Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I’m kinda growing weak in my faith and trust in god that he will heal me or he’s with me anyone have anything they can tell me that will help me have a little hope?

ANY AND ALL RESPONSES ARE GREATLY APPRECIATED I’ve enjoyed a relatively peaceful time without the interruption of intrusive thoughts. But a few days ago some old doubts reserved though with a different twist than before. In older posts, I talked about my sort of religious conspiratotial intrusive thoughts. They’re usually really specific and crazy questions. And then with these questions I’ll try to rule it out with biblical truths truths- which is know is a compulsion on my part but it’s hard to resist doing sometimes. I say try to rule the questions out because this method (like all compulsions) doesn’t really help at all- it just creates more questions. For instance, the ones I’ve been having lately that are all connected are like this: what if god wasn’t working alone when he made the world? What if the devil helped and he hadn’t actually been bad- what if god turned him bad? What if god has lied about everything? What if the only way to know would be to actually get in contact with the devil like with a ouiji board? And this particularly scares me because I then have thoughts such as what if I do? Which then I tell myself I know is bad since god tells us not mess with the occult. But then my conspiratorial thoughts make me question if it’s really actually bad to do, or if it’s just god trying to hide the “truth”? Basically it makes me wonder if doing that which has been said to be bad, is actually bad if it’s to find out the truth. And with this specifically, it’s not like it’s something that physically harms others- it’s only bad in a religious sense. I haven’t actually acted on the thought but I get scared of doing so. I just want to be 100% certain of my faith which I know is technically impossible. Even being an atheist is a faith of its own. But even regarding the future with what my religion basically believes to be perfection for humanity, the thoughts still come into play. To try and shut up the thoughts I’ll say to myself “I guess I’ll just know in the future” which ocd then responds to with “unless god just continues lying and you’ll never actually know the truth and you’ll basically be living in a matrix.” I just don’t really know what to do because sitting with the doubt is so uncomfortable. I want to be able to know the answers to my questions, but I know I can’t. I don’t believe in god providing direct answers now, but I feel like even if I were to receive those from him, I’d still just end up doubting that. It makes me scared too because then I don’t even know if it’s really OCD or just a problem with me at this point. I hate these thoughts because it really just makes me question so much and it really causes me anxiety. And I know it sounds really stupid and crazy - looking at it from an outside perspective- and that my whole issue is just in my head, but still it doesn’t stop the doubts from causing my distress.

I’m going to sum this up so it isn’t a long read, basically when I was in middle school I had a friend who was two years younger than me, I was an eighth and she was in sixth grade. We ended up getting closer but at a certain point Around a year ago, I went through our old messages from when I was around 14, and just turned 15, where I had made sexual comments to her, and we are two years apart, to be more specific two and a half years. I am way older now, I am almost 21 soon, but I cannot stop thinking about this and feeling like a p3do. I don’t know what to do, I feel like a bad person, I also live a spiritual way of life, or I am trying, and it feels like I’m undeserving because I did this.

Hi I kept seeing this app on repeat on TikTok over and over and I thought I give it a shot. I have never been diagnosed with OCD but I know that I have it. I’m a young adult and I found out the first time I had OCD was watching lelelons truth video? I was 14 at the time She had to resist sitting back down in a chair after her having sat down she started having a mental break down when she was told to resist. That’s when I knew. It started with myself going up and down a staircase twice buckling unbuckling my seat belt everytime I’m in the car ect I have always been super anti social but trying my best I can socialize but my mind wants to make it sexual with family and friends ughhhh I hate it because that’s not me when I graduated thoughts of hurting my loved ones corrupted my mind I broke down outside of church one time asking if this was really me or not i question if I’m a good enough friend or person in this world to begin with thinking everyone is judging me so so close how can I make this situation better did I do something wrong I struggle with depression as well not to bad but it’s there I come from a loving family but broken as well i believe in god and my OCD makes me go often he’s not real that stuff isn’t real no one is there to save you the list goes on. Anyway I struggle a lot and I really hope that this will help me because I feel extremely hopeless. Lucky for me I do have the ability to seek therapy and I am excited. The only person I ever tell my thoughts to is God no other human has heard so I’m really really hoping this helps me out if your reading this thank you it means a lot because this is my first time ever admitting all this it’s a lot to take in I know and I hope you are ok and that you have a great night and know that we got this

