Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Hey!! I have health OCD wondering what everyone else struggles with and how you cope with things? Just seeing if there are similar story’s out there! 😊

So I’ve been doing really REALLY WELL with pocd. I’ve been going places, to the beach, seeing kids in swimsuits and stuff really extreme things for people with ocd. And I’ve managed to do super well, sure something would pop up but I’d ignore it. So I’ve been doing super well ignoring it. Little minor flare ups here and there but yesterday my brain could not bare it. I somehow found myself in Steven seagulls Instagram where he visited a tribe in Venezuela and he had a picture of kids and the first time I saw it I didn’t really make a big deal of it but my brain kept having me go back to “test” of I can do this forever without something popping up. Eventually my brain attached to what I think is a little girl in the front but she was not wearing a shirt and I noticed it and I said “nah that’s a little boy” and obviously “but what if it’s a girl” so I checked again and sure enough it was a girl and you can see where I guess you can see where she’s starting to form up there just a tad and that did not sit with me. So next thing you know I’m compulsing by going back and looking at the picture multiple times so I did that but that made it worse cause at some point a part of me felt like I wanted to see it, like false attraction. And I’ve had moments like that before and was able to get around it but is it hard this time. And this whole night it’s been on my mind even when I’m sleeping, I just feel like a criminal, I feel like this ped****** 😞. I was doing so well these past few weeks and now I feel like all that hard work just went down the drain.

Did anyone completely stop drinking alcohol because of OCD, and if not, how are your symptoms with it?

This is a newer and more recent thing for me and i’m wondering if anyone else has had this experience and can explain why. I have been having ocd dreams like intrusive dreams. My ocd is telling me it’s because I want these horrible things but I don’t at all and it’s upsetting that I can’t even get away from ocd when I sleep. This is so draining.

So I've been struggling quite hard with my self esteem and life events which have exacerbated my hocd, pocd, negative thinking this past so many months. I'd put my life on hold, while trying to do things to build my positivity as the waiting list for therapy is ridiculous. I've been trying to push through ot by doing things I normally enjoy, like theatre. It's still been a struggle but I've been trying not to let this deter me. My mind right now just keeps thinking of the worst possible outcomes, with a helping of self critism. I've just found out I've got a new job that I could be starting as early as tomorrow, as a teaching assistant, something I've never done before but want to try as I've been in a rut in my life for so long and want positive change (even though change scares me too) Then I read NOCD's article on distractions becoming compulsions and it's giving me anxiety, which in itself I worry triggers more overthinking. My big issue right now apparently is confidence and a huge lack of self esteem, which has brought on my HOCD, POCD, SOOCD etc, pretty much anything negative my negative ninny brain can get ahold of and overthink. This job is new and anxiety inducing, but also wanting it to be positive and negatives give into the fear of it and the unknowns it creates. Building my self esteem (trying to change my brain's automatic switch to negativity thought patterns around me, get out of my own head) and trying to discover a purpose in my life could help aliviate my anxiety and OCD symptoms. Right now, I'm just sitting in them and letting them swallow me, despite my know I have to accept whatever thoughts come my way. I need to move forward with my life and do something. I know this isn't an overnight thing. With NOCD saying that distractions or doing other things becomes a compulsion in itself throws my head into more negative thinking, as if you're saying doing this is going to fail and there's no hope for me. I can't let myself believe that, because I don't want to live in fear, I want to face them. I want to live my life again and get my brain out of this pattern. Surely distractions or doing positive things (that are initially scary) will help to break my catastrophising thiught spiral and find it easier to manage my symptoms and get on with my life?

Good morning! My name is Zach and I currently suffer from what I believe to be harm OCD. I constantly have thoughts of hurting myself or others. It has really become exhausting and I need help. I’m currently seeing a therapist for it and just started ERP but I want to know more about this program and what it has to offer. I want my life back and I want to be in better control of my thoughts and compulsions.

