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how do you accept uncertainty I find it impossible and so distressing? It’s ruining my life😔

Can somebody relate to these terrifying and reality-shattering doubts? Today I went through a very bad ocd episode after reading a triggering comment. It felt like we don't actually have innate morals, that there is nothing separating me from being a monster. I started spiraling into disturbing questions and I got scared a lot. "If you try to like it maybe you could like it". I was so scared how easily I could see myself becoming a **** who's attracted to that horrible stuff. I was too terrified about the fact that maybe I could start being attracted to that stuff in my head, and that scenario happened TOO easily. I'm not attracted by that stuff, it makes me throw up and cry, but in my head it felt so terrifyingly easy to become a deplorable monster like all those abusers in the world, this parallel reality felt so real and easy. Like all the **** on Hollywood must have become like that because they were exposed to it and they learned to like that perversion right? They're all in it. I got triggered very badly about that scenario, that if I got exposed to it I could start to like it. That my brain could adapt itself to liking it. I don't know how to explain it, I don't even know if you guys can relate to this terrible feeling. It felt in my head like there is a very thin wall separating me from being like a ****, that there is very fragile wall for me, that if I were to be exposed to that stuff that I could actually enjoy that horrible stuff. It's a reality that terrifies me, and in my head this scenario happened too easily, like I'm destined to it or I'm in denial, like "it's a matter of time", and once I try to check if I like it I could actually like it. Like I always avoid little girls, and everytime I notice them I always get triggered and feel distress, but I tried to accept the distress and move on, thinking that it was ocd making feel like I was falsely-attracted, and that I was actually only triggered and nothing else - I never went beyond that - but what if I put it in my mind to accept that I actually liked what I saw? How easy would it be to realise that maybe I was actually attracted and in denial? Or maybe if I crossed the veil of OCD I could discover a horrible truth that I never wanted to know? It's the distress that's making me feel sane, but if I went beyond that? If I tried to experiment the liking would I actually become what I fear the most? Just like that, easily? I'll never cross that veil, because I DON'T WANT TO KNOW. But the fact that maybe under it lies an uncomfortable truth will always keep me in uncertainty and unclear about my identity. Of course I would never look up that stuff, I would kill myself, but my head conjured me that I could like it, that it's like something sleeping that it's just waiting to be woke up. I can't tolerate it at all. Those horrible people in Hollywood, they discovered that they liked it after being exposed to it, what if I'm just like them? I could go live all my life just like now, without knowing, but what if in their same scenarion I would have been one of those person that could have like it just like them? I also suddenly got remembered again about that traumatic memory of that person sending an illegal gif out of nowhere, and it was accompanied by this disturbing thought "maybe you could like it". I also had another triggering episode, I was on instagram and a trigger appeared, and I start checking it repeatedly. I was afraid that because I noticed the trigger I was attracted by it so I was trying to find an answer. I need answers, not reassurance, I need to know if you guys experience this too.

do you guys often confuse being triggered with actually being attracted. I struggle with this a lot.

My problem sounds kinda silly in comparison to others here, but I must say it plagues my daily life so so much that I just need to share it. It would be great if I could get a few advice here. I was diagnosed with OCD a few years back, although the symptoms started quite a few more years back. It’s nothing too serious, but it takes me almost an hour to use the toilet (not bathing). What takes so much time? Cleaning myself and washing my hands mostly. I repeat a set of…what the doctor termed as ‘rituals’ I perceive as ‘necessary’ to wash my hands properly. If I do not complete them, the back of my mind screams “You’re still unclean!”. Even if I manage to avoid my compulsions for one day, on the next, it doesn’t become any easier. A brutal cycle of obsessions and compulsions that needs to be broken every day, but I can’t. I can speed up my ‘rituals’, but not avoid them entirely. This means the time I need in the toilet is still around 45 minutes to an hour. On my worst days, it has even gone for two and a half hours at a time. Although I can continue like this at home, but soon I need to move to college. I know college and dorm life won’t be any kinder to me with this disability of mine. Neither will I be given so much time inside shared washrooms, nor can I avoid the vicious bullying that may come with it. The latter is mostly my assumption, but even normal students face ragging in college; it’s a fact. I would be really glad if anyone with similar conditions who has spent life in dorms alongside peers could share their experiences. How to manage the demon of OCD and how can I survive dorm life? I’m already scared of rumours of ragging I heard from my seniors, but this disability of mine makes life so much worse. I’m really afraid of what the future holds for me.

