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Hey guys, I had a thought or something I was doing that had a negative impact on me. Now I have anxiety because I cannot remember what the heck it was! I was doing so good until now. Now I have anxiety and am scared!

I get feelings that I don’t like or don’t understand and then the thoughts come. Response prevention gets tricky here. Sometimes the feelings are intrusive other times I’m just having feelings. Often, letting them be there and acknowledging them helps and is good but when I don’t know why they are there or uncomfortable I ruminate on them comes in and I spiral. Not trying to figure them out makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong.

I don't know how to explain this but: I was diagnosed with HOCD about 2 years ago ( still have it but much lighter symptoms than the onset) I had a therapist here in NOCD for a couple of months, then I found out that they don't take my insurance ( miscommunication happened) and I ended up paying thousands of dollars and stopped therapy. Ok now moving on, These days I have been feeling like I am in a bad mood most of the time and that things have bad vibes to them. It's been like that since July and I have been having those symptoms which I don't know their meaning: 1- Feeling a bad mood most of the day for no obvious reason 2- thinking that some songs, roads, places have bad vibes to them that make me feel sad and want to stop listening to these songs or driving on these roads 3- checking my mood frequently to see if it's good or bad 4- having the ability to have good time and feel happy but worrying about the bad mood that I know will come up after whatever fun thing I am doing 5- calling my sister a lot to try to figure out what is happening with me 6- can't focus on school or anything due to the overthinking and the bad vibe/mood to everything I checked depression symptoms according to dsm-5 and according to their criteria, I have less symptoms that those required for diagnosis. I don't know what to do now. Is that another type of ocd? Is that depression? Is that a completely different mental disorder? Or is it just a random thought that my mind obsessed on due to having ocd already? ( maybe i felt sad for a while without knowing why (like any other normal person) and then i started freaking out on why this is happening, so my mind latched on this thought because of having ocd already and having the tendency to obsess over thoughts? ) do i need to follow ERP for this thought or do I need to treat it like a random thought and just do my best to ignore it? I don't know and I don't want to get to therapy again because even though it helps but the fact that I am seeing a doctor takes me into a whole mood that I don't want to feel again.

So recently I made a post about having the theme of fear of psychosis and schizophrenia which has led to the fear of not getting sleep and being scared I’ll go crazy and start hallucinating from the lack of sleep. Last night I was able to sleep some hours after not being able to properly sleep for 4 nights (like I actually dreamt) but of course when I woke up I got the the thought “what if you didn’t sleep and you think you did” “what if you’re just hallucinating it” it made me instantly sick to my stomach! Of course I know I slept but these thoughts just get crazier everyday making me feel like I’m actually crazy. I just want to cry. It’s a constant battle everyday and I’m just so tired. I’ve never had these thoughts before. If anyone has gone through this please tell me what helped you. I miss getting home and looking forward to sleeping not being scared I won’t. And I miss just living my life and not having thoughts questioning if it’s my reality or not. Please I could really use some advice.

I just started high school and my OCD is horrible. It was bad the couple weeks leading up to it but now it’s even worse. All of the stress triggered my pure OCD and now my brain is believing that I am evil. And now whenever I try to pray I feel I can’t. Then when I try to use ERP, it just feels like I am going against God by saying maybe I’ll letting evil in.

this is an event that im not at all clear on, it took place 7 years ago when i was 12 (i am now 18). i was holding my baby cousin on the couch and using snapchat filters to entertain them per the usual. i used to love doing that, i was always the baby in the family so i was excited to have a baby cousin of my own. and then i think i looked down and noticed my hand was over their diaper area and they also had on a diaper & pants ofc), and then i rubbed over the entire front of it (ew)🤢 i think because of the area and curiosity, this is what i've tried to remember. and now my head is saying that i liked it and was turned on idk truly, it happened years ago it's all a blur. i don't know why i would do it. but i know i would never hurt them, i mean i've been obsessed with them since before they were even born! but i don't have any clear memory of what happened, but i do think it was something like that. I think i was too young to think much of it or see the full spectrum of things because they had a diaper on. but i still feel terrible, this is an old obsession because i almost offed myself 2 years ago because of the same dilemma. i broke completely down and was crying so hard i could hardly breathe. she told me to calm down, & that i was probably curious and i was young. but i still feel like i sa'ed them, even though i didn't actually touch their privates and definitely had no intentions of it either. and then someone on her told me if it was sexual intentions then it was sa, but i hardly remember the situation so i don't fully know. i can't live like this.

