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Does ROCD try to convince its not ROCD and it’s your real thoughts and feelings even though you know it isn’t?

Hey! So last night I started taking 25mg of Zoloft. And today I feel better! (Thank Heavens) SO FAR, there has been no side effects. Is that normal? Should I brace myself? Is the worst yet to come? Is it just a placebo effect? I’ve had this medicine sitting in my cabinet for a month because I have been scared to take it. Some of the rare side effects is almost too much for my anxiety to handle. The uncertainty of it all is scary. For those who have taken SSRIs/Zoloft before, what was the first 2 weeks like?

Hello I’m a mom of 3. I have many symptoms and am unsure of where and what to start with. I know I have anxiety, ptsd AND depression. I just feel that I have something more. I’m not diagnosed with OCD yet wonder if I have it. Everyday is something different yet the same. I’m living on my own for the first time and to know how I can be behind close doors scares the living daylights out of me. I’ve been clean of D**g abuse, clean almost 8 years. My thoughts become vivid images in my mind, the fear is real along with everything else that comes to mind. One time I was sleeping and my friends dogo somehow ended up sleeping under my leg. My dream was about a dog dying. I woke up in fear. Felt her under my leg and was terrified to check if she was okay. I lay there waiting for her to breathe. I feel nothing moving. I get up and look at her, she looks lifeless. I’m silently frantic because I’m trying to figure out how to break the news that I killed my friends best buddy. I try to wake her, no movement for wat seemed and felt like hours. I started crying, kept calling her name and moving her. SHE FINALLY WAKES UP scared and worried. I cried in relief and hugged her. I never had the courage to tell her momma human what happened that night. All of my pregnancies, I didn’t want to carry through any of my kids especially my first one. I feel horrible as a parent still to this day. Yet people say how great, well behaved and so much more. I tel myself they didn’t learn that feom me. I feel that I’m unfit. Yet, there’s NOTHING that I wouldn’t do for them to provide the best that I can for them. They hold me when I cry, ask if I’m okay when I’m angry. My oldest snaps me out of my daydreams with a gentle touch. My kids are awesome!!! Idk why I didn’t want them, idk why I feel that they do better without me. I have thought of death almost every day, these are my what if’s. No plan, just what if. My most annoying one is I think is the magical thinking, if I’m wrong I apologize. I feel that I should know what’s going to happen next, that it’s obvious signs. Even with people I’m getting to know. If something bad happened, I should’ve know, it was obvious. How dumb can one person be? I talk myself down DAILY. It’s painful and draining. I try positive words. What I’m thankful, what I’m blessed with. It doesn’t work. As I’m thinking of the words or saying out loud, the words are drifting before even getting “stored” into thought. They’re lost and long gone words. I’m not sure what else to put down. I usually only follow to read and understand as best I can. I’m not so great with words. Thank you for having a safe place to vent.

I’m afraid I am going to lose my boyfriend because of my OCD. One of my compulsions is to confess and I shared an intrusive thought I had about my boyfriend with him. It wasn’t the first time I had shared the thought with him and it caused problems in the past. I was doing better this time at letting it go on my own this time, when I had a slip-up that sent me in a downward spiral and I ended up sharing the thought again. Right now he wants space from me to think. He’s told me he loves me, but is having trouble moving on from this because I have other triggers that he’s seen and it’s a lot for anyone to deal with (including me). He’s been such an amazing support system but I think I pushed it too far this time and I’m not sure how to fix it. I’ve obviously apologized a ton and asked him what he needs, but right now it’s just space. I was up all night having panic attacks about losing him. He’s the best person to come into my life and has shown endless patience with me, that I feel in many ways I haven’t deserved because of these thoughts. I can’t lose him. Losing him because of my OCD is my worst nightmare and makes me feel like if I share my full self with someone (including the really bad), I’m unlovable. Has anyone else had relationship issues like this? If so, how did you help your partner to understand/not be bothered by your intrusive thoughts? Any advice on how to get through this would be great.

