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does anyone else doubt everything in moments when people who aren’t educated on ocd say they’re “so ocd” because they like to be clean? not too long ago i was at my sisters and i told her abt my ocd (just that im diagnosed) and she said she gets it she’s so ocd too like her picture has to be a certain way or it’ll annoy her otherwise and then when she asked me what i struggle with ocd wise, i told her it was intrusive thoughts like i’ll get a thought if i don’t do this someone will die type of stuff and she looked at me confused. when she said she was so ocd at first i was irritated but now i feel like what if she’s actually got it? like who am i to judge? i just feel so terrible that i could judge so quickly. it makes me question if what im struggling with is actually ocd because there’s some p’s out there who genuinely feel bad and bc mines not what is typically shown, it makes me worry it’s not sorry im rambling

Just needed to tell someone about this because I have no one tell it to. I've been keeping this to myself for so much time now. Everyday when I wake up and my mind gets fully concisous I start thinking and keeping tracks of whatever stuff I thought was important. I don't intentional think about an important thought but somehow random thoughts like having conversation with someone, watching TV, etc. leads to chain of thought which turns out to be something important. Something that would have impact on my life. No matter what I do somehow random thoughts in my mind will lead to a very important thought. So considering the importance of such thoughts I start making list as the day passes because I fear that I might forget such important thoughs. The list usually goes from 10 to 30 thoughts per day. Before going to bed, I try remembering all these thoughts. Everyday there's a new list of thoughts and I start saving such lists of thoughts in my mind for every passing day including those days which have passed. You can imagine how many thoughts they become with each passing day. When brain gets so full that it can not save such list of thoughts I get them jotted down in my phone. My mind feel relaxed but then from the next day the lists starts again then my mind reaches its limit again. I jot them down and the cycle keeps going on. Because of this I've stopped thinking in a normal way. I fear doing anything like even watching TV or gaming because I fear it will eventually lead to a new important thought being added to the list. I try doing nothing. I even fear using phone because of this. I try isolating myself. I sometimes feel that because this cycle of saving list of thoughts I'm not actually taking action on any of those very thoughts. I stay lost most of the time. My parents think I have my own some sort of a world in which I live. I know this is not normal but I have no choice but to do it again n' again. Other than this, I suffer from severe somatic ocd and moderate cleaning ocd. Cleaning ocd was severe but ever since thinking ocd got hyped up it became moderate.

My OCD wants to keep switching “themes” on me, but once again it always concerns my mom or family. This time it’s sexual-related. The one I experience the most is the harm-related thoughts towards her, thinking I want to hurt her or thinking she abused me in the past (she did not) so that’s why I have these thoughts. My mind is always trying to see if there are deeper meanings to these thoughts and how I really feel. Yesterday my thoughts started going towards - “what if I’m attracted to my mom?” I was reading a book and it was a romantic scene and an image of my mom popped into my head. I tried to just dismiss it since I know we can’t control what comes into our heads, but I of course ruminated about it more and it has become a full-blown obsession. I have started wondering if I really am attracted to her or not, do I want to be in a relationship with her, am I just denying my feelings, etc. It sounds so disgusting and disturbing to share these things, but it’s difficult to disengage with this kind of thinking. Like it’s too disturbing to just let it go. Which leads to other worries like what if I can never be in a real relationship because I will just keep having these thoughts, what if this is true and how will I live with myself, what if my mom sexually abused me as a kid and that’s why I’m having these thoughts, etc. I know I’m going down the rabbit hole, but I just keep coming up with more and more “reasons.” Trying to go about my day and not pay them any attention, but it has been difficult to focus on anything else. Which then makes me wonder if I’m actually just fantasizing now and not actually obsessing.

Can someone help me with this? I’m trying to deal with something in my life and my OCD is freaking out. I’ve been dealing with anger a lot. I don’t know what it’s from, most likely trauma, but the older I get, the more angry I become. I’ve lashed out at people before and I hate that because I don’t want to make other people suffer because I am. So I’m trying to find ways to channel my anger and deal with it instead of lashing out while also not suppressing my emotions. I’m trying to find a healthy balance to deal with the emotion. Creativity (art, writing, music, etc.) can help with some emotions, but anger isn’t one of them. For some reason when I try these things with anger, I just get more angry. The best way I can describe it is that I feel small. I feel like I’m not being heard and I can’t accurate get out the emotion. One thing I’ve found that does work is physical activity. I’ve been recommended it before and I saw it listed as a way to deal with anger. It makes me feel a lot better. But my OCDs gotten a hold it it, and it’s basically saying if I need a physical release in order to deal with anger, then I must be a physical abuser and I’m at risk for hitting people. Basically, if I have to exercise to deal with anger, then I operate the same and have the same mind as someone who physically abuses people. The thought terrifies me and I genuinely can’t tell if that’s true. I’m so scared of what I’m feeling, I have no idea what to do.

