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has anyone experienced going through a breakup and experiencing ocd thoughts, i’m having them about reasons why i ended it, lots more. just want to see if anyone relates

Ever since I caught my... now-ex, I guess... having cheated, and I worked the nerve to talk to him and break it off in a surprisingly strong and boundary-concious way for myself, I have been looking at housing areas around me. I can't move out soon even if I wanted to since I want to apply for disability and that can take a year or so, I have no job and no saved up money because we used it all when he had no job/refused to get one and was hoping it would be quick and easy for him to find one (took him 4 months). I have no car so I was/am checking mover services over and over. I keep looking at the bus routes in the city to make sure the apartments that are available NOW are around them, which I know makes no sense because there is job guarantee they will be available later. Which... leads me to checking again the next day. Or later that day. All stemming from discomfort that he is just still lying even "just as roommates" and it is a trigger for my ROCD even without being in a relationship anymore. I am so frustrated. This would be my first time moving out on my own. The uncertainty and fear and distrust here is eating at me but I have no friends or family to go to so, I'm just... stuck.

I keep thinking about every little thing my bf does or says, I keep thinking he sounds and talks weirdly, and I keep thinking he does weird things or that he’s not tough or masculine enough and whenever I see an attractive man I stay playing scenarios in my head where the attractive man has the same “flaws” my bf does to see how I would feel if another man did it, like I’m trying to make the “flaws” feel normal and ok. And whenever I’m on the phone with my bf he’ll say something in a way that seems “weird” to me and I can’t stop thinking about it and playing it over trying to recreate the inflection and tone in my head so I can see if his inflections and tones sound normal enough or manly enough or if his idiosyncrasies are odd or abnormal or unattractive. But what’s worse is now I’m not feeling the overwhelming waves of panic that I used to have when I had these thoughts. Now they’re just thoughts, but I still feel bothered by them because they focus on “flaws” that bug me. I don’t know what to do. I worry that it’s not OCD anymore. I’m not currently diagnosed either which doesn’t help. I feel like a liar, like I’m busting using ROCD as an excuse to avoid the truth.

So I've started having obsessive thoughts about my mom's sexual orientation too. I think that she's not straight, I've noticed many times that she admires beautiful women a lot.. like a lot which I find a bit weird (I don't know if it's because of my hocd) but I've started having doubts about her orientation too, I feel the urge many times to ask her out that whether she's into women or not, I feel this urge to tell her about LGBTQ stuff to see her response (she don't know properly about LGBTQ coz this is a taboo in my country and only younger generation knows and aware about such stuff).. I've always have urges to ask her about her sexuality, I know it's weird but this is what my HOCD wants me to do. She still in touch with her school's best friend and I've doubts that she might have done something with her best friend in the past as she studied in girls school. I reassure myself that "no, she might just admiring the beauty of women etc" but the obsessive thoughts about my mom's sexuality give me urges to yell at her that's she's not straight or ask her out. You might be thinking that why do I care about her orientation but if I get to know that she isn't straight then I can't able accept myself as a straight girl coz according to my brain, a bisexual woman can't have straight daughter.. Idk but it is what it is..😔

Why is it making me think I like these things, when I don't, just because I'm not disgusted by them? And I think this person is nice, if a bit odd, but because of that, it's telling me I must like her and I'm getting a response that feels real, all because of the way I'm assuming they look at me, and makes me uncomfortable, but I'm not shying away from it. (But anything that seems remotely sexual with anything sends off things in me, like sexual disturbing things and makes me think I like them too because they seem sexual. Same with kids). But I don't want it but, my god, it feels so real. It's messing with me, it's going "you like her." And I'm not always fighting it, which brings on more response, which makes me more convinced and then it gets persistent. I've never had anything like this. Please does this sound familiar?

Can anyone please help me stop my rumination? I have been ruminating for almost 24 hours and I feel so exhausted but so scared. I am ruminating about my relationship and am alternating between fear of him hurting me by cheating to fear of wondering if I love him and fear of wondering if I’m a good enough partner I am so tired and just want to sleep I woke up in the middle of the night last night and was ruminating for hours. I need some relief 😞😞😞😞

