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it’s like when i fix one thing a new fixation comes along. how can i prevent this from happening? how do i keep my progress intact instead of making progress in one thing and going back on another?

I feel like giving up. I always feel like I am doing something wrong

I have goals for my life, I also believe that I am meant to be successful and that God has put me on this earth to be successful. At one point this belief has kept me going (and still does) however OCD has attached itself to this belief and made it more hell instead of inspiration, especially with constant reminders to "Tap in" and " Work before its too late" whether its in church or online. It makes me not want to work on my goals and actually any motivation that I did have is completely gone. It has even sparked a new obsession with the Idea that God will snatch my purpose away from me, or that God will end my life, or that God took my motivation as punishment for not acting faster, although the reason why I haven't acted on my goals yet is because of OCD and anxiety around my goals. I have a whole lore when it comes to OCD and my goals.

Lemme explain, so quite often if I’m retelling something that happened I will lie about random details because I constantly think that if whatever I’m saying isn’t interesting enough or if it makes me seem like a bad person then the listener will absolutely hate me or think I’m boring and not want to talk to me anymore. I don’t know if that could potentially be based on ocd or if maybe it’s more like pathological lying ? Sometimes I’ll even take it as far as repetitively memorizing the lie details to the point where I actually feel like I remember it happening that way (like I almost gaslight myself into believing my own lies if that makes sense?)

Hi! Does anyone have advice on how to manage your time well or time management systems and recourses (app, etc.) to help one (with ocd) stay on top of daily tasks, goals, etc.?

hi im experiencing a lot of anxiety and guilt right now. im 16 now but in the past i said many offensive bad things, slurs and racist jokes with my friends. it was disgusting and im not proud of this. I'd never say those stuff to an actual black people to idk make fun or shame them because im not actually racist, i could never hate another person just because their skin colour is different. but i did say disgusting stuff as "a joke" and i feel very guilty about this. I don't think i was always a bad person but for around two years i was just acting mean and pretty shitty. i wish i could turn back time, but that's not possible. i was talking about stuff I didn't have a clue about, i said n word just because "its just a word, it's not that deep!". but now i know it's really more than that. yet I can't move on. i keep thinking about it so much i want to throw up. I can't look in the mirror now i don't know what to do. lately im trying to become a better person, be nice to people close to me and just to finally feel good. but i feel like I don't deserve to change and i create scenarios that people will bring up my past when ill finally be a better person.

I hate feeling constantly conflicted no matter what. I have noticed with food intake, I find myself going back and forth between obsessing over eating too much and fear of gaining any weight to obsessing over eating too little and fear of losing an unhealthy amount of weight and the negative consequences of such. I am getting married this year and continuously think about how I need to be mindful and not eat too much since I need to fit into my dress and feel confident on my wedding day, as I don’t want to look back at pics and be unhappy with how I look. But I also think about how if I don’t eat enough, I will look too thin and will not be confident in myself, and will look back and be unhappy. Idk. It is so hard because I am always trying to figure out what is “right” but it feels like there is no “right.” And I have a really hard time recognizing what my body ACTUALLY looks like physically, not really knowing how I appear to others