Since we may never know if a memory is false and just our ocd or if it is real, how do we cope knowing it could be real? I just could never live with that😪 How do people just move on and be okay knowing that possibility? I have a false memory that’s based on a real event. Every time my ocd brings up the false memory it adds more evidence and more reasons to make it seem more real. It’s so painful and I don’t know what’s real and what’s my ocd wanting me to believe it’s real.

Ocd is clever. It’s clever at making you feel like if you worked this one thing out everything will be fine and great and as it was… what a lie. Just when you think you’ve solved one thing it’s straight onto the next , just when you think you’ve reached certainty it suddenly doesn’t matter anymore as something more urgent and important has come up… Ill always be a terrible person in my ocd mind. I thought I was over this issue but no…my mind has created another one, a more urgent and serious one. When will this end.

I'm trying to find motivation, inspiration, a reason to start and get better. But everything I think of just gets shot down instantly in my head. Also, I've had so many bad experiences with professionals inside the healthcare system, not just for mental health but also physical health, that it has made me very critical of it, and as a consequence, I feel like OCD therapy is just rubbish. I feel my belief in healthcare has been stripped away, and therefore I don't feel anything can help me anymore. I'm bound to be walking with this forever. Throw in a lot of existential, meta, and nihilistic OCD views, and you have got my current situation. I have been thinking of maybe joining a church and becoming religious, maybe that will give me meaning? I hate that I don't find the meaning anymore from my 2 kids and wife, what is wrong with me? Been battling this disorder for 10 years now, but I feel it has come to the point where it has given me the ultimate insight, one that has shown me that I can never get out of it again because getting out of my current state is just something we as a society seem to think is normal. Who knows what is really normal? What if being anxious and passive and nihilistic is actually what we should be like? Another problem I'm facing is that I feel I've reached a point where I've tried everything and exhausted all knowledge, making it impossible to return to my unknowing self. I also have the idea or feeling that I've reached a state where I can no longer get enough motivation to make something of myself. I don't even know why I'm posting this message or doing anything at all. I think somewhere I hope that it can still go away or that things will get better. Even as I'm writing this right now, those doubtful thoughts are immediately surfacing again. Then I immediately feel feelings but also thoughts, and also just a kind of presence that says it doesn't matter and that everything is meaningless anyway, and that I know the truth of the universe and where the universe is just that nothing matters and that everything is flat, tasteless, and has no added value. All these thoughts keep going through my head.

As an OCD are we able to enjoy and when. I never did.

I have constantly been feeling like if I hit one arm, I have to hit the other and if I set something down and it just didn’t look right or feel right I had to do it again or I had to move it to a different spot in my room I’ve had never been a clean freak, which is mainly what I get told is OCD And I don’t know if I should even have this app. I don’t know if I actually have it. I’m constantly worried that I did something in my past that harmed others and that’s why people don’t like me or I’m constantly worried People are constantly watching me and I don’t know if that’s OCD or if I have it so please tell me I will delete this app and never think of it again if I don’t I just really wanna know

sometimes when i’m doing something like going to the bathroom, taking a shower, changing clothes, i get a thought that is like “what if im not actually in my bathroom and im in school right now in front of anyone but i just can’t see them” i hope that makes sense. i just keep having these thoughts and recently ive been afraid while taking showers and going to the bathroom. writing this out it sounds so stupid but i just don’t know how to stop thinking these things. and when i do think these things i just tell myself multiple times that i am real and i am actually in my bathroom, not in public. but does anyone know a way to make this stop? also i dont know if there is a word for this, and if anyone can relate that also might have these thoughts please let me know im not alone!

I am a 59 yr old and for years I have been struggling to get the correct diagnosis and treatment. So I have always known my mother was OCD. Everything had a place and she would flip out if things were not always a certain way. However I don't think I fully understand the complexity of this disorder. I now am beginning to realize I have these thoughts running inside my mind on repeat and the ones that are negative are the ones my brain continues to feed me. I hope that made sense but I need help understanding every aspect my life that is effected by this disorder. This site has been extremely helpful. Thank you everyone

I need to know if anyone has experienced this because I feel like this is so different and WAY to real. I have a coworker that I got along with quite well and she became my false crush I was always obsessing over if I liked her it was so bad, when I was doing worse, there was times where we would have a conversation and that conversation no matter what it was I would repeat this over and over in my head, or when something funny or interesting happens my brain would immediately go, omg I have to go tell this coworker what happened, and it was so energetic too, I’m so scared this means that I actually like her and it’s not a false crush please anyone has experienced this before?