ok so the first time i was like experiencing like a thing kinda, i think its called an episode, was before i thought i had any sort of anxiety disorder and i remember i used to watch a lot pf people reacting to "To Catch A Predator" episodes and it was nice until i had this idea or feeling of wondering if in the future i was gonna be like that and then i got scared and was like suppressing the thought as much as i could. and it kept bugging me for ages like at least 3 weeks where i was just constantly terrified of the fact of me being a predator in the future someday and i would get nervous and start checking myself whenever i saw a kid and then i started getting that anxiety thing (not gonna explain it but iykyk) and it just like made my anxiety way worse but over time i finally got over when i found out about the anxiety thing. but then i had another whole thing that was like a whole mess with bits of harm ocd, pocd, sh ocd, incest ocd, sexual orientation ocd and like worrying over what everyone thought of me too.(still going through it today) it was awful and torturous and i hated myself and i was just so confused on why im getting these thoughts and if there was something wrong with me or i wasnt normal and a danger to everyone until i was asking my dad if he ever had thoughts of "being a bad person basically" a lot and he mentioned something like "maybe you have ocd idk" he wasnt exactly serious but i started thinking about and then i was looking into and id never felt more included and safe then i did when i started reading about it and how theres others like me and im not like a danger or anything and i was reading all kinds of things about it and it was iust getting even more relatable, so then i asked my parents about it and if i could like get any help with it or at least a diagnosis just to see if im correct but they said that like i probably dont and people who have it suffer a lot and it affects their everyday life drastically or that ill just grow out of it and its just hormones and growing up. and at the time i hadnt rly thought about how it was affecting my life yet and i think the only thing i remember is that it was just extremely distressing and i was just terrified of myself most of the time and i didnt rly know if that was enough to call it ocd but i thought that it was because i was obsessing over things and i had compulsions such as scratching myself, poking myself, pulling my skin, fidgeting, downloading games and looking onto social media a lot, not looking at peoples faces, biting my lip, repeating religious phrases and more. and so i tried telling my siblings but they didnt think i had it that much, so i kinda went quiet about it for a bit. but then there were these times when my family would make jokes about me worrying over dumb stuff like about the food or the shows and so i got a bit fed up one day and asked my dad to stop making these jokes about me and that these obsessing are literally what i was trying to tell you about before and that its something that i cant rly control but then like idk why but everyone kinda got mad at me and i was mad at them and later that night i asked my older sister whom i share a room with about the whole thing and she was just super angry for some reason and she said that i was playing the victim and stuff but like i swear i wasnt tho because i was just trying to say "can you not joke about about this please" and i was like all quiet even but then my dad got real loud when he was talking and everyone could hear. and then in the morning i tried my best to be like hidden kinda because i didnt know what to think and i thought i embarrassed myself so much but i was still confused on why my sister was mad at me so i asked her again and she said that its basically because earlier i guess they were talking about my dad potentially getting laid off and having to save money incase something happens i guess but then i just come up here and ask him to not talk about this and to maybe like get some help or a diagnosis which costs money and also nobody told me about this i barely knew anything, but my sister said sorry and that she overreacted a bit and we were fine now but i still dont get why my dad was angry or wouldnt let me see someone and i decided that i dont rly need a diagnosis and that i could handle this myself and so i just shut up about it till today which is like around 4 months after it happened. it has gotten worse and i dont have that much support with me besides like a half dead discord server i post rants on and a few friends that ive told about this. i have started to like make notes on like my obsessions and compulsions and the ways it affects my daily life like just incase i get the courage to maybe ask my dad again idk. tbh im still not sure i have ocd because ive only been aware of it for like 6 months and i hadnt rly had moments when i was a small child that i remembered about me having it but i do know a few but theyre hard to remember, but idk if its enough and like i am also still a child and i dont know if it really is just the growing up process and its nothing rly. but there are also times when ive had like lots pf health scares and scared my parents when i was younger like i used to think i had cancer or a tumor that now that i think about were probably times when i had ocd as im writing this. but even if i did i still dont rly know how i would get help for it, like how do i ask my parents without asking them because i just really do not want to bring up ocd around them because then they might not take me maybe idk. i also dont rly know what would happen once i did go to someone, like if i got diagnosed then what yk, like my family would take me seriously ig but what would that do cuz like they've kinda stopped making the jokes about me worrying over dumb things, ig id be able to be more open about it and use it to explain my weird habits. or maybe i would find out that maybe i dont have ocd and its something else or it's literally just nothing even idkkk

