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I am generally optimistic about my OCD recovery but today I am feeling very hopeless. It feels like I may never recover from it and that it’s a life long punishment.

I was wondering if anyone else has dealt with OCD that revolves around food? For instance I’ve had an eating disorder from OCD for about 2 years now. I’m scared to eat food I’ve always eaten due to the fear of an allergic reaction. I also have a fear of my food being poisoned or laced with drugs. It makes it very hard for me to eat at times because I’ll have the symptoms of anxiety where my throat feels tight as if I can’t swallow or I’ll feel really panicked after I eat a fear food. Logically I know I’m not allergic to many of the foods I’ve ditched. It’s like my OCD clings to the fact others have allergies to things like peanuts & other foods. I used to be able to eat foods just fine and I love food! I just have so much fear of not having control once I’ve consumed something and that what if thought pops in. I believe all this stemmed from me trying an edible and it being one of the worst experiences ever. Felt like I was spiraling and not in control of anything. I even deal with extreme derealization/depersonalization and it feels so similar to the bad high. & I just get scared someone will lace my food just for the fun of it. So now when I eat I get scared even though logically I know my food is just food and I need it!! I’m doing much better than before, I eat even when I feel anxious too. I had stopped eating and drinking water due to my ocd tricking me (didn’t know I had ocd at the time, I thought my negative impulse fear based thoughts were intuition but they weren’t) and ended up in the hospital. I still have many fear foods that are actually very healthy that I need to start eating again. I am suffering from low iron due to not eating correctly from this fear. I’m on a iron supplement though and I’m eating better than I was. I’m just wondering if anyone else has or is dealing with similar?

i hate starting with a new therapist. i obsess over my trauma and then when it’s time to go to therapy it’s almost unbearable to talk about. last therapy session was on friday and was my first ever appt with this therapist, found her through my job’s employee assistance program. i was telling her how i feel like a bad person and sometimes have suicidal thoughts. she was not warm or reassuring. she asked me how i would do the deed and i explained to her and she did not say much at all. i left the session feeling worse. i have another appt at 3 today and the roads are icy and i’m just dreading it. and if i cancel i will feel like an irresponsible piece of shit. i already told her so much so i feel like i need to keep going. but im depressed and it is so hard for me to think about leaving my house. what do i do?

Having a panic attack and can’t calm down. Please help.

I guess this post is just a rummage of thoughts. I have been wondering lately as to why some people respond well to medication and others do not. Im also very curious as to the real reason SSRI's work. Could there possibly be a hormone it works on that hasn't been found yet. Im not buying the seratonin theory. First, Psychiatrist are not doing bloodwork to see peoples seratonin levels before prescribing drugs. 2.) If it just low seratonin why does SSRI's not cure OCD? A lot of people who take SSRI'S only see a mild decrease in symptoms. Even at high dosages.Im interested in the data coming out on GABA. If they can see that the brain behaves abnormal during screenings what is causing so much misfiring. Why do some people develop it as children, while others have an onset later in life? Besides Pandas. More importantly for children who contract it during strep, why does it normalize. Its weird that one bout of strep could permanently damage your brain, especially one that is still forming. I would have thought it would autocorrect. Why are more women diagnosed than men? Like I said just thinking.

SORRY FOR BAD ENGLISH Hello, i’m new to this community, i’m from Brazil, but i speak english, i’m really struggling with what i believe to be POCD, but i’m so scared an feel like i have nobody to share my feelings, it’s really affecting me and people around me, i don’t want to live like this anymore, but at the same time i feel hopeless. I’m on medication (Fluexovamine) for 15 days, it has helped me, but i still have many stuggles. If anyone is willing to talk to me or feel like i do, please contact me. i really really want help and try to live a normal life.

Hello does anyone struggle to go to sleep at night? feels like my mind is awake all night and wake up exhausted.

What medicines do you all take that help with your OCD?

