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Does anyone else fear that when they beat their theme, just the thought of discussing it again will somehow cause a relapse? I fear that once I conquer my existential theme I’ll end up talking about it and then all the fear will come back.

I don’t know how to deal with the thoughts that come and barely gone. Usually, the brain often remembers and forgets things. People with OCD however struggle with trying to forget the intrusive thoughts because of the imbalance trying to convey what is real and if the thoughts in your head will come true. Just for the past few days, I was having fun and suddenly hit with a wave of obsessive thoughts and making me stuck with nowhere to go.

Does anyone else experience the thing where your intrusive thoughts are much much worse at night? Like when you wake up during the night and the thoughts all rush back in like a flood when you regain consciousness. It's so awful, and it sometimes keeps me from being able to sleep. I'm not sure why they're worse at night; maybe it's because it's quiet or dark, or because I'm more alone at night, or because I can't do anything to distract myself, or I don't know, maybe it's just a neurological thing, thoughts intensifying when your brain should be at rest. But the thoughts that come up at night are so so intense and make me just want to scream and cry and punch something. I don't know what to do. It feels so horrible.

The Healthcare system is so dissapointing and my emotions literally can't handle it. They keep making plans that give me a twinge of hope then suddenly changing them and leaving me crashing. They're not calling, not giving updates, it's almost like they want me to die. Like I was already a wreck and attempted three times and yet they just think they can leave me at home to rot and not expect me to end up back in the hospital. I want help and I have asked for it but they are not giving it to me!!! There must be something about me that makes them think I'm just some overdramaric teenage girl because I told the psychiatrist at the mental health unit that I can't keep myself safe and he told me to have faith and then I went home attempted again and then came back and he's like "welcome back"??? I wouldn't have had to come back if u had just listened to.me when I said I was overwhelmed.

I have lots of tattoos that are meaningful to me. I've always been proud of, affirmed, and encouraged by my tattoos. Last year I got an extension on one of my favorite tattoos in the midst of a huge change I was going through, and my OCD immediately latched onto it because it was different from the original. Months later, after therapy and reflection, I decided to get half of the tattoo removed due to its placement. I kept the other half (it's a long vine) to remember that change is the only constant, and to commemorate the great experience I had with the artist. Now, though, I'm obsess about the tattoos I've had before this one. I constantly question their placement and my decision to get them, and I'm 24, so sometimes I question whether my brain's development has anything to do with my choices and current obsessions. I'm a mature 24, though, being in a PhD program and having experienced some real life shit. Anyways, anyone ever experienced this or have any insights? It's not easy. It's confusing. I can't tell who is me and valid and who is OCD.

First time posting This recent election and all the news and the legislative changes have really flaired up my rocd (possibly, I’m not even sure exactly why I spun out of control recently, by the way I am a woman). My boyfriend isn’t extremely conservative but considers himself more towards the middle though he does have some more traditional values. He doesn’t hate Trump. I’m very liberal. I hate Trump, I can understand some of what he does to an extent but I’ve never liked him and I think he’s a terrible person and lately the political stuff I’m seeing is a lot: These past few weeks have been worse and days ago I tried to call him and tell him I wanted to talk about going on a break but instantly regretted it. I’m working on it with my therapist and I do think my bf could be more supportive of my emotions through this time but he just doesn’t get how this is as stressful to me as it is. Anyway my mind bounces from one thing to another all. The. Time. And I need to do something about it, I need to figure it out. It’s always about him something about him and I love him very much and he treats me so well and loves me, but I constantly analyze my relationship and him in general, I’m worried my cpstd exacerbates this more and makes it worse. I don’t use TikTok ever anymore bc of hiw political my feed is (I’m passionate about human rights,the lgbt, I guess things really viewed these days as left-leaning, he isn’t as into it as I am) Everytime I open TikTok I feel like I need to break up with my bf because he’s a fascist,sexist, etc. is what the videos tell me and make me think bc of how high political tensions are right now . a lot of the posts are talking about how sad they are that their guy doesn’t get them and the comments are like you need to dump him which makes me even more worried. Or they’re super black and white and extreme and then I get stuck. I hate black and white thinking and this online culture, I’m really freaked out. I’m planning on starting ERP soon as I can. I’ve had ocd since I was a child but wasn’t diagnosed till this year (21) and my biggest theme has been rocd the past 3 years since I met him. I didn’t know what was happening to me till I learned I had ocd. It feels so urgent and so scary and even if it’s something that isn’t actually happening or wouldn’t have a possibility of happening for many years (ex. Us arguing over reading a book about a dad accepting his son who likes traditionally girly things, and then this makes me think I need to break up with him to stop the possibility of this happening.) I hate the way ocd works. This isn’t the only thing my ocd makes me do and it’s not the only theme but it sure is the worst and most stressful to me right now. Any advice in the moment for when things become too much to handle? I’ll take anything. I wish my brain had more nuance, this is why I don’t use TikTok anymore. Too triggering. I didn’t use it until today, Today’s the first ok day I’ve had in weeks so thank god I didn’t open TikTok like 3 days ago.

