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Does anyone ever have really good days where you think all these thoughts were just silly and then suddenly everything hits you and you can't escape? Do you also question whether it's really OCD or not?

I grew up very conservative and strict and it definitely fed my ocd. I parted ways with religion because of how I never felt “good enough” even though I tried to follow all of the rules. This was after my church community escorted me from the campus because of the rumor that I was gay, even though I was an 18 year old and had poured my heart and soul into to ministry. Now, even though I’m not religious, I still get so afraid about god and religion and that I’m being “called back to god” like my parents and family begs in their prayers for me every day. Like certain numbers or sayings either feel like messages from god or messages from the devil to try and trick me. The thing is that now, I finally have a comfortable life after being abandoned because they thought I was gay, and I’ve finally rebuilt and have so much better of a life. But I keep getting painful thoughts that this is all a rouse and that satan is intentionally making my life “comfortable” (which I still face a lot of stuff because I have had to grow up and figure things out myself) to trick me from coming back to god. Even though I was severely abused and harmed and manipulated by that community, I’m so scared they are right and that me fighting for my freedom was all a waste, and that I’m going to hell. I do things to mitigate this now like burn incense and repeat phrases and other things but I’m so scared that “god” is trying to save me and call me back to him, and that the people who harmed me so bad were right to and should even more now. It’s so disheartening because I truly feel like I have worked hard to find love and safety with my loving partners and found family. But to my parents, and to my ocd, I’m just living in sin awaiting hell. How do I “expose” myself to this? Like how to I break the fear? It’s lead me to do harmful things to myself, like pulling my head out, scratching, hitting myself, and some other self harm that I feel like I can’t control. It’s really impacting my life and my loved ones now who have seen me conquer so much are now seeing me in such a dark place, and it hurts them too. So the question is are these things signs from god for me to leave this beautiful and safe life I’ve built to fling myself back into a life that is physically and emotionally painful but for the sake of my soul? Or just my ocd that probably stems from growing up in that environment?

I honestly do not have a desire to be sxeual with a woman (I am a woman) nor do I see myself in a relationship with a woman romantically but since this theme has popped up again I panic around pretty women. What if me acknowledging she is pretty or has a nice figure means I want to have sex with her. I don't.

I feel like when I watch escenes of women performing oral sex I want to do it too, but this didn't happen before, it feels like it really turns me on, and regular porn it's not as exciting, almost not arousing, is this something that can happen?

Tw, groinal responses (18+ convo) Can someone tell me what the difference between a groinal response and true arousal is? Is there any true way of knowing other than you don’t want a groinal response? My groinal responses tingle, sometimes feel like I need to pee or a stinging feeling (I’m a female) and it’s usually mainly focused on just the feeling between the legs and nothing else. When I’m feeling arousal (from what I know) there’s a core heat and aching up the loins then pleasant feeling. I feel calmer in this state then with what I assume is groinal responses. That’s the only way I think to see them differently. If anyone is an ADULT and would like to also talk about their experiences, leave a comment below thanks

If anyone wants to talk, or put together a support group with a bunch of us so that we can chat and be there to support each other that would be great for me! I have been having a really hard time with HOCD recently accompanied by False Memory and Real Event OCD, and I don’t really have anyone who understands or can agree with me on this. Not for reassurance purposes but just for peer support! Would be helpful!

I feel so unhappy. I have the most beautiful guy in the world as a boyfriend, and living with my intrusive thoughts is becoming unbearable. I just want to feel in love with him as I were before, with no intrusive thoughts. My ocd started all in a sudden: one day I was so in love and obsessed with him and the day after I started ruminating and never stopped. I can’t handle this anymore, it seems like I’m denying something that it is inevitable, that is I can’t love him because I’m lying to myself about my sexual orientation. I’m so tired, really, I don’t want to be lesbian because I don’t like being with girls, I don’t like the idea of being with a woman, I don’t want to be sexually involved with them, I don’t want to marry a woman. But then when I think about it, I automatically think that it’s because of society that taught us to behave as heterosexual. I really love my boyfriend, I think my ocd started because I am so scared to loose him. I love spending time with him, I love when he is around, I love talking to him, I can see myself in a future life with him, and he’s the perfect person to have children with. I just want this for my life, is it possible that everything can change from one day to another?

Hello fellow OCD sufferers; Long story short I will be purchasing my own place and taking on some responsibilities that I’ve never had before (taking on and caring for a family members pet). Maybe I was ignorant to everything, but it suddenly hit me in the face overwhelmingly with stress and anxiety how much this was going to take and this new endeavor. While it should be “good stress”, my OCD will take what it can and my dormant SO-OCD has started to get rear its head. My question to you all is, in times of stress and change, does your OCD flare up or get worse? If so, how do you pull it back in, and lessen the noise as well as the stress/anxiety.

