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the NOCD Community

I get really afraid of messing up in front of people,even if it’s,talking,tripping,miss pronouncing a word especially in front of large groups.

Ever since my terrible ocd started since march 2020 (i was 16, almost 17.), school was very hard to do. i was still at 9th and 10th grade level. i eventually dropped out in 2021 (i was 18.) My Life had been wasted for 4 years, i feel like a failure. im 20 now, and still unwell to do school. the ocd is so bad that i lose connection with reality, it makes my bipolar worse, and i just feel like im losing my mind with the constant anxiety and depression and manic and everything. I feel like a failure. I look at my friends who are successful and on the way to graduating or already in college in university, and im sitting here feeling like a horrible failure. im a failure. i didnt ask for this ocd to happen, i wish it never happened, i just wanted to be successful and graduate and start college, but i cant do that anymore. Why me? why is everyone else lucky to not suffer from such debilitating mental illness? why me? now im just a failure with no life and fully reliant on my parents for money, food, shelter, etc. i tried so hard to go back to school, to try to work, but it was too unbearable. if i never got this ocd, i know i would have graduated and been successful and head straight to college. 4 years of my life wasted. and more years to come.

I’m about to begin high school and am so obsessed with making the right decision. I am stuck between two highschools, one with all my friends but a bad school, and one with only some of my friends but very good. I’m afraid I’m gonna choose the wrong school and have a bad highschool experience because of that. The highschool with my friends in it is smaller and has a bad reputation, but the friends i have there I am extremely close with. On the other hand, the nicer highschool is way bigger and i only have a few friends in my grade so i will most likely go into it alone. Please help in any way, i’m so extremely nervous and need some guidance.

With a little backstory, I've been struggling with physical sleep issues that a medical hospital is trying to to help me with (sleep apnea, TMJ issues, etc.). Anyway, I guess my OCD knows that sleep is a problem, so it's created an obsession around it. I was laying on my two pillows, on my side, and had the thought "Hmm, my shoulder is up against the pillows, is this squishing the pillows in, bunching them up? Is the level of the pillows now unevenly distributed because of my shoulder against it? How soft/hard is my shoulder pushing against the pillow?" It's ridiculous, because I've slept this way my whole life. But now I'm hyper focused on how my body is laying against the pillows and having to have the pillows perfectly even, without any dents or flaws in them. This sucks because on top of the physical sleep issues, now I'm having OCD sleep issues. Im just so tired. I wish I could ignore it, but OCD gets so strong when I lay on my pillows now. Any advice? Anything to tell myself that could help? Thank you ahead of time.

I’m starting to be convinced it’s not ROCD and I don’t know what to do anymore 😔 I’m very irritable around my partner now and extremely overly critical of his social behaviours and the way he talks and acts and just everything. And I keep seeing other people talking about their symptoms and their intrusive thoughts and how they know they don’t believe those things, and I feel like those things are real flaws that genuinely bug me and it feels real and I’m worried it’s not OCD anymore and I’m scared. I feel like I’m losing touch with reality because of how much I spend in my head worrying and trying to figure out if what I’m thinking is bad.

What do OCD and eating disorders have in common? More than you might think. While these health conditions are distinct, they can overlap in many ways, with one of the most significant being that both can involve disordered behaviors around food. Disordered eating, whether it stems from OCD or an eating disorder, can impact one's relationship with food, their body image, and in many cases, their health, making it important to spot the red flags of this behavior. Given that the last week of February is Eating Disorders Awareness Week, it’s an especially relevant time to shed light on the nuances of disordered eating, how OCD can fuel it, and what to do next if you think you might be struggling with it. Learn more about how OCD can fuel disordered eating from guest writer Jackie Shapin, LMFT.

does anyone else really struggle with feeling like their feet are uneven when walking on sidewalks that have lines or floors that have indents. For example; if a certain part of my left foot touches the line (like the middle of my foot) as i walk, i have to touch the line on same part on my right foot. Also, having to even out which foot i start and end with for each sidewalk square, like if i end on my right foot more than 3 times ina row i start to feel the panic set in and end up having to do stutter steps to even it out. it’s really embarrassing, especially when i’m with people or people are around. it can also be quite exhausting.