Over the past week I’ve recently started having doubts about my relationship with my boyfriend. I have logistical concerns that we were working on but something kept telling me it might be falling out of love. Because I truly do care for him. But feel that if I’m unsure whether or not we’re meant to be together. If anyone has dealt with ROCD and has any advice please let me know. In the past I’ve had OCD episodes with different types so I know what it’s like to some extent. Over the past week I’ve been very distressed over this all and that led me to ending things with him last night but he’s the one who told me it could be OCD, if it is I want to work on it with him but if it’s not then, it’s not unfortunately. Back story We’ve been talking for the past 7 months and dating for 3. When I met him it was a few months after I had a relationship end very abruptly and traumatically but I don’t see him as a rebound Thank you in advance

My head is a crazy mess. My SO-OCD is now focused on a particular person, and so every time they come into the room a get anxious, I get uncomfortable, it makes me panic in my head and a my head thinks is "you like etc" and creates a false narrative and false response/attraction that feels so f***ing real. The worst thing is, I didn't always get anxious, but I'm still not interested, but my mind starts playing scenarios in my head as if they were, and it's thoughts. Plus, subconscious worry of them popping into my head and they've are, all the time and it creates more false responses which makes me anxious, which then makes my mind go "omg you do" which makes it worse. All because she comes across as been interested which, with my so-ocd (and pocd) flare up), just makes me panic and my mind starts thinking all sorts. I think I now do this over any girl who I think is gay. I'm seeing a guy a like, I'm anxious because of self esteem issues, I'm awkward, I don't want to embarrass myself and look stupid, say the wrong thing etc, at the same time scrutinising him, then panicking because I'm analysing and, today, while we're making out a bit, never allowing myself to get into it because I'm afraid of messing up etc and I'm socially awkward and I'm hyperfocused on what's happening and, guess who pops into my head mid intimacy and makes me panic and then then get immediate things. The SO-OCD has blocked everything in general with him and guys. I hate this so much because it feels so convincing and yet I know it isn't because I'm not interested but all the time my head is like "oh god, you/I do etc." Which makes it more intense. I mean I had this in a classroom full of kids last week but it was more generalised. But my POCD has also been focused on a couple of individuals (with responses) and it made me feel I was attracted. Does this make any sense to anyone?

Back when I was at the pit of my current flare up, this time with SO OCD, I would google constantly, always desperate to find that one story that would assure me that I was going through SO OCD. During those googles, the one place I always turned to was my favorite website Reddit, which only made everything so much worse. While people posting on there were trying to be helpful, the majority of the posts that ended up triggering me more were ones one people that didn’t have an OCD mindset. While I’m still going through my current flare up now a few months later, I’m in such a better place now, and even have my OCD theme switching to questioning if I even have OCD at all, which is obviously fun. Having seen people here post about how they also turned to Reddit for guidance, I tried to find the posts that triggered me to just leave a little blurb to hopefully steer them towards ERP and you know what I couldn’t find, THOSE POSTS! While I know they exist, in my memory every post I read had the top post being someone either saying how SO OCD doesn’t exist or that the similar things described sounds like someone in denial. It’s crazy seeing know how my brain just focused on those posts, and made it seem like they were the majority and made me spiral further. Even now the one my brain wants to focus on is from someone that posted 7 years ago, that doesn’t have OCD and says how they think it doesn’t exist. Which obviously they, and my OCD, are right, I do truly enjoy a large percentage of my thoughts going towards figuring out my sexuality and that I’m just in denial 🙄 Basically it’s crazy being in a much better headspace now and seeing the constant state of panic I got myself in over a rare couple of posts, and how us suffering with OCD usually want to focus on that what if scenario so much and blow it up into such a bigger threat than it needs to be

Now I'm just uncomfortable around all of the same sex but some of them have become more triggers. Like with one talking to and everything was fine and then one day (with the SO-OCD this time firmly cemented in my head) I catch her looking at me in a certain way that I noticed (maybe in my head, like I'm now looking out for things), it caught me off guard and I thought why are they looking at me like that, immediately thought it was a 'come on' thing and got a groinal response and I like "no", then my mind started panicking when looking at them and now, every time there're around, I feel uncomfortable and responses go off and my brain goes "you like them don't you" and then I get an intense response that feels like an urge and my brain goes "yes" but I'm not interested in that. It feels so convincing. And in my mind it says "you're desperate for something" and it makes it worse and I don't like it. Why is it so convincing. I'm even saying this seems like denial, but I'm not in denial because I'm not but in my mind it keeps saying the opposite and makes the anxiety worse. Oh this means "I'm a le..." going through my head. It's ruining my life because it's convincing me and I'm not interested. I know it's because I'm so hyperfocused on it. Does anyone recognise this?

