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Trying to remember a night out that I was intoxicated but remembering it backwards and visualising it all, it’s driving me crazy and don’t know my brain feels blocked and about to bust

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to stop ‘joy checking’? Like I feel the need to keep checking my emotional state, both in the moment and in the past, to make sure I am feeling happy and joyful. This is due to my fear of developing depression which will lead to suicide (or so my ocd tells me). It’s quite distressing. Any suggestions? Thanks so much!

I have the “i want to die thougt” everyday!!! Is this normal with suicidal ocd?? Anyone relate?

I’ve been doing a lot deep thinking and I finally learned that ocd comes with the possibilities it doesn’t mean that who you will be it simply means it’s out there and to be aware of it. I know I’m a confident straight woman and nothing will change me. Also always remember that everything is a choice you don’t have to be with someone or do something you don’t want to do. Always remember that!!

It’s a long post. 🙈 I’m embarrassed. Brand new diagnosis. I’m 40. My OCD subtype seems to be “Order and Symmetry.” 1st session I arrived feeling good. I finished all the homework early and was excited to begin. We didn’t get through the full assessment; I’m pretty sure I talked too much. I was too detailed and we had to finish at today’s appointment. I arrived at today’s appointment stressed and got more stressed as the appointment progressed. I only realized a day or two ago that there was more homework (which I don’t mind- in fact, I enjoy!), but then, after I made note of it, I forgot all about it until signing in today’s Zoom. We spent the whole appointment completing those forms together. I had terrible difficulty doing the forms with my therapist. I was/am so afraid of answering a question without a true enough rating or expression of my experience to give an accurate assessment of my condition. I don’t want to over score or underscore myself! I only experience my life, so I’m not always sure if something’s unusual- it’s just my normal. Even though 3 professionals have now mentioned I should look into treatment for OCD, I still feel like treatment professionals will think I’m not OCD enough to warrant the attention. On the outside, I’m fully functional. It’s only once you start to consider the whole picture- my social habits and motivations for organization and having knowledge of what’s in my brain- that an outsider might put the pieces together. Now that I’m cognizant of its presence in me, so many things make sense. But I second guess myself when talking about it to treatment professionals or completing rating forms. I almost feel like I need a whole bunch of talk therapy first for verification that- yes, this is a manifestion of OCD, or that was, or that was. Figure out what it is and what it looks like in me, before the real work on behavior modification can begin. Or more time for me to explain what OCD looks like in my head first- like following certain rules or processes to keep life ordered and calm, and then making certain accommodations and new rules when something can’t be avoided- and of course, the people in my life have no idea when a rule or formula has changed and are caught out in the dark! 🤣😩 Therapist told me not to be hard on myself, told me not to overthink it, but I felt like she was frustrated with some of my answer paralysis during the assessments- not knowing how to scale myself. And goodness, I’m not throwing shade. I’m just stressed about getting it right! And surprise! We didn’t get to all we were supposed to in today’s session!

I’m here because I’m looking for help. I’ve tried CBT but my therapist isn’t specialized in OCD and I don’t know what else to do. I’m terrified all the time, I wear a mask every day and wash my hands till they are raw. I don’t know what to do, I didn’t have anywhere near the levels of anxiety and depression before the pandemic that I have since the pandemic started, I am terrified of everything, I had Covid once but I am terrified that I’m a ticking time bomb because it does cause long lasting symptoms and can disable or kill you even after one infection and that’s what terrifies me. I’m forced to go into the office with people who don’t mask and don’t care about coughing up a lung and not covering it up. I can’t sleep without feeling like something is wrong with my heart or my body and I am constantly afraid of going out and being around people and crowds. I’m terrified of Covid and getting it again and losing my life and quality of life because of it. I’m also terrified of losing my wife because she doesn’t want a partner who just stays in the house all the time.

Does anyone else have those dreams where you wake up with an "o"? This morning I was having a dream of another adult touching me. And I woke up with an "o" But what's worrying me is that when I woke up I realized my sons foot was touching my hip and leg area. So I'm afraid somehow that caused the dream But not only that As I woke up with the "o" I knew his leg was there and instead of stopping it I let it continue but then I moved his leg away from me or tried to as it was finishing. I feel weird that I knew his leg was there to begin with. I can't help but think I did something wrong I just wish these types of dreams didn't exist where you wake up with the "o"

