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I’m having an intense bout of relationship OCD right now and the rumination is too extreme. I would normally call someone but everyone’s asleep. Anyone got any advice or distractions right now?

I’m struggling with so much confusion and stress right now and I’m losing my mind over a relationship. Idk if I have ROCD or not at this point, I just can’t stop obsessing over the awkward or weird things my partner says or does, he’s just a generally weird person sometimes and idk how to explain it in words but it’s off putting and an “ick” at times but he is so great and I don’t know what to do or how to get rid of these thoughts and feelings and idek if it’s ROCD because these thoughts and feelings aren’t all fake, they are based on underlying fact because it is true he’s weird and odd and awkward at times. but I don’t want to keep feeling this anxiety and confusion over whether these thoughts mean I should leave or not. Every time I have these feelings of ick I feel the urgent need to decide whether those feelings are inherently wrong and if I should leave. And I can’t tell if I want the bad thoughts and feelings to stop or if I want the “ick” behaviour to stop. I don’t know what I feel anymore. Is it bad if I want to “ick” behaviour to stop? Ughhhhhhh I’m losing my mind right now. I’ve cried so much this month. I’m losing it.

(Very triggering rant) If you’ve read a previous post of mine, my partner and I have been invited on a weekend long trip by his coworker. It’s to a comic convention, which I’ve dreamed about attending with my bf for many years now. Here’s the issue: It’s in a crime-ridden city, it’s over a duration of days, and..Well, it’s with my boyfriend. My family is painfully strict. Last year, I asked my family if my bf could visit me at my college for my last formal. I had intense paranoia leading up to asking, and my therapist had reassured me that my fears were senseless. And yet, my intrusive thoughts came true. My parents were so upset that I would even consider such a “dirty,” impure thing as inviting my bf to stay at a DIFFERENT DORM over multiple days, and to attend a dance with me. My dad insisted to me that “no man or women can ever resist temptation” (his words not mine), and concluded that I’ve clearly been sleeping around (I’m a virgin) and will get pregnant and ruin my life if he visits. After contending them on these insane accusations, I had my spending money taken away. When I asked for certain information so I could get a job to make money, I was screamed at and they refused (I wasn’t allowed to get a job until I graduated college). Eventually, it culminated in my parents threatening to disown me for “choosing to betray the family” (their words, not mine), including preventing me from contacting my sisters. They told me they were ashamed of me, that I had become God-less because of my boyfriend, that I’m not even the same person. I was silent from shock. My parents did not like that. And so they lied to my sisters and told them that I was willing to give them up for my bf, which I never said. That one action drove me over the edge. I gave in. Immediately my parents were all loving and sweet. That sudden shift was terrifying. It reminded me of television, it was that unsettling. Now, a year later, I want to ask to go to this event, but I’m TERRIFIED. Not of them saying no (because I figure they will say no), but of what could happen if I EVEN ASKED. My boyfriend wants me to stand up to my parents and ask, but I think it’s a horrible idea. I don’t think my boyfriend quite understands what I went through last year. It was TRAUMATIZING. My family pretends last year didn’t exist. They haven’t brought it up since. But bringing this new trip up, well, that could unearth everything. I’m terrified.

At this point I am so confused and unsure if I have ROCD, I’m not seeing much of anything that sounds similar to what I am dealing with and would like some clarity. My issue isn’t so much “I’m so in love, but doubt it”, it’s not so much thoughts of “what if I secretly don’t like him”, it’s that I love a lot of things about this person, but get “put off” or “not attracted” feelings from different behaviors of his, to the point it feels like I’m dealing with a different person, like a kaleidoscope. In these moments it feels like my emotions and feelings are constantly changing. I can’t tell if my OCD is nitpicking his every gesture, mannerism, hobby, and interest, or if his personality just doesn’t resonate with mine. And I don’t want to be so obsessed or anxious over these feelings or being convinced I urgently need to figure out if these feelings are bad or if they mean I should leave or if I can handle those off putting things for the rest of my life. I’m so confused and lost

Hello I’m going crazy, literally. So I have a boyfriend that I love so so much, he’s my everything and I would anything to live all my life with him. However, my rocd isnt helping :( this is my first year in college, and I’m getting way too much male attention, and I really don’t know how to react to it never really got any attention like this when I was younger. Every time a guy hit on me or is even nice to me, my mind tells me yeah you’re in love with him! I hate it so much my boyfriend is the only guy that I would ever love, I just don’t know how to make the thoughts stop😭If you have any advice please help! Am I the only one?

i just downloaded this app. recently ocd has been absolutely exhausting. I have really bad issues with feeling body symmetry and needing to feel like my body is even; if that makes sense. Intrusive thoughts have become louder and are affecting my relationships, i feel like a burden. i’m hoping to find some support and sense of community here as i try and learn to better manage.

