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When I finally get through the worst intrusive thought of the day and i’m ready to go to sleep, my ocd says it’s not ocd i’m really just a horrible person. I can’t do this😪

It's especially worse before my period, but i still get this all other weeks. The past few months I've noticed more that i get in waves of not being attracted AT ALL, physically and sexually. Sometimes I'll think my fiance looks cute but then I feel like it quickly goes back to not feeling attracted. I analyze his appearance and face. I check our pictures a lot and sometimes i dont think he looks attractive and other times i think he looks attractive. I compare his personality to others... I keep getting the ick. I feel terrible. I basically have zero libido for sex or masturbating. I'm afraid that he's not the one for me, I feel like I'm getting FOMO. My anxiety gets so high in the morning to where I have break up urges sometimes. At the same time I don't want to lose him and the thought of me not being with him makes me cry.... We're getting married next year and sometimes I feel guilty wearing my ring because im having these thoughts. I feel guilt and question myself every time i think about wedding planning. I question if I love him anymore because of this. I fear I won't find him attractive ever again or in the future. I had a couple days where i had clarity and we talked about our future etc, found him handsome, had intimacy etc, but then like I said it reverts back to the doubting. I keep seeing posts that people who are married 10+ years are still in honeymoon phase, still find eachother massively attractive, have sex all the time. It makes me feel like something is wrong because we're not like that and that I'm supposed to be with someone else in order to feel that. Before we moved in together we had sex 1/2 times a week maybe. Now its like 1/2 a month... And i know part of it is because were familiar with each other/live together etc. But why do i not feel attracted!? My partner is so understanding, sweet and caring even through all of this. Hes so supportive and he's my best friend. I keep asking him for reassurance if he feels loved by me etc and he always says yes. We've been living together for 2 years and been together for 6 total. I keep getting into a depressive state and crying over this over and over and over again. thinking what if we're not supposed to be together, FOMO, if we're compatible, thinking I should just be alone. Its exhausting. And hes always there to hold my hand and comfort me. I got teared up just typing that. Hugging him gives me comfort. I feel like there's a part of me that's suddenly scared to get married, but I want to get married. but it's like suddenly the thought of marriage makes me scared??? But also at the same time i feel like if we were married already i wouldnt be going through this? A few months ago we were looking at houses together, picked out wedding colors, I was traveling for work and was so sad to leave him, and so happy to see him when I got home. I do see a future with him. We talked about kid names in the past. and now I feel like I'm questioning everything in my life for no reason. I HATE feeling this way. I just feel depressed all the time, don't want to do anything, just lay in bed and cry. I hate waking up in the morning. I barely have the motivation at work or just to do my hobbies. I want to be normal again. Anyone been through something similar? Does it get better??? Should I take meds for this?? I'm currently in therapy but I think im going to switch therapists.

Anyone else experienced sudden Severe OCD symptoms after a loss of loved one? Been trying to take supplements that help but still get waves of grief, OCD, anxiety, all sorts of overwhelming emotions and feelings. Anyone have any advice? Thank you so much

I made a comment that was stereotypical, and now I feel like a huge racist. I promise that I didn’t mean it with any ill intent. I meant it with admiration. I don’t know why I feel bad. I’m the most anti-racist person in my family and I constantly thrive to be better. I don’t know why I’m freaking out. Oh my god. Why is this happening? I know what my intentions were. I feel so scared of being judged oh my god

I’m going through a really bad flare up. I developed ocd many years ago when I had my first child. Postpartum ocd. I suffer from harm and pocd. At first I had mostly mental and some physical compulsions but the physical faded away pretty early on and i’ve just done mental compulsions since. My ocd was in remission for alot of years and if the ocd would pop up now and again, I was easily able to shrug it off and not engage. A few years ago I went through a stressful time in my life and the ocd came back to stay. At first it was bad but then it got better and has been pretty mild until now. It’s been really bad this week and the physical compulsions are even back. I never thought it would ever get this bad again. My ocd is making me doubt who I am and how I feel. I know it’s all ocd and not real or true but the ocd makes it feel so real that I can’t easily dismiss or disprove it. The more I try to disprove it the more real the ocd makes it feel. I’m really struggling and don’t know how to get back on track. I don’t have access to a therapist because there are no ocd specialists near me and my insurance doesn’t cover online therapy. That’s why i’m reaching out here. Has anyone been through a rough relapse? How can I get through and past this??

