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Does anyone suffer from the fear of schizophrenia or having psychosis or being possessed just want to know I’m not the only one I feel like us as ocd sufferers think we’re alone

its been 2 weeks since i lost my best friend due to a seziure and i’ve been struggling so badly with scidial ocd and death anxiety.. i get thoughts of “what if i’m next” or “what if i don’t make it in life at this young at 17“ because she was 16 and her birthday was a few days after she passed then i have my scidal ocd thoughts that been with me since january i’m so annoyed when i get these thoughts still of “oh what if i’m actually scidal?” or “what if i want to actually do it” and it gets me so frustrated then everytime i look at a knife i get this thought in my brain “pick it up and stb yourself in the wrist” and it’s a constant thoughts and im like noo please noo but the other day i had a therapy it went okay i guess… but i was telling her about losing my best friend and telling her i’m still highly aware that it’s ocd… she was like well a psychiatrist would diagnose u with ocd then she asked if i pay attention to numbers and im not for sure sometimes i don’t even know my compulsions.. but i do repetitively like tell people my thoughts so i’m guessing that’s repetitive reassurance.. ofc the same thoughts that happen: “what if i hurt myself” “what if i want it to happen” “do i want it to happen because i’m going through a lot” “i don’t want it to happen… but what if there is a reason to” but it makes me nervous that i’m afraid it’s true because i think this happens from a tramatic experience from losing a classmate even tho i wasn’t as close with her it tramatized me bc she passed away due to s*cide and i guess that’s why it started my fear because she had mental issues but she also did drugs and that started that crazy maze with my thoughts.. but not the only thing after when my best friend passed away at the funeral it was a open casket, she was rlly pale and it was rlly scary i use to constantly check myself to make sure i wasn’t gonna turn pale but it calmed down but every Wednesday night i was having trouble sleeping because i was having racing thoughts while i was sleeping so i guess i was sleeping very light but i get scared i will die in my sleep… because my best friend passed away on thursday 2 weeks ago and i stay up at a certain time because i’m scared something is gonna happen to me abut my therapist still hasn’t figured out saying if i have ocd or not but i’m so stressed with my therapist and i have money issues in my family so it’s hard to get therapy sessions with low money and my parents work a lot but also to mention i might change to nocd it’s just nothing feels right now like i’m soon gonna be 18 in july im just so stressed my mental health has gotten bad… and when i get recommended coping skills i feel like it’s not working or i’m having trouble understanding the way of it… but i have a learning disability it’s not close to being dislexic but i have trouble understanding reading or getting the idea of something.. and i’m scared that’s why my coping skills isn’t working so i get thoughts like “what if i try to cope and it doesn’t work then that’s when i hurt myself” and i’m just so fricking tired of it i’m trying so hard like how do u sit there with it hello? sometimes when i have the thoughts in the back of my head i’m like oh well it’s gone where did it go? then it comes back yk? because it’s like a daily thought obsession im like i wish it could magically disappear without having a single thought of it… my compulsions are ressurance and rumination which makes me so mad that it happens because i have mental compulsions.. sometimes i feel like “what if i don’t have ocd and what if it’s real and stuck like this the rest of my life?” i’ve also been getting closer to god and i’ve been praying and ik he’s here with me i’ve just been impatient and it takes time ik it does i’m just so annoyed feeling this everyday..

