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my ocd abt losing feelings for my bf is so bad its been so bad the last like 2 weeks i just have this off feeling constantly because of it i just wanna feel normal what can i do to just shake it off please help

Hey yall. Some back story: I have had OCD since I was a young child. It manifests as compulsive behaviors, a LOT of intrusive thoughts, relationship ocd, harm ocd, and contamination ocd. I also have PTSD due to having been abused and neglected (I nearly died of scarlet fever as a child). On the first day of 2020, shortly after becoming a single mom, after a year of complaining of constant, heavy periods, bloating, hair loss, exhaustion, and abdominal pain, it was discovered that my uterus was bound to my bowel and kidneys- a complication from having two back to back emergency c sections. I had a complex vertical abdominal hysterectomy in the height of the pandemic and over 15 pounds of scar tissue were removed from my abdomen. After 4 years of recovery, I've been feeling the healthiest, happiest, and most attractive I've ever felt. I was in a bad car accident three weeks ago, after which they discovered a mass on my one remaining ovary. Today, I learned that the mass is 10cm (the size of a grapefruit) and that, if it doesn't shrink in 3 weeks, I will need another abdominal surgery to remove it, along with my one remaining ovary. They mentioned that part of the reason for possibly removing the mass is to rule out ovarian cancer. I am ok right now. But I know that the intrusive thoughts are about to be bad. My fears of being abandoned and or undesirable to my partner, having serious health problems that prevent me from enjoying my life, and having health problems that hurt my children have something to latch on to. Please send me advice, reassurance, kind thoughts, advice on how to remain positive, or whatever you have that may help.

People make it sound like with partner focused ROCD, the flaws you obsess about aren’t actually real or legitimate, they’re just in your head, but is it also normal to focus on flaws that do actually exist? Like recently I’ve been super obsessed over my bf’s occasionally whiny voice, whether he means it to be whiny or not. And it’s a real thing that I have physically witnessed, it’s not just in my head, and I can’t stop obsessing over it. It feels harder to try and get over when I know it’s a real thing, not just something I’m making up. I keep wanting to not feel this way but I’m worried it will never happen because the things I’m obsessing about aren’t always in my head, they’re physically being played out in front of me, and I can’t make that change. I’m scared.

It’s all getting to me, all of it. Knowing he’s with her and knowing I was lied to. Knowing I wasted a year of my life loving someone who ultimately was using me, seeing her getting everything I asked for or wanted from him, even the small things like time and effort, he’s doing it all with her. And I’m left here feeling horrendous, like I can’t move on, like my heart will forever be broken. He’s not even worth this effort, I’m so over him, but I’m just not over the situation. The feelings and the torment. I feel sick every day from stress and anxiety, my body hurts I’m in such a bad place but I’m trying to make it good, trying to be better. All I want is for this pain to go away, I don’t care what they are doing, I don’t care about them anymore I just don’t wanna see it! But me and her ex are starting to become friends and he’s telling me all this horrible stuff that she’s still doing, cheating on my ex and slagging him off to her ex, asking her ex to come over and everything. Sneaking around behind his back and it sucks to know such a horrible person gets all the good things while I’m here feelings deathly and wondering why I’m not good enough, why I wasn’t pretty enough, fun enough, loving enough, I tried so hard to show him I cared and I got nothing in return, I feels used and replaced. I don’t know how to stop these constant feeling and thoughts, it’s causing my great physical pain now to the point I have to go to the doctors as my body is in bits because of anxiety. At least I think it’s anxiety, I actually have no idea why I’m throwing up every day 3 times a day. But anyway, I know it’s heartbreak and I know I’ll be okay, but having to see and hear about them is just overwhelming

