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it’s so embarrassing doing compulsions in front of people. like i literally NEED to do them or i can’t function. one of my compulsions is praying so sometimes it seems like i be talking to myself. anyone else relate to this?

Hi everyone. I am new to Nocd. My story: The first time I got intense intrusive thougts of religious ocd is when I was 11 years old. They were very intense. I was ashamed of those thoughts and didn't know what to do with them. I literally didnot tell anyone and suffered alone. It made it hard for me to pray. Over the years it took many forms. I didn't know it was OCD. My mental health deteriorated with waves of depression because of OCD as I got threatened from my OCD thoughts of death of me and my closed ones. They were scary. I also imagined things and felt like seeing things out of fear. These phases of depression brought me down everytime I stood up somehow. Soon I was struck with existential and identity crisis, questioning the meaning of life and existence, nothing seemed valuable and worth it. I questioned my academics and everything. Definetly my grades and health everything deteriorated. It showed in my physical health too. I started having mental fog and questioning reality, my self along with a lot of changes in my life. After class ten, there were suddenly a lot of changes when my mental health was already not okay making it hard for me to adapt. I saw everything blurry and removed. I couldn't connect to anyone. I associated fear to all the things, plus my home. And because I already had so much threatenings of death, I couldn't even recognise the reality. I felt far removed from my reality like I went somewhere far away, a lot of time has passed and there's not much time for me and I struggled with memory too. After 12th, I joined University. One year later, I met a boy with whom I instantly felt sparks. Note: I never dated anyone before and feeling a spark like that with somebody which made me take the step is a lot. I wanted to commit to him but then my ROCD kicked in. I didn't even know about it but I did some mistakes because of it I feel like because ROCD was so intense it made me feel like an emergency to leave the relationship. He had OCD too as he said. He have it in terms of 'perfectionism'. Also he was very sensitive, enraged kind of person, I got to know later on. Had a lot of emotional outbursts making me more question the relationship to leave. We became like an anxious-avoidant couple. I regret many things like what I have avoided if I knew its ROCD and worked on it and so many. He 'abused me. He started abusing me. Idk I started feeling like I made him that kind of a person because he actually compared me with his former gf, with whom he used to even secretly talk. I couldn't get out of the abusive relationship sooner but recently which added extra trauma. Well, here am I 'single' but I feel a lot of guilt and also I need to make my mental health better because this experience made me realise how my bottled up things made an explosion. Thankyou! to whoever reads this! Oh yeah I also deal with a Lott of decision making difficulties, indecisiveness and regret over small things and doings. And also because of my life going like this and getting ruined where there was so many expectations from me, I regret a lot I guess. I think of many possibilities how my life would have gone and always put infront of me possibilities and choices. So I am currently dealing with my thoughts and uncertainty about my future after a Lott of trauma. Oh my god..there is so much

I am a Christian and OCD is coming at me currently about my faith. I am not perfect and no one is. I get that but I keep getting the thought of “if you have sex outside of marriage again you’re going to hell, you will melt down and you’re going to be alone” I think I can just keep from doing it until I get married but I am 35 single mom of 2 and that could never happen or be forever so I start freaking out about that.

I’ve noticed an overwhelming amount (in a good way!) of believers on this community and I had no idea I would come across so many faith filled sisters and brothers in Christ. I have followed some of you for hope and encouragement but if you come across my post and you’re a Christian I’d love to give each other a follow ❤️ maybe I can share encouragement everyday as well. Thank you guys for being brave and giving me the courage to express my faith. I’ve been really struggling with ERP as a Christian but I almost feel like all the times I’ve done mediation with the Lord that in an way that was an exposure because I was allowing the Lord to confront things with me. I think I’m struggling with not wanting scripture to be a “compulsion”. If we say things like “I may or may not” but then speak scripture over our lives. And I said like actually … no I am the head and not the tail. Hope this makes sense.