not sure if this has to do with OCD, as I’m not diagnosed. so recently, I have been just living day to day. there are times when I’m hanging out with my little brother (17) & we just crack jokes. he’s the one that often does. I guess he’s the ‘comedian’ of the family, as my dad says. anyway, sometimes I’ll say something extra just for a giggle or without putting much thought. it’s usually like a noise or like a few words. well, recently he’s been doing jokes as usual but when I add something, he stops smiling & then either says “you’re not funny” or “it was funny until you said/did _____” I found it quite rude but just shrugged it off the first few times. he did it again today as I went to the bookstore with my family. he didn’t wanna come but my dad forced him to so he popped a joke & said “I was taken against my will. got chained like a dog” & I did like a dog sound “roof roof” but not for it to be funny. it was just like a stim to do a dog noise, idk. but he said that again and I just stayed silent. I tried to not let it get to me but it’s just beating me down. I feel like it’s feeding into my insecurities that I’m not funny & I guess internalized sexism. it triggered memories of how I read comments from men back then how women aren’t funny and they just were awful. I feel like I’ve seen so much from them that my mind prefers when guys say jokes & cringe when chicks say jokes. I hate it. the stupid guys online made me dislike or feel embarrassed when a woman does something that isn’t even cringe. like I have wanted validation from them. I don’t know. now I’m struggling with feeling like I’m not good enough as a woman. if I get upset, then I fear I’ll be not taken serious because apparently according to some people, women are “emotional creatures” & I guess it’s normal to feel strong emotions. I guess there are those negative stereotypes that have been tearing me down. I hate it a lot. I even have a hard time making new friends and worse with a woman. there are many things I wanna say but just can’t put them into words. this is all I can say now. I’m pretty much upset and feel like closing up again. I wish I could just be happy and not deal with all of this mess.

so it’s been a few days i lost my best friend it’s been hard my ocd has gotten worse but i had a therapy session yesterday it went okay i guess… but i was telling her about losing my best friend and telling her i’m still highly aware that it’s ocd… she was like well a psychiatrist would diagnose u with ocd then she asked if i pay attention to numbers and im not for sure sometimes i don’t even know my compulsions.. but i do repetitively like tell people my thoughts so i’m guessing that’s repetitive reassurance.. my ocd thoughts were rlly high this morning like: “what if i hurt myself” “what if i want it to happen” “do i want it to happen because i’m going through a lot” “i don’t want it to happen… but what if there is a reason to” but it makes me nervous that i’m afraid it’s true because i think this happens from a tramatic experience from losing a classmate even tho i wasn’t as close with her it tramatized me bc she passed away due to s*cide and i guess that’s why it started my fear because she had mental issues and that started that crazy maze with my thoughts.. but not the only thing after when my best friend passed away at the funeral it was a open casket, she was rlly pale and it was rlly scary i use to constantly check myself to make sure i wasn’t gonna turn pale but it calmed down but then last night i was having trouble sleeping because i was having racing thoughts while i was sleeping so i guess i was sleeping very light but i get scared i will die in my sleep… my therapist still hasn’t figured out saying if i have ocd or not and sometimes i feel like i’m depressed or if i’m bipolar