Not gonna lie, I am in fact feeling a little bit melancholy at the moment, and it’ll pass, and it’s probably because i didn’t get enough sleep. But here’s the thing, there’s been a ton of changes in my life recently, and a lot of upheaval, and it’s been a very difficult time. It’s part OCD, part current events, part changes in my life. I graduated college, so I lost my classes and counseling there (and I still have NOCD, and my therapist is wonderful, and I could not have gotten through this OCD episode without her, but my counselor at my college helped me through some more of the general stuff in my life, and she was wonderful and she really supported me). I had to leave my part-time job I worked at for three years, and I’m still searching for one. My OCD spiked really bad over these last few months, my mental health plummeted, and it hasn’t been helped at all by the horrible winter weather where I live. Because the weather has been so bad and I live with my family in an isolated rural area, I haven’t been able to go to any social groups, even though they said alumni can still attend. It’s hard leaving the house because the weather seems to change on a dime, so I’m stuck inside more often than not. On top of that, there’s everything that’s happening around the world right now. I genuinely don’t know what’s going to happen. I have not felt like myself in months. A big part of that is the OCD, which i really don’t think would have been as bad if it weren’t for all of these huge changes happening all at once, leaving me isolated and stuck inside. My self-esteem has been absolutely shattered. There are video games I love and want to finish that I haven’t been able to bring myself to play because I worry that if I play them while I’m still going through OCD episodes, I’ll always associate them with the anxiety and thoughts and fears, and then I’ll never be able to play them again. I love writing, and before my OCD came back, I had a story I was working on that I adored and that made me so happy, but right now, I hesitate to write anything for it because I just feel this strange sense of guilt that I don’t know how to put into words. Like I’m not worthy or good enough to write anything for it, I guess? Like I wrote all that stuff when I felt like a good person and my self-esteem was better, and because of my OCD making me feel like a horrible person, I can’t bring myself to write anything for it. There are movies I loved to watch over my last semester at college that I don’t want to watch because I guess I don’t want to ruin my last memory of them. I don’t want to look back on the last time I watched a movie I loved and remember that I watched it while I was anxious and fighting off the OCD. There are songs I can’t bring myself to listen to because I listened to them before major changes in my life. And the thing is, all of these things are still there. None of these things suddenly stopped existing. They’re still there when I want to get back to them, but I don’t feel the same as I was when I was doing these things, and it’s hard to bring myself to, when I almost feel like I’m intruding, or ruining the last memory I had of those things. I guess it’s just hard to see that this difficult part of my life does have an end to it and that things will improve, and i’ll feel like myself again. It just feels like my life will always be separated before the most recent OCD episode, and after, and that’s not what I want. And I can’t go back to my last semester at college, but I also don’t want to lose or throw away everything I used to love. Part of this could very well be nostalgia. I just miss who I used to be. I miss feeling like I was a good person who deserved nice things, I miss writing stories I love, I miss having classes and social events and a job and income. I miss my mind being safe to exist in. I miss not wishing I was anyone else. All of this might be easier to deal with except that all of this happening at the same time has left me at absolute rock bottom. I’m not sure if any of this makes any sense or if anyone has any thoughts? I think writing it all down helped a little, though. If you made it this far, thank you for reading 😊❤️ I hope whatever you’re going through gets better, and that you have a great day/night.

So recently i had really obsessive thoughts about something and once i got over it i kept bringing back more stuff to make myself feel like a bad person. Why am i doing this? Why do i need to look for something else to burden someone with once they have forgiven me

i’m anxious because after my boyfriend and i got in a argument i was “daydreaming” or thinking about what it would be like dating someone else who was more “right for me” and what if i was excited about that possibility like i had already moved on from my boyfriend. but when i really think about it i don’t want to be without him and don’t want to picture us breaking up. i know i love him but those other thoughts scared me and im now questioning if they mean im falling out of love with him. and if that’s the case i feel like i need to confess that. but at the same time these thoughts could be ocd because the “daydreaming” started after we had been getting in arguments a lot and then i kept seeing other couples interact online and i compare my relationship to that. but then when i think about my own relationship i have everything i want and am being treated how i want to be treated. i’m just scared that because i have had those thoughts about being with someone else that i need to break up him because our relationship is tainted now and i need to start over and do everything perfectly. i think these thoughts are triggered my us fighting and him not fully understanding my rocd and me looking at relationships where the boyfriend understands the girlfriends ocd and supports her and wanting my relationship to me more like that. which logically i know doesn’t mean we have to break up and i need to start over. i can just bring up this issue and communicate what i want and how i want to be supported. i just feel like i need to confess all these thoughts and that i “daydreamed” about being with someone else (no one in particular) and how im now focused on his flaws in comparison to couples online.

TW My brother came home 4 days ago (I think) from a hospital stay of just over 3 months. In the hospital, he attacked one of the staff and almost k*lled her, in his dysphoric mania. Now he's out of mania, but I'm scared that he'll harm or try to k*ll our pets and/or my mom and dad. Since he's been home, my OCD has flared up badly, and I've started to have panic attacks (leading to seizures and fainting), destroying my lips, and having overstimulation over every little physical sensation. My joint pain is becoming unbearable and the medications aren't working, I may have an autoimmune disorder that could destroy my organs (Lupus), I'm frustrated because walking feels like hell, I keep falling, I keep getting dizzy and seeing stars and I'm just so tired. I can't sleep since my brother came home. Yes, I close my door at night, but I'm still terrified that he will hurt my cat. I've started to hate anything that I've touched with my hands cuz I don't wanna get stuff on my face and I hate the feeling. Yesterday I kept obsessing over whether or not I was cheating, if any of my memories are real, obsessing over if everything is perfect or perfectly in place, and over everything my brother does. I've become paranoid over everything and I'm so tired. Thank you for listening.

