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I used tap water for my sinus rinse and sacred I will get brain eating amoebia. I googled it and it said I should be worried. Wtf should I do?

TW: suicidal Constantly fixated on the fact of helping people. I’m always doing compulsions like checking social medias to see if people need help etc, it’s exhausting cause I’m so sad I’m unable to help everyone. I just don’t know what to do and if I’m being entirely honest it’s making me not wanna be here anymore. I’m afraid that if i walk away from my phone for even 5 minutes someone will be in need and in danger and I want be there to help therefore it’s my fault etc. how can i cope with this? Obviously I want to help people but I wanna do it in different ways

I am currently 17 and I’ve had ocd ever since I was a child. Everyone noticed around me because I was obsessed with washing n my hands and having perfect handwriting to a point where while taking notes in church, I erased the letter “e” and had my cousin fill in the letter e through my whole page of notes. I would want notebooks to be perfect often resulting in me ripping imperfect pages off and ruining the whole book. I would erase till the page ripped. Later as a kid I watched movies like coraline and was felt that because of me doing certain things, I sent myself to an alternate reality. (I know it sounds insane but I was a child with ocd). I was convinced that because I did the Bloody Mary challenge in elementary school, I sent myself into a fake alternate dimension. I would have to do the Bloody Mary challenge and even amount of times to reverse it and recall the exact events of when I did it. I also heard about the Truman show and felt that I was in a simulation and would have to do certain things to get out. This gave me severe depression in middle school. I would walk backwards on tiles to make sure it was even. I would have to touch things an even amount of times and do intrusive thoughts like breaking this keychain I made and loved. I would pet my dog and think the most horrific things of her injured and would have to pray to protect her. Eventually as I got older, my trigger became forgetting things like forgetting thoughts that could be important or important TikTok’s so every time I scrolled on TikTok I would have to scroll all the way back up and would have anxiety if the page refreshes on its own. I am obsessed with dropping or leaving stuff so I always look back like a crazy person 24/7 to see if I dropped something. I would take excessive random screenshots to not forget something or if they jog a memory. I fear I accidentally close tabs on my computer which drives me insane even if I never even touched the tab. I have a hard time throwing away empty packages just in case something is in it that I never noticed. Sometimes I become hyper aware of swallowing. I get scared because as a Christian, blasphemy is an unforgivable sin so I would have panic attacks thinking my random intrusive thoughts were real and blasphemy. I would be confused with my sexuality even though I know I’m straight. And a lot of my irrational things I am aware are crazy but still am urged to follow through even if I suffer. I get obsessed with getting good sleep and if something I did in my past will actually be a major health problem. I would think that something I did in my past is gonna make God punish me. I get obsessed with my clothes or hands getting dirty so I’m always washing it. I get obsessed with being pretty and used to screenshot like 100 photos of pretty people. I have an overall obsessive personality. I also overthink about everything I say. Overall these are my most noticeable symptoms and my story. I know 100% that I have OCD and everyone around me knows but I just never had the means to get officially diagnosed because I only recently opened up to my parents on how big of a problem my ocd actually is and I didn’t want to pay for help. This is my ocd story.