Ive been really sad lately because i am afraid my bf doesn't care about me. He said he loved me for the first time yesterday. But today i am scared he is lying to me. I got a trigger today another guy texted me something weird and i sent him the text and was hoping he would be protective. But he just said that guy might have been the one who smashed his car window. And was t really acting protective at all and so now i am scared that means this is all a huge lie. I am so sad. All the time. I can't tell if he really cares and i feel like i should know. When we are lying in bed he never comes to my side to cuddle i always go to him. I know i shouldn't ask for reassurance but i need help, if someone can help me feel some relief somehow...i feel so sad and scared all the time my biggest fear is if someone is lying to me about how they feel

my rocd changed back to ex theme (which freaking sucks) so in the beginning of my relationship my fiancé didn’t gave me any memories of my exs a lot he looks very different from them but like 2 weeks in I scared believing he was my ex since I was 13-14 and etc. and I thought my ex was getting quote on quote revenge or pay back (I’m was being very delusional) so now us being 1 year and 9 months now I’m getting the same thoughts as before again now I did thought about how sometimes he brings back memories of an ex that I simply don’t want to remember and has moved on from it (even tho my rocd wants to say I haven’t but I did bc I would choose my fiancé over everyone else in the whole world) but now it has gotten so much worse especially since I had a dream about them and him and obviously I choosen my fiancé but I think that’s what really triggered in ep today because on ft he reminded me of them again and I was like wtf and I moved on from it but the intrusive thought keeps on popping up in my head over and over and I even gotten this heart sinking feeling in my chest aswell so I tried to calm down and look at photos of him bc it really calm my nerves but it only gotten worse the photos i saw of him looked a lil like my ex and I will panick and would get this heart sinking feeling in my chest and it won’t go away and the thought of my ex won’t go away even tho it’s makes me so uncomfortable… the only thing that’s similar is literally the hairstyle, and the glasses if far away and maybe the face structure but I never realized that until now when I’m in this ep and manners?? Which was also smt that I never thought was similar until I had this ep and I completely think I’m panicking so much that it’s making it so much worse and I honestly want this to end now. I have no desire to be, to see, to speak, or to even think about this person!!!! NOT TO EVEN DREAM!!!! Even if my rocd says I do miss them or wtv but I truly know I don’t! So please help me and give me some advice I’m so tired of this and I just want to live a happy life with my future husband

I hate this crap, why does this make me feel so numb, I’m scared that it means that I don’t love my girlfriend anymore, even know I know I do, so much in fact, but why does it make me feel like I don’t? Why do I feel absolutely nothing right now? Why do I always feel numb? And only blush at what she says occasionally but more times than not I just feel drained, and my OCD says I need to leave because I don’t love my gf and the feeling nothing is proof, but I don’t want to leave, I don’t want too, I wanted to stay forever I don’t want too, but I’m scared what if I don’t feel something and I’m leading her on? I’m scared, I don’t want to hurt her and I’m scared and I don’t understand my feelings, because I feel absolutely nothing, through some I love yous/youre prettys/etc, but that could be normal. I know it’s not normal to always be flustered at the fact your partner said they love you, I understand it all. I’m just scared it means that I shouldn’t be here

Cause I did find masc lesbians already attractive before. I didnt want to do anything sexually but I liked their appearance because they look like men...but then I read about a girl realizing She didn't want to date a masc lesbian cause She was used to the thought of liking guys and date them and maybe I have the same problem. Cause if I like the way they look and I find them attractive what's stopping me? Just the vagina? It has to be denial.

Can it make you believe you’re in love with someone else (who is not your partner), to the point of mad obsession? While I recognize what false attraction is and that OCD can cause you to fixate on people, this one case has me doubting everything and I’m terrified. I have to hold back my tears constantly especially when my partner shows up, because I love him SO MUCH, to the point I’d lose my mind without him, and I feel like God is torturing me by making me fixate on this other guy, who I barely know and whose face I barely remember. But why does it feel so intense and so real!? I feel like I will never be capable of true love because I have been “programmed” to be unfaithful. And I feel disgusted that I allow myself to be with my loving partner who I know is faithful and true, while I “betray” him in my mind. Someone please help me.