hi ok so. typing this im terrified. 2023 was a really hard year for me. there was this girl at my work who made my life hell. i was 21 she was 29 and she would make shit about me to tell my coworkers. I left that job feb 2023. the next couple months I was unemployed and going in and out of depressive mode and ocd constantly triggered and I could not break my routine. the stress of being broke was an everyday mental game. then I returned to work in October and got hit with shitty sicknesses left and right. I got a stomach bug x2 and covid from my girlfriends parents and got the flu in january and had an ovarian cyst rupture which led to a uti and then the medicine from the uti gave me a yeast infection… not fun. Then bc of the flu I sat and couldn’t shower and got a tailbone cyst bc of excess sitting…. it sucks because I would get sick and then get so panicked about being sick and make it worse and then start to feel better and make myself sick again or just get sick because of like unavoidable things like flu or covid. it caused me to be Hyperaware of my body and feelings and symptoms and it just caused so much stress. I’m trying to tell myself everything ok and I even tried to help it with therapy and I got a therapist (not on here) and tried to tell her about all of this and the health anxiety has just been hypersensitive lately and all she said was, “That’s a lot. Is it an underlying condition you’re unaware of?” why would u say that to me. what the fuck. and I told her I had health ocd/anxiety. I just felt so unheard and not listened to. I’ve been trying to regulate my nervous system to make everything get better but it’s hard when I’ll just be sitting and feel butterflies in my stomach. I just feel like people don’t understand. and I just want to feel less stress so I can stop getting symptoms which make me s*ck. thanks for listening

My ocd always makes me think the worst and tells me that the only explanation for things is that I did something horrible. I had an incident many years ago that has made my life miserable. I guess it’s a real event and possibly false memory as well. When my son was little he would crawl into bed with me alot. One morning I got up and he was still asleep. I put my daughter on the school bus and went back upstairs to my room and he was awake sitting up wrapped in the blanket. I said good morning and told him to come downstairs with me and get breakfast like I always did but when he got out of bed he didn’t have his underwear on. I yelled at him demanding to know why he took his underwear off. He was 2 or 3 and he pointed at me and yelled “You!”. My ocd immediately kicked in and made me think the worst that I must have done something horrible to him in my sleep. Why would he say that? 😪. At the time I didn’t think too much of it though because toddlers randomly do weird things and take their clothes off and they yell back or blame you because they don’t like getting in trouble or getting yelled at so I shrugged it off but out of nowhere all these years later my ocd brought this back up. Since it’s been so long my memory has faded so my ocd adds more “evidence” and tells me things like maybe I was drinking and did something to him and just don’t remember. I try to think of all the scenarios that could have happened as to why he took his underwear off but my ocd won’t let anything make sense except that I did something horrible and I can’t live with that uncertainty like other people can. It makes me not want to be alive anymore 😞

I felt like I was doing ok (not great) in my OCD recovery, putting in the work and noticing some progress. But after this most recent set back I just feel so beat down and honestly feels so hard to keep doing recovery work. I honestly don’t know what to do anymore, I hate this, I hate mental health, I just want to be and feel normal. This past year that should be the best times of my life has been literally the absolute worst with no end in sight. I don’t understand how OCD has taken over my brain, not only in thoughts but heavy on the emotions/feelings side which is the worst.

I am new to this. The first two sessions I thought were kind of hard but I left them feeling excited for a future of growth and healing and breaking out of OCD’s grip. This last session was more intense and my compulsions ramped up after; I feel exhausted & I’ve tried sitting with my feelings and it does help them calm a bit but they won’t go away entirely and I’m edgy, exhausted and discouraged. I hate OCD.

I struggle in many ways. My best friend is a licensed counselor and they have been diagnosed with OCD themselves. Life circumstances found me living with my bff and their fiancee, and it was pointed out that I may want to take the Y-BOCS. I scored 12 in obsessions, 12 in compulsions, for a total of 24 which puts me in the severe symptoms class. I honestly don't know where to go from here but I'm putting myself out there.

I’ve had this problem for a few months I question if I actually believe myself, it could be something small like my fav color or if I really love someone. If I think I like something my brain automatically goes to “you only like it because you think people want you to like it” even if I’m saying that I like something in my head and no one would ever know, it’s just small things throughout my day like that; that have me questioning who I am and if I even know anything about myself. I don’t know if this is related to ocd and would like to know if anyone has experienced this.

I’ve had some seriously disturbing images going through my brain. Im debating on admitting myself. The thoughts are so traumatizing I can’t stop crying I don’t know what to do

We just got new hurricane proof windows on our house. I’m scared because I’ve heard that if we had a fire the firefighters couldn’t get in so that’s been on my mind. Now I’m considering taking a new job that will require me to be in office quite a bit for the first few months and I keep seeing things about house fires everywhere. Yesterday someone literally told me about how his house caught on fire and it’s so good he was home because he saved it. I told myself this was stupid and then next thing I know a fire truck comes down the street. I am so scared to take this new job and my house catches on fire while I’m gone and I lose my dogs and my house.

Is this normal??? I can’t handle it… makes me so sad i want to cry.. and then i definetly feel my sucidal thoughts are true??

