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I need some help, my intrusive thoughts and counting compulsions have been very present during seggs with my boyfriend. Does anyone know how to deal with this?

Hi everyone, this post is more specifically for people who menstruate and might be able to relate… I got my nexplanon implant removed from my arm about 5 weeks ago. It triggered a complete emotional mental breakdown that lasted for about a week. It was the most mentally and physically debilitating week of my LIFE. I’m now medicated and in therapy with NOCD and hoping things will get better and I can have a better and fulfilling future. I’m also back on birth control (the mini pill, progestin only just like the Nexplanon). Has anyone else noticed that their ROCD is worse when they’re on their period or just with hormonal changes in general? Maybe because I’m hormonal everything is irritating and I overthink that until it’s an ROCD spiral? If anyone else has experienced this I’d love to hear about it and what might have helped you!

I’ve noticed I tend to get sucked into (gradually like quicksand) ROCD thoughts, feelings and tendencies after arguments with my fiancé. Things could be great with him for weeks/months and then we might have an argument. The anxiety post argument tends to linger and I find myself beginning to spiral. Some times the spiral is worse than others and can go on for a couple weeks before I find equilibrium and peace of mind again. Can ROCD flare up after an argument(s)? Is that one of the things that triggers the ROCD? Can someone relate and share about your experience? Or confirm this happens? Thanks in advance!

when im on no contact w my ex i feel broken apart and miss him so much but i liked the feeling of trying to move on and seeing if i could finally be w someone else but i literally couldnt do it and realized i couldnt move on from him and now i feel guilty for even having the feeling of wanting to be w anyone else so we got back tg but when im w him i have a million intrusive thoughts abt finding other guys attractive and other crushes etc and i cant tell if theyre just thoughts or if theyre genuine feelings because they feel super real and ive always had a problem for months now of finding other guys attractive / wanting attention from other guys even tho i never wanted to feel that way and thats why we had broken up but now im stressed bcs i only want to like and love him and only find him attractive but sometimes ppl say things like hes the most attractive guy which i used to believe and then after all these thoughts i disagree in my head even tho i dont want to cuz i know hes attractive and i want to feel that hes the most attractive in my eyes but its hard with a million things and feelings running around in my head

hey guys. me & my gf recently found out that she might have bipolar disorder. we can to this conclusion bc she does have on & off states of happy & sad , i know thats very difficult for her. but honestly i am fearful that with my ocd, can we even handle eachother? a while ago, my anxiety used to flare up during her episodes (they don’t anymore, now that ik that she doesn’t mean to be upset with me most of the time) All im saying is that this is a tricky situation.. what if my ocd is flaring while shes in the middle of an episode? how can we comfort eachother? what if she doesn’t know she to comfort me anymore? idk.. i have this gut feeling that im hopeful for the future, but i just cant shake this doubt. & now im scared to have kids omg

i feel like i’ve been losing feelings for my girlfriend even though i love her very much deep down the only sign that this might be ocd is that i gain feelings in the morning, lose them during the day and gain them back in the evening what does this mean

ROCD is such a curse. I just want to be able to be held by him and feel love again without doubt. I want to be able to look at him and not be overcome with anxiety. I want to be able to be kind to him, to not constantly focus on his flaws and be distant and critical. I love him and it hurts that I feel this way. it's just been so hard today. Hopefully tomorrow is better.