I can't seem to stop ruminating on my fiances past experiences and sexual encounters. We get married in 24 days and I'm sick to my stomach daily thinking about her past and the possibility of us not working out and me being abandoned again like I always am. I have done bad things in going through my spouses phone and deleting and blocking people from her past and I'm not even entirely sure she knows I've done that. I have brought up things in her phone that I have found that bother me and when I do she gets very angry. But my OCD won't allow me to not keep digging to find the reason why I am not enough for her like I haven't been for everyone else in my life. Seeing her talk about past sexual partners in private conversations has killed my soul because I can't compare or compete with those people on that plane. Feel like I'm drowning and losing the only important things in my life due to this sickness.

This hurts. So. Bad. I’ve been sobbing the entire day. I’m so done. I have an exam tomorrow that I need to study for but I can’t focus on anything else rn. Heartbreak + OCD is one of the worst feelings ever.

I love my partner and I can tell she's not a hateful human being. It seems clear to me though that she has mainly interacted with white people in her life and I think she's got white fragility. The other day she was telling me something that her friend was saying about me and prefaced it with, "Please don't think this is racist", but I was offended by what her friend said. I take a lot of issue with the phrase "please don't think this is racist" from a white person, even if it is my partner. As a person of color I feel like I have the right to decide if smthing said about me in the lack of my presence is racist or not. I get fired up and angry thinking about it, but I wish I could let it go. Ive just felt so invisible as an Asian American for much of my life. I've never been good at spending time with people I don't agree with. I just can't stop thinking about it over and over. I'm not sure what to do.

Hey everyone, my mum gifted me a birth chart reading as a birthday present. I don’t necessarily believe in astrology but its fun to hear, yk? So today I went and got my birth chart analyzed and and she said something that really triggered me. Most of the things she said were true, some things even were realllyyy specific and true. So in the last 10 Minutes she wanted to explain what Lilith meant in my chart. She listet a few things and one of them was „accept your homosexuality/transsexualitiy“ and now I am very scared. I’ve been dealing with soocd and Rocd for the last 3 1/2 years and lately Ive been doing quite good. But that phrase shook something in me :,) Does anyone have an idea on how I can deal with this feeling. I know astrology does not necessarily need to be true or 100% true and she also said things that didn’t apply to me but I am so scared. How can I deal rn..?

Struggling with ROCD lately and it’s really getting to me. I know I love my partner deeply, but these intrusive thoughts just won’t let up. It’s like this constant battle between my heart and my mind, and it’s exhausting. Does anyone else experience this? Feeling like you need to do something to ease the uneasiness, even though you know deep down you’re with the right person? It’s like walking on a tightrope of happiness and doubt.

hi. relationships are really hard for me. the intrusive thoughts while we are just hugging and like showing affection r bad. it almost ruins the entire feeling for me. i started to have doubts while we were cuddling and think abt what if im not in love with him and im using him. i love him very much and id never wanna do anything to hurt him. hes very sweet to me and i try my best to show that i love him too but my thoughts keep telling me im not in love with him i need to leave because im gonna end up cheating on him or telling me that i already did and telling me im leading him on and playing him when none of this is happening or true. i actually cried a little bit while cuddling with him because of this. i dont want to ruin the relationship its fr interfering and i hate it :(

How am I supposed to know if my thoughts and feelings are real and I should take them as a serious sign that I’m losing feelings? I’m so lost and confused and I’m trying to hang on to this relationship but what if I’m lying to myself and blinding myself to the truth I don’t want to hear. I’m so confused by all these overly critical and negative thoughts about my partner. I wish they would all go away, but there are also some things that genuinely bug me and I don’t know what to do about that. It’s nothing inherently bad, I think he’s just weird sometimes in different ways and I don’t want that to get to stop me from making this work. I’m so just mentally exhausted and I feel defeated.

I took the leap and finally started therapy... I say "finally" even though my current bout only developed about a month ago now. But it's felt like such a long rough journey. Scared but hopeful. My whole life has changed so much in such a short amount of time. Sometimes I curse myself for the decisions I've made that caused my socd/hocd to develop in the first place but it's had some good outcomes. I've talked to my mom about my personal issues that I felt like I could never bring up to her and she's done the same.

I think my relationship is kind of abusive. My boyfriend says some really awful things to me and treats me badly a lot but OCD is telling me like what if its my fault. what if im the one creating all the problems. what if im too sensitive. and at this point im so confused idk what's real.

I’ve been fortunate enough to have experienced a lot of recovery due to ERP but I’m often triggered to the point of relapsing anytime I date someone new. I feel like many of my friends talk about how noncommittal and casual the dating culture is but for me it’s more than an annoyance— it causes me to spiral. I don’t know how to actively date in this age where so much is grey and avoid rumination, checking, and other compulsions I struggle with. it’s so hard and I just wanted to know anyone else’s experiences?

