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working to conquer OCD
im very anxious i asked for advice on reddit for how to stop thinking of a trigger word and reacting bad to it and this one of the responses i get the one circled in red. i feel im just being constantly called âmadâ for thinking a trigger word
In the last few days I have managed to drastically reduce compulsions. I have made good progress but the brain fog that I may be a bad person and that the world and my interactions arenât real still persists. Any tips to address this? Iâm not reacting to any of it which is uncomfortable.
so I scheduled my free call today, then I had this anxiety that maybe I shouldn't do this, I dont have ocd, im faking it all, blah blah. So I canceled it- fear that I'll waste there time and yeah. I also fear I'll get locked into paying for something I dont need even though this call is free, and also think i was lying to them for attention as I think all my symptoms are fake and it's all in my head and im just dramaticđ Idk if this was a mistake or not, I want to know i rlly do but that nagging fear is stopping me.(sorry if i repeated anything)
Hi everyone! For those of you who have overcome OCD, did you find the initial feelings, emotions, and thoughts kind of become less and less consuming as it got better? In the beginning, I feel like I was crying, sick to my stomach, had a nervous/scared âblahâ feeling, etc.. now, Im not crying like that, i still get a blah nervous belly feeling which kinda scares me into thinking its because the thoughts are true and maybe I was just in denial? Idk.. help lol
I sit on a swivel chair sometimes and when people get too close to me I move the chair away from them cause I donât wanna go crazy and move it towards their groin. But one time someone was super close to the swivel chair like they were making contact with it and I had a thought of what if I move it towards their body and I felt the need to move the chair an inch towards them and so I moved it quickly and without hesitation and idk why like I must be crazy tbh. There is also this vague sense of wrongness attached to the memory. It is present right before the movement. It almost feels like I remember thinking an evil thought or having bad intentions but just donât really remember. I try to prevent stuff from happening but this time I snapped I guess. Also I wasnât anxious at all until afterwards. I was in a good mood at the time. I know OCD can cause urges but it feels like I remember turning bad/evil before I did it. Idk anymore. I just canât live like this anymore. Iâm terrified of myself
Can anyone share any success stories regarding Pure/Real Event OCD? I think I just want some uplifting news more than anything, though this may read as reassurance seeking⌠not sure what counts and what doesnât. So any education on that may be helpful too. Many thanks!!
i feel so lost. my religious ocd involves sexual intrusive images right now about Jesus, and it's really killing me. it keeps flashing in my mind and I feel so bad and in pain. i feel so dirty and disgusting because of it. i really respect Jesus and i love Him so much. i always saw Him as a Father because He has a father figure. now, i don't know what to feel anymore because of those sexual intrusive images. it is traumatizing and terrifying. i hate that my ocd creates images of Jesus as bad and tries to put the blame on Him. i'm trying my best to fight it and put the blame on myself. i feel like my relationship with Him is slowly getting ruined. for me, it's all my fault because of my ocd brain. i want to feel what i normally feel toward Jesus. i hate that my ocd needs to do this. i hate the feelings that I'm liking it even though I never like it. i feel unforgivable and condemned. i can't take anymore of what my ocd keeps throwing at me. i feel like I'm going crazy. i feel disrespectful. i feel so disgusting. i feel like i'm not comfortable in my own body. last night i broke down because of it. it is so heavy and too much to carry. i'm thinking that this might be my punishment for the constant blasphemous thoughts and doubts caused by my OCD.