I haven’t been diagnosed but reading about SOCD changed my perspective on myself, and helped me realize my current theme struggle. I know self diagnosis can be frowned upon, but it’s just so obvious and helped me come to terms with the current theme I’m running with but that’s beside the point. I realized I was gay when I was 16. This was such a stressful event for me and triggered an at least 1.5 year shut down. When I finally came out at 19, there was a big relief but something else changed. I started to think, what if I’m actually not and I just lied to everyone and made the biggest mistake of my life? From then on until last year when I was 25, I was completely obsessed with analyzing my sexuality. I would talk out loud to myself for hours a day comparing the attractions I felt (or didn’t feel) and reassure myself I am in fact gay. I would convince myself that to be gay, I have to be attracted to pretty much any man. I would force myself to view any man who entered my life in a sexual or romantic way otherwise this can’t be true. Any time I made a friend who was a woman, I would have obsessive thoughts about “what if I’m in love with them” and fear I was lying about my sexuality to get closer to women. I would compulsively find character flaws in these women and end up ruining my friendships because it was better than the prospect that I was taking advantage of them in some way. I would constantly obsess over the “odds” of being gay and why was I “chosen”, and think I must be bi or straight. I would also fixate on the aspects of my personality, appearance, voice, mannerisms etc to appear “gayer” and this made it even worse and really made me feel like I was faking it all. I rationalized it the entire time as a case of extreme internalized homophobia. But looking back it wasn’t at all; I was afraid that I wasn’t gay, not that I wanted to be straight or bi. So what helped? I really broke down my fears and why this was bugging me so much. What was I so afraid of if I was actually bi or straight? What would happen if I had to “come out” again and how would that affect my life or others? I realized that all my trauma from it stemmed from the original event of not fully knowing myself, and feeling as though I faked who I was for 16 years. The lack of certainty was intolerable (which is why I think this is such a prevalent OCD theme). There’s no certainty for anyone in this matter. Furthermore, I already had this same event happen. My family and friends perception of me had changed already from coming out at 19, and they were still in my life. No one felt lied to or taken advantage of. If I had to “come out” again, there would be confusion amongst people around me, but ultimately I would be okay and move on. Basically, my “biggest fear” had already happened, and I was still alive and still supported, so there’s no use in fearing it Since that time, my attraction to men has felt so genuine and my brain doesn’t even look at women in a sexual or romantic way 99.9% of the time. In that area, I’m completely comfortable and anxiety free. Intrusive thoughts occasionally happen, but it’s easy to write it off. I’m not cured of OCD by any means. I’ve moved on to a different theme that’s equally debilitating. But this theme I am done with, and wanted to share in hopes that any sentiment here could start a path of recovery for anyone struggling with this theme as those six years were the most stressful of my life and I felt so alone/without support. The one thing certain about sexuality is that no one can be 100% certain, and being uncertain in this area is a universal experience, and does not suggest that you are lying or taking advantage of others just because you have some random thoughts that don’t match with how you identify yourself

Anyone struggling with trich? It’s something I’ve tried to dismiss for a long time and act like it’s not so bad. It’s gotten worse over the years and I’ve never had anyone to talk to about it. Would love to connect with others experiencing the same thing. For me it started in high school and has become worse over time. I tend to pull from specific parts on my scalp and can tell which parts by how short the hair is or slight balding. It usually worsens when my anxiety does. I knew it was bad when I started to notice I’m seen doing it in photos and videos. I feel like I’m doing it almost anytime I’m just sitting still or driving. If my hands aren’t busy I’m likely pulling. When living with my grandma it became a problem because she was cleaning up after me and now I’m living with my sister and worried it’s going to become an issue if they start to notice.