I’m currently really struggling right now and I’m not sure how to feel. The past 2 weeks my marriage has been awful, for so long I’ve always brainwashed myself into thinking everything is fine. But it’s not. My marriage is toxic. We fight horribly very often and I hate that because we have a 2year old. I’m constantly worried that this toxic cycle is going to affect our little one. Sadly I’m the only one that thinks about this. My husband never tries to get a therapist, he constantly says that’s I just need to learn how take his behavior in, he threatens to call my family and “expose” me everytime we fight, he uses my trauma against me when we fight, he constantly wants to isolate me from all family members which is extremely depressing for me. I know my family has some narcissistic tendencies but since I work with a therapist I’ve learned how to not let their tendencies affect me… I already lost my dad almost 2 years ago, so it doesn’t help that I have a husband who always encourages that I cut off my family members. What irks me the most is how cocky he is. I love that he’s confident but I hate how he uses it in a way where he thinks I’ll never find anyone better than him… and he treats me as if I find him extremely attractive when I unfortunately don’t anymore… that attitude has been a major turn off for me. I’ve also made it very clear to him that I want to be single, I’ve been saying this for months. I told him I’m tired of our toxic cycles and I see how it’s effecting my mental & physical health. For my own sake I want to see what my life is like without him. What upsets me is how much he tries to treat me as if we’re all good, like we’re a happy couple. And the moment I open my mouth everything crumbles… but why? All because I’m reminding him how I truly feel? I’m tired of these games of fighting like crazy and then playing love dovey after. It’s messing with me. Since things have gotten progressively worse I find myself longing for a previous partner of mine. Someone that treated me so well and nothing compared to what I’m going through now. My husband knows my ex and I had a conversation together not long ago, nothing flirtatious at all. Just a little catch up as we haven’t spoken in years, he’s very close with my family so we were bound to talk again one day. The not so great part and this may sound ridiculous but I feel like I could tell that he missed me. Almost like he was still waiting for me. I started to feel very impulsive , like I needed to be with him immediately! Because why not ? I’m so tired of being unhappy it’s making me dread my current marriage more and more. My heart just wants to be happy again. I want to be with someone who respects me, who treats me well, someone who can be there for me… I don’t get that. I feel like it makes sense for me to long for someone else. 😞 But at the end of the day I try to remind myself that I’m feeling many emotions right now and that my ocd is trying to make me make decisions asap. But I know that’s the wrong thing to do, especially when feeling very impulsive. I’m also trying to let my feelings subside over my ex.. because truthfully I don’t know how things would be if I were with him, I don’t know him that deeply anymore, it’s been so long. And lastly before going into any relationship, I feel as if I need to work on loving myself first. It’s hard.

so i haven’t been dealing with false memories or real event odc for a whole now but i literally just woke up from a terrible triggering nightmare at first i was ok and relieved when i woke up but now doubt is setting in and the part is in the dream i think the person is made up. but i have doubts i think i got this dream because i was thinking about kissing my partner right before i fell asleep and yesterday i was looking for a video of my little cousin and i had an intrusive “what if” but i was able to brush it off. so it may be that all i know is that i keep getting flashbacks and i hate it it’s disgusting and i hope its not true. and i don’t think i could accept it if that is the truth its just so wrong

Bombs have been a big fear of mine for a loooong time. Tonight i was laying in bed and heard some beeping. Normally i know the source of every noise in my house because as a kid i would investigate every sound, ive never heard beeping. I got pretty scared and braced myself for impact but a couple seconds alter nothing happened. Then i went to the bathroom and i heard it again. I froze up and then my brain very quickly urged me to text my ex girlfriend that i love her before i die and go into my moms room. I grabbed my phone and went into my moms room. Turns out the beeping was from the tv show she was watching. 🤦‍♂️ while it was pretty scary its kind of laughable now. I could’ve just wildly changed my whole life because of a couple beeps.

I find myself in an incredibly difficult and distressing situation, and I desperately need your help and guidance. The contamination and health concerns related to my OCD have taken an almost complete hold over my life. What's worse, my husband has been manipulating me for years, exacerbating my OCD and causing immense emotional pain. It started gradually, with him making hurtful remarks, seemingly incapable of finding happiness when I was happy. As my OCD worsened, his behavior became more extreme. He took my beloved dog to the basement, claiming it was a threat to me. However, he didn't stop there. He started using derogatory and offensive names for my dog, such as "satan dog" and "fucking dog." Every day, he expresses his hatred towards my dog, saying he hates dogs. This relentless emotional abuse has only served to worsen my OCD. In addition to the emotional torment, I have endured several traumatic experiences, including three painful miscarriages, constant fights with my husband, prolonged separation from my family for seven years, a pervasive feeling of unsafety, and the isolation imposed by the COVID-19 pandemic. Rather than supporting me through these challenges, my husband has made it his mission to make me feel worse. He frequently works long hours, leaving me alone for at least 12 hours each day, with no relatives or friends to turn to for support. To add to my distress, my husband has bombarded me with distressing news and videos, particularly those depicting plane disasters. Consequently, I have developed an intense fear of boarding planes, which hinders any possibility of being reunited with my family. This fear has also spilled over into other aspects of my life, making it impossible for me to go out or even open items from the grocery store due to obsessive thoughts about contamination. What concerns me even more is the mistreatment of my dog. My husband has locked him in a small transport box, leaving him in darkness throughout the day. He keeps the key with him and has purposely created obstacles, such as leaving trash and disgusting items, to prevent me from accessing my dog. Yesterday, he even threatened to kill my dog, a threat he has made multiple times before. I have pleaded with him to give my dog away to someone who will care for him, but he adamantly refuses. He has also made disturbing comments about getting rid of his cokatiel. The constant fear of harm to my beloved pets and to myself and my baby is consuming me. In my desperation, I suggested divorce as a way to escape this torment. I promised not to ask for anything but to leave with my baby, as my husband shows no interest in our child and often ignores us. His indifference and disconnection have become glaringly apparent. Although he claims he would never hurt us, his demonstrated intent to harm innocent lives — our pets — leaves me doubting his words. If he is capable of such cruelty, I fear he could easily harm us as well. He seems bored and annoyed by our presence. Adding to my distress, I feel trapped and unable to seek help from authorities due to his threats. He has warned me that if I reach out for help, he will manipulate the custody of our baby, blaming it all on my mental health struggles. Furthermore, my lack of citizenship complicates matters, making it even more challenging to find a way out. I have tried to confide in my family, but they refuse to listen, believing my husband to be a good person. I desperately long to return to my home country, but the distance of over 11,000 km makes it seem impossible. If my pets are harmed, I fear I will never be able to regain a sense of normalcy. My husband consistently blames me for everything, compounding my heartbreak and leaving me shattered. I implore you, the members of this forum, to offer any advice, support, or resources that could help me escape this abusive situation. Your guidance and assistance in finding a way to safety would mean the world to me. I feel utterly brokenhearted and in dire need of your help. Thank you for taking the time to read my plea. I eagerly await your responses and appreciate any assistance you can provide.