I have been facing the end of my relationship and the need for a job for a year now. Every moment of every day it’s there hanging over me. But instead of spending every moment working or finding work, I spend every moment frozen about it and feeling unable to do anything! I have OCD, of course, and a rare sleep disorder (KLS) that messes with my circadian rhythm, has no treatment (“just wait it out” for up to several years), and causes me to sleep 12+ hours and often 20-36 hours at a time. I wake up still feeling like I barely slept. It really sucks. I’ve tried so hard to establish a routine around a shifting sleep pattern, to reduce or manage stress, to listen to everything my doctors have asked me to do… My partner of almost 10 years moved out two weeks ago. She paid the rent for this past month but I’m on my own now. I just ordered pet food and am out of money. She had been covering about 80% of expenses this year til she moved. I had covered all of our bills and more for a few years before that, but she had to leave for her own sake, and I understand. 😞 I’ve never been this isolated and alone before. My family is going through a lot. My car’s been broken into and disabled twice recently (thanks Kia Boys) and I haven’t been able to afford to fix it this second time. This is a lot already so I’m going to post about my work search in the comments. I’m wondering if anyone can relate and, heck, if anyone knows somewhere hiring remotely right away.

I started my period yesterday and I'm stuck on the thoughts of being poly and it feels to real like I had to confess. I always been monogamous and committed to my online boyfriend. I don't want to be with someone else. I don't want us to be with someone else. Why doesn't my head get that. It would make me think I want other boys or something poly related and it hurts me. I don't want poly or open relationship at all. I'm happy me and my boyfriend both promise to stay just the two of us. But my thoughts make me deny that makes me feel bad makes me feel like I want "poly" Please help me please please I'm sorry but please. I'm insane this is worse than before.

A few months ago I had a bad episode where I was sitting next to my mum having intrusive thoughts and I disassociated and put my finger in her vagina. Atleast I think this happened. My mum says it didn’t happen and it’s all in my head. It took me months to get over this happening and now my ocd has latched onto something new and is saying that I raped her again. I don’t know if this happened and I’m trying to practice radical acceptance but it’s hard. I just want to figure it out. I want to know if this definitely happened or didn’t. It hurts me to think I might’ve done something this awful. Please leave any tips on dealing with this in the comments below.

I’m always waiting for the next horrible event to happen, and it’s sapping the joy out of my good days. I’m just waiting for the next time the house needs a major repair, or I’m waiting for the next family member to die horribly (even though no one is sick right now). I’m waiting for the next time my relationship takes a dive due to miscommunication. I’m preventing myself from making art my career because I’m convinced I’ll just mess it up, or I’m convinced no one would pay actual money for something I’ve made. I won’t go back to school because I’m convinced I’ll fail again, or worse, I’ll be too focused on myself to take care of my family. I’m so sure that everyone I’m close with in my life secretly hates me, and I know it’s the OCD but some days I’m just waiting for them to tell me I’m right, or I’m waiting for them to all leave me. I know I’ve felt joy, love, and acceptance at one point in my life, but those warm feelings don’t reach my heart when I’m stuck waiting for the next moment life kicks the chair out from under me.

Who else is battling this Monster alone? I'm really struggling with feeling alone today. I've been divorced for 5 years and I'm scared that I won't be able to find any body to even be close with because of my OCD. I really just need a friend that understands or can relate. The holidays have been extra hard and my therapist is on vacation. My mind is going through a long list of things to latch onto so I am doing exposure. But I'm exhausted, and just feel like I need one of those hugs that makes you feel safe.

I’ve never been in a relationship, not even held a hand let alone kiss anyone or be in a relationship with them. I’m a female in my 20’s and OCD sees relationships as ⛔️⚠️danger. the older I get the more scared I become and I don’t know if to take the leap of faith and learn along the way or work on the OCD around it first. Any advice or if you can relate please share thank you 💜🧠🙏 Context: ( I like a guy he likes me but he didn’t know do he was ready for a relationship, I didn’t want casual then we spoke again a while later and he said he could see a relationship in the future and I shut it down and explained it was because of my OCD but I still like the guy and I’m worried I’m going to lose this opportunity with him but at the same time I don’t want to rush into it and hurt him because he will be with me + OCD )

Does anyone else get fired from doctors because you get upset when they won’t listen? Or you have explained that the treatment option offered is one you have tried and didn’t work?