Hello NOCD community! This is my first post here, so not sure how it works haha. This is a relatively new theme that has cropped up over the past few months, and historically never really worried about until recently. It all happened initially because of a prickly interaction with a friend. A good few months ago, we were really good friends, we’d hang out multiple times a week, she’d invite me places, we planned to do trips out together etc. I would always be someone she thought about when wanting to do something at the weekend, and vice versa. But I noticed towards the end of January, she was becoming increasingly distant from me, making little jabs directly at me that were about me. She wasn’t asking me to hang out anymore. Just really unexpected behaviour from her that I couldn’t understand. It’s important to mention that I had done nothing to provoke this behaviour. She mentioned that she made a few new friends, which of course wasn’t an issue, and I was happy for her that she had met new people, but didn’t see how this justified her not wanting to hang out at all anymore. A day or two after this, I saw on her Instagram story that she was hanging out with a bunch of our mutual friends (and we’d hang out as a group a ton usually) without me, and it made me feel just really sad. I (probably stupidly) messaged her when I saw this and kindly implied that next time I’d like to be invited as it’s something I would’ve liked to join in with too. She was immediately so defensive and unempathetic, and I was taken aback by how curt and rude her response was, from someone who I’d considered a good friend. After that interaction I was so worried that she hated me and never wanted to be friends again. The stress of this was so much that I couldn’t eat, and made me feel sick to my stomach. It was genuinely all I could think about. I saw her in class a few days later and I apologised for what I said in the message, and asked if we were still okay. She said yes and we made up, and it seemed like everything was fine. But clearly it wasn’t, as we never hung out again after that. even though I would ask her if she wanted to do something with me, she would constantly turn me down, every single time. I was fed up and confused. I just couldn’t understand why she didn’t want to hang out anymore, despite the fact there wasn’t really any reason why we couldn’t. We would talk in class but outside of class it’s like she didn’t want anything to do with me, which felt so bizarre as we’d been so close for ages. Since this experience, I’ve made some new friends, but am always overanalysing what I say to them so as to not accidentally offend them, out of fear that they’d never talk to me again. I am constantly worrying that my friends all hate me and even the tiniest interactions will make me doubt everything. If anyone has experienced something similar and maybe has any sort of explanation or advice, please do let me know! Thank you!

The more I try to ignore the ocd and just live my life and let the intrusive thoughts, memories my ocd tries to alter, and false memories it creates flow without reacting to it, the worse it’s getting. I can’t do this anymore😩

So I saw a knife in the kitchen two days ago and my anxiety went off the charts. And my brain is now saying I might do something to my mom. What the hell is going on with me? And now I feel scared, worried and don’t even want to be in the kitchen. So sone help me. What is this abs what do I do??

Okay, so, I know it says I have a conqueror badge, which is partially true, but doesn’t tell the whole story. I’m better, NOCD and medication have helped, but I’m not where I want to be yet. There are still things I can’t get past. For context, I have COCD and POCD and they feed into each other. A few things I still struggle with thinking that they contaminated or going to cause harm to someone: • Any kind of bodily fluid, especially my own. (I worry with my male bodily fluids, that I could somehow spread this to people and worry especially that I could spread nastiness to children.) • The floor. For whatever reason I feel that the floor is really gross and that I’ve put bodily fluids on the floor and they are going to be spread to people. (Same type of issue) • Sink handles. • Shoes and socks and my own feet even after a shower. • Trash cans, bags, and dumpsters. • Playing cards. • Other people’s cell phones. • My phone after using it in the bathroom. • Doing laundry. I could use some advice on dealing with these things. A huge thing for me (and here’s where I say only 18 and older should read this,) is a very natural thing that happens to me a lot. Pre-ejaculate. This probably causes me the most stress of anything in my life. I get this often, even when not feeling sexually aroused. I worry that it’ll get on my clothes when I go to the bathroom and then I’ll end up getting in on someone. I worry that it’ll go through my clothes and same result. I worry that when I take my clothes off and some is in my underwear that I’ll get it on the floor and then it’ll end up in my feet, socks, shoes, and/or anything that goes on the floor at all. I worry about getting on the machines or my hands while doing laundry and have to scrub my hands after doing my laundry and/or wipe down the machines or use paper towels to open them/close them/start them/stop them or just touch very specific spots on them. I worry that I’ll get it on me before bed and then my bed will no longer feel clean and safe and I’ll feel like I need to wash my sheets/wipe down everything that comes into contact with my bed. I’m so scared of the possibility of all these things that I avoid doing things like touching my feet or shoes without washing my hands, spraying down the floor with Lysol Disinfectant spray, wiping down anything I think may have had contact with something that may have gotten some on it. I don’t know what to do anymore. I want to be able to just exist and not have to shower before bed or as soon as I wake up or have to wash my hands while I’m doing laundry. I could go into more detail about the other things but they’re relatively self-explanatory. The precum thing is not so I wanted to be v more in depth while describing this issue. I do not have any attraction to children btw, (Back to the POCD) I will protect every child I can. And that’s why this freaks me out so bad because I worry about other peoples wellbeing over my own. Please if anyone has any ideas. Help me. Thank you.

