCD and have noticed small changes in my personality. I feel like I have been able to resist the compulsions, but it hasn’t fully taken this anxiety feeling fully out of the picture. It really takes over my day-to-day activities and I still find myself doing multiple compulsions and rituals to try and prevent these things from happening. I understand and I’m self aware that me doing something or a ritual multiple times will have no effect on anybody at all in the world, but for some reason my brain overpowers that and gives you that what a feeling what if this were to happen. Join this app to find people who have possibly has similar experiences just like mine or any advice to help me get through this. As I live in a town that I’m unfamiliar with I know nobody here and I’m just trying to make friends. Please don’t hesitate to reach out.

I have germ OCD/Emetophobia, and death OCD. I just started Luvox, but my OCD and anxiety has me scared something bad will happen if I take it so I haven’t been consistent. It’s ruining my marriage..I feel guilt 24/7. Can anyone relate…

I've been going through every single OCD almost I noticed, and harm OCD always bothers me I have urges but I don't act on them and they scare me. I'm just scared they are gonna assume I'm a bad person that I want to hurt someone. I don't but my thoughts keep arguing and it freaks me out.

I just want to obsess and attach a whole story. What if I’m stuck this way. What if I go crazy and can’t remember what I’ve done. What if I stop loving God and turn to new age and I become evil and start hurting people. I just can’t. I have never thought I was evil. My entire life until I had my daughter and my mind told me she was of the devil. I was so mad at myself. How could I think about my precious gift this way? And now I’m so clueless as to why I even exist and how could this happen. It’s like nothing is real an tangible anymore. I feel like everything is such a blur in this life. I want God to be real. He has always been my whole life. It even makes 100% sense to me at the same it doesn’t 😭 I didn’t waver on my beliefs at all before this kid and it’s like me thinking about her like that has caused me so many problems along with horrible side effects from meds that made me see things in slow motion. I’m in therapy but it’s take so long to heal and for me to love my life and me again. I feel like I look at my self and think. You can’t trust you anymore. This world too has turned upside down to me. I am just so heartbroken. I want to be a good person an it seems like I’m going to turn evil any second and I’ve never been purposely evil or mean to anyone. I got bullied as a kid. 😢. I feel like I’m losing my identity an understand who I am.

I’ve been dealing a lot with harm OCD that I’ll want to harm myself or someone else (even though I don’t want that), I’ve also been experiencing fear that I’ll lose control of my mind or something. It’s so hard. When I don’t feel like this I just kind of feel empty or just dissociative/derealized.

Anyone currently going through this? Or went through this? I have harm ocd and it’s either about my family or then about myself and I feel afraid of not having any hope any more. I get suicidal thoughts both as intrusive thoughts but also as something I would want to stop all the anxiety I feel. Any help is appreciated

Hi all- I have been relapsing in terms of my fear of driving. Plus I want to become a highway driver and learn to parallel park. Any tips from others with driving OCD?

i could use some support right now. I had a harm thought and then another one like “i think im gonna do it” and it didn’t cause me anxiety and i don’t understand why. and it felt really real and now i just feel scared and confused i keep telling myself i dont want to hurt anyone and then im like what if im just saying that

I have no official diagnosis for OCD but I have recently expected I have it. My whole life I’ve had people tell me I have OCD but I thought they were joking or making fun of me and I’m not a person to self diagnose but then I realized how obsessive I am over my thoughts and started researching. I do constantly ask myself pretty much everyday why I am the way I am, I constantly think I’m hurting someone emotionally then I have to check for reassurance, I beat myself down consistently. I’m always worried I’m going to hurt myself therefore hurting the people who love me. I obsess over the way my body looks and managed to get to the point I only eat once a day. I have never admitted this but I have violent sexual thoughts but they’re directed towards me not other people, these thoughts are completely against what I believe are my morals. I do have a need for organization and functionality within that organization, if someone touches the way I’ve organized those things it gives me high anxiety and I either have to fix it right then or I end up avoiding it altogether until I can find time to fix it cause I know I’ll take hours. If I write notes and I make one mistake, I have to rewrite the whole thing.. this caused a lot of overdue homework in high school and would take up hours of my time. Ive been married for a year but started dating 7 years ago but for some reason I still have thoughts if we’re the right match or not, etc. I relive conversations in my head daily, about 4 months ago I was in a car accident cause I ran a stop sign and t-boned somebody, I was dazed out because I was reliving an argument with my mother in my head and once I realized I crashed I instantly thought I killed the other person, my husband had to reassure me multiple times that the other driver was okay. I’ve read up on rumination and that seems to be a big check mark for me… I could go on but based off the examples I provided do you guys believe I possibly have OCD and should seek treatment for it? I don’t want to offend anyone because I understand this is a very hard disorder to live with and there’s obviously different severity levels but I’ve wondered since I was child “what’s wrong with me” and I want to know if I’m finally figuring it out?

Struggling with scrupulosity around real events. It makes me want to kill myself. Some days I just feel the need to either be locked up or killed. I don’t want anyone to have to deal with me. I know there are people who love me and want me alive, but I can’t help but think it would make things better if I were dead. I thought about harming myself again after a few years of being clean. I don’t want to but I feel like I have to for the greater good. Like I’m being just by punishing myself for feeling like a bad person. I can’t stand myself. I want my life to feel like one worth living. People tell me to stop wasting my time and just be happy. They don’t know how hard that is. I wish people could see into my mind and see how much I’m struggling.

I’m worried bc feels like i’m not disgusted or scared enough by my thoughts, does this mean i want to do them? I feel like im becoming a psycho or something, and my brain keeps saying “that’s not bad so why are you worried about it” like wtf yes it is bad and i’m so tired of explaining why to it but like what if im losing my morals like im dizzy idk 😭

My daughter said she has been raped right before the Thanksgiving holiday which she told me on Christmas Day However she won’t go to the police so I went but unless she comes they’re not doing anything So I will go to the tavern where he the rapist works tomorrow for lunch because I will leave this town on Saturday I’m going to ask him if he is willing to go to the police and confess what he did I must do whatever it takes to settle this case unless my daughter nor the police don’t do anything