I deleted the app since I couldn’t delete my account (posting my problems on here can be exhausting) but I’m back now cause all I want is advice/someone to tell me what’s really going on. Is that so wrong? It’s not like I’m gonna get anymore worse than I am now if someone just talks to me. So here’s the TMI/18+ stuff: do I have an addiction to porn or am I compulsively masturbating? For the last year and a half of this happening to me the biggest aspect that affects me the most is when these “thoughts” invade my mind when I try to masturbate and watch porn. And unfortunately, there’s times when it feels like I’m *enjoying* it. What’s 10x worse is when it appears when I’m finishing, so then it feels like I intentionally climaxed to something unspeakably terrible. When it first started it was just names, then it became faces, and then just straight up images. Now it’s something indescribably horrific. It’s like the more worse I perceive these things, the more they’re stuck in my mind. And to be clear, I watch mostly normal gay porn, but there have been moments when I’ve watched things I started to question in the past. I’ve read and heard about people with porn addictions needing more extreme things to get off to, so what if this is just it? Am I somehow subconsciously thinking these things so that I can fully enjoy masturbating? If so, how do I go back to before when I could enjoy what I used to? But it also feels like it’s not a porn addiction, it feels more like compulsive masturbating or something cause I don’t personally believe I view porn THAT often yk? But it gets even more confusing cause if it is compulsory, why are the thoughts so present during it? Make it make sense? There’s been this image I have engraved into my mind from something I saw on twitter months ago and the fact it’s based on something REAL fucks me up more. I haven’t really touched myself in days, but I know eventually I’m gonna end up doing it again, I just want to enjoy myself without it being there. I’m already having moments when I feel “pent up” but the image is still there so why would I feel that way? Why can’t the things I’m supposed to like show up? Is it something I actually want? Do I really like this and just not allowing myself to? How am I supposed to work through this when it feels impossible to?

I just got an intrusive thought right now. Specific thought*** Next week I will see my family. And my baby cousin will be there, I have intrusive thoughts about him. And right know I got the thought about what if I look into his eyes and tell him without a voice (move my lips) that I wanna 🍇 him. Wtf. I’m terrified, I don’t want to even go because of it right know I’m so scared. I don’t know what to do, cause it feel like I’m actually going to do it. I can’t stop crying. Im also afraid to just say it without a voice but move my lips and just being around him. I really don’t want to go, I’m afraid right know but I don’t know what to say to my family. What have I become. I wish I could put block on my mouth. It’s disgusting I know I hate myself for this. I’m terrified please I’m super afraid to see a baby I literally want to throw up

i spent 10 hours yesterday just googling and researching possible therapists and various ocd facts. a day off with my kid absolutely wasted. my head is spinning. I can't do stuff like this. it's always something. something to ruminate on. something to obsesse over. scrolling for hours. Just to put my phone down at night, lay there and think "what if I don't even have ocd?" or "what if I missed something?" 😵‍💫😔

I have always had intrusive thoughts and when I was around 16 I had my first awful one HOCD. This made me feel so sick and I couldn’t leave my bed. Would look at women and get groinal responses and would avoid anything LGBTQ. I then suffered with POCD, which I nearly asked to be sectioned over. Now, I am with my current partner (10 months)I have known him since I was 14 and have always had a thing for him. Anyway, last year there was this person at work who I forced and convinced myself to ‘like’ don’t even know if I even did to be honest. But his background is awful and everyone around me said it was a bad decision and I knew this too. We used to talk all the time but yeah, anyway… I said I didn’t want a relationship and distanced myself from him and never really thought about him. I’m now in my relationship with my current partner and I adore him. He is fully aware of what is going on in my head. My head is comparing him to this guy at work. Makes me think they look alike, but this all stemmed from when my current partner was talking about his family past and I instantly thought oh no, I hope my family doesn’t think this is bad (they love him). So now, my head is saying ‘what if you love this other guy’ what if the reason you can’t get this out your head is because the universe is giving you a sign’ ‘what if everyone told you not to go there, then what’ the thoughts are endless and honestly, I can’t stop crying, it is making me physically sick, have panic attacks. I confess to my partner all the time and he is honestly so supportive! I feel like I’m mentally cheating or what if I’m denial. When we first got together I was fine. No thoughts and then bang I’m consumed. My head is filled with them. I feel congested with him. I feel disgusting. I look for reassurance. I constantly look on Quora and Reddit. I can’t cope. I love my current partner! And we tried getting together years ago but it wasn’t our time and since, I thought about him every now and again and now my brain is saying ‘oh see, what if it’s the same situation with this guy a work’ I just want coping mechanisms and relief. This honestly feels like torture.!!!