hi! I have never talked about this before so this is going to be quite long but I just need to get this out and I hope someone can relate to something. I’m a 22 y/o about to start my PhD in the fall and I have struggled with mental health my whole life. I had a pretty shitty childhood and throughout life it felt like bad things just kept happening to me, almost like the universe was against me (it didn’t help that I grew up in the church). I’ve always been a little “particular” about things but never had the classic counting, repeating, etc symptoms, and my mental health journey started around 15. high school sucked of course because it was high school but all day every day nothing seemed to shut my brain up!! finally when I was 17 I met a psychiatrist I actually enjoyed talking to and she diagnosed me with bipolar II because I was quite the delinquent for a time but I would also get super sad a lot. also important to note that I’m one of those gifted kid burnouts (hopefully no burnt out because I got 5 more years lol) so I’ve always been above average. my psychiatrist was so nice and fun to talk to and for a bit it seemed like she really understood and cared! but somewhere along the way, around age 19, I realized things still sucked in a way that they’re not supposed to if you’re getting the right help, if that makes sense? I started telling her again that my brain is too fast and won’t stop (things I’ve said my entire life), that I have these “silly little things” I do because I can’t focus, and so many other blatant signs (retrospectively). one day she “diagnosed” me with OCD and gave me a weak med for it (guanfacine?) and never really talked about it again and at some point I just stopped taking them. all of our sessions for YEARS were just us talking about life, my mom, theater, school, etc, and every time I’d bring up a concern she’d say “that’s just how my brain is” and “I’m just too smart for my own good” and similar lines – I wasn’t sure what to call it because I feel so guilty and scared every time I question her but I think this has been medically traumatic. I feel like everything is just “how I am” so I have to deal with it and it’s just been that way for 22 years because “I’ve come so far and done so well!” even though I tell her it’s exhausting every single day to have gotten to this point. I’ve been feeling unheard and frustrated for at least 2 years but have only thought about it a handful of times because it makes me feel so guilty - we’re friends! she says I’m one of her favorite patients! she’s so nice! but then one day a few months ago my friend started telling me every silly little thing I did was actually OCD. I brushed it off because I already had a diagnosis (bipolar) and we hadn’t talked about OCD in years, and we would’ve if it were relevant, right? I talked to my psych and got the same dismissive replies and just a change of dosage in my mood stabilizers, like it’s been for the past 5 years. however my thoughts have gotten so bad and the compulsions that I didn’t know were compulsions got so bad that I didn’t want to leave my house unless absolutely necessary after believing it’s all trauma-based so if I go over everything I’ve been through I’ll be cured (very bad idea LOL). anyways now I am at my peak severity (counting, repeating, washing, clenching my body to the point where my jaw hurts, etc) and I got the OCD workbook and have been crying for days because I FINALLY FEEL HOPE. I did not think this part of me — the part I struggle with the most — could be fixed. I found a therapist who taught me about ERP and have been trying to implement it but he is very new to this as well (not a specialist but very willing to learn!) so it’s hard. about my psychiatrist though, can someone please give me advice? is she just a pill-pusher and I’ve been bamboozled and played the last 5 years for that monthly/bimonthly check? :( ok I think that’s all for now but these have been an incredibly intense and emotional few days and nobody understands even though my loved ones are AMAZING in trying. it’s nice to see this is a real thing and that’s not “just how my brain works” :’)

I struggle with nail picking, and have been dealing with it for about 20 years. There won’t usually be a cause for it- I’ll just randomly start the habit and won’t even realize that I’m doing it until it’s picked off. I think what triggers the behavior is when I feel the nail is uneven, or sharp, or “pickable”. This habit just recently started to also make its way to my lips. I pick the dead skin off my lips and again, won’t realize I’m doing it until they start to bleed, causing more scabs and dead skin for me to pick off. Does anyone have any helpful tips that could break these habits for me?

I recently got into a relationship about three months back but him and I have been talking since last year November. This is probably the healthiest relationship I have ever been in and the man I’m with is the sweetest and kindest person to ever exist. Before this I was in a long term abusive relationship and I would go through rocd constantly with thoughts such as I may like someone else or “I should cheat” even if I’m having a conversation with someone of the opposite sex who’s my friend. My boyfriend is currently on his senior trip and I was out with some of my bestfriends, one of them being a guy that I had a little bit of history with but I didn’t want anything from it because he wasn’t compatible in that way but amazing as a friend. While I was hanging out with them I constantly kept getting intrusive thoughts such as oh I should do something or oh I don’t even like my boyfriend and I kept comparing them for the next couple of days. I feel so guilty and disgusting and I know the thoughts aren’t true but I just feel so terrible considering how amazing my boyfriend is. I really do love him infact we’re planning our future together but rocd is just getting in the way. Any kind of advice would be helpful❤️

Sorry in advance if this is kinda gross lol Does anyone have any advice for checking compulsions?? in particular, cleanliness compulsions?? i’m currently having a flair up but i don’t know how to handle it. I can barely stand going to the bathroom, because i never feel like i’ve wiped enough or i’m not clean enough. In particular if I have to poop, even after i make sure i’ve cleaned myself thoroughly i still feel the urge to go back to the bathroom to check. And whenever i pass gas I feel the urge to check my underwear just in case i’ve had an accident. It’s getting so stressful and annoying at this point :// I’m wasting so much time and tissue when I check myself, but i can’t help it. It bothers me so much. I want to stop, but I don’t know what to.

