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Does anyone else obsess about having another panic attack or scan their body constantly for how they feel and if a thought or feeling about a panic attacks comes on, you’re more likely to start to feel panicky?

Hi everyone, this is a very long post, but I want to share my story in hopes of helping others see that they are not alone, and that what they are going through isn’t something that they need to bare alone. Feel free to read if you want-things will get better! 💜 I first encountered my OCD flaring up when I was in middle school around the age of twelve or thirteen. During this time, my primary obsession was the fear that I could or would possibly commit suicide. At the time, I had no clue what was happening and didn’t know anything about OCD (other than believing it was defined as people needing to keep their spaces tidy). Reflecting now, it’s clear to me that this was the first time I had the unfortunate privilege of meeting my OCD monster. I was constantly having intrusive images and thoughts anytime I would see knives—worrying that I would grab one and use it to harm myself. I would create scenarios in my head in in which I pictured myself jumping in front of a garbage truck, or drowning myself in the bathtub. While the logical side of me knew that these fears were irrational, I felt such shame and isolation in having them. The theme subsided after about three months, and I was able to move on with my life without noticing any major flare ups of OCD. Now, this doesn’t mean I wasn’t experiencing OCD during this ‘peacetime’, but the themes were nowhere near as debilitating. For example, I’d have flare ups about random concerns such as obsessing that chest pains could be a sign of heart attack; worrying that I’d developed a brain tumor due to a dizzy spell; worrying that I’d get arrested for accidentally hitting something with my car; etc. While these situations brought on an immense amount of anxiety, these bouts usually dissipated within about a week—for this reason, I don’t consider these to be any of my main nor debilitating themes. One summer day in my high school age—around fifteen—I was watching the local news and a story came on about a soccer coach who was arrested for grooming his players. The story highlighted how much everyone in the community was reeling from this revelation since the coach was such a beloved and respected member of the community. I remember the exact moment when I was flooded with an immense amount of dread and anxiety unlike anything I’d ever felt up until that point. If this ‘upstanding’ community man was capable of something so terrible, what was to say I couldn’t be too? What if I’m just discovering this terrifying aspect of my identity all of a sudden? What would everyone who I know and love think about me? These are just a few examples of the myriad of thoughts that bombarded my mind within just minutes of seeing that news story. The anxiety about this possibility elevated to such a level, that I felt more hopeless than I have ever felt about my future before. I remember leaving my parents a note on their bedside table confessing to them that I was afraid that I was a pedophile because there was no way I would have ever been able to face them in-person and say that. I waited in my room all morning until after they had read the note in hopes that would come talk to me and try to comfort me—which is exactly what they did. While their reassurance made me feel a bit better for the next thirty minutes, eventually I felt that I needed more answers and began Googling. This was when I finally found out about OCD. I felt an immense sense of relief when I realized that this could be OCD, but the monster did not like that I had uncovered it’s nasty secret, and immediately tried to divert my attention by battering me with the though that I was the exception to the rule—that I didn’t actually have OCD. I wasn’t brave enough to start therapy because I was terrified that when I went to my first appointment and told them my thoughts, that they would confirm to me that there is something wrong and that it wasn’t OCD. For about 8 months, I continued ruminating on every little possibility, avoiding children, and feeling a complete loss of identity that I would never wish upon anyone. After finally mustering up the courage to start therapy, I found myself improving after about 2 months, and wasn’t bothered by such thoughts anymore….I was so relieved to be done with that phase of my life, not knowing that the monster would never leave. At this point, I was loving every aspect of life—especially after coming out as gay to my parents during my freshman year of university. Life was beautiful and I felt free of any doubt or fear surrounding who I was. But when COVID hit, my OCD went into hyperdrive with contamination as my primary theme. The pandemic progressed, and these anxieties died down and it felt like life was going to move on. One day later that summer, in August of 2022—about 4 years since ever really thinking about it—the pedophilia-themed OCD was back. I had opened up to a close friend about my experience in high school, and she was incredibly understanding and supportive; but something in my brain triggered from this conversation and the obsession was back. This time, I found a therapist right away, but not knowing that Exposure Response Prevention (ERP) was the proper treatment, I found a psychologist who specialized in psychodynamic therapy. After about 5 months of torture, I did reach recovery once again despite the lack of ERP. Life was good again throughout the rest of university and post-graduation. However, this past May, things took a dive for the worst. After being prescribed what I had deemed a “scary antibiotic” for an infection from my wisdom teeth surgery, my OCD ramped up to the point where I was obsessing over the possibility of having side effects from this medication—even imagining that I had developed peripheral neuropathy from the pills. Less than 48 hours later, I saw a Tik Tok clip of the show To Catch a Predator. Seeing that clip was extremely triggering, and caused me to imagine myself as the person being caught. It was like a light switch was flipped in my brain as the health-related fears vanished simultaneously with the arrival of the pedophilia-themed obsessions. At this time, I was also about a week into beginning treatment using Prozac. For me, the medication ended up resulting in negative side effects that drove up suicidal thoughts, which in tandem with the POCD made me lose all hope in going on. I found myself bargaining and playing mind games to try and solve this problem: I couldn’t be attracted to children, could I? I’ve only ever been attracted to people my own age in the past. But what if something is changing in me now? Even if it is, I could just make sure that I never act on it. No, I can’t even bare the thought of identifying that way. But you didn’t want to be gay at first, what if this is like that? Phew, that guy is attractive. But what if he’s actually younger than he looks? Does that mean I’m attracted to minors? What if the traits I am attracted to in age-appropriate partners are only the traits that I perceive as looking younger? The barrage of thoughts completely destroyed me. Fortunately, I was able to stop taking the Prozac and the suicidal thoughts diminished, but I was still so obsessed over the possibility that I could be a terrible monster. To make matters worse, my career is working with high school students while they are applying to colleges. I see hundreds of sixteen and seventeen year-old students every month. My OCD took this job that I loved, and turned it against me. It told me that I only liked the job because it got me closer to younger kids. It told me that I wasn’t attracted to people my own age. I felt lost and couldn’t tell what was real anymore. After a month of intense suffering, I was able to begin taking control of the situation by finding an OCD specialist, this time beginning ERP right away. As a supplement to my therapy, I also began taking Anafranil, and after a few weeks, I reached a place of pretty solid ground. That was in late-July. Since that time, I have considered myself to be in recovery and have been immensely enjoying my life. However, recovery now means something much different than what it meant when I first began my journey with OCD. Now, I understand that I will probably never be free of intrusive thoughts—no one is—but they do not define who I am as a person, and I am able to enjoy life alongside them. While in my past it always felt that I needed to put so much time and energy into solving the things that worry me, what I have now come to realize is that overthinking never really solved anything. Instead, it took control of my life and made me see negativity anywhere I looked in life. This brings us to today. My experiences with OCD—particularly in the past six months—have inspired me to dedicate my time advocating for OCD understanding and helping others to see that they are not alone, especially because that’s how I know many of you feel. I hope to join the likes of the amazing leaders in the community such as Chrissie Hodges, Nathan Peterson, Stuart Ralph, and so many others who contribute such meaningful work to this community. This entry is just the beginning of my work, and I hope it provides some hope and understanding for others. In the future, I plan to elaborate more on my experiences and share more about living life with OCD. Through all of these experiences, I have come to realize that life goes on. It’s possible to live a fulfilling life while OCD takes the backseat.