Does anyone ever have really good days where you think all these thoughts were just silly and then suddenly everything hits you and you can't escape? Do you also question whether it's really OCD or not?

I think the reason I have been triggered is because of stress I am SO STRESSED I work 50+ hour work weeks have so many bills and it just feels like things keep happening to make life work like today my tire popped! I can’t afford it so I am stressing out about that I just signed up to start college asap (this month) and I don’t know where I am gonna have time for myself I barely have time to eat and sleep let alone shower but somehow my thoughts make time in my head to be the way they are and I am gonna be honest it pisses me off! What about y’all? Are y’all pissed off? Tell me about it in the comments:)

Lately I've been having this feeling where I don't feel real. Like I know I am and it's probably just anxiety but I feel like I'm just hearing myself talk and do things but feel like it's not me/ feel out of it. I don't know if that makes any sense but it's just freaking me out and making me feel crazy

Am I the only one that, when gets disgusted at horrible intrusive thoughts or images feels like I'm faking it or isn't disgusted enough? When I see those intrusive images in my head I feel shaken and like about to cry, like when you see something from the uncanny valley. But then I feel like I'm faking being disgusted at it, and I'm so afraid that I might be secretely liking it. Something like that just happened now and I was triggered so much by it.

I have known for a while that I may have OCD. After downloading this app and reading everyone else’s experiences, I am certain I have OCD. In the past few days, I have had serious relationship doubts and my thoughts in general have become so loud that it’s debilitating. There are so many voices that I can’t move or do anything. I just shut down so I can shut them up. Now, basic decisions are paralyzing. I can’t make a grocery list, pick a tv show, or decide when to leave for school. My brain just freezes now when I have to make any sort of decision. Any tips on how to get past this? How to shut the voices up so I can finally think for myself?

Hey so for almost the past year I’ve had thoughts and fears of hurting a loved one I’m not completely sure if it’s OCD, so I’m here asking for a confirmation or help because I’m 16 and I really wanna find out how I can help this. It usually calms down and starts again. The thoughts usually involve a sibling getting hurt by me. I’m kinda lost on what to do.

Do any of you also have this feeling that you don’t love your partner and you are with them for the wrong reasons ? It feels very real. But I want to love him so it makes me sad. Is it still part of ROCD or does it mean that my feelings are a sign that my fear is true (that I really don’t truly live my partner). We have been together for three years pretty much. We have been in long distance relationship since this September and have been trying to fix our relationship for a year after a break up (due to my constant doubts and feeling that I don’t truly love him). I was so excited to visit him like a child before Christmas, now that I’m with him I realise that I don’t feel the way I thought I would: I don’t feel intense love and excitement and it sometimes even feel strange. I don’t feel much and I’m hoping it’s just because I need to get used to be around him again but sometimes I even feel suddenly that I’m with him just out of convenience such as staying out of fear of changing my routine. I do feel a bit of that for sure because I’m so used to have him around me and for me that without him my life would feel very strange and empty. But I want to love him so bad because like everyone I want to be in a relationship but also because it is a good relationship, he is nice with me, caring, I love to cuddle with him, we experienced a lot together, he changed me (in a good way), he motivated me to become a better person more motivated, he gives me confidence and I like to make him proud, when he spends time with friends or family I feel a bit sad because I wished I was experiencing what he is doing with him, I’m attracted to him and I’m obsessed with his smell, the way he cuddles me make me feel relaxed. Moreover he is a driven person, loyal, mature I imagine a successful future with him. Please help me I’m so scared to be in denial and to not actually love him because when we started dating it was kinda right time right place because I wasn’t attracted to him but he was nice with me and I wanted to have a boyfriend and I hoped I’d fall in love with time. I don’t want to start all over again with someone else and when we went through breaks I often compared others to him (e.g.: he dresses better, he is more interesting…etc (my bf that is)). I want to stop doubting and just love him and we cant continue together for years with doubts all the time … help

i constantly think bc of the way my stomach feels i may be getting cancer or pregnant (not that i’ve done things to make that happen) i just overthink it and convince myself i did and i go crazy sometimes i feel like i have no one to talk to bc no one understands the way my head works.

Worried that I’m gonna speak negativity into existence after seeing a video on tiktok saying that you speak things into existence. Dude I hate this so much. I hate this so much.