I’m struggling worse than I ever have. I’ve been in a bad flare up the past 2 weeks and it’s getting worse each day. I’ve always been able to get back on track but this time it’s so hard and affecting my time with my kids.Last night for the very first time I had an ocd dream. It was horrible and I know it’s just my ocd manifesting into my dreams but i’ve been beating myself up because while dreaming I woke up briefly and became aware of the dream and was disturbed but just went right back to sleep. How could I just go back to sleep like that?? Then as i’m struggling to cope with that my 2 worst false memories about my children came to mind and i’m struggling with those all over again now. I developed ocd as postpartum so my ocd has always targeted my kids. My ocd has come and gone over the years. First harm ocd and then switched to pocd. I’ve always had a fear of unwillingly and unknowingly acting out my thoughts in my sleep and doing something inappropriate to them. So twice over the years I had a false memory based on real event situation. One with my son when he was a toddler and one with my daughter when she was around 7. With my son it was a long time ago so some of my memory has faded about it which makes it worse but basically he was sleeping with me one night and in the morning I got up and he was still asleep so I went downstairs to clean a bit. When I went back upstairs he was awake and had the blanket wrapped around him. I said goid morning and told him to come down for beeakfast but when he cane out of the blanket his underwear weren’t on. I yelled at him and asked where they were and why he took them off and yelled back “you!” My ocd immediately kicked in telling me I must have done something to him in my sleep and that day has forever haunted me even though I know i’d never do anything inappropriate to him and that him being a toddler there are so many other reasons for why he had no underwear on I still feel like what if it’s true? Then with my daughter, she slipped into bed with me one night and during the night she said “mommy!” I woke up slightly and lifted my head up saying “sorry mama” and moved over and went back to sleep thinking I must have rolled over onto her or something but when I woke up the next morning my ocd said that I must have done something inappropriate ti her in my sleep. I asked her about it a short time later and she said she didn’t remember that. Deep down I know I love my kids and would never do these things but because of my ocd/pocd I always have tge uncertainty of what if it’s true? So to have that ocd dream last night which was the first time that’s ever happened, while I know it’s just ocd I just can’t stop hating myself for waking up briefly realizing the dream was happening and feeling upset but then just going back to sleep like it was no big deal. Ocd has ruined my life and made me question and hate myself for years. Are there any other moms/dads out there with pocd that have had similar experiences? Please help. I don’t want to live like this anymore. It’s debilitating😪

Why do our brains do this? Like how is it this part of us that tries to convince us that we’re scum and want to do bad things? How is this even possible? Why does it produce fake feelings and sensations. The groinals get talked about but I feel like the other emotions and feelings this can produce doesn’t get spoken about. I’m so tired of my brain. I’ve seen people say it’s my brain trying to be helpful and misfiring but that just cannot be true. None of this shit is helpful.

Hi, I’ve suffered with several types of OCD for as long as I can remember, but I’ve been doing really well recently. The last few days have been very difficult for me, and I’ve begun to spiral, I can usually handle most OCD as I’ve been there done that and got the t-shirt (and I know what to do) but there’s a new one this last day that’s been making me feel totally helpless and I’ve never seen anyone have the same thoughts all out together into one big OCD theme, so that’s making me even more concerned. I suffer badly with harm OCD amongst other ones, worrying about harming/killing my loved ones in my sleep and not knowing about it or being able to prevent it (and this genuinely makes me feel sick, and stops me from sleeping a lot especially when I’m on my own in the house with another member of family or a loved one). Recently I’ve been feeling out of sorts (fatigued, loss of appetite and like everything’s just not real) which is possibly anxiety or my derealisation at play. Last night, I was in and out of sleep badly, it just wasn’t a smooth night, but I woke up this morning fine until I remembered I had (at some point during the night, asleep or awake I’m not sure) I had been thinking about a book I read where the woman murdered her child and then the husband suffocated the wife to death. This has set me off like nothing different, because I get very agitated when I can’t remember exactly when or why I thought things. My (very abnormal OCD) way of thinking is that what if I thought about that in the book when I was half-asleep and not in control and I then went and did it to a loved one and had no ability to prevent or know about it - and now this is all very much a dream or something I’ve conjured up to ‘protect’ myself from the truth or that I’m in prison or a psychotic ward or something along those lines…crazy I know! Now everything feels very ‘unreal’ and I just can’t stop thinking about this scenario, mainly because I can’t remember why or when I was thinking about the book I just know that I was - this is totally new and a bit out of the box even for me. I guess I’m just wondering if anyone has ever suffered with anything similar (unlikely🤣) or what type of OCD this may fall under? Or even any methods or ways I can help myself and easing this new OCD as this is just truly exhausting now… Thanks!