Hi everyone this is going to be a long introduction. When I was much younger I struggled with debilitating anxiety I worked on myself and took medication and got so much better. Since then I have been living a normal life up until about 6 months ago. I became pregnant with my second child. At 16 weeks pregnant I lost the baby I ended up hemorrhaging being rushed to the hospital having emergency surgery and the entire experience was absolutely horrifying. I thought I was doing so much better until recently when I started experiencing neck issues. I know this sounds extremely weird but I feel like I constantly have to crack or stretch my neck it drove me crazy to the point where I went to a chiropractor and had X-rays done and adjustments. Which made me feel better for a little bit and then it came back. I find myself thinking about how my neck feels and having to be cracked constantly and then I’m on the internet researching how cracking my neck can affect me and a million other things. I have also been experiencing anxiety over it to the point where I took some prescribed Valium to help me get through the day. I am a hypochondriac I have always since I was a little kid been absolutely consumed about dying or having something horrible wrong with my health. I dwell on how scary the thought of having a heart attack or stroke or anything is to the point where I have gone to the hospital for random weird feelings and things I have experienced that were nothing but self inflicted anxiety. I did not think I ever had OCD until very recently since I started researching it. I have noticed a pattern now throughout my life of worrying about everyone I love dying and worrying about me dying and how it will happen and what will happen. I used to tighten my chest repeatedly until it would hurt and I couldn’t get myself to stop until I finally got a hold of myself and stopped. Then I went to every doctor imaginable to make sure I was ok and had a million tests done. Now I’m doing the neck cracking and constantly thinking about my neck. I have talked to my primary doctor and chiropractor who both say it’s a anxiety/ocd manifestation and nothing is wrong with me. I was doing so well until I lost the baby and it stirred this all up for me. I’m desperately reaching out for help at this point. I want to travel and be happy and enjoy the one life I have to live. Instead I’m a prisoner in my own mind and body and I can’t enjoy anything because I can’t get out of my own mind and fears long enough to enjoy the moments I’m in. I also have a beautiful amazing 3 year old daughter that keeps me going and I want to be the best version of myself for her. Thank you for listening to my rant I look forward to hearing experiences and meeting other people out there like me. Sometimes it just helps to know your not alone. I find myself watching the people around me and saying see look at them they are so happy nothing is wrong with them. Nobody else experiences what I am going through.