This is going to be a longer post so hats off to the ones who take time to read it, luv you besties 🫶 So I’ve been struggling for the past 6 months or so with what I hope is ROCD, though I don’t know for sure because I’m not diagnosed. I really struggle sometimes because my bf is a little weird, I’m willing to fully admit that. He’s just a little hyper and goofy and different from other guys, which can be really great at times, because he doesn’t take himself so seriously that he isn’t willing to have fun, he’s willing to be open with his emotions, and he isn’t easily uncomfortable or embarrassed, and I’m not like that. I get nit-picky about those behaviours as times, but I just like to rationalize it by calling it his golden retriever energy, which I think is a cute way of looking at it. But he’s also awkward at times, there are times where he does something super weird or cringy or irritating and I can’t stop thinking about it, playing it over in my head, and it bugs me so much, and I try to rationalize it but I can’t. One thing I really struggle with, is his voice. For example, yesterday I hung out with him, and we were talking, and I was about to say something but stopped myself half way through the sentence because it was a secret I didn’t want to give away, and then he started sounding really whiny as he said “you can’t do that” “why won’t you tell me” or something like that. And it wasn’t like angry whiny, it was a little more lighthearted, but I don’t think he was being ironic or jokingly whiny, I think it was genuinely him just sounding whiny, and then all of a sudden mid sentence he cut back to a regular voice. It made the whole thing just sound really cringy and not very masculine, like he was poorly acting, but I know he wasn’t, it was all genuine, just really cringey. And I can’t stop playing it over and over in my head, trying to make sense of it, trying to make myself feel better about the whole situation rather than uncomfortable. I do that with a lot of things that he does tho, even normal things, but I especially have a hard time with his voice and his vocal inflections and idiosyncrasies and the way he sounds in certain situations, literally every little thing. I obsess over whether he sounds/acts masculine enough and normal enough, I keep picking apart every time he sounds whiny, whether he’s actually whining or not, sometimes his voice just sounds whiny because he has a higher pitched voice and he can’t really change it. I pick apart his voice when he laughs about something, or when he sounds excited or happy. I pick apart his voice when he tells stories. I can’t stop, and it makes it super difficult to be present in conversations. Idk if it’s ROCD, because he does genuinely do odd things that make me cringy and bug me from time to time, sometimes even things that are a bit of a turn off, but I think I get so carried away that it becomes way bigger than it needs to be. Is it ok, even if I didn’t have ROCD, to find things that he does weird, cringy, annoying, a turn off, etc? Sometimes it genuinely feels like the “ick” (I hate that term so much). Is it normal, even in regular relationships, to experience this “ick” feeling? Everyone seems to say that when you like someone, nothing they do is weird or cringy to you, you never get the ick, and if you do then it’s times to move on. But I’ve also heard others say that it’s not about them being perfect or not having any Icks at all, it’s about loving them enough to look past the Icks and not focus on the cringy things they do. Is this true? If so, then how can I do this? The other day he told me he loves being with me because he feels like he can genuinely be himself without judgement, but little does he know that all my brain is ever doing is picking him apart and judging everything he says or does, and that’s not fair to him. He is such an amazing person, and he deserves so much better than me.