So for about a year now I have been dealing with the uncertainty of a real event that happened decades ago. My mind only tells me the outcome of that event is the worst case scenario. It has been obsessively on my mind for a year, everyday all day. I started seeing the theme or what I was obsessed about everywhere. It got so bad that I thought God was telling me something that I started to ask God to tell me if it was true. Well then I kept seeing signs that confirmed my fear even some that were so exact that on what I was obsessing about I have almost convinced my self that God has been telling me stuff through videos, license plates, phrases or words spelled out in names I see, things I hear in conversations form other people and movies. Then there is the rare occasion I get some type of confirmation that what I’m obsessing about is not true. So I ask myself is God telling me now it’s not true. The signs that say my fear is true seem to be the ones that stick and the ones that say my fear isn’t true seem to just fade away. I’ve never dealt with this before. Anyone else deal with this or seeing signs of your fearful obsession everywhere

I started NOCD about 3 weeks ago. I was going good and hopeful for a while but the last 3 days. Loss of appetite. Overwhelming fear and anxiety. Different subtypes going crazy. Harm. Religious. I’m scared my dogs will get parvo from a rescue we briefly had. My friend is in the hospital and I can’t get myself to go see him. I have very few people I can be around to talk because the rest give me that feeling of dread and idk why. I’m spiraling in the thought of why are the meds working suddenly. I don’t want to feel this way forever. Im afraid to take naps. I worry I have something wrong health wise.

I feel like my body and mind are just so tired of being stuck in these same mental loops of torment with OCD and don’t know how to do anything else. I feel exhausted from not being able to cure myself out of these thoughts and self-destructive habits and that I’m not going to make it out of them because I’ve been tied down to this illness for so long. I wish things could have been different growing up and I took care of myself better so I wouldn’t have gotten so negative and loved myself more so these thoughts wouldn’t be so potent. I’ve had OCD most of my life, and I just don’t get how other people can live their lives normally and not suffer so heavily. I get really mad knowing I’m stuck in this vicious cycle and other people can enjoy life so easily. And now the summer is coming and it’s when I get the most depressed and feel so helpless from sadness, and my OCD has only just gotten worse. I feel like I just don’t have the energy to take care of myself anymore, and hate how anxious I am about actually telling people what’s going on with me in fear of judgment and not accepting me, so I just go along with self-sabotaging habits. I’m also afraid that nobody is going to want to help me. This only makes things worse, and it’s really hard for me to be happy. I just don’t know how to cope anymore. It makes it so hard to function as a human since I’ve been struggling for so long. I feel so disconnected from God because of this illness, and it only makes me more upset with myself for lack of effort and feel depressed. Please if someone is struggling with something similar or has advice, reach out ❤️

First I would like to say is that tw and I also can’t afford a therapist and please give me advice I have no peace in my mind I just want to be a normal person again. Since 2022 I have been getting filthy unwanted sexual thoughts towards children I feel awful about it because it goes against my morals and characters as a human being. I feel like a horrible person and I feel like I have no rest in my mind, everyday it’s the same thoughts that torment me and I happens all hours of the day there’s not an hour that goes by the day that I don’t get these ugly horrible thoughts. I recently started getting “feelings” down there and I hate it. These thoughts came back again stronger this February. I also believe in Christ so if you have advice of how I can pray against this because I don’t really know what’s the root of these thoughts. As long as I have these thoughts I can never be free these thoughts have put me back into a state of depression and well as suicidal thoughts I just feel like I’m living hell on earth I am also 17 years old female, so please someone help me. I have tried praying against these thoughts but nothing, I have tried deliverance prayers worship etc but nothing. — I also tagged Christian ocd for advice !!

Anyone else feel like they will never be understood in a relationship? Like I want to get to know other people but its like I feel like I am boring and my ocd just makes my life a living hell currently. No motivation to do nothing even though I have alot to do and literally having no purpose in life.Like I literally dont feel like I have ever enjoyed any of my life because it feels like I am not real or I am like a shadow in my own body? Its frustrating because my last relationship was horibbly toxic and the guy I was with was horrible and I broke things off after years of abuse and I have currently been having a hard time not to reach out to him after no contact for 3 months.I feel immense guilt like I was mean to him even though he cheated on me and a part of me says I deserve to go back to the abuse. And I feel like maybe I am punishing myself because my faith in God is not the strongest Ive stopped praying and I dont read the bible consistently becayse I get very overwhelmed because I want to make sure I am doing bible study correctly or ill be punished. (sorry for the spelling mistakes)