I do so much for people, I always have people in mind. My boyfriend has to keep his ex in his life because they were friends before...even though their relationship ended toxic. My first date with my new bf that I worked hard planing for weeks...his ex blew up his phone and ruined the date alllllll day long My Apt was broken into and really really important stuff was stolen and I had no time to react...before I had to be an adult and go bout life and I mean like hrs. No one showed me pitty and one girl said ah...boo... Same girl leaves her phone at someone's house and gets upset and babies...it was 8 mins away. Then I have a miscarriage and I don't get to process that I have to go straight to being away for the weekend...I'm destroyed....and can't function and just ask for extra easy from people....nothing Same girl had a pregnancy scare.....and got anxious and threw up....so she got princess treatment from people..I'm like.....fucking how... I cook for people and then they don't think to wait for me. I make people items and give trinkets....I never am thought of. I say hey let's wait for so and so....and no one waits for me. I feel so upset and alone. I feel so forgotten. And then when bad things happen everyone gets defended....till it comes to me then it's my fault and deal with it what do you want me to about it... I just want to know what it's like to be thought of.. or defended. I'm so tired. And I feel I'm getting bitter.

I obsess about whether I am a cisgender lesbian in denial, and not truly a bisexual trans guy. I feel like this ocd theme developed when I wasn't given support from my parents when I came out as trans. My brain is nonstop overthinking about my identity and I go back and forth between being confident in my identity and insecure. I know that if I were to open up about this insecurity and obsession, my parents would say that it's because I'm not transgender and that they're right about me being female. Having OCD alone, especially themes that overlap, gives me debilitating anxiety. But not being able to talk to my own family about being they're the main cause is OCD cranked up to 1000%. I'm drowning.

I saw someone mention mental arousal, what does that mean in terms of sex? Is that thinking “oh I really wanna kiss him, I wanna hold his ____. I want to feel him on top of me”? Is it the liking the sex mentally? And then the body physically reacts? I’m worried I’ve only felt the mental and then the physical was forced/I don’t want sex once we start going even tho I did like 10 seconds prior I only feel that before sex/during dirty talk and it makes me wanna kiss him. During sex my head is kinda blank and I’m focusing on the sensations of him touching me. Which I think is normal. I don’t really fantasize during sex. Ig mental arousal would also just be general fantasies from dirty talk and seeing a photo of him shirtless right? Just the thought of it used to get me going but I wouldn’t think of any specific thing tho. Just using the picture. If I wanted a specific scenario I’d start thinking then texting him about it and him building on it and him getting aroused got me going more idk if just me thinking about it ever got me off? Sometimes the fantasies made me really horny but I wasn’t in a place I could do anything. Which I think just means I was aroused physically and mentally so clearly no issue here idk why I panicked. I’m worried I’m no longer mentally or physically aroused by him cuz I don’t feel any of that lately cuz I’m so fioefioeif I’m worried I only feel it for women. I’m bi so technically not an issue but I don’t wanna be thinking about anyone else (mainly friends) like that which is why I’m so uncomfortable but just in general the thought of having a sex with a woman is not appealing to me right now or at all cuz I am dating a wonderful man but that makes me worry I’m pushing down smthn and just denying it. Anyways. Ramble done