One of my biggest fears is, having feelings for someone else other than my partner. I don't want to have crushes, i don't want to get attracted, i don't want to love anyone other than my partner. I hate having feelings for anyone else and i hate the idea of this happening. I can't distinguish false attraction and feelings from the real one because my trigger feeling is same as the excitement feeling. I don't care if having crushes, getting attracted is normal. I don't care and i don't want it. I don't even want to normalize it. No matter what i feel, i will choose to love my partner and my partner only. But having these thoughts and feelings are enough to make me feel like i cheated on my partner. I want to stay faithful to my partner. With my actions, but also with my feelings and thoughts. My partner is my everything. And i don't want to hurt him in anyway. I don't want to hurt him in my mind, with my thoughts. Everyone triggers me, especially some specific people. They are my biggest triggers. Making eye contact with them, even being in the same environment with them kills me. It makes me feel like i actually love these people and i have a crush on them, and i stopped loving my partner. I don't want to love anyone other than my partner. I don't want to have crushes. I feel so horrible and disloyal. I don't want these thoughts and feelings. I also feel like i always try to impress people. I feel like I'm the same disgusting person I used to be and I haven't changed at all. I feel like an attention-seeking, disgusting person who talks to everyone, constantly tries to attract attention and impress, and is unfaithful and disgusting. I feel like a wh*re who wants people to chase her. I feel truly disgusting. And i feel like i normalize this. I feel like i actually have a crush or love that person who triggers me and i try to impress them. I feel so horrible and i have so realistic feelings for them. I hope these feelings are all fake. I don't want to develop any single feeling for someone other than my partner. I feel like i actually want them, prefer them. My mind creates scenarios about him and repeats the images about him. Im having a panic attack. And i truly feel like i want to cheat on my partner and this never felt that real before. I feel like a unfaithful whore who keeps secrets from hee partner, wants to cheat, love and lust chaser. Etc. I feel like i don't care about my partner and i don't love him anymore. I feel like i actually love that other person and not my partner, i have SO MANY UNFAİTHFUL and disloyal thoughts and FEELINGS. Im just hoping, and begging to god, i hope these are fake. I feel so disgusting. I feel like i don't even feel guilty, i actually love that person. Idk if im being clear enough, i feel like i can't explain my feelings properly. I need some help, advice or support. What id i love that person? What if i have a crush on them? What if i don't love my partner anymore? What if im not loyal? I choose to stay faithful and not act on these thoughts and feelings. But having these thoughts and feelings are enough to make me a horrible, disloyal person. I feel like i nornalize, enjoy being a disgusting person.

I feel like there’s two versions of me. I feel like there’s an evil version where my OCD wants me to do urges and be bad and prove I am this person and it is so convincing and it feels like me. Then another version of me where I’m like “duh that’s not me”. But I’m terrified the bad version will win. It feels like “I want” to think of these thoughts. I had a moment today where I was like “yeah I would be this person if it wasn’t illegal” and believed it. Then came out of it and was like “no that’s not true”. I also found myself feeling like I wanted to think of a bad sexual thought during sex.

Question for ya’ll… so when you have Sexual OCD & ROCD do you think these thoughts are related to that?? I have this thing where if I somehow don’t try my absolute hardest to (very consistently) concentrate on imagining my partner and I perfectly during intimacy, so then I don’t feel like I’ve gotten off over someone else which I wouldn’t do, but ocd can be very convincing. An also I have accepted in a way that you can’t picture everything perfectly in your head our minds eye/camera is not perfect, there will always be details that are slightly off etc, I never used to worry about these things before ocd. But because I get lots of intrusive images and thoughts that seem to pop up almost all the time it makes it hard because I’m laying there just feeling so sad because all I want to do is picture my boyfriend, I know all I want to do is think about him or him and I, so That’s what is turning me on, but what if I don’t picture him perfectly is that me pictureing someone else then?? What if I think or feel lieonthe image I’m trying to create is of me and my partner but it was actually subconsciously a body part I’ve seen in porn or something in the past, I’m sure this isn’t even possible as my intention is to picture my partner and I? So even if the image is a bit off isn’t the fact it’s the intention to think or picture us so that means it is us in the images? I know this is reassurance idc I don’t come on here all the time anymore I just need some today.

I’m finding it really hard to comfort my long distance boyfriend he’s really low but I’m also feeling so low and I feel really guilty because he says I’m not there for him I’m trying to comfort him I’m getting so angry at myself because I just am finding it so hard to be there for someone when I’m getting sh thoughts Feel guilty and he thinks I’m making it about me Idk what to do I have no one to talk to because I can’t talk to him about it as he’s going through stuff

So I recently got a bf and we were hanging out. And then I had to leave and I think he wanted to kiss) make out and I was like well I have to dip, so I think he said maybe like "it'll be quick/like a quick kiss." or something like that and then I was like "dang I have to get back" (I acc did) and he was like "just one kiss? " and I pecked him on the lip. My ocd is like oh that's sexual assault or coercion. I didn't mind kissing him and didn't feel harassed or anything. I don't remember the encounter very well and feel like my ocd is distorting my memory . he mightve just asked once after I said I was late instead of twice. I can't really remember. My ocd is like oh this is sexual coercion and assault. I don't feel that way at all. I didn't feel forced to kiss him whatsoever. I've been coerced before and he's nothing like that. Idk how to tackle this.