How does one take the step to except uncertainty especially when the thoughts are so disturbing and ones you know do not reflect your values and true feelings, how do you do this but remind yourself it’s not truly who you are, how do you not feel guilty?

I was just sat downstairs watching a movie and I had a “what if u watch cp” and “what if you like thinking about kids in sexual ways” when I don’t at all want to think about that or watch that. And I thought what it would be like to think of a kid like that which made me incredibly anxious and feel repulsed. But my ocd will say “you were thinking what it would be like to think of kids like that because u were considering it” when I wasn’t at all Nothing would ever make me want to think about kids in a sexual way it’s completely repulsive. My ocd will try and say I like the images too and I like the thoughts! It’s really stressful. Does this sound familiar to anyone? I just need some support at the moment as I’m worrying it’s not OCD

Hey everyone! It’s a long post (sorry😂). I just wanted to share something I experienced today, hopefully it will encourage many of you to see that there is a life that you can enjoy whilst battling OCD! I have been pretty much compulsion free for 5 months! I have been really proud of myself and I have genuinely been loving life! However, today, was not a good day. It was a complete nightmare in fact. I had this intense feeling of anxiety, fear, panic, doubt, and guilt running through me all day. I kept avoiding things because I knew it was going to trigger me, and I was expecting my unwanted intrusive thoughts to pop up (which obviously they did 🙄). I found myself engaging in compulsions all day. I struggled to watch a TV series as I kept thinking that I wasn’t paying attention, and then OCD would tell me “what if I wasn’t actually paying attention to the TV series, and what if I did something bad and don’t remember it?!”. I found myself constantly rewinding the programme in order to relieve my anxiety and distress, and to gain certainty that I saw every single scene perfectly to reassure myself. Obviously as you can expect, this did not do me any favours. It only did one thing, it made my anxiety worse and increased the amount I was doing compulsions. This has easily been one of the hardest days I have had in a very long time, and I kept thinking to myself, “why is this happening to me?”. I sat down in the evening and started to think about my day. I realised that OCD will do whatever it can to keep us in this cycle. It can pop up at anytime, and it will try the same old tricks it always has. But the most important thing I realised today, is that progress isn’t linear. One bad day DOES NOT mean I am back to square one. I just had a bad day, that’s all! It doesn’t mean all the hard work and everything I have accomplished has gone down the drain, in fact it is actually an opportunity! An opportunity for me to use all the skills and tools I have learnt to be able to deal with setbacks! After this, I told OCD to bog off, and I watched the TV series without engaging in any compulsions! Did I feel scared? Hell yes 😂 Did I have doubts pop into my mind? Of course I did, it’s what OCD is, it’s the DOUBT DISORDER! But most importantly, I chose to do the hard thing and not give into OCD, I chose to lean into the uncertainty and discomfort and just let it be! I just wanted to share this as a message of encouragement for anyone on their recovery journey! It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. It’s okay to still have doubts and “what-ifs” pop into your mind. It’s okay to be uncertain! This is how OCD works! It targets the things we love the most, and it will target our values and intentions! Remember, you are so much more than your OCD! You all got this! Keep going!🙏🏽🫶🏾

so over the weekend i got very upset at my partner because we have different views about relationships when it comes to moving in. to preface this is totally hypothetical bc were young and the conversation arose bc a friend is doing it. so ive noticed that ive had this obsession about ending up with her marrying her one day. i envision a future with her for sure and ofc there is some fear there about what it is that looks like. she mentioned that on the topic of moving in, she would not have a problem if at one point if we lived together and the. moved out and continued a relationship because we are open to different experiences. she definitely has a nonlinear approach to relationships and some of that is out of being in an unsuccessful and abusive relationship and also living in a home were her parents don’t love each other. i on the other hand feel like that would kill me and i communicated with her that i would not be okay with that and even though we’re not there yet, it’s important that i say it now. we didn’t agree on that but we believe that there can be understanding and balance that comes from this and that as we move forward there is potential for our vision and perspective on this to change. over all it was a super healthy conversation, but i’ve become a little obsessed and anxious on if we’ll end up together because of this uncertainty. i don’t necessarily date to marry but i said i consider moving in to be a next step and would probably eventually want that to turn into something greater. i feel confused bc i feel like my ocd is getting the best of my right now. any advice on this?