1. Thoughts about Not Loving My Boyfriend: • “What if I don’t love him?” • “I feel like I’ve lost my feelings for him.” • “I don’t feel love the way I used to.” 2. Fear of Changing or Being Different: • “What if I’ve changed and this is the real me now?” • “What if I’ve grown out of the relationship?” 3. Doubt About Attraction: • “I’m not attracted to him anymore.” • “I feel numb when I look at him.” 4. Thoughts of Disconnection and Irritation: • “I feel irritated when he shows affection.” • “I feel bored or disconnected when we talk.” • “Why do I feel like I can’t stand him sometimes?” 5. Fear of Denial: • “What if I’m in denial and I’m just pretending to love him?” • “What if all these thoughts are true?” 6. Fear of Being a Bad Person: • “I’m a terrible person for feeling this way.” • “I’m ruining my relationship and hurting him.” 7. General Anxiety About the Future: • “What if I’ll fall for someone else in the future?” • “What if I’ll never feel love again?” 8. Intrusive Thoughts from the Past: • “I had violent thoughts about my dad.” • “I worried I was a pedophile after seeing a video.” Feelings Associated with These Thoughts: 1. Numbness and Emotional Disconnection: • Feeling emotionally flat or unable to access love or joy. 2. Guilt and Shame: • Feeling like a bad person or partner. 3. Hopelessness and Despair: • Feeling like things will never get better. • Believing i am stuck this way forever. 4. Irritation and Frustration: • Getting annoyed when my boyfriend shows affection. 5. Fear and Panic: • Experiencing overwhelming anxiety when questioning my feelings. 6. Sadness and Confusion: • Crying frequently, feeling lost, or not understanding why i feel this way. Compulsions I Engage In: 1. Reassurance Seeking: • Constantly asking others if everything is okay or if your feelings are normal. 2. Researching and Googling: • Searching for answers about ROCD, anxiety, and relationships online. • Checking forums like the NOCD app for reassurance. 3. Mental Checking and Analysis: • Constantly checking if i feel love, attraction, or connection. • Analyzing every interaction and emotion to see if they’re “right.” 4. Confessing: • Telling your boyfriend or others about your thoughts to relieve guilt or doubt. 5. Avoidance: • Pulling back from conversations or interactions with my boyfriend due to anxiety. 6. Comparing: • Comparing your current feelings to how you used to feel at the beginning of the relationship. 7. Self-Criticism: • Judging yourself harshly and believing i am a terrible person. FEELING SO REAL I’m struggling with ROCD and it’s consuming me. My intrusive thoughts make me feel like I don’t love my boyfriend, that I’ve changed, or that I’m a terrible person. These thoughts make me feel numb, disconnected, and hopeless. My compulsions include constant reassurance-seeking, analyzing my feelings, researching online, and confessing my fears. It’s exhausting, and I’m desperate to feel like myself again. Does anyone relate to this? How do you cope?

Hey guys! So I struggle with OCD, especially harm, relationship and moral stuff and I am somewhat recovered now. However, my current girlfriend has started showing signs of OCD but it’s abou5 something I don’t know much about so I wanted to see if anyone on here had thoughts about it. She is constantly thinking about food (when to eat it, what is healthy, what is too much, what is too little) and controls the thoughts by giving in and controlling her entire day around food. She don’t really know the feeling of being full. She never starved herself and always eats, but then she feels extremely guilty afterwards. Her thoughts do have to do a lot with her body image and not gaining weight but also not losing any either. Does this sound like ocd or an eating disorder?

When you’re ocd tells you that you were thinking something or that you did something that you know you weren’t or didn’t, how do you get past that? I know that it isn’t true but the ocd keeps making me feel like i’m a liar. Has anyone had this happen? How did you get past it?

