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the NOCD Community

I legit can’t get offf chat gbt . I go all the time for reassurance .

It’s never been this bad before. I feel like I’ll never get better. Every day I remember new things to feel guilty about and new fears pop into my head. What if I get doxxed? What if I said something online that could get me in trouble? What if I was hacked? What if someone is looking through every post, every message, every account I’ve ever made. I feel like I’ve dug myself into a hole and there is no way out. I’m 21, I keep thinking “no one will have grace for you because of your age. You are an adult. You should have know better. You don’t deserve to get better”

Hi I have a question. I love jesus he changed my life and Made me a better person but my ocd loves to confuse me so I have a problem where I remember something in the past and I repented ofc but not it makes me question my intentions and my ocd always puts the are you lying to God card which makes me super scared and then doubt occurs and I'm so exhausted I misinterpret a lot like the voice of God I keep hearing tell the truth and repent now that's it all Good if it were true see ik I'm telling the truth not because of some feeling it's because ocd's version is so ridiculous but It feels soo real I just Want go to God without feeling this fear if I'm lying to him and I fear if somehow I'm wrong. So much anxiety and questions like what if that is gods voice what if I'm wrong pls pray for me and I see videos and I'm scared if that video was sent to me by God telling me to "tell the truth" I say that because my ocd is causing me to doubt the truth being that ocd is wrong

She laughed and said that everyone has these thoughts "i didn't tell her about the REALLY fucked up thoughts i experience cuz i was kinda scared" and then she said it's the demon just say ur prayers and they'll go away Even though i kept on trying and trying to convince her that they're clearly not normal but she kept on refusing and it kinda sounded like she didn't want to admit and believe that her daughter has a mental illness which sucks

Hi, im 19 and ive been fandom spaces since i was 10 years old (long story short dont let little kids should not be on the internet 😭) anyways, im here to ask if anyone else whose in fandom are scared that what they ship might be a “proship” if your familiar with the term. I recently got back into a game and im worrying a ship i used to ship when i was younger is considered one. Its not based off game events but some people online have such scary reaction to it that it made me worry. Since im older i dont really ship them romantically anymore more platonically but i still worry about it because what if anything i ship is a pro ship. Advice is appreciated but also i just made to this post to find people who are always worried about this since i dont wanna be alone. Its scary for me because it misses with my POCD. Thanks for reading

I actually didn't realise this til now because I just assumed it was a coping mechanism from when I was really young. But when I tend to get stressed out or overwhelmed, I'll often start talking out loud to myself (which mostly means just whispering to myself because if i spoke really loudly, my mom would hear me lol). But nowadays with my fear of being surveilled, I keep having to catch myself because it's such a habit at this point for me to whisper out loud. Especially with me trying to reason through my false memories or really bad intrusive thoughts. Another compulsion. And then I keep thinking omg did I have my phone with me when I said that. Is anyone watching me rn? What if this person (that probably doesn't even exist) thinks my thoughts are true? What would everyone else think? And then I spiral afterwards. It sucks because I feel like I'm policing myself even when I know these are all just things I'm saying out loud and they don't mean anything— they're just thoughts after all. But I have this worry that if someone overheard me or all of this was suddenly revealed, that it might change how people see me or people might hate me or think i'm a bad person. And then I worry about me being worried about that because then I ask myself would a good person be worried about this? Anyways, another long post with me waffling and rambling. Thank you for taking the time to read this ❤️‍🩹

does it also happen to you that during exposure to erp you can imagine that act and scene in detail, and feel some confused excitement that leaves you stressed because it is hard to believe that it is part of OCD, it seems so real! When i can imagine it in detail and feel it like i can actually get arousel about it.

Does anybody else experience OCD while reading? I feel like i need to remember everything in my book. And i have a feel that i need to completely understand EVEYTHING in my book (even very minor things) and if not, i feel as though im cheating or that the minor thing is very significant and that ill want to remember it even way after i finish the book (just for the purpose of knowing EVERYTHING about my book) Also, when a character says some minor things i feel the need to understand it completely or i feel the fear that i didn’t understand what the character actually meant. If youve struggled with this please give tips on how to overcome it

i think my intrusive thoughts are real. what do i do now man

i think i gave up, every time i try to calm down, practice self-compassion or accept uncertainty something worse happens that seems to confirm my event. it feels too, too real even now, it's getting worse with each passing day. i'm really scared, it's hard for me to enjoy the few good moments i have with everyone because now i'm convinced that i'm a horrible person, i know everyone will hate me when they find out, i feel like i'm lying to them. i'll lose everything. i feel like my life is genuinely ending, i'll lose all the good things i worked hard for.