Really struggling. Dr I saw this week told me I’m overweight based on BMI and need to lose weight. I’ve been in ED recovery for years and have just started feeling better about my relationship with food and exercise. One thing my ocd sticks to is weight and body image. So hearing someone confirm my worst fears — it was horrible. I feel so lost and afraid.

I never realized this was OCD, but i constantly check my bp and i always have my fingers to my neck checking my pulse. I am terrified to die and Im scared to go to sleep at night because I feel like I won’t wake up. I also get really bad headache and feel like it’s a tumor. I feel like I’m going crazy

Let's me start by saying I already have a solid mental health team (psychiatrist and therapist). I also am officially diagnosed with hypochondria, GAD, panic disorder, and ptsd. I have had SEVERE anxiety all my life, especially health anxiety, it has made me completely housebound before in the past but I'm having new symptoms and they are scaring me. Has anyone here ever had this same fear obsession? I feel like my brain is fried, my thoughts feel scrambled, I just feel so out of it. I feel like I can't think, I feel lethargic, I have become super sensitive to everything, anything triggers a fear response in me, I can't concentrate, some days | feel so restless that i just want to crawl out of my skin. I feel like I've become socially awkward and more self conscious. I feel like I am having trouble forming sentences and carrying on conversations and I'm not sure if it's because i have become so hyperaware of what I'm saying because i am always on the look out for symptoms like "disorganized speech" and stuff. I'm constantly having mind pops of completely random memories, I'm having racing thoughts and so many more symptoms. I just don't feel like me anymore ): I feel like I will never be normal again, but at the same time I can't even remember what normal is like. I have been deep in this schizophrenia obsession for about 5 months now. If anyone can relate, please comment.

If your OCD is severe, I pray to God that you can get Clomipramine to slow the OCD down and calm the mind. Clomipramine is a Tricyclic Anti-depressant and has shown to decrease OCD. I believe the nerves are broken and Serotonin and other Neurotransmitters like GABA & Dopamine are not getting across the synapses like they should. However it happened from Vegetarianism which lacks B-12 (needed for nerves) having Methylation issues/MTHFR and having Folate/Issues needing Folate or even emotional abuse not forming brain nerves correctly, our brain is not getting adequate Serotonin. I pray that Doctors figure out better than SSRI's /Tricyclic Anti-Depressants like Clomipramine or however Fluvoxamine works that they can calm the excitatory Neurotransmitter's like Glutamate/Glutamine Acid and Raise the Neurotransmitters of Serotonin/GABA and modulate Dopamine correctly. Just trying to help. People please get on B-12 in any form preferably Methylated until you get the Gut working better and use Methyl-Folate. Cyanocobalmin is actually the most absorbable B-12 but some people's intrinsic factor could be off and need Methylated Forms such as Methyl B-12 or even Hydroxo B-12. B-6, B9 (Folate/Methyl Folate and B-12 vitamins are SO Important in OCD....sorry, I am in overdrive but I just want to get this information out there, I am tired of the damaging effects of OCD. Everyone please hang in there.