I’ve had this problem for a few months I question if I actually believe myself, it could be something small like my fav color or if I really love someone. If I think I like something my brain automatically goes to “you only like it because you think people want you to like it” even if I’m saying that I like something in my head and no one would ever know, it’s just small things throughout my day like that; that have me questioning who I am and if I even know anything about myself. I don’t know if this is related to ocd and would like to know if anyone has experienced this.

I've been becoming my worst self lately and my brain keeps telling me "leave, it's what is right and you know it. You're being unfair to your bf". My bf says that i am not being unfair but all this constant talk about whether we should break up or not started to annoy him. He says decision is up to you, this isn't about me. He says we could take a break but i don't know if a break will fix me. It's like deep down i know we have to break up but there is no issue for us break up. Like everything is normal. It's just me. I don't know how to stay apart from him but is it cuz i love him or i am scared to be lonely now. Leaving sounds hard. I don't want to but in my brain "i need to". It doesn't go away. One second i am sure we gotta break up and i decide that i am gonna do it but i decide to sit and wait it out then it passes. And next minute we are making plans for our next date. Then 1 hour passes and i am thinking about breaking up again. This doesn't feel like ROCD i dont know what it is. Or is it part of ROCD where i drive us to the end trying to get relief. I don't know what i want and need. Is it him? Do i wanna keep choosing him? If there is no "the one" and we pick someone and love them. How do i know if i wanna choose him like. There is so much sadness and confusion and pain. I wanna stop trying to decide about a break up. I feel so much pressure caused by me to decide. Nobody is going around trying to decide if they should break up with their partner 7/24. Im afraid i am the exception in ROCD. It started off as ROCD but now it's a no escape reality. Although there is no "no escape" situation. In my brain i feel like there is so much history and we're doomed and only way to solve it is to break up. But there is no issue?????

I used to be terrified of driving. I’d get a pit in my stomach telling me I would die or cause a terrible accident. It was very visual. Almost close to panic/or sometimes even panicking. And normally connected to my husband dying. With ERP, I learned to do it anyway and I learned to tap into the motivation to drive (see family, be independent). I live in a city where I normally take public transport but this week I was visiting a place where I had to drive. This week, I drove without my “safe person” in an unfamiliar place on huge highways and I was absolutely fine. I was bored, yes. I was annoyed at times, yes. But by the end of my trip here, I realized driving can actually even be pleasant. I absolutely prefer public transport for a whole host of reasons but I know I can drive even while feeling uncomfortable. The intrusive visual images and pit in the stomach feelings almost feel like old memories than present day intrusive thoughts. Is that the point of ERP? To get comfortable with these intrusions to the point that they don’t bother us? Don’t get me wrong, I have another trip coming up where I will be doing a lot of driving and ocd has latched onto that. But it’s less intense. I’m more comfortable with those feelings of anxiety. I can recognize that the images my brain gives me are just images, not reality. I can choose the narrative.

Hi all, I’ve hit a low point in my life and I have no backup. Let me explain: Last December 2022, I graduated with my stupid PhD. Since then, I lost all my friends and family support system (except mom). Mom is the only one who listens to me, and I feel bad because I think it’s just the whole unconditional love thing. My friends cut ties with me because I wasn’t actively pursuing a machine learning career. Because ultimately, my PhD research proved to be completely useless and I did not focus on machine learning. It’s just not interesting to me, no matter how hard I try to make it work. Instead, I’m teaching which I like but not earning much money. My “friends” didn’t like it and instead asked me if I expected to do teaching my whole life like it was a bad thing. They were also critical of me on previous occasions, saying I’ll never find a girlfriend because I’m fat and overweight and short/ugly. And whenever we hung out, it was always doing the things that they wanted. So ultimately, I cut ties with them. They also did not attend my graduation or wished me a happy birthday… My brother also cut off ties with me, because I had a moment of anger when he started suggesting that I hit the gym and go on the whole self-improvement thing, which embraces stoicism. That I guess was the last straw that broke the camels back for him, so he completely cut me off. Then started getting angry and throwing things. And all because I had an OCD attack where I just couldn’t process all the information. I was quick to get triggered and raged at him, without thinking it through. Now I completely regret this, as I see how terrible I am. My dad also seems to be distancing himself from me, spending more time with my brother. Well, there you have it. Only mom talks to me, and she’s all I have now. And even she gets tired of my issues. She said that I should refrain from trying to make new friends, because I’m such an emotional wreck right now. But at the same time, I just see it nearly impossible to get through this time without good support. It’s me vs the entire world… And yes, I have a fair share of narcissistic tendencies, I am self aware of this but for some that same reason, I struggle to find a good therapist to treat NPD.