So scared to post this not wanting to sound dramatic incase i dont have it so uh yeah lets go Ive been struggling with this ocd spiral, googling everything i can, taking stupid test that prob dont mean anything, i dont really have compulsions i think? but anyways i cant let it go unless i know. ill give list of reasons why - I get intrusive thoughts i dont want, like sexual or harm related ones, multiple times a day- Yes ik intrusive thoughts are normal so this is probably nothing. To try and give an idea on how many or how constant- when i look at something either that be a person, pet, or an object can be fictional things to- there is a high chance of a thought or mental image popping up -I feel shame and guilty about it because it goes against everything, im asexual so having these thoughts about my family or animals is really upsetting and disturbing bc why am i thinking this, it doesn't feel normal -i try and push them away by blinking, shaking my head, or just walk away from what triggered them -i spiral trying to figure out whats wrong with me for example ofc my brain thinking i have ocd and it filling my brain. or can be about physical health or other mental health disorders- -i constantly am switching between thinking i have it to im faking it. When i see symptoms i have i think, "Okay wait, i must have it" to where when i see a symptom i don't have, i tell myself. "No im just lying for attention or im being dramatic and these aren't real problems". but like rn im struggling with thinking none of this really even happened and i'm just saying things so ppl think sm wrong with me - sometiems i avoid things that trigger it- not alot but like when i get a thought about my dog when im about to pet her, i stop- and walk away becuase it might come true. -i fear something is wrong with me, wether it be my mind, body, health, personality- -im scared to open up about these thoughts becuase im scared people will thing im lying, im weird, or ill be sent to a mental hospital. -also reassuring-seeking. now this isnt a big thing to me but when i think i offended someone i have to say "sorry if i offended you" or if i think i annoyed someone i must say "sorry if i annoyed you", OR i kinda down talk myself saying im annoying, there annoyed with me, they hate me This has been nagging me for days, and i cant get it to stop- BECAUSE what if i do and i don't get it diagnosed and ill deal with this forever or whatever, ik ppl have it worse and i'm probably being dramatic, high possibility. but i'm also scared to tell a therapist bc of that same exact reason and fear of being called dramatic and its all in your head. but uhm hopefully i didn't say anything bad and didn't repeat anything.
In a weeks I will traver around Europe with an interrail pass. My fear focus in the idea that if I am really tired and anxious will get 1. Depressed and I will not be able to do nothing 2. Start a new OCD spiral so intense that can make me suicidal. Last year before going to an specialist and understand how OCD works I studied in other country for summer, I was living alone and OCD was terrible at a point that I was writing all days to not emergency hotlines because I had this fear that the feelings I was having would be forever This experience has follow me in all my travels and, this being the most difficult, is again, playing with me. I will travel, I don't want my OCD to stop me doing things I really want but the closer the day gets, the more the excitement about the trip fades. So yes this travel is perfect for ERP but at the same time I am anxious about finding balance between resting but without it becoming an avoidance (that summer I also didn't go on many excursions due to exhaustion so I don't want this to happen to me again and spent all my day in the hostel sleeping) When I travel with other people I force myself to be functional which help to enjoy more my travels but alone... like right now takes me 1 hour to wake up in my house because of morning anxiety, being tired will do this more difficult If you have tips or experience I will be glad. Even with fear I want to do this travel
I have lived with OCD forever but I havenât had a major flare up since I was like 8 years old⌠I feel like I will never be normal again. Iâm a mom to two kids we just bought a house and I have my dream job and I just got a new car and I canât SNAP out of it⌠I keep obsessing that Iâm going to be stuck feeling like this forever. It originally started with âwhat ifâ I harm my kids because I snap and not itâs basically turned into Iâll never be or feel normal again and this is it. I will never be able to care for my kids alone again, and this is the new me. Can anyone relate? I want to take SSRI but Iâm so scared I took it for 2 days and I had immense depression where I wanted to like run away from myself⌠Please help, Iâm also spinning on the fact I need to go to an in patient facility to be normal and I feel so guilty since I have 2 kids, any insight would be greatly appreciated!
