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Just curious.....how many people who've received their " OCD Conqueror" badge still have regular intrusive thoughts that ramp up their anxiety?

I often wake up and wonder if I’m on my way to become a bad and irredeemable person because of my OCD Intrusice thoughts, I wonder if I don’t like feeding into them even though they cause me immense suffering after. I don’t know if this is a ritual but after I have a bad intrusive thought I often successfully chase it away only to have I reoccurs after and I wonder if I don’t like doing this on purpose so I may continue feeling terrible about myself. Often my thoughts are so terrible I fear I’m truly a disgusting and terrible person hiding behind the pathetic excuse of having a “mental illness.” I get especially suicidal and scared when I think about how I would view someone having the same thoughts and ideas which I may have, I would be disgusted and hateful of them, I wouldn’t trust them and and wouldn’t want them to get near me. So why do I cry so much when I think that no one can possibly love me or understand me because of who I am and the thoughts I have? How can I differentiate between people who are bad because they have these thoughts and people like me who believe they can’t control these thoughts? Are not the people who are bad the same as us, is the difference that we don’t want to give in to these thoughts? I often see bad people interviewed who cite a lot of childhood trauma for how they turned out. I too have a lot of childhood trauma, does this mean that I am like them and will become like them and do something terrible to harm others without my control? Or do I just like tormenting myself? I don’t want to eat or enjoy things or talk to my friends and family because I believe they deserve a lot better than having to love someone who they do not know is having these thoughts, I think they would be disgusted if they knew this about myself which is why I want to die because I believe that would be a lot better than the people I love shunning me, and what’s even worse being emotionally impacted by the realization of my horribleness. I don’t know if I thought I have is mine, but who else’s could it be? I feel so guilty all the time but I don’t think that absolves me from having had these thoughts, so what do I do. It has gotten so bad that I often ask god if he could give me a sign that I should kill myself and not be selfish enough to live being an irredeemable person. I’m not a religious person but I don’t know what a good person with these thoughts is good for. I would want to let time pass by and have a husband and kids who spent their whole lives loving me not know that I have these thoughts, because I feel I must confess to them. I have a strong urge to confess all the time, but I’m afraid doing so would have the people I confess to classify me as a sick person and deeep down I don’t think I am a bad person or a sick one. What do I do? I can hardly work, or do anything. Everything is so debilitating, I don’t know what will become of me.

Trying to just allow the thoughts to just happen. Idk what else to do.

Now I feel like one is imminent, I’m starting to really struggle and my anxiety is through the roof. I started Wegovy 4 weeks ago and also switched from combination birth control pill to the mini pill about the same time, I’m wondering if these changes are impacting my mental stability and triggering my OCD. I’m so scared, replaying real event (or false memory) things over and over again in my head again.

I wanted to see if any girlies had a similar experience. I’ve been on the birth control pill (sprintec) for about 9 years now. The onset of my OCD started half way through about year 4. I’m wondering if anyone has ever contributed their onset or symptoms due to birth control? Second question is it seems the longer I am on the pill and experience the week before my period (still in the active pills) the week before the sugar pills i have awful PMS symptoms that exacerbate my pure o harm ocd. I am considering coming off of the birth control as I’ve read several studies that it wrecks your gut health and depletes serotonin levels. Any gals notice their ocd to be worse and less manageable while on the birth control pill? Or anyone who had positive experiences coming off of it?

i constantly say things like under my breath to myself to “neutralize” thoughts and sometimes i even say the thoughts out loud and then i feel contaminated and have to brush my teeth and wash all my items around me. this is a daily occurrence. when i accidentally say things out loud im trying so hard not to say it that sometimes i do. please help

I just went on an internet spiral. Obviously it is one of my compulsions. I was researching about pedos and the criteria. I even went as far to almost sign up for a pedo support group because obviously I was convinced after my research. UGH I knew I was not supposed to do that. I feel worse and better at the same time. I hate myself. I hate this. I was really bad like this in October but I got put on medication and I thought I was getting better then this happened. I hate this. I don’t know who I am. I don’t want to be a pedo but sometimes I think I am in denial. I am so stressed with this and school (it’s mid term season). Literally this is the same time I had a break down last semester. I am seeing a pattern. I hate this I hate myself.