Five years ago I met my fiancé and fell in love. At the time, I was a complete degenerate dating multiple women, but was looking for an opportunity to throw away that old way of living. After some months she said "I feel weird not calling you my boyfriend". This, In my mind was her saying she wants to be exclusive. I can't remember if this was the weekend after or if it was a weekend before but I think it was the weekend after: Someone who I never met, barely knew, found on Tinder from years ago, and whom I very rarely texted, texted me late at night and kept trying to steer the conversation in a sexual direction. I initially replied with short, generic responses. This worked for a little while until there was one one moment I remember where she said, "I wish you were here right now" and I said "Me too". I know you won't believe me, but in the moment I completely forgot I was then very recently supposed to be in a committed relationship. I messaged her afterwards and told her that I loved (Fiancé's name) and told her not to talk to me ever again. It was after that where I couldn't live with myself and reached out to my OCD therapist. This was almost 5 years ago. He related it to pornography and those old classified ads in the newspapers where you would call them up and pay by the minute. He said I did the right thing and told me to just never talk to her again and to move forward. I never did anything like that ever again, and I am marrying her in less than two months. Part of me doesn't want to hurt her feelings for no reason so close to our date, the other OCD part of me wants to confess. Any advice?

I am scared to go to sleep because of how bad my nightmares have been. I am exhausted. My doctor prescribed me Ambien, but I don’t want to become dependent on it. I feel like I am vibrating with anxiety when I’m lying in bed because I am flooded with violent thoughts while I’m alone with my thoughts. I feel exhausted all of the time. I feel like I have no one who understands. I feel so lonely and have no one who can empathize with how hard having consistent nightmares is. I’ve had them for about 20 years, but over the last 6 months it has gotten almost unbearable. I can’t take SSRIs because I have bipolar disorder as well, and it can trigger manic episodes. I am taking Prazosin for the nightmares, but it just feels like they will never end.

I’m having some compulsion looking into something my dumb brain does. Sometimes when I think of my family my brain tells me something negative about them and I don’t like it. I’ll think “that’s mean and I don’t believe that”. But these thoughts bother me because it’s like another person in my brain is saying it though I know it’s my mind. Are these intrusive thoughts or something else.

Hey everyone, I’ve really been struggling today with avoidance and compulsions, and it’s thrown me off. Out of nowhere, after being pretty much compulsion-free for the last 5 months, these feelings have come rushing back. I don’t know why this is happening, but it’s been a tough day, and I’m really feeling it. I’d love some support or advice if anyone could help. Earlier, I tried to work through it by journaling. I wrote down all my thoughts and feelings, hoping it would help clear my mind. But then, this fear hit me out of nowhere—I got scared that I might have written something “bad” in my journal. The urge was so strong that I ended up tearing out the pages. It’s like I couldn’t even trust myself with my own thoughts. Then, I tried to distract myself by watching a TV show. But whenever I reach a certain scene in the episode I’m on, I start feeling like I wasn’t paying enough attention to it or that somehow, in that moment, I did something wrong. So, I rewind it back to the beginning to check, and this has happened over and over today. It’s reached the point where I’m now afraid to even keep watching the show. It’s been a tough day trying to make sense of all this. If anyone has been through something similar or has any advice on how to manage these moments, I’d really appreciate hearing from you. I’m feeling a bit lost right now and could use some support. Thank you for reading. ❤️

i’ve made posts in the past regarding the same struggles and i haven’t found any relief. school has started and im managing my grades well enough; but im miserable, suffocating on my thoughts day in and day out with no one to turn to and nothing to numb the pain. my ocd is been preventing me from sleeping and i cant stop the thoughts. i’ve been on medications and tried different types of therapies but i feel so stuck. time is just dragging me along for the ride but i cant stop thinking about everything bad that has ever happened to me. i cant stop the intrusive thoughts. my fingers are raw from the compulsions and i genuinely dont know what to do anymore. i have no one and nothing; does anyone have any advice to dig yourself out of quicksand? how to return to the person you used to be and leave all of the struggles behind? to even get over it all?

