Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I wanna make this a thread of things that are helping or helped you overcome pure ocd.. From morning walks, journaling, or even a podcast share it here for everyone to see maybe we all can use a thing or two to help us BEAT this

Hi All - This is my first time posting on this app. I am 29 and have been dealing with OCD since I was 10. I managed my OCD well from ages 10-18 due to many reasons (I’ll keep this short). At 18, when my OCD was in one of its worst forms, I went to a residential program to get better. However, I only got a small percent better. I carried on with my severe and extremely debilitating OCD. Somehow, I graduated college with honors, maintained a social life, and had a great relationship with my girlfriend. Not long though, from the ages of 18-25, my OCD got worse and worse over time. I was never fully committed to ERP therapy (only in residential and with two or three of the countless therapists I saw over my life). It was then at age 26, my therapist, parents, and girlfriend demanded I need to take time off my master’s program and go into a virtual intensive outpatient program. My relationship of 5 years was on the line. Unfortunately, I did not try hard enough and the IOP only helped so much, due to my inconsistent work. My girlfriend at the time left me, causing a huge scar that I am not over. This was two years ago in 2022… Fast forward after that, I have done more intense therapy and my second trial of a residential program in March of this year. I felt I also did make gains, but right when I came out in May, the compulsions came right back. I feel hopeless and helpless in my life. My parents don’t know what to do with me. All my friends and acquaintances are moving on with their life while I’m 29, have no job, am just getting back to grad school with extreme difficulty, have small hobbies/activity/stimulation due to OCD avoidance, and lastly, crippling OCD. I don’t know who I am anymore and don’t know why I haven’t had the strength to pull myself out of this 11 year OCD prison. It’s eating at me alive and I know people have said they felt similarly to hopeless and helplessness, but I don’t…unfortunately.

I remember when I was younger I accidentally slapped my brother in his privates (I KNOW it was an accident), and he said “can you please not touch there?” I remember i freaked out at the time worried that his tone was indicating that I had done this before or that i’d m*lested him before. I felt really anxious and guilty when he said it like that. I’m looking back on this and i am obsessing. Should I be worried? Should I dig deeper into my memories to try to figure out what else i could have done, was there any deeper meaning, what exactly was I thinking and feeling that day when he said that? Maybe I was anxious because i knew something had happened? I’m so scared. What do I do? The more I ruminate the fuzzier and fuzzier the memory is. Please help.

how do I know the difference between having having a low sex drive versus being asexual? I saw a video about how someone found out they were asexual because they were sad or crying after/during sex. I have cried after sex with my boyfriend sometimes and I often do experience sadness/anxiety many times but I believed that maybe aftercare needs to be prioritized more and that maybe my ocd/anxiety/depression puts me in a state of low libido a lot. There are times where I begin to space out during sex or begin to have uncomfortable thoughts, and then there are times where I enjoy it in every way possible. I also believe that because me and my boyfriend are going through the process of healing betrayal and trust in our relationship that that could be a big factor as well. all of these things add up as reasons for just having a low sex drive. I've also always said that i think i could be in a relationship where i didn't have sex often if at all and I think id be okay because it isnt a priority to me. But seeing that video really made me suddenly question it and it scared me a little because I have questioned if I really know sexual attraction vs. aesthetic attraction and now I just feel scared and confused. This could change so much for my relationship and I'm just scared that the answer is something I don't want it to be. could someone please help or leave some insights?

I have certain “good” numbers and “bad” numbers. The good ones are clean. They feel clean, good, and pure. They’re the numbers I count to in compulsions. Then there’s bad ones. They make me feel dirty and bad, gross. When I see, feel, think of this number I just feel very dirty. Then like I wanna rip my skin off. Get rid of whatever the number was related to. I wanna puke and cry. I was wondering if anyone else is like this? This also happens with colors. But mainly with numbers. Any tips on how to deal with it? I need to figure out how to cope. I saw and heard the number so many times today. I feel so gross.

I'm just not doing alright at the moment. The thoughts keep on showing up. They keep on haunting me. I keep getting thoughts that say I'm really not a good person. Or that I have ulterior motives that are against who I am. Like if I'm a pedo or if I'm a sex offender, or an abuser. Or just not a good friend. I can't sit with them any longer. I just want medication to help me with this, even if it feels like I don't deserve to have it. I keep thinking about how even though I was uncomfortable talking to a 17 year old when I was 19 about their OCD, I still went anyway and helped them. Why did I do that? Was it some kind of exposure? Or when I was in the awkward position of someone passing by a tight space and their behind touched my elbow. I had thoughts saying to move it and not to move it and I didn't think I needed to because it wouldn't happen or it was just because I was zipping my bag up in the moment. But since it did happen, now I think I'm a deviant or a dangerous person. Or the thoughts talking about my exposure to porn as a teenager and doing very impulsive, cringe worthy things in relation to the whole exposure. The things I've watched, seen, or heard of. It all disturbs me very much and I can't take any of them back. Last time in therapy I just ended up crying because I just can't deal with this anymore. I'm even scared to try and get my family on board with medication. I'm just afraid they'll be bad at me if I do take it. At the same time though, I don't know if I care that much because it's either that or I just keep going through the days like.. this. I don't want to keep this up anymore. I just want a way out. I just want my life back. Right now it feels like I'll never get it back and it feels like all of what my intrusive thoughts say to me is true.