I just quit my job today due to the crippling harm OCD that I have been having for the past couple months. I’m also a type one diabetic and so worried I won’t be able to find another job because I can’t hold it together at work. Due to the fact I lost my job, all my money is going to go to medical supplies for my diabetes. Before the harm OCD it was contamination and health OCD. I’d much rather go back to the other one than the harm one. Here is the thing, I can’t afford therapy at the moment. I know ERP is the gold standard. I read about CBT and acceptance therapy. I won’t go into detail about my harm OCD because I’m very much embarrassed and ashamed. I don’t even want these thoughts or like these thoughts. I want to run away from them so bad. I just want to love, be loved and be happy. Now without a job, no health insurance, being type one diabetic, and at I would say almost the height of this OCD, does anyone have any advice? Any words of encouragement? I cry every day about this and feel like a monster. I can’t get disability, I can’t afford health insurance without a job, and I don’t know how to get through this harm OCD. If anyone just can text me back, especially if you have dealt with a similar OCD I would appreciate it. I’m so lonely and lost about it all. I never thought I’d get into this situation. I’m staying as strong as I can but just anyone able to talk I would appreciate it. Thank you guys for reading.

hey its been a while since ive last been on this app. tbh my health ocd has gotten a lot better since the last few posts (yay to that!!) but ive been struggling soo much with pocd. i used to struggle w/ intrusive, obsessive thoughts like these before but they werent common and they were bearable. not anymore apparently. im so scared and disgusted at even the idea of having these thoughts, i know i would never actually do something to anyone but i keep on ruminating and its been taking me into mental crisis. anyone that could help? ive been off therapy for 2 months so im thinking that maybe that caused the obsessions to get worse but idrk im 17, about to turn 18 this year. i feel gross

I was watching a video on tiktok where someone said palpitations after eating can be cause by pots I get this all the time after eating now I m scared I might have :/

Good evening everyone! Long story short- I had Health OCD 12 years ago but was never diagnosed. No idea how that’s even possible, I had every sign and saw 2 licensed psychiatrists but they labeled me with GAD. Knowing what I know today, it was 100% Health OCD. I fought it for 3 years until one day I literally surrendered. No training and no NOCD…but I remember breaking down sobbing and accepting that my fate might be terminal. Obviously I’m still here and my fate wasn’t terminal and over time it went into remission. For 12 years! Gone! Amazing! Looking back, I still had minor signs but my maintenance dose of Cymbalta kept me straight and steady. Until I decided that I didn’t need Cymbalta anymore and I got off it cold turkey last January. Well, it came back with vengeance and brought a new theme. I finally got a proper diagnosis and found NOCD. It’s helped me but I’m still fighting - after two major relapses. I’m doing all my techniques but the voice is still loud in the mornings. The ruminating is still there. It definitely ebbs and flows and I’m questioning my meds again- Cymbalta seemed to help the last time… Anyway, I got to thinking about how I managed to heal the first time and how I just gave up, literally. I am wondering if that’s what it takes? My new theme has me fearing a local stalker- that he will come after me. I know…it’s not about the theme. But, as much as I want to surrender and get better…my fight or flight is trying to keep me safe from this evil convicted felon. Those of you who have succeeded, did you finally have to give up too? Or can you use the ERP and meds to eventually quiet it? Thank you and much love.

my puppy licked in my nose and i’m scared about that disease that you can get that can cause you to lose your limbs!! omg i’ve been on google for hours!!! i know it’s rare!! but i don’t want to be the one to get it!

I want to beat OCD/GAD? because I'm tired of being this shell of my former self. My brain has been hollowed out by the chainsaw of fears while my body remains fixed in place, unable to run. I once loved to sing and write. I once remembered conversations with others. I once was actually able to hold them myself. Now, I can barely complete coherent sentences without my thoughts veering off. My OCD leaves me exhausted. It's so hard to feel rested when you think something awful is going to happen all the time. I have started to affectionately call it Chicken Little Syndrome. However, it doesn't deserve any affection. I am supposed to be savoring the little songs my toddler sings or the jokes my husband cracks, but I am worrying about making ends meet or about inadvertently not being able to help my patients. Why did I have such issues with time management last shift? Why couldn't I focus on other simple tasks? People have shown me so much love and I can't even think of the proper way to respond, nevermind coming up with something clever, eloquent, or creative. I am a shell. A chainsaw of fear. My family is so good. They deserve to have me back.