Are any of you on here true followers of Jesus? Like all of these thoughts, anxiety, and panic attacks are so blasphemous towards the Word of God. My favorite thing to do is study the Bible for 2-3 hours every morning, public speaking, creating motivational video content for others., and just doing my best to represent God kingdom in the best way possible. All of this makes me feel so unworthy sometimes, like a voice will intensely say I’m not worthy to do such things because of the disgusting things that I’ve been exposed to or instructive thoughts that have went through my head. My only mission when I wake up is to spread the gospel and impact many lives, I would never in a billion years fathom having to deal with something like this. It’s so depressing, I even hesitate going around my students that I mentor because I feel so unworthy and contaminated. This sometimes feel like a dream, like a foggy cloud. It’s hard to fathom that thoughts I 100% hate would stick like this. I know Jesus will heal me, I know he will, my diligence have never been tested like this EVER. And I have been through so much Trauma in my life. Nothing makes me feel as uncomfortable as this.

this is a really big part of my ocd, not being able to touch door handles/railing/really anything shared. if i dont have long sleeves i can find myself wasting time waiting for someone to open a door for me or putting myself in danger by not holding the railing while going down stairs (i also have knee problems). every time my fingertip even slightly touches a door i will run to wash my hands with in insane amount of soap and burning hot water. its gotten to the point where i am constantly wearing a jacket, no matter how hot it is, where i am, even if i dont need to touch anything. i need sleeves. does anyone know a way i can calm this down? without extreme stress? im sick of being so dependent on having sleeves.

Hey everyone, I have been dealing with OCD for about 3 weeks now as of today. My first 7 days we’re very torturing and tormenting. I remember the exact moment everything started, I spiraled and really panicked from an intrusive voice, though in my head after being exposed to a triggering image in person. My reaction to it really caused all of this, because it was such a disgusting thought I didn’t let it move past me as I usually would. I’m not even a drinker but I was under the influence of wine and a little alcohol at the time so I believe that played a big part with my reaction, I also had been fasting then broke it so my mind was in no condition to see a graphic image. I went home and prayed for a legit 45 minutes to an hour after that, at about midnight. I cried and yelled out to God for days but it was as if it made it worse. Don’t believe that, God Is there for you, ask God to sustain you and fight for you because you can’t do this on your own. I will give some good pointers at the end of this message, please keep reading. I don’t know about you but my Anxiety, Trimmers, and shakes occur most in the morning and throughout my sleep. I wake up at 3-4 am everyday as if my body is anticipating more trauma. I am a speaker, mentor, photographer, and mixed martial artist. My favorite time spent is studying the Bible every morning for 2-3 hours. I have not indulged in much of these passions the past 3 weeks but I will say I do see progress from day 1 to day 21, no matter how my brain tries to trick me. In the beginning it felt like an extreme dark cloud and as if demons we’re constantly jumping me every where I went. My compulsion is googling, watching YouTube videos, trying to reason with the voices in my head. So much as to I would sleep 12-14 hours then wake up and be tormented for the rest of the day. We don’t give ourselves enough credit, I’ve realized I haven’t watched a YouTube video in a few days and anxiety has lessened, I have googled somethings but it has been more of encouragement based researching. Reassurance really takes a toll on you, I’ve realized my phases of this already, SEVERE anxiety, days of exhaustion, days of hope but feeling like you’re going backwards, having burst of energy of feeling like your old self and then some random trigger would happen and send you into a 2-3 hour tense episode of OCD. When I’m too relaxed I would panic because I feel as if I’m okay with the thoughts or something when I truly do hate them, it would send me back in to panic mode. But I’m beginning to understand these are one of the phases after doing some more self education. As I’m writing this, a voice is lingering and telling me to “ Shut The Eff Up, don’t write this.” Then there’s s voice that says, “ Good Job, I’m proud of you.” I can feel weight being lifted as I write, even though it’s an everyday process. Accept this challenge and let it build your character, much easier said than done because I struggle tremendously, but my faith is in Jesus Christ. He can bring you out of anything and everything, just have faith and put the work in, perseverance is key. We got this everyone, we will overcome this. Pointer number 1.) Yesterday I went swimming and that was the BEST I’ve probably felt since this started, swimming calms you, relieves stress, and allows your thoughts to flow more naturally. I’m going to be swimming everyday now. Point number 2.) I know it’s very hard but working out at an medium to intense level literally makes me feel like I am releasing OCD slowly. I’ve transitioned to running more since this started, doing a lot of sprinting without overwhelming myself to highly. We have to get that sweat equity going, I find that I have the best days when I workout. I encourage you to get that going. 3.) Put your faith in God, continue to pray. Thank Jesus for the battle you’re in and say it under your breath silently, I find that asking him to take the voices away is not reality. I had to change my language and vocabulary quickly when it comes to OCD because this is a marathon. I’m speaking Victory over OCD before I’m out of it, it’ll be there but it will become less of an impact over time if we stay persistent. You will get back to your normal self, you will. Embrace who you will be after this, try not to look back. It causes more depression when you do that. Yes, I still struggle but I know that Jesus will never fail me. 4.) WRITE these thoughts down. On a sheet of paper write down the voices, thoughts, and images that aren’t you, then write down what you TRULY desire and who you know you are. It’ll help you distinguish your good vs bad thoughts. That’s brought much encouragement to my mental the couple times I did write. Replace those thoughts with higher knowledge and positive self talk. If you don’t believe in God/ Jesus or any higher power I understand. Expecting to win this battle on your own is not reality though. Look to a higher power, you got this!! 5.) These thoughts, voices, and images aren’t you! These thoughts, voices, and images aren’t you! These thoughts, voices, and images aren’t you! If you bottle this up inside of you please talk with others about it, get a therapist please. No more suffering, the more we release the better off we are. Embarrassing as it may be! Take the steps, make the progress. You are not OCD, it will not have master over your any longer! Yes it’s extremely hard and I can’t believe I had no clue about this before I was triggered. This needs to be talked about A LOT more in society from a mental health aspect. This is not some small jokey phrase as society likes to makes it seem. Now I really wonder out if all the suicides that have happens in our existence, how many of them actually had OCD but had no clue or just we’re to embarrassed to talk about their story? 🤧. We must uplift one another consistently. Life will humble you, at any small moment it will change and you absolutely do not see it coming but we will overcome this together!!! Much love to all of you, let’s make an uncomfortable step today!!! God is good!!!