(what i'm going to say here may not make sense to many, but i want to hear words from real people, i'm tired of searching in the GPT chat) since i was a teenager i have developed certain "fetishisms" with the theme of incest (specifically between cousins), because there was an episode in my childhood that marked me enough for this to happen. i remember consuming a lot of this content (in stories or videos), because i felt a groin sensation (or i was genuinely arroused). i never actually felt mental and moral approval for it, for obvious reasons. i knew it was wrong! but i consumed it because of the feeling..it vaguely reminds me that i didn't feel guilty or anything like that, because unfortunately it's a very commonplace topic and a very collective experience, this "contact" between cousins, however wrong it may be. i recognized that this feeling was wrong, so i simply stopped wanting to have contact with it when i reached a certain age where i was already sufficiently aware of its harmfulness. but now, suffering from these pedophilic-themed thoughts, i realized that the "groinal feeling" i have when these thoughts come to my head, It's the same one i had when i thought about this incestuous theme with my cousin. this made me a little desperate, i went to GPT to look for a plausible answer to this.. i basically said that thoughts about my cousin didn't make me as desperate and agonized as these pedophilic thoughts, and i had the moral conscience behind it, although harmful, it was not AS sick as pedophilia. today i relapsed into pornography again, but i think it was a form of compulsion, perhaps.. i know that my thoughts regarding pedophilia are completely ego-dystonic, because i don't want them. but i don't know, a professional will give my final verdict. I just know that today I researched pornography with an incestuous theme and despite the physiological reaction, i couldn't feel any kind of adrenaline or pleasure in my brain. none. could it have been a compulsion? idk. i don't know anything else.

I don’t feel very obsessive. I’m not anxious at all. I know I enjoy sex with him and love him. But now idk if I wanna spend my life with him. Is that the clarity I wanted Like I know I love him but I’m unsure about our future when I used to be super sure? Idk if it’s just cuz I’m an anxious person. Is it ok to love someone and not know if you want a life with them? A life with him would be so peaceful and beautiful. It’d be all I wanted but is that a lie? I don’t think I’d regret marrying him or exploring my bisexuality more cuz I’ve had very little desire to date women. I think I’m just unsure cuz of the obvious culture and religion difference. Our anniversary is this week and I have nothing planned (except breakfast, and a gift that I haven’t finished). I know love won’t conquer everything and it’l require work from both of us. I’m worried I’m just going along with it cuz I have to or I’m stuck here not cuz I want it. Anyways: in summary, is it ok to love someone but still be unsure of wanting a future with them even tho it would be a really nice future I’d love? I really think it’s just anxiousness cuz i don’t wanna confuse my kids by praying differently than them, and celebrating christmas with my side of the family. I feel bad that I’m unsure. But I love him and god I wanna sleep in the same bed as him, wake up next to him, cook him dinner in dim light, cuddle on the couch while watching a movie. I’m tearing up writing this lol. It all seems so nice. He’s so nice. He’s so gentle. I don’t feel butterflies but I feel peace but I’m unsure. My head feels weird. I don’t feel obsessive or confused today but I’m still not me. Maybe I’m getting a short break.