Hi everyone, I've been diagnosed with OCD since I was in 7th grade, and im currently 21, sometimes I question my self saying things like: Do I really have OCD? Because it doesn't feel like it and sometimes I don't know if a thought is OCD or not. Lately i've been having these thoughts about leaving my girlfriend because I don't feel in love, even tho we have fun together, I get a lot of memories of all the things I did in the past that wasn't good like watching porn while in the relationship and think to my self. If I did that it may mean that I was never in love with her and much other things and I have the need to start over. It is ironic because I think to myself, nothing is perfect and we are bound to make mistakes but I keep seeking to be perfect, I also have been obsessed with her weight and face details and been comparing are relationship before and now. I also been looking up information to see if other people have the same thoughts and when I don't find them I feel so nervous and horrible thinking to my self, then im a horrible person. I find it hard to have sex with her because I get these thoughts or im focused on her body or another thing and get erection dysfunction. I've left porn for almost a year and don't want to turn back to it because it was affecting my sex life and even tho im not consuming it I still sometimes can't have sex because I worry that I won't feel anything, that maybe I don't love her enough, maybe she is not sexy enough, that maybe I didn't like her from the beginning thous why im not having an erection. She is always ready to have sex but im not feeling like having sex and then the thought comes, that means I don't love her, and im scared that it is really me, I had almost the same experience with my last relationship even tho it had some toxic traits to it, I remembered that I felt the urge to leave her because it didn't feel the same as in the beginning. Now reflecting on it, and since im having the same experience almost (thought wise) But my girlfriend is nice to me, understands my OCD, and is willing to help me, she has always been faithful and has cared for me, I don't want to lose her and I want to give her my best, but all these thoughts make me doubt my relationship, and I don't want to have these doubts, I want to feel ALIVE and have the same energy that my girlfriend has with me. I want a happy ending for both of us but Im scared that I might brake her and make her feel bad, she's always talking about the future and I don't like it because it is like, what if we brake up and we did all of this. Why am I thinking this? but it feels so real. Constant reassurance seeking, constant thoughts of the scenarios of me staying or leaving the relationship, me comparing how I felt in the past versus know, me comparing how I felt about her in the past. I want to write everything down here to make it as detailed as posible, Me questioning my OCD and im always aware of what I think, feel, do with her. It is so distressing, Ive been like thinking about the same thing for 3 weeks, almost all day, there isn't a moment where I don't think or ruminate about it. I want to just live life, without the constant doubting, and I know must of the answers but still keep creating scenarios of what if's. And it doesn't have to with be what if, just general questions. I know that it might happen in another relationship since it feels as the first relationship minus the toxicity. But what if it doesn't and Im in the wrong relationship, this is maniac.

Hi everyone, I’m struggling with what I believe is ROCD, but it feels so real and overwhelming that I don’t know what to trust anymore. I wanted to share my thoughts and experiences, hoping someone can relate and maybe help me feel a little less alone. Lately, I’ve been feeling completely disconnected and numb toward my boyfriend. I don’t know if I love him, and I’m constantly questioning my feelings. Sometimes when we’re together, I feel like I don’t want to talk to him, or I find him annoying, boring, or even cringe. Then, I feel immense guilt because he’s a loving and caring person who doesn’t deserve this. I have these intrusive thoughts that say: • “You don’t love him.” • “You’re just pretending.” • “You’re fed up with him.” • “You want someone else.” Sometimes, it doesn’t even come as a question like “What if?” — it comes as a statement, which makes it even scarier. And because I feel numb or indifferent when these thoughts come, it feels like they must be true. I’m also terrified that this isn’t ROCD, that maybe I’m not experiencing anxiety at all, and that these thoughts reflect how I truly feel. This fear is paralyzing and makes everything worse. I feel trapped, wondering if I’m just in denial and avoiding the truth. When I’m with him, I get caught in mental compulsions like: • Checking my feelings constantly to see if I feel love. • Comparing how I feel now to how I used to feel. • Seeking reassurance by thinking things like, “If I didn’t love him, would I feel this bad?” • Replaying memories to convince myself that I care about him. • Reading posts about ROCD to feel better, but the relief never lasts. I also feel like I’m ruining my relationship day by day. I get irritable and rude, and I know it hurts him, which makes me feel like a horrible person. I worry that I’m pushing him away and that one day he’ll give up on me, and it’ll be all my fault. Sometimes, I have moments where I feel happy to see him, and that confuses me even more. I recently saw him for a few minutes while I was out with my friends, and I felt joy seeing him. But when we’re together for longer, my mind gets flooded with doubts and fears again. I hate myself for feeling this way. I feel like I’m failing him, and failing myself. I’m scared that I’m in denial, that I don’t really love him, and that I’m forcing myself to be in this relationship. The numbness makes me feel like I don’t care, but deep down, I want to care. I want to love him, feel happy with him, and just be normal. But my thoughts keep telling me otherwise, and I feel trapped in this loop. If anyone has gone through something similar, or has any advice on how to manage these thoughts and compulsions, I’d be so grateful. I just want to know that I’m not alone, and that there’s a way through this. Thank you for reading. 💔