It’s all becoming too much. Im scared that maybe I am just insane and crazy and I don’t deserve to be loved or to live because of my past actions that are disgustingly repulsive. What if im just using OCD as an excuse? I cant stop thinking about it and its making me depressed because im scared that I am just a terrible human being.

I won’t share exactly what my intrusive thoughts/themes are (or at least all of them) but I genuinely feel like I might be traumatised by how horrible some of them were. How do I get over this potential trauma?

Hi, does anybody here relate to waking up every day wondering what "to do in life". I am a woman who have worked for 20 years in the same field with hidden and untreated OCD which I thought I was "handling". I didn't know what it was and was convinced that my life would be destroyed if I said the truth about the daily thoughts I was bombarded with and my paralyzed avoidance. So I just kept going until it all collapsed by it self and I was diagnosed with OCD 18 months ago. Now as I am slowly understanding more and more I suddenly realized that every day I doubt my work and if it's the right thing to do. I still have some deals where I am supposed to deliver, and despite this it feels like my professional life is like a joke, I am a joke, so I ruminate at about what to do thought-out the day and then again the day after not doing what I am suppose to do to my work. I never thought about this as part of my OCD but it suddenly occurs to me that it very well may be. Very greatful for response. Wish you a wonderful day with good recovery.

i have a friend whos 17 and i'm 20 and im so afraid im going to develop a crush on them and it will be immoral because they're still legally a minor and i'm afraid that when i talk to them im slowly grooming them just because im being nice to them and i'm their friend. im scared i have a crush on them this whole time i cant tell, deep down i know i dont but the fear is so strong. im afraid they can tell im being weird or that i feel afraid of this and they're put off by me. i think i just need reassurance im not weird or grooming them. we just talk about the beatles and that's it, thats our main thing in common, obviously nothing sexual or romantic or weird. but still, i could be. i hate this

Right now I'm having trouble with something I did years ago. When I was in my early 20s, I accidentally talked about an interest I wholeheartedly refused to believe wasn't nsfw on my blog where minors followed me. These minors would sometimes like my posts and leave comments and I think one even made a blog regarding this interest. I never reached out or messaged any of them. I've never wanted to harm anyone and I'm asexual/aromantic so I've never thought of anyone in a sexual way, especially not kids. I've had really bad religious guilt around sex in general, so that doesn't help at all either. Eventually I accepted that the interest wasn't completely sfw (I didn't think of it as sexual, but my body does for some reason), so I made a new account and deleted the old one and blocked the minors. I forgot about it for a few years, but one of my favorite YouTubers just got cancelled for being a pedo and now these memories are all coming back. I feel disgusting and like I'm a groomer. I can't stop thinking about how one day someone will come forward and accuse me of being inappropriate or grooming them. I can't stop thinking about how young the minor who made a blog dedicated to the interest was and how I maybe ruined her life forever. I'm currently doing therapy through NOCD and my therapistis great, but I just got triggered so I'm having a hard time right now. I feel sick at the mention of kids, I feel sick around my friends who would maybe hate me if they knew this, I feel sick because this feels like something I'm going to have to carry on my conscious for my whole life. I know I can't ask for reassurance, but I'm just so tired :(

I can't keep living like this any longer. It's been 4 years. I wasn't like this prior to getting OCD. I was happier and I wasn't overly worried about my thoughts and the things I did in the past. I worry about everything every single day. It really infuriates me and it also makes me really sad. How do I just not only explain this to my parents and that I'm also considering medication?

Does anyone ever experience this weird thing where ocd makes you feel like “you would have had no control and done this”. Like everything you feel and believe would have gone flying out the window and you would have done something you know you don’t want. Especially when a POTENTIALLY real situation could be happening and it’s not just the thoughts alone. Your brain is like oh this is real life you really would have done this or that. Driving me crazy.

Hi everyone, I’ll try to be brief. I am a 32 year old woman who has battled with intrusive thoughts since I first menstruated when I was 15. I get religious and sexual related unwanted thoughts. I have Been on and off the same SSRI since I was 18. So that’s like 12 years total that I’ve taken SSRI’s. It has saved my life because I was seriously thinking about leaving this world since I figured no one can live like this. What I wanted to ask is if any female gets the same symptoms I do before and after their period? Before my period I get really bad PMS and the worst intrusive thoughts. During ovulation I am great, then after ovulation I get anxiety and feel panic attacks wanting to creep in but they don’t. Maybe it’s because of the SSRI doesn’t let me go into full panic but I noticed this pattern. I noticed this pattern because I keep a log in a period app and noticed that I wrote things like “anxiety” before every period and after ovulation.