Help please

I love my bf a lot (at least I think so) but I really struggle at times because I obsess over every little thing he does that I find weird or cringy or annoying or unattractive. a lot of times I’m just blowing things out of proportion. But the problem is, sometimes these thoughts don’t feel intrusive, it’s not like my brain is telling me something is annoying when it isn’t. There are definitely times where he does do things that I cringe at or feel annoyed by, or I just have this weird feeling of being put off. And those are the things I obsess over. So now I’m worried. I’m not sure how to describe my thoughts and feelings, I guess it’s more that something he does will trigger me (i.e. he does something weird or cringy or annoying) and I respond (i.e. thinking and feeling weirded out, annoyed, or cringing) and then all I focus about is the weird things he did and the fact I feel that way about them, and I start obsessing and playing over the situation in my mind, and I worry that his actions will make me not like him entirely, and I start putting him under a mental microscope, picking apart everything. And I worry that me not liking those things is bad or wrong or it’s a sign I don’t like him. And I don’t know how to move on, because my brain wants to like everything, but it can’t, and it can’t move past that, and I don’t know what to do. I can’t get over all these thoughts and feelings and I worry that it’s not OCD because it’s not necessarily entirely intrusive and idk if it’s bad to feel this way, and even if someone told me it wasn’t bad to feel this way, I would continue to worry that I just don’t like him and or that I wouldn’t be able to handle those “flaws” forever.

Hello. This is my first post and it’s going to be a confession of sorts… I was recently diagnosed with OCD and it has been really clarifying, scary, and confusing to navigate alone. I am also going through a lot of changes in my personal life. I recently graduated college and I am currently healing from a very difficult break up with my partner of 4 years. I don’t handle uncertainty or change very well so this period of my life has been super stressful and uncomfortable. My recent diagnosis and break up have taught me a lot about myself. I first realized I might have OCD because my mental health and— what I now know to be compulsions— became so destructive to my physical and emotional wellbeing that I actually began googling questions about repetitive self mutilation. The first result was something about the link between OCD and self harm. There were some examples of what compulsive self mutilation can look like, and it strongly resembled the things I have struggled with my entire life. For me, self mutilation is the compulsion I struggle with most. At times it has been incredibly debilitating. From there, I became obsessed with reading into OCD (I find this pretty ironic and funny). The more I research about it the more it resembles the things I have struggled with for as long as I can remember. I realized that the overwhelming guilt, shame, and anxiety I feel constantly are not the consequences of being a bad person, but rather the symptoms of OCD. It feels super validating to learn that the inner turmoil I’ve struggled with my entire life is something other people experience and is actually treatable. I started working with a psychiatrist who specializes in OCD and ended up getting formally diagnosed with moderate to severe OCD. Since learning this, I am beginning to understand myself in an entirely new light. It has in no way been easy. I hit rock bottom and— just when I thought it couldn’t possibly get any worse — I hit an even lower rock bottom. I’m not saying this out of self pity or to try to fish for sympathy, I’m just hoping that I can make someone struggling with a recent diagnosis feel less alone. I have felt very alone in this journey even as I learn that many people struggle with similar things. I still have a lot of learning and growing to do, but I am actively seeking treatment and I’m doing what I can to manage my OCD. I’m really grateful for this platform and I am relieved to know that things can actually get better. I think the next step for me is to start ERP therapy, but right now that sounds really scary and exhausting. Even so, I’m quickly warming up to this form of treatment as I research about its effectiveness. Everyday I discover more ways my life has been impacted by OCD. It’s very painful to realize that the overwhelming shame I feel about my obsessions and compulsions has actually been the reason I’ve lived the first 23 years of my life undiagnosed. My diagnosis has also shed new light on my past relationship and has helped me sort through some of my emotions in this healing process. … To anybody who actually read this whole thing: thank you. If nobody read it then at least I got this off my chest. I would really appreciate any advice on navigating a recent diagnosis and seeking treatment.