I kept saying .5 percent instead of .05 percent. I was thinking it was the same thing ( I know I’m stupid) now I feel like a complete total idiot. I was saying this percentage for possibility vs probability for my so-ocd on how probable it is for me to end up with a woman and I kept saying .5 instead of .05 😭😭

This is going to be a long post so to anyone who will read it and will share feedback, thank you. I’ve realized I’ve lost all respect for myself. When I was 14 years old I experienced my first ever intrusive thought. I was with my childhood friend whose dad passed away when we were babies. I had a thought that I hope he went to hell and if he were alive, I’d rape him. As a 14 year old kid that really scared me, and the thought still scares me to this day. I’m 22. I researched my symptoms and of course, OCD popped up. I went through many therapy sessions, and I finally got diagnosed with OCD about 2 years ago. I’ve had a really bad confessing problem that whenever I have an intrusive thought, I HAVE to confess it to people, especially if the thought is specifically about them. My childhood friends mom found out I had this thought about her dead husband and basically pushed me out of my friends life to “protect her” that if I were to ever tell her, her mom would make sure her daughter never spoke to me again. This happened about a year ago, and to this day I believe subconsciously it has stuck with me because of the fact that I made someone so uncomfortable that they had to push me out of their life. Especially since they were people who have known me since I was a baby. I’ve started using alcohol and other substances to numb this pain that I endure. My OCD has even started taking over my new relationship. He thinks I’m perfect in every way and I just can’t seem to believe that. I’ve already gotten fears that I’ve cheated on him and or will cheat on him in the future. He’s one of the most precious people I have ever met, and though I have already told him a few of my intrusive thoughts and have explained to him what I go through, I feel as though if he found out about other thoughts I’ve had that he would cut me off completely, just like other people have in the past. I can’t help but feel like a terrible person and friend for all the thoughts I’ve had. I never thought I’d be in this situation where I’m experimenting new substances and getting drunk every weekend. I’ve really failed and not sure what to do at this point. I don’t feel I deserve to be happy or take care of myself. The situation with my friends mother is a prime example.

My OCD is definitely flaring up. My husband of 9 years decided 3 years ago. After a bad OCD spiral that he didn’t want kids anymore (during this time we were mid IVF treatment and it covid season… lots of factors) he stated one of the reasons was my OCD. For the last 3 years, I went through therapy and have been quite successful in managing my OCD. However he hasn’t changed his mind… which I understand logically as it being his choice and respect it. Back then he said a divorce would be best cause I was making him feel like a monster since he wanted something different. But I decided that I’d try to change my mind.. I was 35 at the time and I knew my chances of conceiving were nonexistent. I still want children I always have. However in February when I brought up want to try IVF again, I asked if I’d have to do it alone and he said yes… we talked about divorce. He had a spring training trip planned and last minute he told me he didn’t want me to go. So I didn’t … during that time I suggested counseling and he never said anything in response to it. When he came back we had a moment and we were intimate… which I think blurred the lines and nothing has been brought up since. I feel my brain is spiraling and wondering what is real? I feel like he is avoids talking and I am always the one to have to push an issue… I don’t know what to do. Sometimes I think I should pack up and leave… and then other times I wonder if I have done enough or if this is all the cause of my OCD.

I’ve had OCD my whole life, but it was triggered and became debilitating just over two months ago. The themes have changed over the past two months, but the main thing has been relationship OCD. It started as me worrying about my fiancés past and then I started getting flashbacks to my past relationship and then it moved to feeling like he was going to leave me. The entire time, I felt guilty and anxious around him constantly, I couldn’t sleep and I wasn’t eating because I felt so nauseous. Then a couple of weeks ago, I had the thought, “What if you leave him? What if you don’t love him anymore? Remember how that one thing g irritated you? If you loved him, it wouldn’t irritate you so much. You must not love him.” After those thoughts, I have felt like there is a demon in my head. Everytime I look at my fiancé or talk to him, the initial feeling is one of love and admiration, but then the demon in my head takes over saying, “You don’t love him. Ugh he’s so annoying. You wish he wasn’t here.” These were never thoughts I had before my OCD got triggered to severely, so I know that these feelings are not really my feelings and are my OCD. Even when I was obsessing about his past or having flashbacks from my past, I never once thought that I didn’t love him. Sometimes, my fiancee feels like a stranger to me. It’s like I disassociate or something. Like I’m with him, but I haven’t been able to be present with him for the past two months because my mind is racing and always finding something wrong with something. I love him so much, and we’ve had to postpone our wedding because I’ve been so mentally ill and have been living with my parents the past couple of weeks, which makes it harder because I feel like I’m avoiding my trigger, which he can be a trigger for me because of my thoughts. I feel like not being married to him is making me worse. I know he is the man I love and the man for me and the man that God sent to be my husband. The fact that we aren’t married yet gives me a greater feeling of uncertainty that feels like it’s feeding my OCD. I think marrying him will help me, but I’m not sure if that’s the right decision for me right now. Has anyone else felt anything like this?