Yesterday i was hit by certain emotions by memories, and even good ones made me sad. I tried to see whats the problem and since then im stucked there cause i realized i dont love myself but then i started spinning about the reasons, because my family, because this or that, then i remembered that everytime this time of the year (end of the winter till end of spring) i get hit by these thoughts and feelings and i keep spinning out cause im searching for the answer and every year i find one and i keep making my mental health worse worse until somehow i start to avoid it then i feel better and feel like myself again. I get into shaming and blaming, i blame my parents and then i have a bad relationship with them, i feel shame and i spin about myself, it doesnt help and this happens now for years. Maybe something happened that i dont feel loved but its just this time cause other times i feel loved, even by myself, but now it even made me spin about do i really feel loved or its just because i have performance relationships which means i focus more on the doings and maybe i just love myself when i feel like i do things right, im my best form, and i can do good to others too, i mean this is a huge part cause i like when i can help others but this made me realized i only love myself cause i feel needed cause i help others. But all these realizations makes me feel anxious and so bad that im actually not loving myself and i make this story 10 times bigger till i feel depressed. I keep spinning over this throghout the day. I even started spinning about do i really need a gf cause if i would have one i would be dependent on her to give me love and if she doesnt give me love then i feel unloved. All this things maybe make sense and maybe in my past something happened when i felt unloved but i dont need to feel that for my life, its a lie, and what i hate is that im spinning about it and i make myself depressed cause i make it worse than it is... any advice?

does anyone else deal with the need to tell their parents everything bc if you don’t you feel like they don’t know you? especially if you feel like you’ve done something wrong?

i have two dogs, and i love them both so much. but one of them spends more time with me than the other. but that doesn’t mean i love them less. well i was working with one with training, and my mind was like “you don’t love him, you never loved this dog, you hate him, he sucks” i have never EVER felt this way about him. but now i can’t be near him without thinking i secretly hate him, but i don’t. i love him so much

So I had a good day yesterday but last night and today I've been ruminating over what I could have done better and what I messed up and it's basically ruining my memory of the day by making the less good stuff bigger in my mind than the good stuff. I'll have to bring this up with my therapist but in the meantime, does anyone have any thoughts on how to better focus on the good aspects?

Does anybody else’s intrusive thoughts come in the form of “delusional thoughts”? I’ve been in a terrible episode of hypochondria or ocd for the past 6 months where I have FULLY convinced myself I am developing schizophrenia, it started with becoming really easily overstimulated and not being able to concentrate and now it has spiraled out of control to where I am constantly getting intrusive thoughts center around demonic stuff, which i have never ever believed before, I have always been a skeptic. But now i get these thoughts all the time like “what if this song has hidden demonic meanings?” “What if your wife is a demon” “what if nobody is real and your just in hell” “what if this political figure is being controlled by the devil”, the typical kind of delusional thoughts you would expect from a schizophrenic. Keep in mind I am a literal atheist and all about facts, science and evidence, I am a skeptic. Not only does the fact that I’m even having these thoughts in the first place scare the life out of me, but I have to constantly battle with these thoughts in my head if I believe them or not. I feel like I have to constantly hold myself back from fully going off the deep end, I feel like I have to constantly disprove these thoughts and stop myself from believing them, but they feel so real and it’s scaring me so much. One part of me is like “why can’t we just stop worrying about this, this is delusional” and another part of me is like “what if I actually do need to worry about if these things are true or not, they FEEL true” and I’m just like “wtffff I shouldn’t have to worry about if things like this are true at all in the first Place!” I feel like I have fully lost my mind, and in no time I’m going to lose this little bit of insight I have. I hate these thoughts so much, I don’t want to think about them, but now that they are here, I feel like I can’t forget them. My dpdr is already making everything feel so off and weird and unreal and I feel like it’s only giving these thoughts more credibility and realness. I feel like this could also be partly a terrible form of existential ocd that’s being thrown into the mix with all these “what if thoughts”. Ugh I just want to be normal again ): but I don’t even know what normal feels like anymore because I’m constantly on the lookout for symptoms that I can’t even be normal anymore. Btw: yes I am seeing 2 therapists and a psychiatrist and all of them do not believe I am developing schizophrenia.

I honestly can’t deal with this anymore. I have a 2 year old who needs me, a partner and family who love me. I don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t want to leave my family behind. I just wish there was a magical fucking cure to heal me!! I can’t confess anymore because my partner put up his boundaries. And literally drowning in thoughts. I haven’t stopped obsessing about these things for days on end like the whole time I’m awake, till the moment I fall asleep. I never get a break. I’m tired. I’m exhausted. I’m over living a life that doesn’t even feel like I’m living. I’ll probably just be stuck this way forever so what’s the point… I know that sounds selfish but I can’t help my feelings. I cry every day almost. Had a full on mental breakdown today. Feel so fucking bad. Feel so guilty for these thoughts. I literally have been in the backyard screaming like I’m dying over these thoughts for atleast an hour today. My daughter hears all of this from inside. I’m a terrible mum and a terrible partner and a terrible everything. Everyone would be better off without me.