I’ve been with my partner since I was 20. I had one relationship prior to him and little dating experience because I was religious/ covid happened. I’m having extreme OCD that I haven’t dated enough people to see who is truly out there for me/ everyone else has more experience than I do. On top of this, I believe I am bisexual and have never been with a girl (but I have sexual orientation OCD as well so who knows.) What is the best way to go about this that aligns with ERP? Would breaking up my perfectly healthy relationship be giving into my compulsions just to go date others?

I cannot stop thinking about and judging my girlfriend (almost 23) for sleeping with a 34 year old before we met. She said she didn’t know his age and thought he was younger (I made her find out his age for my own ocd purposes) its ruining our relationship and my view of her. Please someone give me some sort of advice. I thought I was going to break up with her when she told me, but I just am devastated and have no clue what I’m feeling.

Does anyone think ERP therapy costs are really unreasonable? I stopped NOCD because I had BDD concerns, too and now go to another Telehealth therapist who is $225 per session. TWO HUNDRED AND TWENTY FIVE DOLLARS!!! 😡 I got an email about NOCD going to $210 per 1 hour session. It was $170 when I did it, which was already ridiculous and I felt taken advantage of for sure. Am I the only one who thinks this is just ripping off people when they're down and suffering and desperate for help? Doesn't it seem predatory and exploitative? That is a lot of money . . . and I'm now about $8,500 into getting help for my ROCD and BDDBP. The way I see it, $80 a session would be unreasonably high but $225?!?! $210??!? It’s just Insulting and a scam, especially when people (like me) were suffering so much they couldn’t hold down a job and can already barely afford food and rent. Do you agree?

Just watched a video that said that you're unhappy and with the wrong person if you find someone else attractive while in a committed relationship. OBVIOUSLY, I have ZERO desire to cheat... yet the comments and this video triggered me to think WILL.....

I'm in an amazing, beautiful relationship with the literal LOML. I absolutely love and adore my boyfriend. But relationship OCD has been plaguing me for 6 weeks straight. We were going through a super rocky time mid-March, and about 2 weeks after that is when the ROCD started. First, it started with thinking I cheated on him with my coworker (which I had no proof or evidence) and I slowly got over that 2 weeks later because I knew I had no proof. But then like always the theme restarts and I started obsessing about the fact I had intrusive thoughts about this coworker. Thoughts that maybe I liked him, thoughts about fantasies, thoughts about wanting to be with him. I don't think I had a problem with it because I think I just thought it was OCD, or knew it was OCD. I'm sure all this ROCD and overthinking started because of me and my boyfriend's rocky time, and in that time, I was extremely worried about him cheating on me. I don't know how to heal. I have fully convinced myself I purposefully thought all these things about that coworker. I've talked to my boyfriend about my struggles, and he's told me many times he knows it's OCD and even then, we are happy as ever and I've clearly chosen by boyfriend and I never did anything or even flirted with this coworker. I have never flirted or done anything inappropriate with this coworker. My boyfriend and I both know that. But I can't help but feel so guilty for the thoughts I had. I feel like they were real. They feel so real. I told my boyfriend I'm terrified I had a crush on this coworker, and he comforts me because he knows I only love him. I did not tell him about the sexual fantasies (I think I mentally pushed them away. I don't remember if I did because it was over 1-2 months ago.) because that would obviously just cause him pain even if it was OCD. What sucks is I have to work with this coworker still. He causes me so much anxiety, I prefer when he's not at work and I avoid talking to him at all. Before all this anxiety and ROCD, we would talk and joke all day at work (with our other coworkers too) and it was just a running joke for everyone (not just me) to pick on him. But now I convinced myself I was just flirting. We would only ever chat/text about work, like our clients and just never anything work inappropriate. I'm so scared. I'm so guilty. I feel like I emotionally cheated. Please someone guide me.