Anxiety is causes me to loop back to negative thoughts about my sexuality. I have had a gay experience when I was a young teen/preteen. Can’t remember the exact age and don’t remember every detail. It’s not something I would pursue or try again. Since then I’ve had multiple girlfriends I’m 31 now. I have a son but these thoughts don’t come when I see a man or even a sex scene with a man. It tends to just pop up the worse times are at night before bed when I’m completely alone. I use to have a bad porn addiction or have one still it’s been a full week sense I’ve done PMO. Of course usually I’d smoke weed and then PMO. Now without it my anxiety is high. I question if I’ll even be able to get hard with a woman, what if I changed and now I’m just not interested in women? What if I used porn to avoid being gay? I’ve never had these thoughts before and never watched gay porn until I developed this SO-OCD. Then i did watch gay porn on two different occasions to see if I would get any sort of arousal. Eventually I would just lose interest but it would also lead back to me watching regular porn and getting turned on and most of the time I caved and did PMO. I’ve fought the urge to do that and have been trying to just sit in my doubt watch some tv, using different show to rewire my brain away from being so over sexualized. Because even tho this happens when I’m alone it also can happen while watching tv. I’ll envision them being sexual. I never pictured myself in these situations until someone asked if I could see myself doing it. That’s when Id get super uncomfortable and nauseous almost like I gotta do something I truly don’t want to but someone is forcing me to do it. An image appears and my mind says well you can see it. That means you’re gay. Trying to do any of this without reassurance is the hardest part. Sometimes I self reassure and have to catch myself. But letting go seems similar to me saying fuck it and having a drink that I don’t want to have. Like I might be capable but I don’t want it

I haven’t posted here in a while. I’ve been in ERP therapy and it’s been slow but I feel better, even though it’s only been a few months. The problem is, we’re starting slow because my trigger is sharp objects, and I think I made a mistake. The guy i’m seeing is at work and asked me to prep dinner by cutting the chicken and I thought even though i haven’t used a sharp object to cut meat in MONTHS, I thought I maybe could do it. Well, I cut the chicken and it was extremely thick, and made me have the worst intrusive thoughts. Did I mess up? I’m kind of freaking out. Did I get satisfaction from cutting into a thick meat? I’m scared

Hello! While I'm not a doctor, I've lived with OCD for 15 years and have explored many techniques to manage it. Through trial and error, I've discovered strategies that truly work. I'm eager to share this advice, hoping it can ease your struggle, especially in the early stages of treatment. Incorporating these tips can lead to immediate improvements in managing OCD. Remember, you're not alone in this journey. There's a supportive community ready to help, and with the right approach, fear and panic become manageable. OCD is treatable, and it's possible to reclaim your happiness and freedom. My OCD Management Recommendations Based on 15 Years of Experience 1. Seek Professional Help - It is a game-changer, trust me. Professional guidance can provide tailored strategies and support that are crucial for managing OCD effectively. 2. Sleep Well - Quality sleep is foundational for mental health. It helps in managing stress and improving overall well-being. 3. Eat Clean - A balanced diet can significantly affect your mental and physical health. Nutritious foods support brain function and emotional balance. 4. Exercise - Regular physical activity is beneficial for both body and mind. It helps in reducing anxiety and improving mood. 5. Engage Your Brain - Activities like reading books, playing chess, watching quality TV shows and movies, solving crosswords, and puzzles keep your mind engaged and can offer relief from obsessive thoughts. 6. Relax - Incorporate relaxation techniques into your routine. Visit wellness spas, get massages, and meditate. 7. Quit Caffeine - Completely eliminate caffeine from your diet. It can exacerbate anxiety and OCD symptoms, so avoiding it can lead to significant improvements in your mental health. 8. Let Go and Go with Life's Flow - These are just thoughts and emotions. They always come and go. Don't resist them. Don't do anything to push them away. Don't play the OCD game. Don't engage in OCD games in any way. Just simply let them be and let them pass. These are just thoughts and emotions. They always go away. They always pass. 9. Notice that OCD thoughts are synthetic thoughts. They are not your natural, real, or pure thoughts. These thoughts are synthetic, so don't engage with them, don't play this game, don't do anything for them. Just simply acknowledge them, don't do anything, just let them be and let them pass. No matter how you feel, just do your stuff and don't do anything about synthetic thoughts. This is how you will train your body and mind that you're not afraid of it, you can function with it, and OCD will simply lose its power.

Hi everyone. I have been experiencing harm intrusive thoughts for 2 months now. I believe it started for me when I had a bad experience with a delta 9 gummy. I am looking this up everyday trying to find reassurance and an answer to all of this. I hate that my thoughts make me question what kind of person I am and if I’m actually capable of this. I’m so scared I will lose it for even a second and do these things. I align with being a gentle, kind, caring person but this makes me feel like I’m capable of anything. I desperately want my old life back. I want to be able to sit on the couch with my partner, eat junk food, watch our fave shows together, and not worry about harm. I hope this will disappear soon.