Hello everyone - for the first time in a long time, I decided to reopen this app. I remember this time last year I was desperately scrolling through the comments section, hoping to find a positive story. I had a debilitating breakdown last year that left me unable to work, leaving London and living with mum. Everything that made perfect sense to me suddenly stopped making sense, including my loving relationship with my boyfriend. I spent weeks having panic attacks, and then months in a deep depression until finally, I started to experience happiness again. It terrified me that my brain could work like that, but it did and I’m slowly beginning to accept this fact. Now, a year on and after ERP therapy, I can safely say that I’m in a much better place. In fact, my boyfriend and I are just fine and now living together happily. The whole experience has made me realise just how much he means to me. No feeling is final. OCD can make you think that your life is over, that you’ll always feel a certain way and that you’ll never get better - but you can. There’ll be good days and bad days, but you’ll find peace again. Dx

How can you know if you are really attracted to someone?

Does anyone else make a list of things that they have been told during arguments, or offhandedly, that upset them or just pops up during rumination? The lists also usually include, for me anyway, things like "don't do x, don't do y, make sure not to say z, you always (something someone said)" and I look at them any time I have confrontation with the person or experience a stressor that includes the person. Sometimes just when I am obsessing about a conversation that I had, or might have. I just can't help it, I want to make sure I don't mess up. I want to do everything I can to not be what my brain decides is Bad.

Here I am again after almost a year of thinking I was doing better but recently slumping back. Does anyone else constantly think of an event or mistake you made in the past and can’t let it go? I told my husband forever ago and he just wants me to let it go. He doesn’t understand why I’m so upset. But to me it’s like it’s the worst thing imaginable and that I’ve ruined his trust in me and I keep feeling like I should bring it up and there’s things I’m not telling him even though I have literally told him everything. Please help.

So I’m new to OCD still, very much in my ocd infancy as I was diagnosed in October and am still learning what is and isn’t ocd. My ROCD is still my worst by far and I’m scared I’m getting too comfortable with these thoughts and that I’m starting to mean them. My compulsion when I have the thought of hating my girlfriend is to test how I feel when I say that I love her and how I feel when I say that I hate her. The problem right now is that I can’t stop thinking about doing it so I can know that I love her, because the thoughts are here and they are violent right now. And what’s scary is that I’m not actively challenging them. Like when my brain says I want to break up it doesn’t feel necessarily bad. I’m also scared because I’ve been in a depressive state that I can’t tell what emotions are mine or not. Like today we went on a date. Every time she smiles I smile, I laugh with her and I listen to her, but there’s some emptiness there. I’ve felt that for pretty much everything recently though so I think it’s a general depression and not being around her. God I hope that’s true I don’t want to lose her. Again I’m having trouble determining what is a compulsion or not. Because on one end I know me testing it is, but I’m scared that me saying I love you to her even when I don’t 100% feel it right then (she genuinely has done nothing wrong and is nothing but supportive and wonderful) is a compulsion, or that the thoughts I have where I’m thinking of spending the rest of my life with her are obsessive/compulsive and that it’s not real. I’ve posted a lot about my ROCD here but I know I’m around people that understand. OCD is so fucked up and I wish I didn’t have it and that I could just be in a happy normal relationship. We compliment each other so well and it doesn’t make sense why I feel this way when I left my ex for her, she is the light of my life and she treats me with so much love and respect so why am I scared of being unhappy, why do I think I’m unhappy? It doesn’t make any sense. My guess is that I’m generally unhappy and my brain wants to make sense of why and is blaming her. I can think of a lot of reasons why I’m unhappy. Im burnt out frankly. Im so behind on schoolwork and I’ve had a lot of body dysmorphia recently and I can’t tell if I’m trans or if I’m just tired of being fat. I think also having the intrusive thought of needing a trans partner is also TOCD which I tho j I do have to some capacity, however I have had feelings of wanting to be a woman since I was a kid so I’m not doubting those feelings. I get scared when I feel numb to everything and everyone because that means I could break up with her and I don’t want to. I don’t want to lose her. Im not saying I would never find anyone again but I don’t know if they’d be as great as her. Sorry this was long I’m just really struggling.