Travelling has been so good for me. At first I felt like my life was in danger, I was skittish as hell and like a scared puppy. There have been times I’ve gone to hospital with injuries and times where I’ve had deadly diseases but I’m through that. I took the advice of travelling slowly so I’ve been in this village for eight months. I’ve weeded out the riff raff and I have friends now. In the UK I was finding it so hard to connect with people as friends. There were people I spoke to and visited regularly but since I left they stopped all communication giving strong “you are a nutter” vibes because I had a panic attack. Anyway people aren’t judging me here and they have religion so are kind natured and accommodating. I move on to the next place in two weeks where I will see less foreigners. I’m not particularly bothered about this as I only really speak to Indians anyway and it will be good to practice my Hindi. My best friends here are the street dogs and the little children who sell fish food and flowers come a close second. Those children will be getting a bumper parcel of coloured chalk before I leave. Best activity was going down to the ghat (steps leading to the river) and just watching the Ganges flow by while people are meditating and doing yoga. This was the best activity by far and it was free. I came here to see if I liked travelling before committing to full time travel. I love travelling solo and I’m more at ease with my own company than I thought I’d be. I’ve done a short course in English teaching and the next step for me would be to do a diploma in that. I can earn £1,000-£3,000 a month teaching English in India at a school but tbh I can more than cover my expenses by teaching for a couple of hours a day online. I have to leave in March to sort out some finances but I’m sure I will return whatever. When I’m back I’m going to begin the process of learning yoga. Yoga is always the suggested form of exercise for my illness and Rishikesh is yoga central. I’d like to learn to teach it and there are teaching courses everywhere here. I don’t know what I’d like to do then if anything. I’d have English and yoga teaching under my belt and I do have other irons firmly in the fire. Maybe I’d like to just wander and help those that need it. That is the thing that most comes to mind. I’ve been homeless, in homeless hostels, lived on council estates and in the drugs world and I’m old enough and wise enough to know who needs help and who is just taking advantage. I know money isn’t always the best form of help unless you are wise enough to give it to an organisation with the experience to know how best to spend it. Hmm yes, I am just sitting by the Ganges with meditators and yoga practitioners contemplating life and the future… I hope everyone’s recoveries are going well.

This is ruining my day to day life. I don’t think health related ocd is my theme but I do often get intense anxiety when I feel “off”. I was in a coma for 8 days due to grand mal seizure in 2020. So I’ve kind of chalked up my stress about my health to a sort of ptsd relating to that event since it came out of nowhere. I didn’t date and was fully celibate for over 2 years until this past may when I finally decided to start seeing someone. We had unprotected intercourse probably ten times and protected the rest. We ended things at the beginning of august. I met someone new (my current bf) who had a full STD panel done and was good. I had a partial one done and was good, I had plasma taken in October which I know tests for hiv (didn’t do it for that reason, didn’t even have this concern then) they never said I was positive but what if it was too soon? I was having nausea randomly the past few weeks. Not all day but at random times. I was googling knowing I’m not pregnant and read so much how that means you can have HIV. Reading this few articles has sent me into a spiral and is consuming my days. I can’t think about anything else. I’m so scared. I don’t think I have other symptoms but I know it can take time. Idk how to shake this. I can’t stop trying to go back and think of every time I ever coughed since may or everytime I had a runny nose or headache because what if it’s hiv? I feel disrespectful feeling this way because What if it’s not but it’s on a constant loop in my head. I’m terrified TERRIFIED to get tested and confirm my fears. I stayed at a waterpark with my family and following had a terrible itchy rash that the dr told me was scabies I contracted from our stay. I was the only one to get it. Could that have been HIV? I’m sick to my stomach daily over this

Hello, I am still very afraid that I’ve gotten scabies since 4 months back. I’ve been to 3 different doctors and they’ve like slightly looked at the spots and one dermatologist quick with like a big thing that zoomes in the area. Either way, everyone has told me it’s nothing but I still get a little itchy here and there, and I GET RANDOM SCRATCH MARKS ON MY BODY and it says that those can appear with intense itching at night and when you sleep but I don’t feel like I can do that because I don’t have like intense itching. Either way my friend booked us a trip and I got new scratch marks but my time with my dermatologist told me it’s after the trip and I don’t think they have it before, and I’m so scared I’ve contaminated everyone around me. Should I go on the trip or should I cancel and should I stay home until the 29th of January…., I sound crazy but I’m so afraid. I can’t sleep or think