Idk my brain is like “you’re only staying with your bf so you can suppress your feelings cuz you’re too scared to be a lesbian/trans” I just want to be a bi woman leave me and my bf alone I was so happy before. Now I feel a weird anxiety in my chest and idk if it’s good anxiety. My friends and I joked about me getting married to him one day and I didn’t feel butterflies I didn’t get all teary eyed thinking about it then I got in my head “oh god am I a lesbian? Am I trans? Do I want a white dress moment?” But I think I’m not excited cuz we aren’t there yet. And I know myself. I’m gonna be anxious as all hell, ROCD or not, about this wedding going off without a hitch cuz im a perfectionist. Part of me worries that my perfectionism is me suppressing myself I’m worried I’m forcing myself to stay. I’m worried I wanna take a break. Im worried if we do take a break everything will come true cuz I can finally “express myself” but I can express myself here. But the ocd is making it feel like im not or can’t? If that makes sense? Like im worried im not fully being myself and yeah there are definitely things I don’t talk about with him (like RUPAUL’s drag race, he’s not a fan, I kinda am). It’s not out of fear of him hating me it’s just not smtjn we talk about. Idk now im worried it’s not ocd and km actually in a restrictive relationship but im not. I don’t feel a lick of anxiety around any of this tho. What does that mean.

My ocd goes in roller coasters and the past 2 months the thoughts have been getting so much worse than they ever have. This week has been so difficult and it sucks because I'm missing so many good moments because I can't get out of my head. I feel constant guilt, shame, and regret. I just wish I could shut my brain off. I really thought I healed and it's so disheartening realizing I haven't yet

Practically every crush I have had has had some sort of butterflies or anxiety attached to it but it’s an exciting anxiety and now I’m trying to figure out if I actually had a crush on one of my female friends cuz I never had that usual butterfly feeling until she hugged me in a photobooth. I was just happy to hang out with her. I’ve had a genuine crush on a girl before and I felt tjose butterflies. Now I’m worried that I did and maybe still do have a crush on her without butterflies. I mean you can like someone and not have butterflies right. It’s common in ROCD to obsesses over the butterfly feeling. You don’t need them for a romantic relationship, do you need them for a crush? Idk For me a crush involves those butterflies and thinking about that person a lot and making excuses to talk to them all the time and hang out with them or call them. Stuff I used to do when I think I did have a crush on her but again: no butterflies. I was saying good morning and goodnight and rambling about whatever. Stuff I do with my current bf. I don’t think it was a genuine crush maybe me trying to prove my bisexuality cuz I’d never dated a girl at that time? Idk. I’m going insane. I’m worried I still like her and that’s why we don’t talk but we don’t talk cuz we’re both really busy people. I barely talk to any of my friends whether or not I had a crush on them. Help. I don’t think I like her but I’m worried that if I see her again or we hang out I’ll develop feelings for her and I don’t want to cuz I love my bf (I think. I’m really mentally unstable so i cannot tell) I confessed twice to her when we were in high school- at one point she had a gf, then the other she was dating her now ex. Then when she broke up with said ex I got the intrusive panicky thought of what if your bf is a placeholder and you still like her and you were just reading about comphet so maybe you’re a lesbian in denial And saying all this makes it sound like I like her and I’m avoiding talking to her cuz I like her but I’m avoiding talking to her cuz I’m worried about cheating or leaving my bf. She’s a great friend and honestly I see her more like a sister than anything I think despite us not talking very often. I’m worried I’m repressing smthn and I’m only using my bf as a coverup until she ends her current relationship cuz she was debating doing that to date women again and my brain said “why don’t you do that, you’re bi, you wanna date her” but after my confessions were rejected I thought yeah no this will never work. Moving on. Idk what I’m feeling I feel crazy. Sometimes my intrusive thoughts involve her. Sometimes not. I opened up about my ocd and she opened up with her comphet stuff and I’m worried I’m experiencing comphet and I felt this intense anxiety the entire time talking about it cuz I’m worried she thinks I’m in denial and I’m worried I’m in denial I’m worried I’m not the happiest I could be with my bf. We’re different people but not that different. Idk I’m scared I’d be happier with someone else and I’m only staying out of convenience not love and my brain is playing an image of me telling him I don’t think I’m happy with him and leaving him and idk what I’m feeling. Idk if it’s guilt cuz I don’t want the thought or guilt cuz I’m about to break someone’s heart. I’m worried I’m just here cuz I’m too scared to leave or smthn. Lately it feels like that. But I do love him. I think. Idk. This is my longest and first healthy relationship where I’ve considered someone long term in a serious way cuz his family is Muslim so i have to be sure of this if that makes sense? Idk what I’m meant to feel. If this is normal or if I’m unhappy. He’s definitely got different opinions on queer stuff compared to me but isn’t one to be hateful or anything. He knows I’m bi, he gets it, he’s cool with it. If he wasn’t. We would not have been together for a year I don’t feel much anxiety so do I just need to leave and experiment? I don’t really feel the need to do that. I don’t think? But what if I regret not doing that? Idk. I have so many questions running through my head Mainly “am I the happiest I can be in this relationship or am I complacent and don’t want him anymore and would rather datw another guy or a girl?”