Went to the church for the second day in a row to help with some decorations. I asked the priest to say a prayer with me. This was the first time in my life I ever said a prayer in church with a priest. It was much needed but I feel horrible I got a bunch of intrusive thoughts throughout the entire time there. I know god loves me but I feel bad for getting these intrusive thoughts. It doesn’t help that I hear people talking the entire time judging me for my thoughts. (I know hearing voices isn’t part of ocd)

I’ve suffered with OCD to some extent most of my life—rituals, counting, religious themes, etc. After some bad episodes of family abuse + a bad breakup + work toxicity, I developed some pretty bad OCD-related anxiety. I went through a few very bad panic attacks, and became badly depersonalized/dissacotiated. My obsessions and panic began to focus on my bodily sensations—like vertigo/dizziness, worry about floating into the sky forever, the ground falling, the ground disappearing, the ground warping/rotating, etc. I’ve been applying the 4-Step process by Jeffrey Schwartz, and it’s been very very helpful in snapping back to reality and preventing anxiety/panic cycles. So I got his book—Brain Lock. In the preface he talks about a woman who seemingly recovered after 25 years, but still has these thoughts. My question is: Will I be stuck like this forever? The very nature of my thoughts make it very difficult to live happily. I felt discouraged reading that, because it feels like I’ll always have these thoughts and be doomed to undergoing this anxiety/OCD cycle forever. Is there any hope?

Im scared of what’s gonna happen when I die like im so uncertain and I get BAD panic attacks about what’s gonna happen to me like I get these thoughts like if my gonna live forever, like is just a forever loop or is just gonna be nothing. Im catholic and I believe in heaven or hell but im really not sure. I’ve struggled with my faith since I’ve been 13 and it’s getting worse, I’ve heard about all these theories about what’s gonna happen after we die and I always get so scared about them. One time my aunt told me that we are souls, spirits that we are energy and just being in our body having an experience but our souls are immortal so im scared about the thought of living forever that scares me so much because at the same time I want to have peace. There’s other things that really really give me panic attacks about that subject but I can’t list them all here if you want to help me out then I’ll tell you more.

Hi everyone! I’d like to start off by saying I haven’t been diagnosed with ocd or ocpd, but I’ve done a good amount of research on it, and I believe I may have either or. But anyways my experience with it sense I’ve figure out that I may have ocpd, I’ve thought about my past a lot, and even recent behaviors that really add up. I’ve been a lot more of a perfectionist as of lately because I’m becoming a new adult in life. I’ve started to make great improvements in life when highschool ended, because I took me graduating as a fresh start in life. So I started to heavily focus on myself first. Going to the gym, saving money, signing up for college, be the perfect partner (at the time). I was so focused on being the best me I can be, and now I’m getting to a religious part of me, and I’m kinda scared to keep digging into Christianity. Christianity seems so good on paper. Almost everything about it. But I know that I’m going to be a sinner for the rest of my life no matter what. Ive sinned multiple times in the past and will make more in the future. But I believe if I dig deeper Into Christ I’m going to take everything seriously and try to become sinless. And I believe that’s going to cause me so much stress in the future, all because I want to be with Jesus and loved ones in the afterlife. I’m hoping I’ll be shown a good path, but I’m hoping someone is in my similar path and can give some good advice on Christianity, perfectionism, and acceptance. Thank you :)

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Hey there! My name is Jazmin, and my first remembrance of OCD symptoms was at the age of 6. For many years I didn't know what was going on. It wasn't until 2 years ago, when I was doing some googling (which I now know is a cumpulsion) about anxiety that I came across OCD. I had never really heard of it before, but I felt as though I was reading about my whole life in that article. My subtypes have shifted throughout my life, everything from harm OCD to religious OCD that made my life an anxiety filled nightmare at times. From here I started to look into options for therapy, etc. I ended up, unfortunately, having a horrible experience. I was "diagnosed" with OCD and generalized anxiety by a mental health NP last year, but she wasn't very nice (very demeaning, pretty much treated me like a freak, told me that I had issues, called me a germaphobe, and acted like I was doing everything wrong) and didn't listen to me in regards to what I was actually going through (none of which has anything to do with a contamination subtype), so I didn't go back after that. It's taken me a whole year to recover from that encounter. It's been a struggle and the idea of trying to talk to someone about this again scared me half to death. But now I'm finally trying to get to a good place again. I went to my GP a week ago, explained to her what I was going through, and she was so amazing, understanding, and supportive. She prescribed prozac. So far things have been pretty good but not perfect, and I'm okay with that. I'm just making the next steps forward. I'm hoping that by joining the NOCD community and seeking therapy here that I can start to improve and continue to live my best life.