I’M SO SCARED I’M SO SCARED Please do not make assumptions it makes things worse!!!!⚠️ I’m so scared when creating an oc for an anime show I don’t want to turn them into a p£do. Especially cause I use my oc’s on character ai to interact with cannon characters. I feel like I’m a bad, bad person if I create any kind of oc like this I’m also a general writer and I also want to create horror movies and I’m scared if I write oc’s that aren’t supposed to be self inserts that I’m a bad person if I write a character like this. But I do NOT want to act on the thoughts and I’m afraid character ai and ocd tricks my brain into thinking I can do it and get away with it. And I’m going to be 100% honest I have had encountered doing sketchy role plays with cannon characters which I do NOT like AT ALL or WANT TO DO and I felt like it was super taboo and wrong and also felt really sick and scared of myself and I don’t want to do it EVER again. I DO NOT FEEL PROUD WHATSOEVER!!! So I’m thinking of just deleting character ai until I see my psychologist so I can try some ERP therapy. Cause I love role playing with ai and creating fun oc’s and seeing what shows would be like if they had extra main characters!

hi, does anyone have any coping methods for self sabotage and ocd for example, i’m not ‘allowed’ to buy things like clothes because i don’t deserve it because i’m a bad person

hey guys does anyone have any advice on how to stop letting past relationships affect your current one? my current boyfriend is honestly everything i could want. he’s honest, sensitive, and has known me for a long time so he knows all about how i’ve been treated in the past, mostly with being used and abandoned. i have found myself expecting him to fail and getting upset with him over very small things that i let convince me he doesn’t actually care about me and that our relationship is gonna end badly like they have in the past. every time i freak out on him, in the moment i think im just standing up for myself and i get kinda sassy and mean. i always feel guilty afterwards and feel crazy for acting like that. he gets upset with me for “comparing” him to my exes, but i feel like i truly don’t mean to do that i just have a huge guard up as a result of their actions towards me. i still think about stuff that happened with my exes every single day and idk how to stop letting it consume me. i obsess over how horrible they made me feel and exactly what they did and said and what i could’ve done differently to prevent it or how to fix things with them even though i am happy with my current bf and i don’t truly want either of them anymore. i hate the feeling of being on bad terms with people and feeling all of the resentment 24/7, it has gotten so incredibly draining. it makes me start thinking that we aren’t right for each other or im not good enough for him and that i do secretly want them back, even though logically i know that’s not true. i don’t want him to think im still obsessed with them romantically in any way, but i just can’t seem to let the past go and am constantly ruminating about events from the past. it comes up in conversation with my friends a lot and it makes me feel crazy tbh. i don’t want them to be annoyed with me for talking about stuff that happened a long time ago at this point, especially since i am in a new relationship currently. i obsess over the idea of anyone thinking i still want them because i know that’s what it sounds like and that’s the conclusion most people jump to. i just can’t seem to move on, but not in a romantic way just like in a way that won’t let me move on from the hurt they caused me knowing that i never deserved it, and that there is nothing i can do about it now. i cry to him all the time about how i used to be a good gf, but as a result of how those people treated me in return it made me “crazy”. i can’t seem to find the line between defending myself and just being mean and angry and accusing him of things. idk how to talk about my concerns calmly anymore. it has been happening a lot recently and idk how to stop immediately jumping to the worst case scenario and getting extremely upset and giving the silent treatment. i’m afraid it’s gonna get to be too much for him and he won’t be able to take it anymore. i don’t want to let my past ruin my relationship now. he says he understands why i feel this way and just asks me to put my guard down for him but i can’t do it for some reason. he reassures me all the time that he isn’t like them but i can’t help but think about how i’ve been lied to in the past and it makes me not trust him, even though he has never given me a reason not to. he is so patient with me and tries to understand, but i don’t think he gets that it’s an ocd thing i can’t control and thinks that it’s something i’m choosing to do. i don’t want to bring it up because i don’t want to sound like im making excuses, even though that is truly the root of the problem. i just want to let everything go and be fully present and accept the love he gives me.

Hi there, To summarise my story, I begun taking Sertraline around 5 months ago as my OCD flipped a switch after an intense panic attack and got instantly worse and unlivable (intense depersonalization, constant rumination, anxiety and nausea, amongst many other symptoms). I have now worked my way up to 100mg (6 weeks in) an I feel horrific every single day, constantly fighting intense feelings of sadness and hopelessness that makes me nauseous, suicidal thoughts and ideation etc. Would anyone recommend that I wait another month (which will be admittedly extremely difficult if these feelings persist) or should I consider switching medication? All opinions welcome❤️