Hi, I’m new here I’m not sure if I’m supposed to post all this on here or not but I’ll give it a go. I’ve been recently wondering if I have OCD and wanted to get opinions from people who actually understand what it’s like before I get support as I’m worried about wasting their time. I’m aware that if I do have OCD it is definitely only mild. Some examples of why I think I might have OCD is because I have intrusive thoughts which up until the other day I thought there was something wrong with me. I have definitely had them for a few years but just ignored them and would forget about them, more recently I have acknowledged them more and felt like there was something wrong with me. I feel a bit better knowing that it’s normal. I’m also aware that these thoughts can often act as a trigger for compulsive behaviour but for me I just get a bit stressed out and then move on and try and forget about it which is why it’s taken me so long to acknowledge them. They have also become more frequent since I acknowledged them. I also have a thing about rubbish which I don’t know if that’s related to OCD or not. Basically I hate other people’s rubbish, for example certain rubbish is okay if it’s family or a friends such as crisp packets but when eating lunch in high school if my friends put wrappers on the table I would have to avoid looking at it to stop myself from heaving in front of everyone. So it’s really strange as it depends on who’s rubbish it is and what type. Like water bottles I can touch but bottles or cans with other drinks in I will avoid touching and if I do I have to wash my hands. I’ve also heaved at my own rubbish before though and was nearly sick. I also clean a lot. I know this is stereotypical which is why I don’t want to assume that I have OCD and I have seen videos that when someone has OCD they hate cleaning. I actually find it quite relaxing but if my room is a bit messy I get really overwhelmed and will avoid going in my room and will only cope in there if I’m about to go to bed as I know I don’t have to look at the mess. Sometimes I don’t care if it’s a mess but other times I genuinely can’t cope and have ended up in tears because I’m stressed about my room not being clean. However I don’t care how the rest of the house looks because I live with my mum and I see my bedroom as all my stuff and therefore want it my way. I also won’t eat certain food if all the packages are touching, for example my mum just throws snacks all into the same places and as a result I would refuse to eat anything out of there until the other day when I properly cleaned it. This has only really become a thing as I’ve gotten older. I also sometimes get worried that if I don’t do something then someone will die or get hurt. However this was more of a thing I did when I was younger and a lot less now. But the other day my boyfriend was going to work and I told him to be safe and made a joke about how I’d probably tell him another ten times, I then somehow decided that if I didn’t say it another then times then something would happen to him on the way to work and proceeded to act as if I was joking by repeatedly telling him to be safe but realistically I was doing it because I was actually worried. There is more but this post is too long. Please just be honest and let me know what you think. Thank you if you did actually read all this, I appreciate it