Everyday just gets worse and worse and there’s no way to escape the cycle. This constant feeling of dread and guilt I can’t stand it. I have no one to talk to about any of this because I have a fear of them thinking of me different and I don’t like putting my problems on people it just makes me feel like I want attention or something like even when I’m writing this paragraph. I’m stuck in a constant loop. Constant aggressive thoughts and compulsions. I’m 18 and I don’t know about any of my insurance or anything so I can’t get a therapist on here and I really don’t wanna talk to my mom about any of this. I dread having to wake up everyone morning and continue with this shit all day every day. I hate complaining but I just can’t stand this. I don’t know what to do. I’m slowly losing every inch of my mind.

I’m just so tired of OCD and intrusive thoughts. I’m at the point where I don’t know if I can handle this anymore. I feel like all I can think about is bad thoughts that aren’t true, and it’s wearing my soul down. I love my family and friends but my mind keeps telling me I hate them or that I want to hurt them or leave them. I don’t want to die but I can’t keep living like this anymore. I’m in so much pain some days that I just want it to end. I don’t understand why God would make me suffer so much when I’m so blessed with everything I have. I keep hearing that God is merciful and that he has a plan for us, a good plan, but how I can believe that when my soul hurts so bad. Everything in my life is perfect except me. Maybe I’m just not meant to be happy. I used to be so anxious that I believed I would never make it to adulthood, but now that I’m an adult I don’t know what to do. I never dreamed of the future because I believed I never had one. I still feel the same way. I’m just going through the motions every day because I feel I have no purpose. Sometimes it feels like I’m only alive because my family loves me and I don’t want to hurt them with my death. Sometimes I crave the thought of alcohol and drugs because I wish I could numb myself. Sometimes I wonder if my family would let me go if they knew how much my mind haunts me. I don’t know what I’m living for except my family and the hope it’ll get better, but I’m running out of hope. I just wish it would stop, that I could have some peace. I want peace so damn bad. I sleep as much as I can because it’s the only time my mind is quiet. I’m missing out on my life because sleeping is one of my only sources of peace. I’m missing out on time with my family because my mind won’t leave me alone. I know it can get better but I don’t know if I can wait any longer. I’m losing my mind and sometimes I wish I could go to another world to escape it, but it wouldn’t matter. No matter where I go, my mind will never give me peace. It will always fight me. What should I do? Should I tell my family about this? I don’t want to bother them because the holidays are close and maybe this is just another depressive episode. Idk. I just need some advice.