Fuck it I'm tired of the ruminations, I'm tired of the constant mental reviews and false memories, I'm tired of the feeling of existential crisis, I'm tired of feeling fear that depression is gonna get worse, I'm tired of the intrusive thoughts, the relentless depersonalization/derealization If one day I end my life so be it. if one day I go insane so be it, if one day my relationship ends with my gf so be it. I'm tired of having these what ifs, I'm tired of shutting my mind and creating prison after prison mentally. Fuck it if my life is meant to suck then so be it I'll take it to the chin. If one day I end up broke and end it all oh well that's just what my life was meant to be. But I'm not gonna suffer over somthing that might or might not happen. I'm tired of it. I keep emphasizing my weaknesses instead of my strength I am a strong person, I was the man that put my self thru nursing school while helping my mom financaily, I was the man that kept the household together and supported my mom when she had a TIA in march, I was the the one that gave my mom money to pay for lawyers, I was the one that my mom rellies on, I am the man of the house I am him. I am a loving boyfriend that supports his girlfriend, I am the nurse that won the award of the year for the best nurse at the department I work for at my hospital. I am the man that has touched so many lives with my profession, I am the man that held the hands of countless people in their times of need, their times of struggle, their times of death and the man that gave those people guidence and support to people in their toughest moments of despair, death, confusion, grief and so on. I am the man thag comforted family members when their loved one was gone. I am the man that's been told time and time again that I've saved peoples lives. Why do I belittle my self and I deminish my accomplishments so easily yet highlights my deficits and mistakes so hard. I've become the judge, jury and executioner of my head creating prison after prison. I'm tired of it, I am bigger than this disorder, I accept it and I will get better with it. I accept that I take drugs to correct my mind , I accept that I am seeking therapy to help my self, I accept that right now I am not In the best place in my mind. But I will get better
does anyone else constantly suffer from intrusive thoughts? it makes my head ache & i can barely think straight.
hi yall im new here but not new to ocd. for as long as i remember ive had tendencies and ive had compulsions. when i was like 6 i remember counting my steps and that started this life long thing. i get looks in public because ive been touching each side of my face for the past 10 minutes because it âdidnât feel rightâ. about every one in my life knows i have severe ocd and thatâs fine but my grandmother told my mom behind my back one night that i was âmanipulatingâ her and that my ocd could be fake. this is because i canât take the trash out of the track can because i canât risk getting sick from old food, i cant use cleaning products on my hands to clean them. i have no probably taking the trash out itâs just removing it from the bin. i canât do the dishes because its not clean and ill have an anxiety attack because its just simply too overwhelming for my ocd. those arenât the only things but the list is just too long to write out. but we donât live with my grandmother anymore. when we did my ocd wasnât as progressed as it is now and i was able to hide most of my compulsions and âritualsâ (what i call them) in private, therefore she doesnât see how much it can affect my every move. this happened a while ago but i keep thinking about it and i get in my head. when im really struggling itâs hard to not convince myself that iâve been lying to myself and so many others for 18 years. all my compulsions and intrusive thoughts and the goddamn hallucinations iâve had from ocd are in fact real but how can my own grandmother call me manipulative like i donât get it truthfully. i cannot imagine a situation in which someone would go through the trouble of washing their hands 4 times, of blinking 16 times before shutting their phone off. rewriting a whole text to their boyfriend because i misspelt a word and so now the whole text is wrong or any other of these things i and SO MANY people who have ocd or ocd tendencies would go through the trouble because it is SO paralyzing. clearly iâm not going to explain myself to her because i donât have that energy esspecially if she is going to âmhmâ me and then go again behind my back and tell my mom (who fully understands and has tendencies herself and knows i donât make this stuff up) that im a manipulator.