I was pushing my daughters stroller and tried awkwardly standing far away and reaching with one arm to push the stroller so i wouldnt brush up or have the stroller or her hit my lap but as i started walking where we needed to go i got groinals. I kept leaning away and pushing the stroller walking and saying compulsively “no no no” in my head. Ocd makes me feel guilty did i do anything like if i had groinals i shouldve stopped but i cant let it impinge my daily tasks

So for the past month I have been dealing with the theme of going into a psychosis/or becoming schizophrenic. Having thoughts like is this really my reality? I am really here? I’m I just hallucinating what I want to see and did something horrible? Very scary thoughts. I’ve also been dealing with harm intrusive towards myself and towards my family. Recently this week I’ve developed a new theme of fearing not being able to sleep and going crazy from not being able to sleep. I lay there at night waiting to fall asleep and no matter how tired I was all day sleep doesn’t come. And then when I actually get some hours of sleep I question if I really slept and didn’t just hallucinate sleep. Which is very ridiculous I know. I’m just really scared and feel so helpless right now. I haven’t been diagnosed for OCD but I’m positive it’s what I have. I’m just so tired and feel like crying all the time. Sleep was the one thing I had to escape from all this crap and now that has gotten taken away from me as well. I just want my life back. Yesterday my family came over and for once I was able to forget about the thoughts for the time they were here and it felt so nice. I’m trying so hard to be okay for my family but I’m not. Im drowning on the inside and I just want to breathe. I can’t afford therapy right now and I have been prescribed sertraline 25mg for my anxiety but I’m to scared to take it. If anyone can relate or give me advice it would be greatly appreciated. I know reassurance is not what I should be getting but I’m just so scared.

Hi everyone. I already went to the psych ward last month for the first time for four days for reasons unrelated to OCD. Now, I’m having my first ever major OCD episode/flareup/? and if you recognize me you already know my issue. I’m having weird sexual thoughts about my parents. Not really any way to sugarcoat it. Also with some harm OCD sprinkled in. I’m currently in a 6 day per week outpatient program and I’m considering telling them I’m really losing my mind. They might drug me up, throw me in inpatient again (have no idea how helpful that would be lol) and I just don’t see a positive future for me. Does anyone have any words of encouragement, or could possibly connect with me? This might be dramatic, but on top of my anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem, this might be too much for me. Genuinely.

Or “I don’t want to be here anymore?” Had been struggling w suicidal ocd and now wondering if this is it nothing a bit or if it’s my own thoughts. I guess it’s ocd vibes or I wouldn’t be typing this here that I’m concerned lol. It’s just freaky

Kind of a vent, thank you if you read all the way through. It feels like every time a new chapter of my life opens up or is on the horizon, my OCD flares up so bad. I get imposter syndrome, I get the urge to confess, self-sabotage, ruminate, etc. I’m moving in with my boyfriend’s family soon. Me and him are long-distance (14 hours away from each other), and this move means we will be able to get married sooner. I am SO excited! … but I also have ROCD soooo bad. My OCD tries to convince me I’m a liar, I’m an imposter, I don’t deserve him, “what if I cheated on him and can’t remember?”, etc. and it’s miserable it eats me up. It feels like lately I’m having 1 good day and then 3 bad days, over and over again. Me and him just met in person for the first time this year (in June actually) after knowing each other 4 years and being together for 2. I have also had some other life changes, family drama, and now moving on top of all of that, I can’t help but wonder if change *itself* is triggering my OCD. I stayed with my boyfriend and his family for a month, and I loved it! My OCD was bad maybe the first week I was there, and it flared here and there, but I was able to cope and I felt so hopeful. It was really nice being around his family a lot, his siblings and parents are really fun to be around and my OCD is much better when I’m around people. Now, I’ve been home for almost a month, and throughout the past month I’ve been so anxious on and off with OCD flares. I got home, and then the next day my mom went out of state for about 2 weeks and I was home completely alone. Going from always being around people and talking to them, to being home completely alone and sleeping alone, it drove me crazy. I am also thinking of my future and I’m simultaneously excited and terrified. I’m so scared for when me and my boyfriend get married and eventually have children, I want kids so bad, but I’m scared because I have to be off my meds (Clomipramine) during pregnancy. I’m afraid that if I can barely cope *now* while I’m medicated, how the heck will I cope when I’m pregnant and unmedicated for 9 months? It’s just so many thoughts roll in and my OCD and anxiety takes over and I’m so sick of being so overwhelmed all the time. I’m so sick of feeling knots in my stomach for not confessing or ruminating. Please, does anybody relate?