The last 5 months of my life have left me heartbroken, battered and bruised from the inside out 💔 5 months ago; I ended my 14 year relationship with my former partner. Someone who I was in a relationship with from 18-32 years old. The relationship was tragically ended after the first 5 months of the year had been the demise of us. Initially, my ex had been terminated from his employment due to being accused of embezzling money from his company for the past 2 years. At first, he claimed his innocence, but eventually had confessed his guilt to me. From there and despite me standing by his side after having been made aware of his wrongdoings; it was the beginning of the end of us. Our entire lives had started to cave in as each month passed and the pressure from the situation caved in on us in all different areas and aspects of our lives. Eventually, it had caused such a strain on our relationship; that I decided to make the executive decision to end our relationship in June. It was 2 weeks after having broken up, but still remaining under the same roof; that we had gotten into our worst domestic dispute to date. The police were called, an arrest was made against him, a restraining order/order of protection were put in place for my safety and he was removed from our then home indefinitely. From there, I was solely responsible for the upkeep of our home, taking care of our 5 dogs (children), two large size fish tanks, snake and axolotl. In addition to being solely responsible for taking care of myself financially, etc. from that point forward. I had to put our home up for sale (what the domestic dispute was over), start to pay my own car payment, insurance, etc. The list of responsibilities was endless. Aside from the financial aspect of the breakup; I also had to conduct all open houses, private showings, etc. all the while managing our 5 dogs by myself, entirely. We’d lived in that home for what would have been 5 years together; a home that I put the security deposit down on all by myself at the age of 27 years young. A 5-figure down payment I ultimately had to sacrifice in the selling of our home because he refused to reimburse me at closing. For 5 months; I stood imprisoned in that home by myself living in purgatory while it withered away from the inside out. I literally physically saw the demise of it break down with my own two eyes and had to endure what that did to me mentally, emotionally and physically over the last 5 months. All the while; might I add, that I’d been a “House Husband (homemaker)” our entire relationship. Until, ultimately being forced to change that in an emergency situation that unfortunately presented itself due to his illegal activities. As of last week; I had 3 days to find a new place to live, hire a moving company, pack up an entire home and all that was mentioned in it above, move to my new residence and now ultimately unpack, settle in, etc. Again, all by myself; while having been mentally, emotionally and physically unstable at this point. I’ve been forthcoming about all of the details within my story, but it’s all that I have left out (you can only imagine); that truly, eats away at me. All the while, I hadn’t seen, spoken to, etc. my ex for the last 5 months, but decides to contact me within the 3 days mentioned for the first time since June for his “Closure.” Meanwhile, earlier in the week; last week, I had unfortunately crossed paths with him (unknowingly) and witnessed him on what was confirmed to be a “Date,” at a restaurant I introduced him to that I frequented at. As if witnessing that in-person wasn’t gut-wrenching enough; he had the audacity to contact me by text message, phone call and multiple e-mails (against court orders, mind you); for his, “Closure.” Adding insult to injury; the holiday’s/Christmas are my favorite time of year since childhood and they’re extremely sentimental to me as well. Details of which he’s obviously been aware of over the past 14 years. Needless to say; my entire holiday season this year has been entirely sabotaged by both him and all of the above circumstances mentioned above. To say that I lack the “Holiday Spirit,” this year; would be an understatement and I was once suicidal during the holiday season/Christmas in 2020 due to my Harm, etc. OCD. But this holiday season; after these past 5 months and the havoc they’ve caused to my life as I once knew it, the lives of my 5 dogs (children), etc. I am truly shaken to the core in a devastatingly catastrophic way. However, I’d like to state that I am safe now. I have since relocated successfully and I intend on putting my best foot forward (despite all odds stacked against me); for not only myself, but my 5 dogs (children), etc. because they all both depend and rely on me and are ultimately what give me the strength, courage, etc. to be motivated to keep going! And so, I wrap this story up by stating that I am truly concerned (scared) for a negative relapse on my mental health. I have been in both recovery and remission for ex amount of time now from my chronic OCD, major depressive disorder and severe anxiety disorder. With all of the above being said; I ask, I beg and I plead with anyone/everyone was has taken the time to read this post in its entirety (thank you, wholeheartedly); to keep me, my 5 dogs (children), etc. in your thoughts and prayers this holiday season and into the new year ahead of us. Again, thank you to anyone/everyone whohas taken the time to read my post and gain a glimpse of my story/into our lives as of the year and especially these past 5 months. I wholeheartedly; thank you all and am both grateful and appreciative! Sending love, compassion and support to all those suffering from the monster and battling the beast that is OCD 💌 Happy Holiday’s 🎅🎄🎁