(18+ only) How do you cope with that feeling of not being deserving of good things? This event is from when I was 18-19 (I don't remember the exact age, I think 18). I was scrolling on tumblr reading NSFW anime comics and looking back one of them had underage characters. I dont know how I didn't realize because it was super obvious, they didn't even look like adults or teens but I didn't think twice about it because I wasn't seeking out underage stuff and it had lots of likes so I just read it and kept going not thinking twice about it. I mustve thought it was the art style or something, I have no clue how I didn't realize or register what i was readinf. I also think I have a false memory of saving a repost of it to my drafts. I'm pretty sure I only read it once and then scrolled on, but my OCD is telling me I saved it. I keep looking back feeling like I did something incredibly unforgivable. I dont know the legality of it either and I feel like a secret criminal. I don't know if my OCD is blowing this out of proportion but I don't feel like it is. Even if it was years ago, I still feel like I dont deserve good things, I feel like I can't be in relationships because they don't know the 'real' me. I feel like people lie when they say I deserve kindness. I'm nervous to tell my therapist too, I don't want to be judged. Idk.

No, not every behavior my bf does means he’s cheating. Just stop telling me that. Him having friends that are women does not mean he’s cheating. Me having male friends doesn’t mean I’m cheating. Please stop trying to make young girls compare their relationships to YOU (even though the influencer making these videos is SINgle most of the time). It’s damaging, and you enjoy the validation of making other women insecure. 🤦‍♀️

I constantly worry that no one likes me. Did grow up as the scapegoat but my parent passed away 7 yrs ago and now I have been in therapy as well as my mom but my other two siblings refuse therapy. So there has been some healing between me and my mom which I’m happy about! But I’ve also been scapegoated in friend groups mainly bc there will be one jealous friend and then they try to get everyone to go against me. Anyway I have met a few friends here and there that have really impacted my life in a positive way. However, I can’t help but ruminate on how “everyone doesn’t like me” and then I go down a rabbit hole of searching on tik tok, google and Reddit trying to find some magical answer as to what is “wrong with me” and why I have issues with people even some family and yet there is no answer except that people just project their negative feelings onto me, and many other people have experienced that as well. But yet I still keep feeling like there’s something innately wrong with me. Even my therapists validates my experience and has taught me boundaries and explains how I’m not the problem yet I still loop with this thought. I also think this is linked to another ocd thought because I always tell myself I need to hurry up and prove to myself that my siblings can get healthy and I can fix the family dynamic issues and then find a perfect group of friends so I will be “happy” and then I won’t supposedly suffer and want to d*e. By the way I am not suicidal so thats why it’s kind of like an irrational thought. I did have suicidal OCD though but would never do that. So idk? What is this?

Me and my online boyfriend have been broken up for a week because our mental health wasn't going great and we need to focus on our health first. After countless of stress and overthinking of many doubts and waiting for him, I am having many many many unwanted thoughts of a past ex and I have many worries all at once. self harming (hitting my head) is usually what I do to punish or correct my mind for even thinking such thing like ex from 9th grade. But I feel like after hitting my head so much, it made it more worse? TikTok and other social stuff is not helping me rn after seeing "soul ties" of ex's, relationships or mercury retrograde and it worsens. It makes me anxiety more worse. I don't know what to do and I'm more terrified than ever. All I wanted to do is wait for my online bf and believe in the good possibilities and hopes between us especially hope that we would reconcile when we are ready. As you know I really love this online boy and would never cheat or hurt him. Idc if we are apart I will wait for him and still be there for him yk. But my thoughts are so messed up and it's bringing like a feeling or werid emotion :( like a rushy feeling of unwanted excitement I suppose. I'm literally stuck. I'm stuck with these thoughts and I don't know what to do.