vent // ‼️TW: implied thought of su*cide‼️ hey guys, this is my first post. just wanted to share something from my notes app to see if anyone could relate! and if not, just something to see of how I feel/think when intrusive thoughts are beating me down :D here it goes: “I feel like I’m burning up. drowning. trapped. what if I am a bad person….? it’s like I’m obsessing over and over…. overthinking….. it’s killing me…. and I feel selfish for not wanting to die….. how would I react to someone who is going through the same thing as me…..? of the opposite sex….? I feel like I can’t even think for myself…. I doubt everything….. what if the next thing I feel or decision I make is wrong? I just want to be good. it feels like I just shed into a new person the next day……. like the past is not me……. but it’s still the same body……. I feel like I can’t ever be clean again…. I’m stained…… if I could go back to being a child, I would do the right things and make sure to stand my ground……. it’s hard…… not knowing if I should continue or not….. but again, I don’t want to die….. how selfish of me….. not because of that…… why do I keep asking so many questions…..??? like I’m not even sure who I am…..??? I’m doubting myself again……. sometimes I feel like a child that’s still learning about rights and wrongs…….. is it possible that I’m different…..? I feel like I see the world differently……. everyone does….but for me……there are certain things I don’t understand…… it’s hard……. sometimes wanting to go……. but thinking of her…….. oh, if I could just protect her from the world……. if she could just stay happy being little…… it’s funny how I want to shield her from the wicked…… but what’s the point if I feel like I am wicked myself……????”

I feel like i have gotten to the point where i realize it's my brain convincing me, telling me that there is something wrong with me. That i have cancer because there's no way that i don't. That I'm ill and i will pass in a few days. I get so scared and anxious about it because the truth is i really dont want to die so early in life. And the fear that i will, is just consuming the life i am currently living. I get so depressed and sad because i dont want to die because i like the life i have. And im scared that if i have cancer then everything will get flipped upside down and ill die and i wont experience everything i want to. When i was in middle school i hated life and i seriously had suicidal thoughts, and now i feel like my Health OCD is giving me karma for thinking like that. Because now, i feel like i have it worse than i did then. Everyday i live in constant fear that im going to just drop dead or develop cancer and die before i can even reach 18. But i feel like my intuition wants to keep me safe, so it tells me to check and to make sure i dont have anything wrong with me. I feel like everyone calls me crazy. But it's so hard, and so scary to not worry about this. I try and have a good day but a sudden pain in my arm just makes me believe that my vein is going to burst which will stop my heart or something. I just want to have a good time, The past few months have been worrying me sick. I'm not sure how to get better, or how to stop worrying about having a serious illness. I freak out even more that i keep saying or thinking i have cancer, because then i feel like i'm manifesting it even though i don't want it to happen. I just get scared that i keep saying it and then it will actually happen. I'm just so distraught. But i've been recognizing that i really need to stop this. I've been crying everyday about this. I really just need help and guidance, i just need to be healthy :(

My ROCD has been super prevalent lately. This is kind of hard to explain, but a recent thought I can’t seem to shake is the fact that I could be just latching onto the fact that I have ROCD/“making it up” to avoid “the inevitable” or “my real feelings” meaning a breakup/ that I don’t love my partner. So like intrusive thoughts about the OCD itself if that makes sense? Kind of meta LOL - Has anyone else experienced this?

Has anyone been prescribed Zoloft for ocd? Has it been helpful? Hope soon did you see results - improved mood and less anxiety.

People make it sound like with partner focused ROCD, the flaws you obsess about aren’t actually real or legitimate, they’re just in your head, but is it also normal to focus on flaws that do actually exist? Like recently I’ve been super obsessed over my bf’s occasionally whiny voice, whether he means it to be whiny or not. And it’s a real thing that I have physically witnessed, it’s not just in my head, and I can’t stop obsessing over it. It feels harder to try and get over when I know it’s a real thing, not just something I’m making up. I keep wanting to not feel this way but I’m worried it will never happen because the things I’m obsessing about aren’t always in my head, they’re physically being played out in front of me, and I can’t make that change. I’m scared.