Hi! I am young and undiagnosed, I'm gonna get an appointment set up to start that process. Right now though, I feel like this came almost out of nowhere. I've been diagnosed with GAD and emetophobia for many years, and I realized a couple years ago I had some symptoms similar to OCD and even briefly considered that I may have had POCD just before highschool. However, because of what I suspect to be scrupulosity OCD, I was so deeply afraid I was faking and didn't say anything else. But a few days ago it really hit me that OCD actually aligns with my experience like.. a bit too much? And since then I've been driven absolutely mad. I spend an hour or more a day anxiously researching and the intrusive thoughts have gotten so much worse because I just can't get out of my head. I feel like I have to constantly research to make 100% sure my symptoms actually line up because if I'm faking that would make me a bad person. It's a constant stream of thoughts telling me I'm a bad person. I freak out and just repeat "no, no, no" or "stop, stop, stop" or try and think of something else. This is very ramble-ish and vent-ish, I know. I'm just so afraid. Did anyone else's OCD come out of seemingly nowhere? Or maybe this is just my first bad flare-up and I spent so long thinking my behavior was normal I never thought about it till now?? I'm not sure. Talking to a doctor ASAP because I can't take being undiagnosed, it gives the anxiety too much ammo to call me a bad person with.

like should you just say you’ll struggle with ocd? because everytime ive told about my false attraction thoughts, its ruined relationships and friendships so should i just not tell the themes? especially because im a teenager and teenage guys arent very understanding. so do i just not tell the themes. because i also have it with religious stuff, and sexuality? so idk. and confessing is a really bad complusion of mine, so should i just say i have ocd, and have intrusive thoughts or what? please someone help.

Really bad theme right now is death, I keep thinking about how one day or at any moment my heart will stop my brain will stop & my memories & everything I know will all fade away. It is giving me so much anxiety I’m only 18, but I realize it all happens to us it is bound, we are born to die. I know it’s a silly thing to be scared because it’s not helping the quality of my life worrying about it and even when I do die, I won’t care , if you don’t have a working brain then how can you care 🤷‍♀️. It is tainting my everyday life currently & honestly making me terribly depressed & it is giving me derealization & making me feel nihilistic, I’ll remind myself it’s okay but then with my ocd i don’t stop thinking and thinking about it and it’s seriously so hard to stay present in the moment because this thought just feels like I can’t scrub it away it’s miserable I struggle with religion, but I do pray to anything that’s out there possibly listening, because it is comforting, it just feels like this whole experience Is pointless & I am afraid of the unknown and what is to possibly happen but I’m subjected to it anyways so why should it matter

Good news for those who have seen my posts and replies and are aware of why I am here on this platform: I have some great news to share. For those who don’t know, I am a parent of a son with OCD. Back in July, I helplessly watched him experience the anxiety and suffering of an OCD episode. Initially, I tried to help, but I didn’t know how. When I reached out to family and friends, their common response was to just let him grow up, labeling him as a spoiled boy. Even his mother was in denial and confronted me whenever I suggested seeking professional help, insisting that my son was not crazy but just lazy and acting up. This realization hit hard when she witnessed my son's condition during that July episode. I prayed for help and cried, even considering supernatural explanations like black magic. Then, I spoke with a friend whose son is a doctor. To my surprise, he also had OCD and calmly explained it to me, pointing me to NOCD as a valuable resource. I didn’t need to convince my son before his mother that talking to someone could help. The first session ended with a "haaaaeh" reaction from my son, indicating no progress. However, I asked him to give the therapist a chance for at least five sessions. By the third session, he came to me excitedly saying that the therapist had said something that clicked for him. Since then, he has improved tremendously. As my son navigated his journey, I spent a lot of time learning about OCD and reading your posts on this platform to understand the thoughts that led to the severe reactions I witnessed in my son. One of the most important things I've learned is that you are not crazy; you are sensitive, smart, conscientious, loyal, faithful perfectionists who deserve respect. It’s not your fault that you are special; it’s a reflection of the messy world we live in. My son has continued to improve, and I made a commitment to be on this platform to help others. I deeply believe that helping others opens the door for God to help me. Last week, while checking on my son, he told me that his therapist discharged him. This doesn’t mean OCD is gone, but it signifies that God has accepted my prayers and things are under control. Now, I am considering getting another degree to become a therapist myself so I can help others more effectively. Despite some opinions suggesting I refrain from helping OCD patients, most of my replies have emphasized the need for professional help and therapy. Therefore, I feel it may be time for me to step back since I don’t want to add to anyone's agony or harm. Yet you have repeatedly said that my comments have helped. God knows my intentions are good, and I pray for your recovery. Until there is a treatment for OCD, I will occasionally peek in and say hello.