Hi!! This is gonna be sooo long because I really need to take this off my chest. I had a terrible time for the past 3 weeks. I had constant panic attacks, chest pains, stomach aches and feeling extremely guilty. This 3 weeks I've been reading and researching about ocd and I think that I have OCD. Now as I live with my parents, who I tried to talk with them about this possibility and scared them really bad with this theory, I can't go to a therapist or psychologist until next month where I can speak to a psychologist from a hospital where i need to go for other reasons. Why I think I have OCD? Well, everything started 2 years ago when all this panic with the pandemic started all around the world. I have a chronic illness so I started to feel VERY scared of this virus, thinking that if I got sick, I would die. I slowly started with washing my hands more often, then wiping my things that I took with me out of my house with alchohol(my phone, my books, etc.). At first it wasn't that bad, but when school started everything went downhill really bad. I couldnt touch things such as door handles, my chair and desk, my books, even my phone. I couldn't bring Anything inside my room if it wasn't decontaminated, even I and my clothes(so i needed to take a real quick shower and new clothes just to feel safe). My dad, who started to be Really mad at me, was doing things "intentionally" just to "show me nothing's gonna happen" which triggered me really bad and started to have intrusive thoughts that my room is now full of germs and if i don't wipe EVERYTHING im gonna die. I had terrible mental breakdowns when he was doing this, but he thought its good. Then I got used to these intrusive thoughts. I was just having them and I was doing what were they saying and was feeling ok. Then, it started to go worse. I have 2 cats and because my parents are somehow scared of cat fur, they wont let me keep them inside, so they stay outside or in the basement(when its winter) so they are always hunting mice or little frogs or even moles. So here it started another fear. Every time they brought mice, i had voices in my head telling me "what if that mouse is poisoned or sick. Now you cant touch your cats or you will die. But oh God what if they die too?". Now listen I LOVE MY CATS WITH MY ENTIRE LIFE THEY ARE EVERYTHING TO ME but these thoughts/voices in my head were making me fear MY OWN CATS THAT I LOVE SO MUCH. It was horrible i couldn't touch them for 2 days just "to make sure the germs dissapeared from them". Just the same, I started to get used to these thoughts and even if I was washing my hands 7 times in just 1 minute, i was ok and happy with my life and still loved my cats. Then I had a stupid fear of mange. I was crying so bad to my only friend(who is a vet student) that im so scared to take mange from others animals when I was going to the vet with my cats. The same happened when in my town people put rat poison and somehow i had false memories with me touching it without knowing or something. I thought i was going INSANE!! My hands were bleeding so bad and everyone was asking why they were so red and rough. I was in constant pain but I was ignoring it because my fear of germs was bigger than the pain. I had nights when I woke up randomly from my sleep Feeling that I touched my mum's contaminated phone, my contaminated water bottle, or even I thought I was a sleepwalk and went in my sleep unconscious to touch the "dirty" door handles. For a month or something like this I had this fear when I was sleeping and couldn't sleep again until i went to wash my hands at least 3 times. Then it dissapeared and I was having a really happy life even if I had intrusive thoughts about germs, corona virus, self doubt and my hands were still in so much pain. I was having the time of my life, always happy to draw, to listen to music and to watch the sun, clouds, pretty much everything was making me feel good. I was thankful of my life. Then I had a terrible relapse. In April, when I was praying(Im a religious person, not a Christian, because Im not American) I had a TERRIBLE sexual thought about God. I thought I would die in that night. I had a bad panic attack I was trembling in my bed I was feeling so sick and I was constantly thinking "why did i thing that. Why?? Im a disgusting person I will die in hell now" and I was saying sorry to god until I feel asleep. This scared the sh*t out of me because of being punished and because I didnt know what was that because I absolutely hate s*x it makes me feel sooo uncomfy. The guilt and fear eventually went away with the time and I was more concerned with school and good grades. I was still praying and thanking God for everything everyday. I was happy again, until 3 weeks ago, when I was praying before bed and I had another sexual thought about God(like what if I slept with God(man i feel so embarrassed saying this)) and then another panic attack trembling in my bed and saying sorry a thousand times in my head. I felt guilty a few days until i had another intrusive thought "what if you worship satan"(i was listening to a new song of my favourite band and realized that its about a cult :() and it scared me so bad I started to avoid social media as I was remembering constantly this thought. It lasted again a few days until I had another sexually intrusive thought about God which it gave me Every Day for a week chest pains, fear, guilt stomach aches and making me feel so tired and exhausted i couldnt do anything. I was praying so many times per day for forgiveness, but I still felt like I was going to hell. I started to read a lot of articles about ocd and scrupulosity and it made me feel ok just for a few minutes then the thoughts were coming back. Now I know I shouldn't fight them, as I learned myself that they are getting worse. I tried to watch videos on youtube about erp but just imagining that I need to accept those thoughts is scaring me so bad because I don't want that. Im absolutely against them, they scare me so much that they make me cry. I couldn't sleep at night that what if im gonna dream about this thoughts. I feel so tired i want help I cant anymore. They are getting worse every day and I feel like Im going to hell no matter what. Im even scared that I'll die in my sleep for my sins and every night I go to bed with fear and every morning when I wake up I thank God so much that Im still alive. I want to get rid of intrusive thoughts SO BAD and repent all my life for these sins. I don't want God to leave me, I dont want God to be mad at me. I think Ocd makes me doubt myself I feel like I dont know myself anymore. Its terrifying. Now Im scared to sleep again because I had a terrible thought today and Im so so scared that I will have bad dreams about this and I had a mental breakdown where i cried so bad telling God to not let me alone and to protect me. Do you think that my possible ocd turned into scrupulosity/pure ocd? Can please someone tell me what to do. Will God forgive me? Thank you for your time you took to read this. I wish you best!! <3