I find while doing exposures, rarely does my anxiety lessen. It usually amps up and stays that way for the remainder of the day. I could be having a fairly decent day, but dutifully do my exposures and then the rest of my day is anxiety filled. I guess that’s just how it is now? Also, I’m wondering if my therapist even believes I have OCD. I totally understand my therapist cannot provide reassurance. But it’s to the point it seems my therapist acts like I actually did the thing I fear. I feel so isolated.

does anyone has any tips how to stop the "what if cycle"?? i have very disturbing what if thoughts on daily basis and they're rlly scary always. i know they're not real but sometimes they feel so real and possible to happen and i hate this

Alot is on my mind u feel like I’m going to lose my mind , not really a lot but if I think too hard I think I’m gonna lose my mind , I was trying to slp n I think I’m gonna lose my mind , I’ve always been having thoughts about going crazy it never really changed , I have other thoughts and triggers but they always somehow lead Bk to me thinking I’m going to lose my mind , guys I’m so tired , do I even have ocd

So I got dumped today by my situationship. For background, we talked for like 3 months, and I just recently lost my virginity to her. We only had sex twice. After she said we should still be friends, goofily (reassurance-seeking) I asked “but the sex was good right?” And she told me it was “good for a virgin” which hurt my feelings, then going even further she said “not in my top ten.” This made me CRY, like on the spot, right there in front of her (not the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever done…. But definitely in my top ten). I started having intrusive thoughts about how I’m unattractive/unworthy of love. She asked me why I was crying, but I just said “I don’t like myself very much,” which is always the underlying problem with me. And she reassured me that I’m “not a bad person” and “it’s not because you’re not smart or not beautiful.” But the reassurance made me spiral more, bc I was thinking “I didn’t even mention feeling unattractive or stupid, she can just tell that I am.” Then it kept getting worse and worse, “I’m unattractive/unlovable/stupid. I’m not good at sex, I’m not good at anything.” I had to stop myself and realize it was OCD obsessing over the things “wrong” with me. I think I started this post wanting reassurance, but now I think I want to know if anyone has any tips on accepting criticism as someone with OCD, bc it always sends me down a “there is something wrong with me” spiral.

i feel like i have been posting a lot about this and i will try to stop since now but i just don't know where to start or what to do, and i can't take therapy right now either. my event is about something that did actually happen; i had a boyfriend and we had a 1.5 age difference (i know this sounds stupid) but the thing is that we both started to sext a lot since he was 14 and i was 15. we shared audios videos pictures ect and i don't know how to just let this go, even when i know that i never really forced him into anything and i was always constantly worried about him being comfortable, when to stop and ect. the memories keep coming back to my mind and the guilt is eating me up slowly because i keep thinking that i'm a predator or a groomer or something like that. i don't know how to deal with the what ifs either, lately i haven't stopped thinking what if i sexually harassed or sexually exploited him or something like that. how do i deal with the cycle of guilt and constant what ifs if i also feel like my event is worse than others i've seen? please help me with this. it's getting a lil tiring and even if somedays i know how to deal with this, i still get really triggered sometimes. this wouldn't even bother me before, i wish i could just get back in time before this theme popped into my mind. my life has been a hell since then and i live constantly scared and suicidal.

I had a horrible thought and it was my own thought. I feel awful. Also my heart is racing all the time

I cannot tell if this is OCD assigning meaning where there is none, or if it is something else entirely. I have ADHD, and I tend to hyperfixate on people, specifically men I find interesting. It feels like a crush. Maybe it is a crush. I do not know. It does not matter. I daydream a lot. I have posted about this before, and the responses were helpful, but right now I am spiraling again. Lately, what I think is a dopamine-driven hyperfixation has latched onto my supervisor at work. I actively stop myself from ruminating too much about what it could mean. I remind myself they are just thoughts. I love my boyfriend and I am committed to him. But I have noticed that I sometimes *hope* something goes wrong with an order, just so I have a reason to talk to my supervisor, even if the interaction is only a few sentences. I do not even smile at him because I am so afraid of being disloyal or disrespectful to my boyfriend. The other day, my voice sounded nice, and I got scared that I did that on *purpose* because I was talking to my supervisor. I know how to make my voice sound smoother, and I worried that I subconsciously did it for him. I know people do that kind of thing to seem pleasant in general, but it feels wrong when it is tied to one specific person. There was another moment where I had to bend slightly, and I knew he was behind me, though I didn’t know he would walk in my direction. It turned into a kind of awkward traffic situation, and I started wondering if I *hoped* for that. I even caught myself thinking about whether he finds me attractive. I know that these thoughts might be in the normal range, but the fact that I think about him so much, daydreaming, hoping for interactions, mentally replaying things, feeling excitement, makes me feel incredibly guilty. Is that disrespectful to my boyfriend? I don’t think I’m flirting. But I feel like even hoping/looking for interactions or tweaking my voice counts as some kind of betrayal. I just don’t know. To me, it sounds like a mix of ADHD and OCD, It really does feel like chaos inside my head. I want to be honest with my boyfriend, but I know talking about this stuff makes his jealousy flare up, and understandably so I’m a jealous person myself. But if I don’t confess, it feels like I am hiding something and it feels *extra* disloyal. I know that daydreaming and a bit of excitement are normal, especially with ADHD and dopamine-seeking, but when I go out of my way for a few-sentence interaction, or crave eye contact, is that disloyal? I am not asking for reassurance. I genuinely want to understand if this is normal or if it crosses a line. I am scared that I am just making excuses for bad behavior. I am scared that this is not okay and I am doing it anyway. I wish I could ask my therapist about this, but I had to stop going recently. She always understood how my brain works, especially the difference between reassurance-seeking and genuinely wanting clarity. She was really good at helping me figure out whether something was common or explainable. It helped so much to just know if something was normal, even if knowing did not stop the rumination. That’s kind of what I am looking for now, just someone to tell me if this pattern makes sense or if it crosses a line. Please help :(