i’m so hard on myself. it’s hard for me to walk in the forgiveness of the Lord. like whenever i mess up, the enemy sends suicidal thoughts. it’s awful. i stressed myself out to the point i didnt eat for over a month really and i lost almost 20 pounds (i was 138 originally, and ended up being 118 in a couple month’s time). i get soooo hard on myself and i believe the Lord is so hard on me i always wonder if He’s disappointed in me. if He’s mad at me. if He’s angry with me. it freaks me out and makes me question and overthink every move i make. it’s awful. i’ve really been staying inside the house for the past 2 weeks because outside makes me feel anxious and sad. i just feel overwhelmed and i stop talking to Him because He scares me. AND IT’S NOT EVEN HIM SAYING ALL THOSE THINGS, IT’S THE ENEMY LYING TO ME. he (the enemy) speaks of his own nature so when the thoughts of “you’re not good enough” or “you’re a disappointment” or “you’re always messing up and God is so angry with you”, are his own because he thinks that about himself. trying to take these thoughts captive and not self sabotage and be so hard on myself, but it’s tough.

Now the OCD is making it feel like I hate my natural attraction and want nothing to do with my natural attraction, also it’s trying to make me feel like if I don’t act on the urges, I’m gonna be unhappy I just wanna go back to how I was two months ago. I’m trying to continue with my life do the stuff I love doing well, hoping and praying that my natural attraction will eventually return with little to no trauma behind it, but the OCD is trying so hard, to trick me into believing that I’ve accepted the OCD’s reality while I’m trying to live my life, tell me I’m not alone. Tell me that the night is darkest just before the dawn that it has to get as bad as it can get before it gets better, because if I can’t return to how I was a couple months ago I will take a vow of celibacy, I refuse to compromise my beliefs and values, and do something that I never identified as all because a little voice in my head is pushing in my skull to do so, even seen this now it’s trying to convince me that’s wrong to stay true to my beliefs and values

I have developed some obsessive thoughts about death/ dying since my aunt passed in early November - she was old and had a lot of severe health issues. A few other people knew passed away also recently from drugs and accidents. I am 23 and pretty healthy and I can't stop what iffing every possible death thinking it could happen any second and hearing about other people dying is extremely triggering for me. I am a Christian so I believe I will go to heaven but I am constantly panicked that something bad will happen to me and I am so terrified of dying young. I look stuff up all day trying to calm down and kind of soothe this feeling. Idk if its OCD, then sometimes I am ok then the cycle repeats or I get triggered hearing about death. I literally have lived on reddit the past like 2 months trying to make myself chill. I have developed something where I gag almost everyday from anxiety and stress, so i went on Zoloft and I'm about a week in. I just want to live my life and I know death is inevitable and theres nothing I can do but IDK how to stop ruminating and stop wasting my 20s worrying about this its truly torment. Everyday I am like what if this is it and then I panic and ruminate in bed all day. I also get freaked out on hearing OCD voice in my head saying the most random things like am I gonna die soon or am I just OCD/anxious depressed. I also had the same issue in 2022 but I was obsessed with the thought of suicide and was so so scared I would lose control of myself and hurt myself, and I had NO desire to do that it was just so strange. Eventually with meds it went away and I got so much better. This time it feels so much worse bc obv no one escapes death.Side note also when turning to God for help I recently have had like a huge fear of God like not a normal one but just thinking he's gonna kill me early or whatnot and struggled to pray or read bible because it triggers the anxiety. I've envisioned dark stuff about me dying and been terrified to drive or be in big crowds as a kind of control to avoid dying. I am starting therapy soon, but appreciate any words of wisdom.

I have some friends who belong to a Reformed Presbyterian Church, and I found out that the Reformed churches follow tenants of Calvinism. The teaching here on the Sovereignty of God specifically is such a comfort to my OCD heart. The absolute sovereignty of God means that I can’t mess up his plans. I don’t have the same weight of responsibility to keep my soul safe (or anything else). I am finding comfort in that.

I had an incredible moment with god today and I was so happy and then I had an intrusive thought saying “what if that was the devil” and I immediately rebuked it and thinking “why would I say that” and now I’m freaking out. I need help

I have been dating my bf for over 2 years now and he is so, so patient, kind, caring, forgiving, understanding, and loving. He makes me feel seen and loved even when I can’t love myself. He has been with me through everything and we never once yelled at me ever. We sometimes get upset or disagree but we talk through everything instead of blowing up. He is truly everything I ever dreamed of and he is the man I want to marry and spend the rest of my life with. With that being said, that’s why I am here because I can’t seem to control my emotions sometimes. I blow up over little things and overthink everything. We are now doing long distance in college and it’s honestly a beautiful thing, but im struggling because I love my school and he hates his. We have always been a Christian couple who goes to church together and works to keep God at the center of our relationship. It is important to me and I know it is important to him, but since going to this school, he has started to become more sad and said himself that keeping up with religion sounds like too much work and he doesn’t really care about it. Neither of us also drink, me because I had a traumatic experience and him bc he was never interested. However, now he is becoming interested but it’s a very sensitive subject for me and I’m freaking out about how he is straying from God and becoming interested in things we swore we never were. I just need advice. I know College is a weird time. He is driven and not the type to completely go off the rails but I still have that fear lingering in my mind. Am I over reacting? If he does stray away, how do I stand by him and continue to show him love? I just have so many worries and I can’t seem to control them. And ofc I take those worries out on him. I just want to help myself so that I can positively grow our relationship.