This is how hard OCD is, ROCD, sexual intrusive thoughts, have brought me to my knees to the point I’ve lost 2 jobs within 3 months due to being unable to function, unable to eat, sleep, exercise, I cannot describe my pain to anyone, I feel no one understands this. I need this community as it helps me understand I am not alone. Please help

Does anyone here have diagnosed BPD and wouldn’t mind sharing abit about it? I think I might have it but the internet and the unreliable quizzes online are not helping me work out if it might have it or not. I understand I would need a proper diagnosis but if anyone would be open to explaining it abit more to me thay would be great. Thank you 💜

i’m new to this app, im sorry if this post is inappropriately long. ever since july of this year, my very under the radar ocd has jumped gears and completely taken over my life. TRIGGER WARNING for people who don’t like s!ckness or anything of the sort, i don’t wanna make anyone panic! but i had a bad UTI and it made me loose my appetite for two weeks with a fever, stomach aches and nausea. all the symptoms and worry accumulated from a camping trip i went on with my boyfriend, while i loved being with him, it stressed me out because we weren’t at a campsite, there was lightening and we were to far from the car to leave in the night. we barely slept, and left very early, and when we got back from eating a bagel at dunkin i felt extremely nauseous and tired. i’ve always been afraid of getting sick like that, but this caused me extreme distress. my boyfriend and dad sat on my bed with me to make sure i was ok, but it all just was to much for me. finally my boyfriend left and later i was able to fall asleep. after this for the next many days i dealt with the feeling of being ill, and it scared me so much. i feel like that was all such a small event that triggered it and i’m wondering why? i don’t really understand. ever since any inkling of being sick i fall into complete panic, hysterically sobbing and begging my parents to take me to a doctor. in the past i have been prone to convincing myself of many different sicknesses, specifically different cancers. right now all last week again i had a UTI, with a stomach ache all week, i felt better for one day and now i have a cold/flu and before i had a fever of 101-102. i’m so terrified that it’ll go into my stomach, but there is a rational part of me that tells me that by reacting so strongly, i am literally the one making it traumatic. it’s turned to me taking an hour to get dressed because all my outfits will leads to a future where i get sick. i have to wash my hands constantly to make myself feel safe, i can feel a wave of ecstasy like run through me when i wash my hands. it makes it hard to kiss my boyfriend, who tries so hard to support me but i’m afraid to kiss him and get sick from him. i mean i cant but feel like all of this makes me such a weak, insufferable person. i’m really scared to push everyone away from me, but i have lost all control. what do i do? am i overreacting? are my fears stupid? any imput would be so helpful

I started therapy a couple weeks ago for relationship ocd. I thought I was doing so good and my therapist is awesome. Yesterday I had the worst triggers, ruminations, and compulsions I’ve ever had. It feels like the ocd has attacked me with everything it has. I guess I’ve pretty much destroyed my relationship with my wife over yesterday and today. I’ve tried to talk to myself, sit with it, etc. I’m feeling like I have no chance of getting better. My mind goes to worse case scenario and the compulsions consume me.

Hi I'm a kid using this app and I feel very anxious:,3 Can ocd make you feel like you are poly like you were born to be one (｡ŏ﹏ŏ) I don't want to have any interest in poly and I know I don't wanna be in one. I'm happy being monogamous with my boyfriend but now it keeps denying me. I literally have problems being friends with boys why would I want a boy in my relationship :,3 I talked to my boyfriend about it and was happy that we aren't gonna be poly and it would just be the two of us. But why do I keep thinking I want to be one I don't like it I have been stressing about it. I'm uncomfortable with boys (that's not my boyfriend) being with me. I don't and never wanna flirt or be with other boys. I'm also uncomfortable my boyfriend flirting with other girls too. I don't wanna be poly and I don't know how to take these feelings away. It's hurting me and I'm scared that me and my boyfriend are going to share each other :( I'm trying so hard to prove that I'm monogamous and I'm really am committed to my bf. But it would make me have thoughts other boys or just dating other people or have "evidence" from my childhood that I'm poly. I'm so tired, I just wanna be with my boyfriend I only have eyes for him like how he only have eyes for me. I just wanna be the two of us I'm happy just being with my bf. I can't even focus on anything till I proven I don't wanna be poly.