Hi, i have been on and off with my SOOCD and I have been really good at understanding that my thoughts are just thoughts, yesterday i seen a masculine lesbian and it triggered me and I got severe anxiety because I was expecting some thoughts to come as I had been triggered. I then got thoughts “you find her attractive don’t lie”, when I seen her I do not personally think she is attractive looks wise and all that, but all my mind is saying to me now is I do and I am lying and it’s started to just get to me i just want to shut off and get the thoughts away from me😫then I seen on tiktok this person had SOOCD and then turns out they were gay and I just am spiraling.

So here’s how my life has been, I was one day watching TikTok and suddenly a random fearful thought popped up in my mind saying “what if im secretly gay” and I had anxiety for the rest of the night and continued since December 20 to now. But here’s the thing. Im still sexually attracted to women and i even just have gotten a girlfriend which is a girl that I have wanted for 2 years and never got the chance and even felt really sad that she went with another guy and stopped talking with me. But now I’m scared that I’m secretly gay and I don’t love her. When she came over we started making out and i got a boner and even leaked a little if you know what I mean. The whole time I was hard when she was over. But then when she leaves and I’m alone the thoughts start to come back and I pray but I heard that praying doesn’t do anything and people who were trying to pray to not be gay would still end up being gay. But before all of this I would always want to find a girlfriend and I even like this one girl in my school who I would daydream about us together but now I don’t feel nothing to her. I’m also scared that in the future I’m gonna try to do gay sexual things with men to find reassurance or something.

All of a sudden it feels like I want to be lesbian! I haven’t been having any anxiety and now I just have the urge to kiss every girl. I don’t understand how this could switch overnight, I know this isn’t me but now I feel like I’m lying when I even say that. I’ve always dreamed of being with a man, but now all of a sudden it feels wrong? Not only that but my brain is all over the place to the point I can’t think straight.

My ROCD HOCD only comes back when I get into relationships. Like for example when we broke up bruh my heart was messed up I’ve never experienced heart break before, but my ocd was like null during that experience. But when we started working things out my thoughts started to come back again? It’s like when the thing I love most is gone I get no bad thoughts? But I guess I wouldn’t have been that heart broken if I really wasn’t into him. Cos the whole time I was like he’s so pretty I don’t want anyone else. But at same time not one intrusive thought maybe ur not into him came???

Worry about groinal responses while laying down and worry when i hear relatives voices. I adjust as a compulsion and worry if im arousing and if i dont move i worry am i dwelling.

ROCD, MOCD, HOCD, SOOCD, POCD. The worst ones I'm flitting between right now, is H and P, the ones that feel the worst and are the most sickening. Up until 2 weeks ago, I was doing well and feeling more positive. Today my mind has been trying to go back to where the POCD actually first started, or the biggest trigger that I can remember. Never a good idea to do that. It's gone back to my friend's child. Remembering at a wedding when she was so pretty all dressed up, really beautiful. And I don't know whether it's the physical and mental state I'm in now that's doing it, but it makes me feel like I re-acted mentally and physically to thinking that. The worst thing was, she was really beautiful, really photogenic and there's a cloud in my heading giving me this feeling of I reacted in "that" way and wanted to. I didn't. But I'm in major anxiety right now, because I'm "feeling" it. Why? Does that mean I am? In my head it's questioning I'm in denial. It makes me feel sick. Ever since then I worried about being around ,not just her, but other responses that I felt would trigger that. Oh my god, writing this down is making me feel sick and anxious and I've convinced myself I'm evil. I don't want to do anything like that, I swear. All this is ruining my potential for a friendship/relationship because I don't feel I can ever be around him because of what is going on, how crazy and psycho I am, and on a physical level with them. And I really them them too and loved spending time with him. I've always avoided relationships in the past, because of my confidence, and I've missed put. It makes me feel so sad, because I'm not evil. I seem to convince myself I'm the P word (I can't even say it), that I'm gonna harm someone because I get angry or upset, that I'm other worse things as well. That I can't do this, and I'm gonna fail. Right now, I feel like I've undone everything positive I've done and experienced over the last couple of months. Which makes me spiral more, I dont want that.