I’m having a very bad evening with my intrusive thoughts. I was doing really good dealing with them but tonight one hit me hard. I’ve been having a lot of different intrusive thoughts but I’ll have one occasionally about hurting my mom or my dog who I love and they’re the only family I have in my life. They’re my world. I was helping my mom put away the dishes and I had the big kitchen knife in my hand and my intrusive thought was you could stab your mom. And then my brain said I had a twitch in my hand and that meant I wanted to do it. Let me just say that I wouldn’t hurt a fly. I actually caught a fly in a glass and put it outside instead of killing it this evening before this intrusive thought happened. I’m such a gentle and compassionate and caring person and these thoughts instantly cause me to have a panic attack. And I have no one to talk to them about. I know they’re hard for my mom to hear and I don’t want to be any more of a burden than I already am. I do desperately want to tell her and have her reassure me that I’m not crazy or a psycho. Then my thoughts wander to if your hand did flinch could you be a psychopath. Is hurting someone in you. I know it’s not but I feel like my mind is out to get me and hurt me. I’m working so hard and I thought I was doing so good but I need to know why I have these thoughts. They’re not ok. I need someone to help me make sense of why. I know we aren’t supposed to ruminate but I shouldn’t have thoughts like this about people I love and care about the most in the world.

Anyone else have the fear of blacking out/having a psychotic break and harming others or myself/having no control of your body? Any tips on how to deal with this or anyone who’s recovered from this? It’s probably been my worst yet - the fear of having no control over my body or my actions.

This should be common sense, but unfortunately I stumble down these rabbit holes and subreddits because I have a complicated health problem, and am trying to seek a similar community. I have sought out medical advice with no real conclusion and ocd anxiety makes things worse so I guess this is a form of compulsion? I’m not exactly sure anymore. Anyways, I had a strange experience last night where I had a bit of swelling and discomfort in my mouth and fingers. I took an antihistamine just in case, and the issue resolved itself. I posted in a histamine intolerance subreddit asking if anyone has experienced similar as there was no known trigger. Well, someone told me it was anaphylaxis and that I had to be more careful with what I ate. Anaphylaxis is already a trigger of mine, and although I know logically it couldn’t have been, the opinion of another person feels like confirmation. I am now afraid to eat or drink because of it. I am unsure if posting on subreddits was a compulsion now but please be careful with anything like that. It can make things so much worse.

I’m going through a really bad flare up. I developed ocd many years ago when I had my first child. Postpartum ocd. I suffer from harm and pocd. At first I had mostly mental and some physical compulsions but the physical faded away pretty early on and i’ve just done mental compulsions since. My ocd was in remission for alot of years and if the ocd would pop up now and again, I was easily able to shrug it off and not engage. A few years ago I went through a stressful time in my life and the ocd came back to stay. At first it was bad but then it got better and has been pretty mild until now. It’s been really bad this week and the physical compulsions are even back. I never thought it would ever get this bad again. My ocd is making me doubt who I am and how I feel. I know it’s all ocd and not real or true but the ocd makes it feel so real that I can’t easily dismiss or disprove it. The more I try to disprove it the more real the ocd makes it feel. I’m really struggling and don’t know how to get back on track. I don’t have access to a therapist because there are no ocd specialists near me and my insurance doesn’t cover online therapy. That’s why i’m reaching out here. Has anyone been through a rough relapse? How can I get through and past this??

Hey guys! So I struggle with OCD, especially harm, relationship and moral stuff and I am somewhat recovered now. However, my current girlfriend has started showing signs of OCD but it’s abou5 something I don’t know much about so I wanted to see if anyone on here had thoughts about it. She is constantly thinking about food (when to eat it, what is healthy, what is too much, what is too little) and controls the thoughts by giving in and controlling her entire day around food. She don’t really know the feeling of being full. She never starved herself and always eats, but then she feels extremely guilty afterwards. Her thoughts do have to do a lot with her body image and not gaining weight but also not losing any either. Does this sound like ocd or an eating disorder?

I don't even know if I should put this here, but I have the greatest girlfriend in the whole world, and I love her very much, but my thoughts keep saying I'm going to hurt her, so I can hurt God and idk what to do, I feel so disgusted and idk what to do, and the worst part is why does some part of me just not even care idk what to do anymore, it's almost like I'm turning into this horrible person and idk what to do, I'm really not sure what to do. I have really been able to be happy I just feel like I don't deserve it and I want to care about people and God and I want to be a good person, but a part of me shuts off my caring nature and idk what to do, I'm really freaking out because it's like IDC and idk what to do I just feel so nasty and scared because why don't I feel like I care. Why does it feel like it's something I wanna do idk, what to do I'm really freaking worried. Also I don't want OCD but a part of me says I need it or I like these thoughts and idk what to do, as im writing this i just feel like laughing and idk what to do, i really judt want jesus to hug me and say everything will be alright, i am such a monster....