Earlier I was playing with my 1 year old baby. I went to go lower him to the ground and I hoisted his legs up to a hand stand (again just playing, he had fun with this) anyway after the hand stand, I went to lower his legs back to the ground. As I was lowering him, I noticed his “front area” coming down toward my foot. I acknowledged that his front area was heading straight for my foot and quickly in my head was like “eh whatever just do it” and so his front area landed on my foot and then I jerked my foot away once he landed on it. I’m shaking typing this, I feel I’ve done something horribly wrong and may have violated him 😭 this whole incident happened so fast. I wasn’t able to fully process my actions to tell my self “no that’s wrong, move your foot!” And now I feel TERRIBLE. I’m spiraling. The terrible thought of “your doing this because you like it and you know you would like it” did not cross my mind when I told my self to just let his area land on my foot. So I don’t think I did it purposely for ill intent? I would never want to hurt my child but ocd makes it feel so real

Legit all ^ How to get rid of them or ignore them

so I've been trying to do what my therapist said while she's on vacation for a few weeks and do some of my routine exposures. One of them is watching tv and not looking away when there is children on screen. I tried sitting through a preview of a shows first episode that featured a young girl in a Victorian outfit with blonde hair, and he had very ghostly white skin and powder pink lips. It was a ghost show, which is the kind of genre I usually like, so I wanted to try and enjoy the clip. And my therapist always told me to "not appraise the thoughts, our goal isn't to avoid them, but to let them pass" but as I kept watching, I kept getting mental voices telling me that "she's pretty you want to kiss her" and I felt almost frozen in my seat? I felt a kind of anxiety I haven't felt in years, but I tried to continue to watch the clip and let it pass, but I couldn't. I felt this mental need to go back and "check" to really be sure if I was attracted to her, I pictured kissing her and idk if it even counts as an intrusive thought atp? I felt like if I were to have the thought and then prove myself I was grossed out by pushing it away I would feel better, but it didnt. My brain just kept telling me that I wanted her and it was very much on purpose to test to see whether I felt that way or not and it did and I kept feeling that horrible form of anxiety that makes your face hot and I don't think I was really TRUELY attracted to her but it's like a fucked up twisted form of attraction that's false but feels real at the same time? Idk if that makes sense... idk, I'm trying my best but I feel like I NEED to think the thoughts, letting them pass isn't enough. Or like the thought will stick in my brain and it'll keep going like a mini movie playing in my head and it feels like almost like I'm fantasizing even though that isn't what I want to do. I feel like I have no choice but to push them away or else I'll have a horrible realization... idk... I've been struggling with this for 5 years now. I don't even know how to properly articulate how I feel in those moments it's so confusing that I don't know how to describe it to my therapist. How do people just lable their feelings on things so effortlessly? Why is it so hard for me? Idk I don't really want reassurance bc it won't help but I just want to feel like I'm not alone in this.

Hey Everyone, I have been recently diagnosed with OCD within the past year. Finding this information out gave me an answer to so many years of struggle and feeling alone. I have had ups and downs and have been successful for a long time along this path of my own. Unfortunately, I experienced a massive panic attack 3 years ago that hospitalized me and has left me feeling at the 'start' again, but this time it feels worse than it ever has before. Anything that puts me potentially by myself or having to do anything by myself I cannot fathom, I can barely make it to the gas station at the corner of my house alone. I have been in therapy, went through EMDR/ACT and CBT. I was doing great for a little bit and even made one appointment about 10 minutes away from my home all alone by myself (also note I am in a new area completely that I just moved too). I was on medication at this time *lexapro 20MG*, I am no longer on it due to my bloodwork being extremely abnormal for my age. Now that I am no longer on it - I have fear creeping in that the lexapro kept me sane and that I cannot cope without it. I understand this is not the case entirely but there is something in me that believes that to be true. Long story short, I am looking for individuals who have had the same experience as me and could give me some hope into getting back to my normal routine (even knowing I have OCD now). I just want to be independent again and not burden my loved ones and learn to be okay with myself. Thanks in advance!

Can OCD make you feel like it’s not really OCD? Like you’re just acting or using it as a coverup to not admit you’re a psychopath?

This is not a political post at all but just an honest question (without giving too much reassurance). Is anyone else triggered by the incident that happened with Donald Trump?. I want to explain what I’m dealing with and if anyone could relate I would gladly appreciate your reply. Donald Trump was shot over the weekend and thankfully survived. I haven’t been bothered by things like this in a while but here’s how it panned out for me …. At first when I saw it I was in complete shock (no anxiety though), then I felt bad and then I started getting visual images of the shooter in my head (like fully aiming at Trump). From that, it went to having thoughts of “you like it”, “you would do this”, “you could do this to your own family” , “he deserved it”, “you don’t even feel bad you’re not having anxiety over it “. I had a therapy session and we spoke about this and I was assigned an exposure to do based on this content. Now my brain is trying to convince me that I’m a psychopath and that I actually enjoy things like this. Can anyone else relate to this? Anyone else experience this?