TW for content I just recently had to leave an online âfriend groupâ of 4 years. I felt completely justified for it, but part of me mourns and even cries thinking about everything back. For years, we made characters, wrote stories, laughed over calls; I truly thought they were my friends. And they even cared for me. I saw their faces, they introduced me to their lives. It really felt like my own friend group. Then suddenly, my POCD and morality fears came up due to content one of them was posting. Now, this person posted a lot of suggestive stuff, which was fine with me since weâre all adults. But some thing I started questioning, for example furry material, but in the end, I thought it was just me. It was fiction, and they said they were completely against abuse, and never had any sort of immoral attraction. Yet, it started to get worse. I was losing sleep, I was crying, I couldnât for the life of me figure out what was happening. I was so sure who I was talking to was a bad person. Every fear I had, they had an explanation, but I would just keep finding more. The day came where I couldnât take it anymore, and invited them to a call, where I apologized. And they said, âThatâs okay, I forgive you. Iâve been accused of being a pedophile multiple times.â That broke me. Excuse me? What do you MEAN multiple times? I questioned them on this, they said it happened âprobably once every 3 monthsâ, that âI donât know why, I guess itâs because Iâm a furry and Iâm into things kids like?â Even THEN, I STILL felt like I wanted to believe them. It was accusations; what was I supposed to do about that? And furries did get a lot of hate. Yet, I still avoided them. The final straw was when I went through their art page favorites and found pictures of a character (basically a parody of slenderman that was specifically meant to be sexual) interacting with a child. That was it. I couldnât justify it anymore. I gave the info to the other members. The results after? One blocked me. One said I was âschizo-obsessiveâ, and the one I accused wrote a letter on their art page saying they were hurt and hoped I got help, telling me âthose pictures are from when I was 16 and being edgy, theyâre oldâ I left. I told one of them I was leaving, and that I wouldnât be back. I cried the whole night. I look back at characters I canât use anymore, stories thrown in the garbage. The video game we bonded over is so hard to look at now because it reminds me of them. But, I feel justified. It had gone too far, in my opinion; I couldnât have let that slide. Those pictures, the accusations, the constant question. And Iâll never know if I was right or wrong, but they were just that: people online. And I regret ever making a connection. It still hurts, and I wish I could just let it go. I donât want to go back to them, I canât. I canât risk talking to bad people. But the hurt is still there.
Today I was walking my cat. (Yes, my cat lol. He loves exploring outside and I have a cat harness for him and I only explore near my apartment. I walk him instead of just releasing him bc ive had accidents with past pets that were run over. I never want that to happen again so i rather walk him and it helps him stay active and helps me too.) Anyway, where i live there are a lot of separate apartments (mini houses) but still are part of one section under one land lord. This neighbor was outside chilling talking on the phone, no dog in sight. He owns this dog that is the same size of a cat so i guess small but big enough where it can cause bad bite wounds to a cat. I was outside my apartment walking along the grass but also near that apartment since its a public space and i dont want to walk my cat near the main road since to many loud cars and itbwas just him on the phone, no dog seen. My cat likes sniffing the grass and walking past some apartments. There was no dog out so i assumed it was okay to walk AND ITS PUBLIC COMMON AREA THE DOG SHOULDNT BE OFF LEASH ANYHOW. My cat was smelling the grass and laid down then suddenly the neighbor's dog gets released outside (unleashed and ungated) and charges straight for my cat! I picked up my cat and ran at full speed away BUT THE DOG CHASED ME THE WHOLE WAY AND THE NEGLIGENT OWNER DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TILL HE SAW ME YELLING NO AT THEIR DOG WHILE HOLDING MY SCARED CAT! The neighbor turned away and let the dog CONTINUE TO BE UNLEASHED AND THE DOG KEPT CORNERING ME AND MY CAT it was so scary! I had to scare the dog off while my cat was tangled on his leash! I eventually was able to safely get away avoiding any bite wounds for my cat! That dog is NOT friendly! I live in a state where it's illegal to have your dogs out without