Tonight is one of the hardest nights I’ve ever had with harm ocd. It’s really one of those nights I’m doubting it’s ocd. I’m having panic attack after panic attack and it’s been the past couple of days where it’s been its highest. I’m doing everything I can to cope, like a hot shower (in the middle of a panic attack, hardest thing ever) skin care, turning my diffuser on and skincare. I took a klonopin but it hasn’t kicked in yet. My brain is beating me up with thoughts like “who thinks like this, you’re a serial killer! A murderer! You should be locked up!” Watching my family around me have peace and be normal is so hard because I’m here struggling to just lay down and relax. Part of me feels like I’m gonna lose my mind and end up in the hospital tonight. I just need positive reinforcement and people who can relate. Are you guys there?

I was out today I was actually feeling good and I was just living the day when I get home I start getting like feelings like I’m bored I should do something crazy or my harm ocd thoughts starts popping out like to do something risky just because I’m bored and it freaks me out because I feel like I can’t be still without thinking those thoughts and they freak me out because it makes me think like I’m actually sick for thinking that way just because I’m bored why can’t I be like I used to just be home and not think of doing bad things because they aren’t good thoughts idk part of ocd as well?

Ok so I (15m) am currently going through the worst breakdown I have ever had and it’s because I’m terrified I could’ve s@d my little brother and I have reason I did because when we were kids we were exposed to explicit content by our older brother and when I was 9 and he was 7 I cocs@d him and he says he doesn’t remember that happening but I remember it clearly and how it happened and now I’m wondering if I s@d him again after that and I’m terrified i did because I think I made him a victim of s@ I basically ruined his life. And I exposed to a lot of explicit content and idk why I thought it was ok and normal but I’m scared I could’ve s@d him he said no but like idk that doesn’t mean it didn’t happened and he is currently like rude to me and said he hates me and sometimes he is rude and sometimes he is nice but mostly kind of rude hitting me and honestly idk I deserve it I mean like he is also very touchy and sudd like that and I’m worried I could’ve caused that like what if I traumatized him I feel sick so sick

I am trying very hard not to ruminate or give into compulsions, but I must be failing. I’m starting to dissociate super bad and my harm OCD coupled with the dissociation is unimaginably difficult. It legitimately feels like I’m losing my mind and that there’s no way this could be OCD. I don’t feel like myself. I don’t feel like I’m inside my body. I feel like even compulsions don’t take the anxiety or fear away. It feels like I am getting worse which also feels like I’m going to snap, which then fuels the fear cycle. If anyone has experienced this and can help, I would be greatly appreciative.

can someone with this theme help me i’m so scared and i can’t stop having panic attacks is this OCD??? So i always have struggled most with sucicidal ocd and harm ocd. i never really had any other themes. but recently ive struggled with SOOCD. My whole life i have never EVER been into girls ever and i could never even think of ever being with a girl in my entire life. i’m having extreme amounts of anxiety and i have compulsions to make sure i look at a girl and don’t feel anything towards them or anything. My mind is literally going “what if your just in denial” or “what if you’ve just been hiding it all these years” When i know i haven’t. i have all of the symptoms of SOOCD and i still know that im not gay,but these thoughts are extremely distressing and have been the worse to deal with. I’m constantly panicking and doing compulsions to get these thoughts to leave and they won’t. i’m scared and these thoughts are making my mind scared. What if i’m going against my morals and i’m lying to myself like and i just went through a tough breakup too so that is shooting these thoughts and anxiety. Please help omg!!!