Hey, well, this is my first time ever posting in here but I figured why not? I’ve been struggling with this issue for almost three months now and it’s been a constant battle, I guess I just really need some support, so almost a year ago now, I got in a relationship and I realized I may be Asexual since I didn’t really have any sexual desires towards my partner, starting late November though, I began to have these intrusive images in my head of us having sex. These thoughts have caused me a lot of anxiety and stress as well as depression. It’s weird, I know deep down in my heart I don’t desire any of that with her but the thoughts feel so real at times and sometimes that makes me feel like I want the thoughts. I’m pretty much lost at this point and don’t know if whether it is OCD or if I’m just in denial. The thing is, I don’t want to see her that way, she doesn’t want to ever engage in any sexual activity and I want to respect that and respect the decision we both made to never do so unless it’s to have a baby. I just feel a sense of doom I guess, I’m scared that I might like the thoughts when I don’t want to like them. I’d feel so much guilt if it isn’t OCD and it’s actually me, and the thought of that terrifies me. I hope every day it’s OCD.

i don’t want it to seem like i’m wanting reassurance, because i really don’t. but i was wondering if this is an ocd thing. randomly during the day, i’ll hear something, i wish i could describe it. like i will hyper focus on a sound or the way something was said/pronounced. here’s an example, i closed the fridge, and the way the sound was, i overthink it! i was thinking “why does it sound like that, did i like how it sound, does this sound scare me, why am i overthinking something i never have before” and i do this a lot. just wanting to know if this could be a symptom of ocd. i never used to do this until these last few months. now i over analyze sounds,words,eating,drinking. can’t catch a break 😞

i can’t stop having these thoughts it’s been taking over the past few days and i think i’m having an anxiety attack right now i have these thoughts “what if i don’t make this through this is like an everyday thing”, “what if i hurt myself or what if i want to do it” or it’s like “what if i go grab a knife and do something” and it scares me and it gives me anxiety and i’m scared i just want this to go away i have my thoughts telling me all of this my dad was saying to take me to the hospital if they get worse i didn’t go today because i didn’t want to but it’s 8 pm here and i think i might ask if i could go tomorrow i’m just so tired i want a therapist to talk to right now but my parents are low on money until they get paid on friday and my dad was gonna see if we go to the hospital because they can just get billed it’s like if i get reassurance nothing helps and even if i have a distraction nothing helps it’s like my thoughts continue and it makes me forget things

Does anyone else think of their ocd as like, a separate entity? I do, and I think it’s helped me a lot. I feel like it kind of is a parasite sometimes, especially with intrusive thoughts. What do you guys think?

the past week has been one of the hardest weeks of my life i tried to kms a couple times and i just cut myself really bad but what caused this all is my mind saying ive done something wrong even though i haven’t. I’ve asked many people they said i haven’t done anything wrong i even asked my parents and i know the answer but my body can’t seem to accept it. There’s genuinely something so wrong with me and i’m so tired of living.

In the past few months, I've been worried about the body proportions of women I imagine. I'm confused, and I don't know what ERP for my niche case looks like. It might sound silly, but I appreciate your advice. I've had HOCD symptoms since 2020 though I didn't know much about what OCD was or that my condition was OCD until 2023. My main compulsion has been to "correct" intrusive homosexual images by replacing them with a heterosexual one. However, as I learned about OCD and realized themes such as ZOCD and POCD exist, these themes eventually began my main OCD content. Lately I've been worrying about the incorrect, too small body proportions of the images of adult women, sexual orsexualthat instantly come to my mind. That's especially distressing when I build these images during wanted sexual fantasies or, admittedly, when doing other OCD compulsions. Sometimes it feels like a bully in my brain is making these images small or makes it tiring for my brain to maintain a more realistic (at least as I precieve it) body proportion, although my aim is to imagine adult women. Sorry for the long text. My question is, how does ERP look like in my case? Am I to let these images go on, including in the middle of my fantasies? How about when these images are themselves OCD compulsions? What if I let them go on and they become smaller and smaller, and I begin enjoying and preferring those smaller proportions? I've been avoiding (and also not much interested in) my sexual imaginations mainly due to this. Is not engaging in these imaginations avoidance? Again, thanks for reading this and advice.

I found out my mom was molested by her dad when she was little. My parents got a divorce when I was a teen and my grandpa became like my dad. He was a well respected man and he was a little weird but I chalked it up to him just being a dirty old man (when he would joke about things). My mom started having flash backs later in life and blocked them out. I was so sad to know this happened to her and that it happened at the hands of some I loved and trusted. Now I want to be a mom but I am afraid of someone hurting my kids. My grandpa has passed away but I have OCD and my intrusive thoughts are: what if someone I love and trust does this to my kids? I love and trust my husband and he is an amazing guy for an example but I over analyze things like the dog sitting on his lap and stuff like that. We talked about me going to therapy and my husband said hell come with me but I keep having bad experiences with therapists so I was wondering if anyone has any advice for me? I want to be a good mom and let the past go but im worried im going to overanayalze everything and that scares me because my friends, family, and husband don’t deserve me thinking horrible things