Why do same OCD thoughts I get still trigger anxiety or panic attacks no matter how many times I’ve had them and they never come true? Why do they still trigger panic/ fear even tho I know they never happen? For example I’ve had the thought “what if you harm someone” or “what if you lose control” they cause so much anxiety but they never happen? And every time they pop in my head again they still trigger me? Any advice

I constantly have thoughts about my wife's features. In a negative way that leaves me with anxiety and guilt. Then the thoughts change from divorce to finding other people attractive... but I don't want to leave my wife I love her.. I feel so stuck in the web I can't get out of I obsesse about these thoughts all the time... she's a terrific person we been married for 13 years any advice?

My ocd is so big right now I fear rabies, if it’s not that I can’t eat because of fear of allergic reaction, or fentanyl anxiety … i just showered twice in a row in 6 hours and had endless rituals and still feeling horrible. Washed the bed still feel it’s contaminated. I’ve been re washing my clothes over and over the last 4 weeks. Now I have only a shirt left to wear. I can’t take it anymore. I can’t stop. The biggest is this fear of bats. Tonight I showered again because there was something red on the white towel. Triggered me but i tried ignoring then I put on a sweater and felt something was there ( a bat) you know it could be hiding… then I hear noises that trigger me could be one too. I look in my drawers and kick everything to see if one is hiding in my room or bathroom. Every day changes. Monday I’m great and manage well , Tuesday I toss my entire room in the washer or wash my skin raw. I just showered again and then washed my phone just to see foam on me and my mind immediately bat rabies… I scrubbed so hard I am aching. And another trigger is when I am sad and feel lonely. My relationship is none. I need to find a way out of this misery life of mine.

Hi there, I'm new to this site and just starting therapy with nocd. I have a therapist outside of nocd that specializes in ocd with cognitive behavior therapy, sound baths, rapid eye movement and hypnosis in particular. She is amazing, she doesn't force me to do things that bring me panic, and I have come a long way with allowing myself limited exposure therapy on my own terms. My husband is at the end of the line dealing with my "control" issues with contamination worries. I have begged for couples therapy so he could maybe understand that I didn't choose this and that the panic is so severe that I don't have a choice but to cave into my fears, but he wants no part of it and thinks there is nothing wrong with him or thinks he's been understanding. Backstory is that I had my ocd well managed until I was pregnant with my little one and he was diagnosedwith a heart defect in utero. Diagnosis changed at birth and we were thrown head first into a very serious and immediate trauma. We were life flighted out of state, hand washed like crazy, had complication after complication, no sleep, handed my 5 day old baby over to a surgeon I had met 3 times for open heart surgery. 17 days of living in a hospital and beeping machines and intense fear that goes so far beyond what you could ever imagine as a first time parent. Flash forward to finally coming off ng feeding tube, tongue tie clip, partially paralyzed left diaphragm, oxygen dependent until 4 months old, pulse ox until 9 month old. Back to work at only 3 months. To say it was traumatic is a huge understatement. Flash forward again 3 years, husband hospital and diagnosed with heart failure not to mention how bad things got with worry during covid. I just don't know how to get it through to him how hard I am trying, how much I hate this, how awful the panic attacks are if I don't cave. My most overwhelming fear is of mice and hantavirus and we have had mice problems in out house th3 entire time hes lives here. Remodeled kitchen 3 years ago, so none in the house, but not so confident about the garage and yard. I freak out if he wabts to work in the yard or inbthe garage, make him shower, wash clothes 2-3 times, I clean his path from the door to shower while hes showering and then shower myelf. I want to get better, but he wants it like overnight. Any advise on things that have helped you make people in your life understand where you are coming from and where your heart is? I don't want to end my marriage, but I have been there for him through thick and thin and he's basically giving me an ultimatum that I can't fulfill at this time, and I can't promise him that I will ever be 100% either, but I'm giving all that I can. He thinks I've made zero progress and that I'm not trying at all. I'm feeling lost and sad. It's exhausting andbI know he feels like a prisoner, but I am terrified all the time. I can recognize that it's irrational and mostly unlikely, but hantavirus does kill people and we have that type of mice in our state not too far away. It is not a problem here, but I'm stuck on this fear and I cannot budge from it. It irrational but also not worth my sons life so in my mind totally rational, he's only 6 and getting closer and closer to his 2nd open heart surgery. Sorry, that was a book.