Hi everyone. I really want to go back to enjoying my life. I know its possible as i felt like this before 7 years ago but i am to much in my head to remember how i snapped out of it. I keep having panic attacks. I know there panic attacks. I know there is nothing seriously wrong with me. I know im not gonna just drop dead. Yet i keep getting anxious. I absolutely love my life. I have a job i enjoy. A loving husband and two beautiful children. Although we have normal life struggles i am still happy with my life. Yet 4 weeks ago my panic attacks started again. After being dormant for 7 years. Im afraid of death and leaving my family and life. I dont know why i am so afraid. I am a Christian (although i dont go to church) i believe in God and i believe my life is planned out for me. I believe whatever is gonna happen will happen and we are just along for the ride. I know whenever my times comes it will be my time. No amount of panicking will change that. I guess despite my faith i am human and the unknown of death and the fear if what i believe isnt real i could cease to exist and thats terrifying. I just want to be able to take on life not living in fear.

I've struggled for years thinking if I offend God, he'll unalive me in my sleep. I think every pain is a sign I've offended him. The issue is, I'm not religious. Not in that way. I was raised pagan. But my brain is like "God is gonna kill you" and I obsess over dying. Im terrified. Because i believethere is life after death but my brain wont let me believe it in bad obsessive times. Am I alone in this?

I just got triggered by something and I started to spiral. I was obsessing with my thoughts for a really long time I wasn’t doing anything but sitting there and obsessing. I finally had to bring my partner to work and it takes about 40 min to get there. I finally noticed that I had to pee really bad I was obsessing over my POCD and I got in my head thinking what if this feeling is sexual and you are a P. I finally made myself pull over at a gas station and went to the restroom. I never had a problem with my OCD until i started heavily drinking. When I was drinking with friends one night at a bonfire there were these two little girls at the time I really loved kids I wanted to have some of my own some day. So I started playing with the little girls just being silly and picking them up and playing. I eventually pick one of them up and kissed her on the cheek because I thought she was so cute. But I was drinking and the father told them to go inside the house. Know that I’m thinking about it I don’t know if it was because or he just wanted them to go inside because it was getting late. He never said anything to me and my friends never said anything to. But I instantly felt bad for being drunk and playing with. But for some reason I woke up the next day and I felt like I had done something wrong and what if I was a P for kissing the little girl on the cheek. I started drinking back then just for fun but it slowly became a problem I had just turned 21 and I wanted to have fun with my friends and that is what people do when they turn 21. I’m now 31 and an alcoholic but for the last 10 years I haven’t been able to forget about that night and I just have been obsessing about it ever sense. I think now that the alcohol brought out my OCD and I wish I could go back and never started drinking in the first place. Now I am almost 3 months sober. But recently I have been prescribed medication that will make you physically sick if you drink on them. I also have found an online 24 hour zoom meeting that is awesome. The reason I bought the drinking up is after I stopped to go to the bathroom the thoughts of being a P went away greatly I wasn’t having sexual feelings I just had to go to the bathroom. When I got back in the car and started listening to the zoom AA meeting my thoughts pretty much went away. I wanted to let everyone know about the online meetings it’s called The Zoo Crew. I am so happy to be sober now and so grateful that I found the meetings. So I just wanted to get that out there for anyone struggling with POCD, OCD in general, or alcoholism. There has been very few problem that I have talked about having these thoughts with. Most of them have been with medical professionals it feels so good to have found this app and be able to talk about it with other people. I hope this could help someone else in knowing you’re not alone in this. I know this was really long but I hope it helps someone. Thank you!!!

i feel like im being crushed by the weight of deadlines and my thoughts. i have so much to do in the next 3 weeks and i feel so distracted by my brain. i just got diagnosed with OCD and it feels good to put a name to all these endless thoughts i have. i think so much and never get a break and on top of it im so overwhelmed by assignments i feel paralyzed (i have adhd, too). even when i do things i enjoy my brain still somehow thinks of something to ruin the moment. 🫠