leash unless you are in a fenced private property or a local dog park! The neighbor constantly does this! He takes his dog out to chill but that dog lunges at people! Stupid owner! In no way was my cat provoking this dog! He was sniffing the grass and laid down for a small nap! My cat is very friendly and I was so scared he was going to be hurt bc some idiot thinks it's fine for dogs to be unleashed! And what's worse i was with CHILDREN! My nieces were there with me walking my cat. We were all having fun peaceful walk that ended with us running straight home! IMAGINE IF THAT DOG ATTACKED MY CAT WHO WAS TANGLED AND FRIGHTENED AND IF IT GOT BLOODY??? MY NIECES AND I WOULDVE BEEN HORRIFIED!Horrible i feel so weak hours after. I remember being extremely angry and I told my mom about this and she took HIS side saying it was my fault for walking on a PUBLIC COMMON AREA THAT IS AVAILABLE FOR ALL. She says "i shouldve known better" BUT THE DOG WAS NOT OUT I THOUGHT IT WAS OKAY??? THE OWNER STILL LET HIS DOG OUT UNLEASHED HOW IS THAT MY FAULT if your dog is unfriendly why off leash! Ugh and ocd kicked in and gave me harm thoughts which are making me worry like did I mean that? Did i want to? Did i have an urge to do that to my mom bc I was frusterated she takes other's sides always? I feel sad rn. I wanted to report this guy for negligence. He didnt care if his dog attacked my pet. He didnt care if I had children that dog could've bit. It doesn't matter that the dog was the size of a cat, it still scared my nieces and I! I was mostly afraid for my pet cat since I KNEW I'm bigger than the dog but my cat isnt! He could've seriously gotten hurt! And then who would pay for the vet bills??? I sure as hell know that negligent owner wouldn't! Such a frustrating situation. đ¤Śââď¸
I havenât posted here in a while but I just wanted to ask a question. While having ocd is it normal to have days when you donât feel like talking to anyone even if you wanted to? I have felt this for a while and I canât figure out why do I feel like that. Usually Iâm a very talkative person and even when I donât feel like talking to anyone I always talk to my boyfriend but now even talking to him feels like a burden and I just donât understand why. This situation has also made my intrusive thoughts even worse:( Idk what to do and what to feel like, Iâm feeling kind of empty and emotionless. I was diagnosed with ocd some months ago so Iâm kind of new to all this stuff and thatâs why Iâm asking. I donât want to ask questions in a compulsive way and I try very hard to avoid it if that makes any sense. I would be very grateful if someone could answer me:)
I flirted back to my friends bf one time. Maybe this is a confession. The thing is I dont judge myself, but I do feel judged by them. OCD got its grips in me this week. Convinced im the worst person in the world for these crimes. Can't read any of the messages she sent me after calling so many times. He is messaging me too and I cant read it. Its been a week. I dont know what to do. She has his Instagram and phone and was calling me from his phone and his ig too. Part of me wants to block them all to stop the harassment, part of me wants to defend myself, part of me wants to tell her the truth that I dont gaf about him and he was coming onto me not the other way around. But she would never believe it anyway.
agh .. okay .. iâm so so embarrassed to post this, iâm literally crying .. but i need some help and advice. or maybe just a place to vent. i donât know yet. so .. i was hanging out with three of my cousins today, and a few friends. one of my cousins was driving us around, and it was a pretty long drive, and we all just chatted, had fun, you know, normal teenager shit. but i couldnât help but shift my focus onto certain things about my cousin driving â âwow, heâs going so fast, heâs so cool,â âi like the way his hands are gripping the wheel. wow his hands. hands hands handsâ âhis happy trail looks niceâ (we went swimming) âi feel jealous of his girlfriendâ and all sorts of things. i just feel. so awful. i donât want these thoughts at all, and i feel just horrible. my ocd mixed with hypersexuality from trauma is just not helping at all, and i just want to get rid of these thoughts. i feel so disgusted with myself, and iâm scared that even though intrusive thoughts are normal, maybe mine are too far and iâm just âunfixableâ or âbroken.â any advice on what i could do? :( edit: i would like to add that weâre not even blood cousins, since weâre ârelatedâ through my step dad, which makes these thoughts worse and makes my head go, âoh, well, itâs okay!!â aghh. so frustrating :(
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