All of my intrusive thoughts feel like they are centered on my fear of losing control. I picture myself being locked up or tied to a bed because of losing control of my mind. My mind taunts me with intrusive thoughts, words, phrases, images, feelings or lack of feelings. I remember at a young age having anxiety and going to my mother for advice. She told me I was having a nervous breakdown. That’s the last thing a little kid would want to hear rather than the comfort of their mother. Since she uttered those words to me I’ve always had this sense of not being in control. I even often have trouble relaying this to my therapist which causes more anxiety. I think to myself If I can’t get my point across how can I get better. Can anyone relate to my situation?

Hi everyone, I wanted to reach out to see if anyone else has experienced something similar with OCD and intrusive thoughts. I’ve been struggling during moments of intimacy because intrusive thoughts, particularly ones related to POCD, feel so ‘sticky’—like they’re all I can picture. Even though I really want the thoughts to go away, they persist, and I’ve been trying not to avoid intimacy because of them. However, that makes me feel like I’m somehow ‘enjoying’ the thoughts or images, which I really dislike. It’s like my brain is playing this awful trick, and it’s leaving me feeling confused and gross. I guess I’m supposed to not let the thoughts bother me and continue as if nothing’s wrong, but I’m scared that by doing so, I’m almost training myself to get off to them or something. This fear makes it so hard to trust myself in those moments, and it’s been overwhelming. If anyone else has been through this, how do you handle it?

Let’s make a list of workbooks, books, articles, podcasts that helped you or made you feel seen!

Has anyone else experienced moments where they find themselves on “auto-pilot,” checking or testing themselves without consciously intending to? I just had an experience where I almost acted in a way I wouldn’t, but during the moment, I didn’t feel any anxiety. It wasn’t until after I pulled away that I began to panic and felt really confused. It felt like I was testing myself, but it also made me question if I was close to actually doing it or if it was a compulsion I did subconsciously. It was a very strange and unsettling experience. I’m confused, scared, and in tears. Curious if others have encountered similar situations?

Let’s start with today. I went back to work today to the company I have been with for 22 years. I thought for the past couple of years that my job was sucking the life out of me…it was another three letter word…OCD. Today I drove to the office, interacted with coworkers, handled sharp knives, etc - all things I had completely stopped doing 5.5 months ago. In June, I started having repetitive thoughts and urges of suicide and was hospitalized. I had previously been diagnosed with GAD, panic disorder and PTSD and then had MDD added on to that for suicidal ideation. After 5 days and some horrifying meds, I discharged, feeling worse than when I had arrived at the hospital. I took a medical leave of absence from work and started seeing two therapists a week and enrolled in a substance abuse program for alcohol. And I declined and continued declining for 3 months. During that time, I started having thoughts of hitting pedestrians with my car so I stopped driving. I had thoughts of slitting my wrists with our kitchen knives, so we locked those away. I couldn’t sleep and could barely eat. I could drag myself to my Zoom therapy sessions - that was about it. I had to switch to virtual sessions because I had thoughts of jumping off a 4 story building and no longer felt safe going into buildings with more than one floor. I couldn’t be left home alone so I would go wherever my husband was going and wait in the car. I had thoughts of throwing myself out of the car, smashing my toes in the car door, and throwing myself in front of cars. I had thoughts of jumping out of trees, drinking bleach and drowning myself. I would often lay on the bed in my husband’s office while he worked, just so I wouldn’t be alone with all of those terrifying thoughts. I even hid in my closet at times. Just when I thought it couldn’t get worse, I had my first thoughts of killing my husband and son. That was too much and in a fit of rage and resignation, I attempted to take my own life to stop the thoughts and spare those around me. I was not successful and ended up hospitalized again. I finally admitted that I had been having thoughts of harming others and a social worker in the ER recognized it for what it was - ego dystonic OCD. After a not awesome second hospitalization, I went into a 4 week OCD specific IOP and therapy twice a week after that through NOCD. Proper diagnosis, treatment and medication turned my life completely around in 2.5 months. ERP every thought, all day, every day. Power of choice.