Hi everyone, I will have my 1st therapy session Thursday afternoon. Just looking for some hope though… does ERP work well for Harm OCD? I’m still having trouble trusting myself that I have this particular illness. I know that I don’t want to physically hurt anyone ever, and I never have. Can someone help shed some light on the intrusive thought problems associated with HOCD?

Hi I’m just posting this to see if there’s anyone going through what I’m going through in here. I feel like I have fake memory ocd ( I haven’t gotten a proper diagnosis yet) it’s been about a month I believe that I’ve been feeling like I have this because before I wasn’t creating as much fake memories ( I have an active imagination since I was a kid) as I am now and feeling like they’re actually real but I know they’re not but my mind keeps telling me they are and i want to get help but money is tight right now and therapy is expensive and I don’t have insurance. This is causing problems for me to go to work and having a normal life. I’ve only discussed this with my girlfriend so far and now I’m trying to reach out for help. Any recommendations will be appreciated. Thank you.

has anyone else with Tocd lost interest in the things they used to enjoy/and do. I used to read all the time and naturally gravitate towards heterosexual romance books but I havent been able to pick one up since these thoughts have started, and I have tons I still want to read and desperately want to pick up but im scared of how I’ll feel or if I won’t enjoy it like I used to

It’s strange how this obsession leaves you for years and then it makes an unexpected comeback… Truly horrifying, I can’t stop “testing myself”, checking my reactions, and thinking about becoming homosexual. My urge to put things in a symmetrical way also increased. If someone has some advices, please help me❤️

This happened two days ago, I don't know if it can happen just out of the blue, but I know that I love my boyfriend with all of my heart, but something in my mind is trying to convince me that I in fact don't love my boyfriend when I know that I do. He is in the air force and at his first base now, my problem is certain words or phrases that he would tell me, don't resonate an emotional response. For instance he told me he loved me, but instead of my chest getting that warm tingly feeling like it normally does, it didn't do that. The thoughts of us getting married and starting a family together doesn't bring that warm tingly feeling anymore either. Even the thought of us having sex doesn't bring about any arousal anymore(he didn't even have to be near for it to happen). We have arguments because that's normal in a relationship and he would normally distance himself, I understand that is also normal, but when that would happen I normally would get this sense if dread in my chest, and I would know because if that fear of not wanting him to leave, I knew that I love him. However this time that feeling is not there despite me not wanting him to leave. And it's the fact that the feeling of dread is not there, that is causing me so much distress. I'm calm about it and it scares me because it's making me think that I don't care if he leaves when I do. I don't know if it's the distance between us doing this, because we've been long distance for majority of our relationship, despite living in the same city. I'm scared, I don't want to lose him.