My husband and I have hosted karaoke for 7 years. In those years, we’ve worked on our system and do our best to make it fair for everyone. But I had a customer a few weeks ago come up and yell at me about how we don’t follow “DJ etiquette” and how we basically suck at what we do. Well, last night, he came back and was apologizing to everyone (except us) and saying that he was going to be nicer and calmer and blah blah blah. At the end of the night, my husband walked away to use the restroom, and the customer came up and asked if he could talk to me for a minute, and so I stood there and let him give me his “apology” which then turned into more berating (albeit more calm) about how we don’t run things correctly and how he used to run a multi-million dollar DJ business. And I told him that I didn’t want to argue with him, that I was sorry he felt that way, and that my husband and I both have full time jobs and this is just a little part-time gig where we get paid scraps, basically. And he then told me that if we weren’t cut out for this, then maybe it’s time for us to step aside and let the bar hire a real DJ. So now I’m just hurt, sad, and paranoid that I’m going to be blown up all over the Internet and that this is going to carryover into my full time job and somehow get me fired from my full time job. Which is ridiculous, I know, but OCD is just ridiculous sometimes. I love my bar, I love the family that I’ve made there, and I don’t want to leave this job. But part of me thinks he’s right. Any comfort or support would be good right now. Thank you all for listening and letting me rant 💕

I don’t know what I can do. I guess this is more of a depression thing than OCD but who knows. I have been battling this ongoing war within myself for years now and it’s been affecting my academic performance. situation of mine right now: I haven’t done a lot of work for my classes this month and I feel like I’m going to fail the semester again. I don’t know what it is but I can never seem to begin any work. I know I am capable but why can’t I get myself to start? why has this been going on for so long? I don’t understand. I have a history of good grades back in high school before I turned 17. I don’t even know how to describe it. it’s like I’ve been paralyzed and cannot do any work. but I can somehow do offside tasks like pinterest boards or random youtube videos. if I get rid of those, what do I do? I end up sleeping. because I’m tired. I have a low vitamin D deficiency & have been trying to get energy. I’m at a loss. I also bought unnecessary stuff on sunday when I went out with my family. I bought some things for the kids and I ended up buying myself a dress and a few accessories. now I have to work extra to gain that money back doing uber eats because I need it asap. it’s like I don’t want to work, for now. my coworkers who are around my age don’t work as much & I think to myself, “wow, they must be getting in the work done” meanwhile I’m working 3 days a week (which isn’t much) and attending school. I feel like if I change my schedule again, I’ll ruin it for the rest of my driver coworkers. I’m in a lead position at work so having to put on a mask is quite tiring. there’s so much I want to say that I don’t think it will fit in this post. I have booked a mental health session with a school counselor. all I want at the moment is to have my own place and be in a better mental state to take care of my cats. they mean a lot to me but this stupid ass undiagnosed mental issue is getting in the way. sorry for the long rant. I am tired.

I would love some advice. I recently graduated from college in December, I will be attending law school in August of this year. There is an eight month gap for me to fill. I cling to things I know I can control like grades/work, focusing on them gives me comfort and takes away from the stress of things I can’t control. Right now I have no classes or job, i’m trying really hard to find a job for the time being, but i’ve been out of luck so far. This has left my mind is a constant search for control and reassurance. I’m beginning to over calculate every word I say and thing I do, it’s become exhausting. I’ve been calling out my Girlfriend for pulling away and not wanting me, when in reality she is just busier than me. I’m constantly looking for reassurance from her and if I don’t get it to the degree my mind manufactured, then I start a fight. I know the simple answer to my issue is getting a job, and i’m trying so hard to, but in the meantime, how can I keep my head on straight?

I’m newly diagnosed with ocd. I tend to ruminate on mistakes I’ve made or things I’ve said, I often find myself trying to convince myself I’m not everything my ocd tries to convince me I am. I can’t control my thoughts half the time and it’s exhausting. I’ve laid awake night after night researching various diseases and illnesses trying to convince myself I’m not dying I don’t know where my ocd begins and ends at this point. I think I’ve always had a tendency to over think but the health ocd started more recently. I was diagnosed with nerve damage in my face and arthritis and I think that sparked something in me that makes my mind wonder to no end what else is wrong. Recently I’ve been struggling with the feelings of not being enough or being too much, I’ve been looking back at things I’ve done and said in the past and wonder why people put up with my shit and then I spiral into the inevitable chaos of my overthinking. I’m trying really hard to learn how to control it but I’m sure everyone here can attest as to how painful and aggravating that can be. I just needed to vent.