I’m so tired of these thoughts going through my mind. It’s like every day these thoughts are just in the back of my mind. I typically have a strong hold on these thoughts and don’t let them bother me but the past two days it’s been hard. It’s at the point where it feels like I’m lying to myself. I know deep down that I don’t ever want to be in a same-sex relationship. This thought doesn’t make me feel good. I’m just tired of the thoughts.

has anyone else done this? today i got presented with one of my triggers, but when i first saw it i didn’t immediately feel the feeling i’d grown to associate with being triggered. normally had i been confronted by my trigger, i’d get a pit-like feeling in my stomach, heart racing, anger, and dissociation. today i looked at it and thought “huh, i don’t really feel triggered, but i know i should be. should i be mad at this?” the nature of my trigger is one that concerns my relationship, and this is where i made a mistake. i told my partner, “i can’t decide if i should be mad about this or not.” and that opened the flood gates to a 2hr long conversation surrounding my obsession and triggers. i feel really bad for not taking the opportunity to disengage from my habitual response. i didn’t feel triggered initially, but i triggered myself out of habit, because i “should” be triggered. i feel like recently my ocd has been dying off, at least this particular obsession. i haven’t really been doing any of my compulsions, and it’s not on my mind as often. regardless, i’m still really scared to accept that it is what it is and it’ll always be there. when given the opportunity to disengage or stay, i chose to stay. i hate that i did that. it felt like an aha moment, though. maybe this was necessary. a fight with my partner over something i chose to be upset about because it has historically been upsetting. do you ever feel like your ocd tries to get your attention even more when it’s dying off? how do you proceed without reaffirming the ocd when presented with a circumstance like this one? do you ever trigger yourself out of habit rather than because it really strongly bugs you ?

Can someone please tell me I’m not alone? Can you share your experience with getting intrusive S3xual thoughts please Because I feel like it’s not talked about and it’s something I really struggle with and I’m scared I’m the only one getting these disturbing and fucked up thoughts and scared I want them and that it’s actually me and not my ocd For example : I feel like I’m constantly constantly getting S3xualised thoughts of people I’m related to especially when I’m trying to have S3xual time

My brain won’t shut off, when I’m finally feeling better it’ll shove something else in there to make me overthink. When me and my ex broke up we said we’d be friendly, a few days later I was in the pub being told by everyone that he was sleeping with the girl he told me was just a friend. Her ex was also in the pub and it was horrible. I was hurt, upset, angry, I was everything. Being told only a few days after you guys cut contact and have your final goodbye after 3 weeks of trying to do so that he’s sleeping with someone else like it’s not nice. So of course I felt heartbroken and honestly like there was no care for me. As time goes on I have people telling me that yk he lead me on and that I deserve better, that it was disrespectful of both of them to do so and even though the way they went about it yes wasn’t great (her ex had it worse than me by far but that’s another story) he was single and could do what he wants. I’ve said things when it first happened of course I did, but now there’s no hard feelings and I still see him as a dear friend. He unfollowed me on insta today, I unfollowed him on Snapchat it was too hard to see his name, so we’re both trying to move on. But in my head it feels more like he’s saying he hates me and I feel an uncontrollable amour of guilt because he didn’t do anything insanely wrong, like yes he broke up with me because he “couldn’t be with anyone right now” but my hurt is understandable but he’s moving on so like there’s nothing wrong. I can’t seem to be mean, I can’t seem to trust my own emotions and I can’t seem to just do things for myself without feeling insane guilt. If someone hurts me? Nope I can’t be mean they’ve done nothing wrong. If someone does something I don’t like? Nope it’s fine they’re living their life. If I’m upset with something because it makes me just hurt a lil bit? Nope sorry you’re not allowed to feel that. So we ended, he slept with someone else, I was hurt because it was all still fresh, I was angry and now I feel guilty. If I see him in town like yeah I’ll say hi and get on with it, that should be okay right? Do I have to apologise to him? Do I have to make sure we’re okay? I feel like I do!!!!