My roommate just had septum surgery about a month ago. & she couldn’t life anything heavy for a while. But, it’s been like 3 weeks to a month, like I said. & my birthday is on the 15th of March. I REALLY want her to take our Christmas tree (that I decorated with Valentine’s Day decor) down before my birthday. She refuses to let me do it myself. But I get so angry & anxious thinking about how it’s STILL up & what if it ain’t down by then? I’m so frustrated. I feel disrespected. Anybody have any (kind) advice?

Let me preface this by saying all three of my cats are alive, well, and healthy. Does anyone else get really distressed by their pets’ mortality? Like I cannot escape thoughts about their health, wondering if they’re happy, if I’m a good caregiver, worrying about when they’ll pass and how hard that will be and that I’ll inevitably feel like I’ve failed them. I feel intensely guilty often for things like leaving for work or not allowing them in the bedroom when I sleep (bc they keep me up) even though logically I know I shouldn’t feel bad. And I have a lot of guilt about not being able to take a past cat while leaving an abusive situation three years ago (she is definitely okay, she’s well cared for, I checked with an old mutual friend). I just love them so much, I want them to be okay.

Today went, actually really good??!! Didn't have any attacks at all and I was so sure I would because thinking about the trip had been making me anxious for days. I'm really glad I didn't give in and sit this out. We went to the mall and got some food, which another thing my OCD avoids. Though, it's kind of weird but a small part of me was kind of disappointed that nothing did happened, I was so ready to take on the challenge but since I didn't have an attack I feel like there was no growth. There were a couple of times felt a small amount of anxiety creeping up on me but it was for a brief moment. Someone on here had told me that you have to train yourself into wanting the panic attack to happen and be in the moment, so I guess that's what my brain was so stuck on. Of course, I still had a wonderful time and I'm excited to continue on with my journey. It's definitely frightening, but worth it. I see it as a journey to start relying and trusting myself!

My OCD has been stuck on my weight for a long time now. When I gained 25 pounds it became debilitating. I have a history of anorexia, and now 25 pounds heavier I’m actually healthier then I’ve ever been. I have a very active lifestyle, eat a lot of fruits and veggies. I ran a 10k a few weeks ago. But my BMI says overweight. My parents and family call me fat. Even strangers have insulted me for my weight. I know I’m strong and I’ve worked so hard to improve my relationship with my body and food. One week I’ll have a confident day, the next week I’m in a dark place of body dysmorphia feeling like I’ll never make peace with my body. And I feel so much shame. For wanting to change my amazing, healthy body. This body that allows me to dance and run and hug my loved ones and carry me through life. I am so scared of gaining weight. Sometimes it’s all I think about, that fear. Days like today, I don’t know if it’ll ever get better.

I know OCD can make many us perfectionists and be too hard on ourselves, but how do we stop?? I am a journalist, and after almost every interview I do I have a breakdown because I believe it went horribly. Then a couple of days later I watch it back and I think it's okay. But I really do love my job but omg I want to enjoy it more without criticising myself all the time. I see all these things online saying you can block your blessings and I'm worried no more opportunities are going to come for me because I'm so critical and negative about myself.