Just sorta to vent and maybe get advice… I normally struggle with OCD and other MH/ medical issues.. I’ve sorta become acclimated to the stress, pain, mind games, and constant perfectionism. I thought I had it under control but this OCD has just been creeping back in small ways over time. I’ve caught myself doing behaviors and not feeling able to stop it. (This is combo of OCD but not sure how to categorize it all) - compulsively counting body movements til it’s the right number and feeling - adjusting papers/rewritten notes numerous times - irrational thoughts of my new pup being dead when I check on her - irrational thoughts that I don’t love my partner or he doesn’t love me after almost 10 years - every plate, cup, utensil has to be properly inspected before being able to use it - food can not have day of expiration (or even close to it) or a weird look or smell = it is inedible - recent close call accident led to dread driving and constant thoughts of a crash even though I did what I could and didn’t crash The list just keeps going.. but it has simply been a struggle that has lead me to feeling self conscious, unprofessional, childish, ashamed, and crazy. It’s a hard thing to accept that this has begun to return after finding ways to cope and manage in the past. I am struggling with finding ways to cope with it all cuz it is constantly disturbing my relationship, work, and personal well being Well that’s my truth for the day

I hate all of this. I feel so extremally ashamed of every single little thing I do, every single action is being questioned and shamed. I just cant understand why do I feel this way, afterall, it's not like Im going to stop doing these things or thinking in a certain way because I feel this shame. Sometimes these are little things like feeling ashamed over not being extremally kind to an adult(I fear adults a lot and I see them as people superior to me, which makes me feel even more ashamed and inferior) but sometimes it's shame over my morals, my wording of sentences etc. There's nothing that I can do to make this shame go away, Im so desperate to feel better that I constantly put other people down "as a joke" (only if they agree to it) to make myself feel less ashamed of my own existance. I know it's wrong and Im not a good person but I just dont know what should I do, Im so increadibly tired with this never ending shame. I felt it ever since, but since I got my second ocd episode(that started on 1th of august 2023) It has gotten so much worse. Now it's utterly debilitating and pathologizes my functioning in every area. I feel ashamed of thinking, of feeling, of eating, of learning, of the way I draw, speak or dress, of my behaviour, of what media I consume. Actually I feel ashamed over everything, I dont have any kind of true self worth, I need other people in order to feel atleast a bit better. All I want is for all of the people on earth to reassure me over and over again that Im allowed to live amongst them, that Im not wrong, that I can live and be happy as well. I wish I could just never wake up again, I feel so bad

I feel really ashamed, I used someones art as a background and didnt credit them, so I got criticized for it. I dont understand this shame cause it's not like Im going to do this anyway, it's just here. My ocd isnt helping at all cause now I have these thoughts of "what if Im doing something wrong" "what if Im a bad person" AS IF I CARED. Literally I get so ashamed over things that normally I wouldnt care about and then get stuck on a loop of constant rumination and overanalyzing. Im just so tired

So I just moved recently and I bought a dresser off Facebook marketplace to save some money. Anyways I realized later that the last person left some clothes in the dresser so I immediately threw them away and made a note to clean the dresser. I got really busy with work and haven’t had a chance to do it yet and I just woke up with what looks like a line of bug bites on my hand. Now I’ve convinced myself the dresser had bed bugs which spread to my bed and now my skin is crawling and I can’t sleep. Bed bugs are a huge fear of mine and I just hate myself for not cleaning the dresser sooner.

Is it possible to have a huge fear of OCD itself? (OCD about OCD) I’m scared that I’m not perfect and that I’ll go crazy or something like that, that i won’t achieve the life that i want, that im weird bcs of ocd, what other people will think bcs of my ocd, that i will feel like this forever... I try to reassure myself that I don’t have it, but I just want to cry. Everything related to OCD triggers me, and I know these things are also signs of OCD. Is this normal for OCD? Maybe I just need to accept it, I don’t know. I think about this 24/7—some days are better, and I kind of feel like I don’t have OCD, but it always comes back when something triggers me. I also keep asking my parents if they’re sure I don’t have OCD. They tell me I don’t, but it doesn’t help because I know they don’t really understand OCD. So, it’s basically just another obsession, but about OCD. Has anyone dealt with this? I’ve never heard anyone talk about this, so I’m not sure if it’s even a thing.