Hi everyone I am knew to NOCD! I wanted to be surrounded my people who understand how debilitating OCD is and the feelings it gives you. My story is an adventure. I was diagnosed in 2 grade with what the doctors thought was trets and year later we discovered it was OCD. Been in every medication under the sun and nothing help. I did physically compulsions like pulling on my back, pushing on my eye, anything that would cause tension to my body to relief the feeling. I have had lots of permanent damage to my body because of this. I struggled and struggled. It got to a point where my OCD made me look like I was having a seizure (I was not) My parents and I had no to ERP and CBT existed untill things got really bad in my 10th grade of school. My OCD, anxiety, and depression was the worse it has been. We made the decision to go to Roger’s behavior center in Wisconsin. They wanted to send me to inpatient but we were able to convince them to let me attempt outpatient. I didn’t believe in ERP Or CBT and refused to do any of my exposures. One day something clicked and I gave it a try and it worked. AMAZED. I worked really hard, I was there for 3 long months but it was all worth it. They also helped me find the right medications that work with my body as well has getting me off of Klonopin. It’s been 3 years since then and I’m proud to say I’m still doing good and have not relapsed. It’s a struggle everyday but I remember all the things they taught me at Rogers. Once I left Roger’s I wanted to know more about OCD. And that’s when I learned about relationship OCD, NOCD, “pure”OCD, somatic OCD and all the other subtypes. When I found out about them realized that the thoughts I have are not really me that they are my OCD. My somatic, magical thinking and real events OCD Has been worse lately. I am open to suggestions or a questions! Keep fighting everybody🩵

I'm tagging this with a trigger warning because I am going to describe an example conversation that triggered my own excessive thinking and describe that excessive thinking in this post, so please proceed with caution!! Does anyone else struggle with hyperfixating and ruminating over what i'm- for lack of better words at the moment- calling The Unsaid in some conversations?? Like, when i'm talking with a friend or acquaintence if a thought or comment I've made goes without a response (or reassurance or validation) from the other person, I find myself filling in the blanks with things like "they didnt respond/they changed their tone so they must be thinking something awful!" And picking that interaction apart and as a result destabilizing my sense of trust in the relationship. Example below (please heed trigger warning) ________________________________________ For example, a friend of mine and I have been studying for our driving TIPs together and they told me they were proud of me for the progress i've made (we've both been nervous about it for years). This friend has expressed having trouble concentrating in groups so it's only really been the two of us, though we still get a bit distracted talking about the songs we pick to play for our study time. I responded to them by telling them i was also proud of them, was grateful that we've been able to do this together, and expressed hope that my being there was helpful and productive for them despite the distractions. They responded with saying that that was sweet of me to say, but nothing else. There is nothing wrong with what they said and they give me no reason to believe they feel badly about studying together otherwise, but this response still makes me anxious and start to overthink because the two phrases that didnt go addressed also correlate with how they feel about me in this situation: if they've enjoyed our time together, if i've been helpful to them. This is where the Unsaid starts to slip through the cracks. It says, 'they didn't choose to respond to those things but surely they must feel some way as well? What could they feel that they cant/dont want to tell me?' which then become thoughts like 'If they dont like studying with me do they like spending ANY time with me?' 'Am i pushing/compelling them into studying with me when they dont actually want to?' 'Am i holding them back from doing their best?' 'Am i not someone they trust/feel they can be honest with?' And so on and so on and its!!! Extremely discouraging and disheartening and I feel awful, because it all feels so plausible in my mind despite knowing I cannot possibly know how my friend feels unless they tell me. _________________________________________ If anyone has any advice regarding how one quells these thoughts from rising up, how to cope when theyre active, and how to distinguish between an OCD rumination versus a real pattern or reaction that warrants genuine discussion, I would love to hear it!!! I thought of checking in with this friend when i'm less anxious but i'm not sure I should; they aren't responsible for reassuring me all the time nor do I expect them to recognize when I need reassurance, even when I dont realize that i'm asking for it (it wasnt until i was typing all this out that it occurred to me that i was hoping they would validate our relationship) And like, aside from this conversation they've voiced positive feelings about my being around before, so it feels unreasonable to ask it of them the one time they didn't yanno? Anyway long post over thank you for bearing with me 😓😓😓