I posted about this yesterday but I feel like I’m in an extremely obsessive cycle right now. So basically I started college and moved into dorms. My roommate and I were cool at first then began to experience some issues. Mainly codependency on both ends. So I pulled back to regain control of my emotions and also to make better decisions since I don’t want codependent friendship. I did this with the help and guidance of my therapist. I have also been in therapy for almost two years. So today, my friend seems bothered in class bc she has her nursing cohort in class and Idk if she wanted to go talk to them rather than me or what she wanted to do but she usually says bye to me after class and she just got up and left. Which was odd to me. She then was super silent later in when she got home to the dorms so I asked if wverhtbing was ok she said yeah and said she had a headache. While that may be true she hadn’t been quiet toward me or like that in the past. So anyways I’ve been in an obsessive cycle of trying to “find answers” as to what’s wrong with me and why I struggled in friendship my whole life. Why I’ve chosen some unkind friends before. I have searched the internet up and down trying to figure out what is “wrong with me” and see if I’m unliksble or if there’s traits that need “fixing” so I can be liked better. This also enables me to go into perfectionist mode and remind myself of all the flaws I have and try to fix them. It’s exhausting and tiring. I’ve done some major work on myself in therapy these past two years and have actually made drastic changes, yet I still sometimes feel like why haven’t I mad decent good friends, and why am I feeling like a bad person all the time even when I’ve improved a lot of things. Any advice. Is this a compulsion?? I feel like it is bc my brain freaken hurts and I feel like I am looping. I got home around 4:30 today and have been on the intnernt for four hours searching smh.

My sweet sweet dog passed away today and I’ve noticed my OCD has been through the roof. Actually my husband noticed- he said what I’m doing is OCD related. I have felt the need to remember every moment with her in her last days with extreme clarity. (Which is something my OCD has fixated on) I am fixated on all the ways I messed up in the 10 years I had with her. I guess what I’m asking is- is this normal with fried and having OCD? I feel so lost.

What if I don’t have ROCD, or what if I do but it’s still not the right relationship. I’m so freaking confused and lost and empty right now and I’m frustrated. I don’t know what to do. I keep focusing on all the flaws and shortcomings and I’m so overly critical and it’s annoying.

My girlfriend and I have been together for a long time and in the beginning my OCD was under control. Recently it’s been getting worse and worse and it has something new to hold on to. It holds on to her and being the best that I can be for her. And I never want to hurt her feelings and even when I don’t OCD tells me that maybe there is some way I messed up and eventually enough will be enough and I’ll lose the love of my life. She’s patient and understands OCD, can anyone tell me if they’ve had a similar experience and if they have been able to break the cycle?

I’m 20 yrs old and I struggle to go to work everyday and I miss a lot of days because my ocd convinces me that I will get yelled at or not know what to do. But then when I don’t go to work I feel useless and like a bum Does anyone else struggle with this and what have you found that helps(maybe a different career path that’s not as bad on my ocd)

Does anyone deal with having a very messy living space? I know for myself, a combination of OCD, ADHD, and Depression make it very difficult to keep my space clean, and the mess is having a negative effect on my mental health, but it feels overwhelming and impossible to conquer. Has anyone else dealt with this? Do you have any strategies for managing this?

Has anyone felt very anxious from OCD and still successfully gotten through school? If so do you have any tips? (I’m an engineering major in college)

My OCD has gotten way better, but I still struggle with one thing in particular. This does not necessarily have to do with my ocd but I also struggled with it while I was still struggling. It is this feeling of always needing to do better, to evolve, change things etc. This affects my relationship. Everyday I bring something up to my partner that we/he could change. Everyday I insist on having deep/meta psychological talks about how we feel, what we need, what we should change and it is really taking a toll on my partner. It feels like I am constantly trying to be better, to make him or us better and it is hurting both of us. He is not a better partner at all, I am just sooo scared of things not turning out okay or right. I just have this heavy pressure on my heart, idk if it is fomo, anxiety or whatever but it sucks joy out of things. I feel like I‘m constantly trying to live im check lists. „Oh this was a cute moment, check“ „okay, we just had a good conversation, check“ and so on. Every moment i spend with him has to be evaluated and it. Is. Draining. It drains me so so much. I am just so scared of not being mature enough, that m partner and I don’t talk enough, don’t know each other enough or that things should be different. Do any of you have the same problem? This is not just a relationship problem for me. I also feel like I am not doing enough, I should be experiencing more things, etc. I know i should just let go but I can’t. Do you have tips, advice or similar story? Please share, I feel so frustrated and alone. I don’t want to be this serious, strict being.