Today I’ve been having that a lot lately! Recently been having Satan/demon heart thoughts and it’s scaring me! I love God & Jesus and I tell them all the time they have my heart but recently those thoughts have come and it’s giving me anxiety! I’m trying to tell myself you don’t just accidentally let S____ in your heart but I feel like it’s a fear of evil or it “happening”! I don’t want Him near or ever in my heart! But I feel like my OCD is making me doubt myself thinking I want these thoughts or maybe I want that or what IF I’ve already done it! Like some new theme coming on. These nasty thoughts keep coming back!! Also my mind keeps thinking and questioning it straight up accusing me if I did it! I’ve apologized and beg God & Jesus to please forgive me. How can I let these thoughts go! I don’t want them! Am I okay? I only want God, Jesus & the Holy Spirit in my heart NOT the enemy. Has anyone else had these thoughts?

i obsess over God. I know it’s good to have a relationship with Him, but I feel like I go overboard and am constantly worried about making Him angry. I know this is my ocd, but i was just wondering like how much do Christians without ocd like do it? bc I don’t see them praying constantly like i do. I like to have a set time where I settle down and talk to God and read the bible sometimes (when my brain isn’t acting crazy) and read the daily verse. but my brain either says i need to that way before like sometime in the day rather than at night. And i do talk to God periodically throughout the day, but I gotta say it’s mostly my ocd rituals. Idek what i’m asking here but I just don’t know. Sometimes i’m too overwhelmed to even talk to God or read the Bible. and also i’m constantly worrying if what i’m doing is right or wrong. People say if it feels wrong it usually is, but my brain tells me almost everything i do is wrong. I want to please God and I’d give these things up for him bc I love him way more than anything. But it stresses me out trying to guess if it’s God or just all in my head.

Lately I’ve been having demonic thoughts, possession thoughts and just nasty thoughts about my soul and thoughts about my heart and the devil. Is that normal in OCD? I would never want that or say that! But recently been having false memory OCD and I’m scared what if I’ve said those thoughts out loud!! I’m always trying to say God & Jesus owns my heart & soul but I’m scared what I’ve I accidentally said the enemy instead! These thoughts cause so much discomfort! Please any advice? Does anyone else go through this?

How do I even talk about this to ANYONE, I feel so shameful especially because why do the most horrendous images or saying pop up in my head. Just because of incident that happened @ a young age between my cousin and I, I keep telling myself I’m a P and I can’t get close to the little kids especially the ones I know because it starts attacking them. I keep fearing gods judgment like these are sinister thoughts, i NEVER wanted. I feel like this is going to follow me through death and I’ll be punished.

In 17 and not diagnose with OCD but I keep getting scared that my dad will one day develop cancer so I keep praying to God that he won't and I keep praying all day and and giving up things which are taste/ sound/ touch like music and nice food because they are ignorance jn Hinduism and I feel like God will punish me for not sacrificing it by giving my dad cancer. I couldnt even function but then I realised I could get around it by 'promising on my dad's life's to do stuff like 'promise to eat this chocolate on your dad's life' and then I had to. The problem is sometimes I promise things I don't want to do unintentionally. Likethe first thing I do in the morning is pray that my dad doesn't get cancer and then when I go downstairs there's a picture of god so i feel like I have to pray for it downstairs too I can't just walk past with ignorance but as I was praying j was thinking about how I don't want to do compulsions and I accidentally promised to god not to. But I knew I couldn't keep it up and later in the day I went to go pray again forgetting my original promise and then after I felt this awful guilty feeling like I've actually betrayed God and hurt my dad. I don't know what to do