I'm having a very hard time with contamination and health concerns OCD,I feel I'm about to give up. My parents even if they live extremely far from me and I haven't seen them in more than 6 years ago, still they don't really try better ways to help me through the distance. They have an immense lack of empathy, kindness, understanding, patience and compassion about my situation.My husband has become a monster, so mean and heartless. I'm all alone with my toddler. My hands are absolutely destroyed due to the over washing. I have waited 2 weeks to be able to open and use some makeup I ordered, but as I saw the box was opened Istarted to think what if someone has deliberately tampered the makeup, or polluted it with something very dangerous as Anthrax spores? And I never dropped that belief, I asked here for opinions and suggestions on how to deal with that. I got so helpful, kind and good answers, still I couldn't do a change. Now when I was reading a little more about OCD to try to find more help. I crossed with this, I didn't know, after reading this,l feel completely disappointed, to live with OCD, depression and anxiety it's not life, now reading that we are in higher risk of developing BD and Schizophrenia, it's awful. In days like this..I wish I was dead or never even born.

I need a place to write this out. 18+ only I’m having a pregnancy scare even though there was no P in V action. I’m worried semen might’ve accidentally gotten on my boyfriend’s hand. I know he did not touch himself. I was 1 day outside of my fertile window according to my cycle tracking when the non P in V sexual encounter occurred. I started having very minor left ovary pain 6 days before my period, along with some GI issues. There was flecks (like seriously 2 tiny SPECKS) of blood when I wiped 4 days before my period I’ve never noticed this before my period before. I had my period on time and regular. But I read that girls can mistake implantation bleeding for their period so I started to worry. I took a pregnancy test 3 days after my period ended and it was negative. My left ovary pain is still present the same as it was before my period, but now it’s coupled with minor lower back pain and GI issues. I keep worrying about being pregnant and that I took my pregnancy test wrong. I keep googling symptoms and quizzes trying to see how I compare. I don’t want to take another pregnancy test because I know how this loop works but I can’t stop overthinking.

Obviously I’m engaged in ERP here while also taking SSRI (Luvox 250mg and Buspar 7.5mg), but I was wondering if anyone had good luck with a natural remedy (cbg, ashwagandha, etc) or alternative therapy (acupuncture, hypnosis, ketamine)? I would like to supplement what I’m currently doing and I’m seriously thinking about ketamine. Much love y’all!

Hi everyone! So one of the ways my ocd has manifested has been through fear of getting sick, being sick or getting someone else sick (guilt) - for the new year I’m really trying to not complain or say anything negative because typically I complain a lot about common things like “my head hurts” “my stomach hurts” “I have this symptom do you think I’m okay?” “Feel my head if I’m not” basically just constantly worrying. I also freak out if someone around me has even a sniffle or anything off of the norm. I also own a lash business where I have clients and I still wear a mask and have a mental internal breakdown if someone comes in seemingly sick. Anyway - since I’m trying really hard for this new year to work on this and scale back on talking about things to my boyfriend friends and family only if it’s really something I’m going to come here for advice instead Today I went to the gym my boyfriend owns and he threw up in the bathroom after sudden nausea. He said it was because he drank coffee too fast and I do believe that then he felt fine. I mopped the bathroom for him incase any throw up missed the toilet since he had to finish his client. Then I left and I did my normal sanitizing of my phone hands and everything as I do when I leave the gym. I tried to remain calm and I got home and did my normal morning routine trying not to think more about it He said he felt fine and normal again still but then about an hour later he texted me that he threw up again but this time blood, and that his friends then said they didn’t feel great (not stomach problems, but just sick) and I was with them all on Monday. So anyways I know these things are inevitable but I’m really trying not to freak myself out. I have to accept if I get sick I get sick but I have extreme fears of being sick especially because I see clients and don’t want to get sick in the middle of an appt randomly if that’s when something would decide to come on How do I deal with these types of things better?