Valentine’s Day is coming up and so is my bf and I’s 1 year anniversary which is insane to me. I don’t feel excited about either tho. Could be because I have exams on both days. I’m also just incredibly depressed lately. My dog passed a couple weeks ago. I miss him. I miss my family. Uni sucks. I don’t feel excited about anything. I didn’t even get him a Christmas gift. He doesn’t celebrate (Muslim) but I still wanted to get him smthn but I never did. Idk why. I wanted to. Why didn’t I? I was kinda sick upon getting back to school. And the semester ramped up fast. I feel bad. But no pit in my stomach. I also didn’t feel anything when he kissed me and thought “release meeee” more in a funny tone but idk I still thought that. Why. I didn’t get turned on making out with him. Why. When he said sweet things I didn’t feel anything. Oh god. I feel awkward when we talk about sex. Sometimes if I’m in the mental state, it’s hot. But if I’m not it’s just awkward for me Do I just not love him? I wanna go out and buy him gifts but I’m worried it’s an act and I’m just gonna break up with him anyways. I don’t think I wanna do that. I’m still looking for a therapist rn. Do I even want to be with him? Will I be happy with him. I’m so confused. I feel good when he’s with me but is it just the attention. Am I just scared of hurting him and that’s why I won’t say anything?

TW I’m feeling really bad about myself today. I feel like a fraud and a liar. I’ve been unable to enjoy my time with my girlfriend because I’m bombarded with my thoughts. I’ve been asking for reassurance from so many people and nothing is helping. Nothing makes me feel better anymore and I’m worried that this is just how it’s going to be for forever. I miss when I could just be happy and not overthink so much. I miss being able to get through my days without this crippling anxiety. I’m worried there’s going to be a day where I realize I have no fight left in me

I’m worried that because of all my comparisons between me liking my bf and fearing only being a lesbian instead of bi I actually want to date a woman and not a man. Like it feels convincing. I’m scared I’m gonna be unfulfilled in the future and have to live with my decision when I know I’d be happy with him. He is my best friend and a wonderful partner and I love him so why am I so scared. Maybe it’s cuz of my mom’s divorce. I’m worried we’re gonna build years of a life togteher just for me to regret my decision and leave him for a woman. I don’t wanna do that Help

It's hard for me to accept myself as trans and stop questioning my identity, since OCD has been a hindrance since the beginning. I hadn't felt completely like a woman for a while, but the first time I questioned being trans, OCD made me feel really bad. Over time, I've come to understand myself better, but OCD has always made the process difficult. I still have intrusive thoughts that I'm a different gender, mainly because I'm gender fluid and my identity isn't stable. Now that I've found out and told other people, intrusive thoughts tell me that I'm lying and making it all up. But I didn't feel so good about myself until I found out I was trans. It was and still is a difficult process, but I'm learning to deal with OCD and accept myself better.