My ocd is ruining my relationship with my kids. Because of the intrusive thoughts I avoid being close to them, hugging or cuddling up to watch tv. My ocd is either telling me I wouldn’t care if harm came to them or it turns everything into something sexual or inappropriate. For example, my daughter wanted to show me how long her nails are so she started scratching my arm gently. It felt so nice and relaxing and I immediately panicked because I was scared the ocd would cause a groinal and I don’t ever, ever want a feeling like that connected with my child even though I know it’s the ocd causing it and not me i’d still feel horrible. I just want to be a normal loving affectionate mom and I can never be that for my kids because of ocd😪 I don’t see any other parents posting about going through this or commenting that they do and how they cope. I feel so alone and defeated.

It’s turning into this sort of real event OCD where I’ll remember something I thought of months or years ago and shrugged off except now I’m consumed by guilt and panic for not caring back then. Like the whole what if thinking that and not reacting or just being like whatever means I was really a terrible person and I just now grew a conscience? It’s not even past actions, it’s all about what has come to my mind before. I used to just be like “okay anyway” sometimes I’d let the thought play out and then just move on. But now I think I recognize them as intrusive and I feel shame and guilt for not caring to question them in the past. I think in developing some new theme or something if that’s what real event ocd is? Help?

My therapist isn’t specialized in OCD. I’m her first OCD client. She told me she’s taking courses in ERP and specifically sexual OCD since a lot of my themes are sexual in nature. I want help, I need help. It feels like every time I meet with her I get set back. I make progress a lot on my own. Sitting with discomfort, trying to accept the thoughts and uncertainty. But every single time I meet with her, it feels like I’m explaining OCD to her. She even went as far as to suggest that some of my thoughts that bring me distress are mine. I am not a cheater. They are not mine. Why on earth would they not be intrusive if I was in tears about having this thought? I feel bad. I really do because I can see that even though I can very much see her mistakes, I can also see that she’s trying to help me. I’m just so scared of getting worse. I’ve been in therapy for 5 weeks now. I feel like had it been with a specialist, I would be doing so much better. Instead it takes me days to come backs to whatever progress I’ve made alone after meeting with her. She’s a great person, she tells me she experiences intrusive thoughts too and she doesn’t have OCD which helps me feel less alone but I don’t think that’s enough for me. She’s always available for a call whenever I’m in extreme panic. I just don’t think this is working. I trust her and I tell her everything, but it feels like she’s just listening to me talk the whole time. We’re doing a workbook but she gives me absolutely 0 input. I just read my replies and she just sits there. I don’t understand the point in that. I feel so anxious right now. She wants me to get properly evaluated for anything that may be going on because on top of the severe OCD, I was also diagnosed with PMDD, GAD, and MDD by my primary care doctor but I guess she doesn’t trust those diagnoses? My psychiatrist also told me I have ADHD, which I’ve suspected my whole life but it sounds like my therapist doesn’t know how to handle OCD much less OCD, MDD, GAD, PMDD, and ADHD. She’s questioning the validity of my diagnoses instead of helping me figure out how to deal with all of it. This is so suffocatingly difficult. I’m also a huge people pleaser so how on earth do I end this thing?

Has anyone with medicine sensitivities, found a med that works for them? I’ve been on like 4 in the last two months and all of them had unbearable side effects on me. - Lexapro (urges felt real, almost called 911, I thought I was going to harm myself and my dogs, ended up calling a hotline and sobbing for hours every single day) - Buspar (constant panic and crying, literally could not function) - Amitriptyline (worked the best but made me moody and impulsive) - Prozac (felt petrified and frozen half the day) Has anyone found one that works for them?

Feel guilty for not giving into compulsions like rumination and confessing? I feel guilt for having an intrusive thought, trying to shrug it off or just giving it a few seconds of thought and moving along. This sounds like improvement but I still struggle with the anxiety and the guilt. The shame. I’ll be okay and then I’ll remember I have OCD and my stomach will drop and I just want to curl up and cry.