I’m a 23 y/o female who has recently entered a phase of obsessive thoughts of mistakes I’ve made, ranging from events that happened over a decade ago when and I was a kid up to things that happened recently. I feel so much debilitating guilt I can’t do anything or function. I especially feel bad for this one instance. I have always had extremely low self esteem, and I often seek attention and validation especially from men. I like being liked. I find myself trying to act or look cute, or even act somewhat like a pick-me, so that I feel liked. I feel like I may even do this with girls too, but especially guys. I just really like attention, and I’ve been in a stagnant 6 year relationship where I don’t really feel desirable, and I’m very lonely. A few months ago I started playing a game where I met a large group of people and we would all play together everyday. One of the people in particular was a 15/16 year old guy who flirted with me a lot, and I kept my distance because he was so young, and I felt kinda weird talking to someone younger than me, but we would still talk sometimes because we were apart of the same discord group, and I have a problem being stern and confrontational so I didn’t want to be mean or make things awkward in the friend group. Although it made me uncomfortable that he was so young and that I’m nearly a whole decade older than him, and I did make it clear that I was dating someone and I was way too old for him and I would tell him to stop, I wasn’t very stern and I was very lighthearted about it and I even found myself liking the attention I got from him. I was flattered. I liked that he liked me so much even though I knew he was a teenager and I feel like I was maybe even seeking attention from him like I did with the other guys in the group. And when I say seeking attention, I mean that I was acting cute so that I was liked and got attention. Is that considered flirting? Was I flirting with him? Does this make me disgusting? That I liked the attention I got even though he was teenager? That I acted cute around him as well as all the other guys so that he would like me? I feel disgusted with myself. Does this make me a predator? Doesn’t this make me disgusting that I liked attention I got from a teenager? To be fair, I like the attention I get from any guy. I just like feeling liked. But I feel like it makes me disgusting that even though I knew he was a teenager I still liked and was flattered by the attention and was possibly even seeking it out from him. My head is all messed up. I really feel like I’m having an identity crisis. I feel disgusted with myself to the point that I’m nauseous. I’m so ashamed. I’ve been crying nonstop for days on end and I feel truly hopeless. I don’t know how I’m supposed to live my life with this shame and that I’m convinced that makes me a predator or a sick person. I don’t know if I’m overthinking things or not. I just really need some relief because I feel like I’m losing my mind, but I want someone to be honest with me about my actions.

I'm wondering if this is a common OCD experience: does anyone else find that when you have idle time, your mind just spirals into endless rumination on negative "what ifs" & intrusive thoughts? It's been happening to me for the past three years, which coincides with starting a really high-stress job. Weekends used to be my time to relax, but now I dread weekends...I only feel relief when I'm sleeping because it's the only time my mind seems to quiet down. It's honestly so depressing to lose that enjoyment. Does anyone else relate to this, and if so, what helps you cope?

I posted the other day about my subtype of staring ocd but I’m supposed to start a new job next week. I work in wellness/beauty and will be seeing people half naked. It doesn’t trigger me as I’m treating clients but only when I’m not supposed to be looking (like normal interactions). It happens when people wear very revealing clothes or are super curvy and my eye goes to that area. It also happens when people are adjusting themselves and my eye goes to their hands. It’s very embarrassing and I quit my last job because of this and I don’t want to make more people feel uncomfortable. It left me very depressed and hopeless. It’s such a frustrating type of ocd to deal with because it impacts me financially and socially. I just want to feel okay. Anyways, I’m writing this because I’m wondering if I should share with my new employer about this issue so I don’t weird anyone out or keep it to myself? I’m not sure what to do. I need money as I have a mortgage and two kids and would like to help my husband. I’m currently on Zoloft 50mg, have done therapy but this is such a hard type to treat as it’s not the cleaning type. I know I’m not supposed to ask for advice about what to do but I need to know so I can make a decision and not get cold feet.