Hi everyone, I hope everyone is hanging in there! I just wanted to let people know that God is really helping as he is using a Naturopathic Doctor to help me who uses “Cellular Medicine” to help heal disease. I was on the Max of Clomipramine 250 mg, the common OCD Medication. I am down to 150 mg now and I was on a heavy “Anti-Psychotic” called Perphenazine…honestly, I now don’t need it, somehow being psychotic was affecting my “OCD”, now I am not on any of the Anti-Psychotics and my OCD is like 5-10% of what it originally was….This is such an amazing blessing from God!! If anyone wants me to explain “Cellular Medicine” and what I take I will gladly share…..I have posted things like this in the past and I think some have found it annoying even though I am just trying to give hope. Thank you for healing Jesus!! God Bless everyone

Hi all, I was doing better with my OCD for so long and a somewhat new theme came. I, for about 15 years, struggle with OCD about if God existed because I’m a Christian. I finally got into ERP and seriously got rid of that theme. I was good for about a year and a half and now I have a new theme on sinless perfectionism. There’s a doctrine that if you are a Christian you’ll never sin again. It’s back up by a few verses that seem pretty strong and I feel hopeless. I don’t know if I’ll ever beat my OCD I’ve been researching for 7 hours and can’t stop. I don’t know what to do I feel so strongly that I have to figure this out and it almost seems like they’re right about the doctrine and I can’t stop panicking. I don’t think I’ll ever be ok

my ocd has really been taking its toll on me lately. i feel completely unloved by God. i use to feel it, but now i just kinda feel a hole. i talk to Him everyday, and read devotionals. i spend time with Him. i just can’t feel Him. i know a relationship with God isn’t based on feelings, but on faith. i guess my faith is running a bit low. i’m just tired and my thoughts get worse. it’s like a roller coaster.

this summer i told my nail tech about my thoughts (i didnt know about rocd back then) she triggered me real bad telling me that maybe i dont love him anymore and i dint want to accept it beacuse i dont want to hurt him, that made a big impact on me. Today i did my nails and she asked me about my problem, i was very triggered, she asked me if i had something that i dont like about him, i told her that is a mental disorder that many people have but luckily she kinda understood and i left because i was done. It really triggered me, i dont know how to feel and what i feel. Today was my first time saying maybe i do maybe i dont to my thoughts, i dont know if it did something, i feel like a liar. I am affraid this is my truth. My mother tells me to pray, i am catholic, i pray every night but im just very scared. As im writing this i dont know what i feel. What do you suggest ?:(

Hi I won’t disclose my name or age but I am young and still live with my family I have 3 siblings all of them live out of the house I struggle with a dad who screams all the time and has always been aggressive he has done a lot for me in the sense of taking me on trips and providing but when I comes to emotional stuff or caring what I think at all he ignores me and tries to say I’m being dramatic and push down my emotions. I also have a very Christian mom she has been 7th day Adventist since I was around 11 and she tells me everyday to get ready bc the world is going to end and we will all die she forces Jesus on me a lot. I am Christian and I do believe in God but it can be hard sometimes when I try to tell her something sensitive and that is her only answer. I argue with both of them a lot and have trouble handling my emotions so I sit in my room all day after work or school. The only time I really talk to them is when I need something so they always think I’m using them and that’s not what I want but I can barely talk to either of them without getting mad or upset about something. If you have any questions ask me I will explain more but can I please get some advice on how to fix this.

Me and boyfriend did some things together, and he was leading it. He did something to me that we both werent ready for. him touching/massaging my private. I felt good in the moment and after it happend he felt guilty. and I felt guilty with God about it. We talked it out and he apologized and took accountability for it about not asking before doing it. and I still an anxious about it? Im not able to cope or process it. I get scared if what if it was sexual assult? And im uncomfortable by the fact that it happend. Whenever I think about my partner it plagued my view and positive thoughts about him. How can I process and cope and move on the fact that it happend? Anxious and afraid some advice? ❤️