Hi, I'm Alexander   I want to start off by saying 2 things: 1. I am so proud that you are still here, fighting your war, pushing day by day. You are loved, and you are not alone. 2. I find humor helps me feel better about my OCD, as it kinda takes the wind out of its sail, so I hope I do not offend anyone with the silly jokes I make. If anyone takes offense, please let me know, and I will revise my post.   I was diagnosed with OCD in February of 2020, roughly 4 weeks before the world stood still due to COVID. At the time, my obsession was Harm OCD, but as time has gone by, I have acquired additional subtypes, almost like I am collecting Pokemon (gotta catch 'em all, right?). Over time, I have battled with HOCD, Pedophilia OCD, Real Event OCD, Incest OCD (it's not even a defined subtype yet, I'm just a hipster like that), and few others when I have the free time. My go to compulsions were rationalization (which only made things worse) and avoidance (watching Bob's Burgers and playing Rocket League). I started therapy at NOCD early January after a very rough holiday season, with many panic attacks, crying episodes, and generally wishing I was never born. My therapist, Andrew, has been such a gift in my life, treating me with care and compassion that my OCD makes me feel I am not worthy of. Together, we have identified that the core fear my OCD feeds on is abandonment; I am afraid that if I am the person my OCD wants me to think I am, that my friends and family will abandon me. When it came time to start (E)xposure (R)esponse (P)revention, I'm not going to lie, I was terrified. The first few sessions left me in quite a mess (to be fair, I definitely underestimated my response to my exposures, my bad Andrew, that's on me). Session after session it has gotten easier to face my triggers. I learned to steer away from my compulsions, and to process the triggering obsession like the trauma it is. I have been given the OCD Conqueror badge for my progress, and I appreciate the sentiment of it, however, I'm sorry NOCD, I think it gives the wrong idea. Conquering implies a set-in-stone victory, but that isn't what OCD is. OCD is a lifetime war, and a new battle starts every day. Somedays OCD beats me up pretty bad, but with the help I am getting, I am happy to say that most days I kick OCDs ass, sorry for cussing, brother ---^. I know that OCD is cyclic, and days might come where it battles with everything it has, but I'll be better equipped for it this time around. To those who are in active therapy, don't forget to tell your therapists that you appreciate them; without them, there would be no NOCD for us! Show them the same compassion, reassurance, and love they show us! To those who are unsure or scared of therapy, remember, "courage is not the lack of fear. It is acting in spite of it" -Mark Twain

Im so tired from seeing & feeling from men’s pov , i really dont want to be a man , im really into men but hocd and tocd keep convincing me im not

I've never been turned on by a woman. I've admired a beautiful woman but more so in ways I wish I looked that or a 'good for her' never anything sexual. My SO-OCD is back quite strongly at the moment and it's causing panic in me because I have no crush on any males at all and I've been single by choice for so long it's making me worry what if its because I'm really secretly gay or bi. I even get scared to test mentally thought of being a woman incase I like it. I've done this test before and came to conclusion it wasn't for me but now it's back again. I even used to watch WLW p-orn but not like the close ups it was more because it was less peeness on face.

From what I’ve seen from quite a few people on here and Reddit, dealing with intrusive thoughts during “private” time seems to be something i and many others sadly deal with. I’ve “sort of” gotten used to it but I wish I can enjoy myself sexually the way I used to before these thoughts took over my mind. It’s literally what started the POCD obsession for me in the first place, and why it’s so hard to believe it’s OCD when these thoughts are so prevalent when I’m engaging in something sexual. I always feel reluctant to actually do the deed sometimes cause of how present the thoughts are before I do it but I force myself to cause avoiding it isn’t gonna help. And honestly, I just want to get it over with before my sex drive and these thoughts clash and make it infinitely worse. I try my best to focus on what I know I want (gay porn) but it’s like windshield wipers during a storm. I see clearly for like 5 seconds then boom there’s something that shouldn’t be there and I have to stop. Over and over again. It’s even worse when I finish and it finds its way back on mind when it should be the last thing on it at such a moment. I can’t believe the one thing I used as a stress reliever is now something that cause me nothing but stress.

Hi everyone, I really need an advice. I discovered I have ocd two years ago. I tried to go to therapy for a few time in 2022 but it was terrible: my therapist didn't do erp and was convinced I didn't have ocd because I didn't have any physical compulsion (🚩). In November 2023, I started going to therapy again: finally, I received my ocd diagnosis. However, even my new therapist doesn't practice erp. She understands my disorder a lot better, but she doesn't give me homework or tips for exposures. I am not as desperate as I was some years ago, but I must admit I can't say I'm fine either. I constantly ruminate (even if I try not to) and I feel anxious almost every day. My main theme before was so-ocd. Now I have less obsessions regarding that, but I'm starting to develop r-ocd. I'm in a relationship since November and the idea of losing him or ruining our love do to ocd really freaks me out. Another thing I should add is that I live in Italy, and here it's very difficult to find a trained erp therapist. So my question for you is: do you think I should try creating a hierarchy of exposures on my own? Is it something that I can try? And if it doesn't work, should I try to see if NOCD can do therapy for people living abroad? It's very expensive and it wouldn't be in my language, but it seems to me that they are the only ones who really understand all this. Thanks to anyone who will take the time to read all this and give me an answer❤️

Saw a post today about the late blooming lesbians because this woman got married to a man and had two children only to realize that was a lesbian and now I don't know what to think as someone who is engaged to be married to a man that I love whole heartedly.. ✨️cue so-ocd✨️ Someone help 😭😭