So I am new to this app but I was wondering if anyone had any tips and tricks to deal with skin picking. I tend to pick at my eyebrows and I have before and it got bad and then I had it under control but now I feel I can’t control it. What should I do?

I have a fear of losing control, and a fear of schizophrenia. so when I feel tired or fatigue or just any emotion really I think it’s a sign I’m going to lose control and then it makes me so anxious to the point I have a panic attack over the feeling of feeling tired. Anytime I feel a change in my body I take that as a sign I’m going to go insane? which makes me feel more anxious and makes it feel more real! Does anyone else feel like this or have any advice:( currently feeling weird and so anxious all cause I feel sleepy/ tired. It’s exhausting

Has caffeine made your OCD worse?

I’ve only taken two showers in the last month because I can no longer take cleaning the hair trap and the hair and scum and pooh particles out of the tub. I’m afraid of the germs on the walls, shower curtain, floor mat, and grab bar. I can’t even use the main toilet because I’m afraid of what I’ll sit on. I heater being dirty, but I hate the thought of other peoples hair and germs touching me.

I'm trying so hard to make progress with my ocd, and I have an awesome therapist who is helping me make more progress than I have in a long time, but life keeps giving me big helpings of stress, worry, frustration, and emotional turmoil. Today's helping is, my father took a fall today and is in the hospital with a fractured hip. My parents are older and their health is facing challenges, as it does for older people. I am not prepared to deal with this. My parents live 2 hours away from my, and my ocd has made it impossible for me to get to see them this past year. I know my time with my parents is limited, and my ocd mind f's are keeping me for making the most of the time I have with them. I can't begin to explain how much I want to curse the stars or whatever it is that has this pile of misery it keeps dumping on me. I'm really sick of life tormenting me.

hi ok so since I turned 16 I’ve wanted a tattoo or a couple and I’m currently 22 so I’ve been able to get one for a while, and my religious ocd is making it hard for me to get one or makes me go back and forth a lot with it. I think god will punish me for getting a tattoo. i grew up Mormon and I remember one time when I was a kid my mom was really sick (probably with the flu or something) and my mom prayed and said to Heavenly Father that if he made her feel better she would take out her piercings. and she felt better and so she did. And I kept wondering did god really do that? was that sickness punishment for the piercing? I want to get a tattoo of a flashlight. there’s a book I’ve loved since I was 16 where the main character has ocd (turtles all the way down by John green) and when she’s starting to recover or at least feel better in a moment her and her friend are going in a dark drain and her friend says she’s terrrified and it’s so dark and the main character grabs her and turns off her flashlight and says, this is scary, and then turns it back on and says this is control, we just don’t see it that way because things feel so heavy right now but we have a lot more willpower and say then we think. and ever since then I wanted to get a flashlight. I’m just scared I’ll be punished.