This is gonna be a lot about sex cuz idk what’s happening. I have a bf and sex is new as of mid august. But since I’ve been on birth control since end of august sex feels different? I’ve been on 2 types, a patch (forget the name rn) till October, now im on nexplanon. I have no period atm so that’s a nice bonus ig. But mental health is…. Uhhh not wonderful! I feel numb I feel like I’m not horny enough. Or I’m not feeling enough. I feel him inside me and everything but it’s not the same feeling as before And also: eye contact, I don’t get this intense sense of connection but it’s nice to look at him. It doesn’t turn me on more tho Neither does watching his head roll back. It’s hot but I don’t feel anything change down below and I don’t get butterflies anymore My mind wanders. I’m wondering if im enjoying it. If im playing an active part in the sex cuz im very…. Bad at it? I think is how I’d put it? I let him take control cuz it gives my brain a break but my brain is now saying that me not being able to be on top or don’t really like it means I don’t like him and/or im a lesbian depending on the day. Even before this I wasn’t a huge fan of being on top cuz I get embarrassed really easily and I don’t wanna ruin the moment ;-; Like it still feels good but it doesn’t feel as intimate as it used to when we first started dating/before ocd hit/in backdoor spikes (honestly we had some good times and I felt good). Is it just a “im used to his body” thing or am I just not feeling it? I don’t get turned on by seeing him shirtless or naked anymore. But don’t get me wrong he’s still hot I just don’t get aroused unless we start making out Also making out lately- no butterflies, I feel things in my groin but not my stomach or chest and my brain isn’t in it. It feels like im partially not present if that makes sense. I feel out tongues sliding around but it’s not as hot as it used to be and idk if that’s cuz im gay or if that’s cuz im in a depression hole cuz of my birth control and it’s made the ruminating worse and worse Also dirty talk isn’t doing much anymore, no butterflies as well. Maybe we need novelty? Maybe we need to be adventurous? Cuz rn all we really do is missionary lol. I should maybe communicate more as well 😅 Also: I find that when I’m waiting for him to either go to the washroom or get a condom or tie me up or smthn while we’re not touching or doing anything flirty, I start to lose steam and I start panicking which then makes it worse 💀💀 In summary: what am I meant to feel during sex? I know most women don’t orgasm from penetration, which is why a vibrator is always incorporated. What else am I meant to feel? I feel sweaty when he enters Idk it’s driving me nuts. After he and I finished up yesterday I found myself wondering if I liked it. It felt nice in the moment and I did finish. It was kinda uncomfy cuz I was laying on my own ponytail and it was being pulled by me lol😭😭

having trouble with cheating ocd & pocd bc of some bad situations that happened w my old summer job. i was a camp counselor before getting together with my partner. camp was an overall great experience, but I'm convinced that I'll cheat on my partner if i work there again bc of the summer hookup culture. I don't want to cheat on my partner I'd never want anyone but them, but I also can't trust myself to know that. when i was working i was single and interested in a coworker who would always "joke" flirt w me. i even told him i was into him at the end of summer & got denied (which was very bad for my intrusive thoughts, i get kind of disgusted with myself for thinking sexually about anybody who isn't mutually interested). since getting together with my partner the coworker messaged me, telling me he had a dream where i was "hot and tall with a swimmer's body," and jokes about me being "hung." it made me really uncomfortable, and i convinced myself of a lot of terrible stuff: this was my fault bc i used to flirt w him it wouldn't have happened if i never did that, the conversation was basically cheating because it was my fault to begin with. few weeks ago i caught a glimpse of a different summer crush's Instagram, had a passing thought of him being attractive and couldn't stop ruminating on it. felt like i was essentially cheating and it was more evidence that I can never go back to camp. and the scariest one. mostly come to terms w this but it's still terrifying. an underage coworker rlly came onto me, they initiated basically cuddling under stars and i had a passing thought about liking it and i was so so so disgusted with myself for days. i begged an online friend for reassurance. i know now that it doesn't mean anything, i had absolutely 0 romantic or sexual intention with this person. but i can't go back to camp if they're there, because i feel like they might think im a pedophile and in those circumstances it's the underage person's feelings who matter. if they feel hurt or uncomfortable bc of how i went about that situation then it's all my fault and i must've had horrible intentions. my obsessions over these complicated, real situations (+ ocd fabricated nonsense) are ruining a place i once loved.