Ordering Repeating Extreme overthinking Hours and hours doing my those OCD rituals Cannot read or write because of this Taking time while switching on fan/light etc.... Self harming No one understands about my OCD It's been 2 years Random crying and feeling helpless and lost most of the time Re doing and re writing and re reading Checking doors Arranging doormats sometimes takes like 20-25 minutes to arrange doormats Random and worst compulsions Example: Touch the door 4 times or else my loved one will die Then it becomes 4x4 16 Random imaginations of numbers Nothing becomes perfect Wasting all my time to study (I'm in 10TH GRADE)doing all these. Very slow while writing notes in class because of rewriting and my bench mates notices it sometimes and makes fun of it. Even my bestfriend doesn't understands me and laughs at it but she tries to support me but they are not understanding what I am going through. Compulsion while I go to bed when I am extremely tired and then I waste the next minutes or maybe hours doing those without sleeping even if I am tired or class the next day. Seeing all these my parents yell at me and makes fun of laugh at me call me mad or crazy.Mu siblings and my cousins laugh at me and says "Stop doing these.Why are you acting" "JUST STOP THESE". I ALWAYS DO RITUALS WITH THE ANXIETY THAT SOMETHING HAPPENS TO MY PARENTS.And I love soo much that I can't even explain but my parents don't understand why I am doing these and one day my father pleaded and cried saying that "Please stop this.Dont be crazy.You are making me sad and tense.These are just your thoughts". One day while going to a function(we were running late) and my family was in a hurry that time I was ordering the footwears which was kept outside my house it tooke me 8 or more minutes and my father yelled at me and He destroyed all of the arrangement with his leg and all my hardwork was ruined and watching this my sibling started laughing hardly and I broke down into tears and yelled back at him and said that I'm not coming without arranging these. COUNTING ALWAYS. Retyping things, My teachers noticed this during computer lab and yelled at me.

Hey, I’ve never dated before and I’m in my 20’s now and I’ve considered starting to use a dating app to start just talking to people but I’m scared. Scared of getting obsessive over the conversations, the people or if it’s the right decision to use it or not ? Any advice ? Thank you

I need help someone plz help I keep getting thoughts and physical urges about girls and I feel that I’m getting aroused. I don’t know what to do I don’t want to be with a girl I keep getting images about my sister arms and I xojld care her veins and I know that I like men with veiny arms but I keep getting a reliant that I like My sister with it I don’t what to do I don’t have anyone to talk to u I feel like I am alone. In Islam I don’t know if it’s true or not but god says to the fetus 77 times if u want to come to this world and god shows his or her life to it till his death. I wonder what did I see in this world that I agreed to come here I don’t want to live anymore I’ve had enough no one understand I want to go back to normal I don’t want to be with a girl I’ve never imagined my life with a girl I’m having 5 tablets a day of medication and I’m becoming worse I can’t focus I can’t remember certain things

My parents think I’m a burden they I’m over reacting I have nothing I don’t want t to live anymore do u think suiside is the best option I don’t know why god is punishing me I can’t take it I don’t want to live anymore in this tourtire life

I’m a college student and I’m experiencing extreme burnout. I have so many assignments and exams piling up, but I just can’t get myself to start any of them. I am an extreme perfectionist and I have very high anxiety and this makes starting tasks related to school very difficult. I ended up wasting my entire spring break thinking about all the assignments I have to do. It is the last day of break and I have done nothing yet!!!! I’m so stressed out, I don’t know what to do. Why can I never start things when I want to. I always have to think about a task for an excessive amount of time before actually starting it.

Hello, I’ve recently moved to a new school and have been attending my new school for a month now. But recently, I have felt like I need to talk to more people in my classes since I just moved there. Sure, I have some friends already but my mind and thoughts keep telling me since I don’t have a ton of friends in my English class, that I need to talk to more people in there but I have social anxiety. Same with my Math class, my mind keeps telling me that since I have recently moved to a new school, I need a fresh start but I feel like I have already ruined that fresh start at a new school because I haven’t really been that outgoing or myself towards people in my classes and that’s what I was wanting when moving schools. I wanted a fresh start but now since I haven’t really pushed myself out of my comfort zone and talked to people in some of my classes, I feel like I’ve ruined my fresh start at a new school. Especially since I have been there for a month now, I feel like it is too late to be a new person and be myself and be outgoing there. I wanna talk to the peers around me and in my classes but I have social anxiety. I wanna just be my funny self like I am at home but idk how to do that at school or in public places. What do I do?

I am a grad student in an online STEM program, and my career depends on my analytical skills, which mask my OCD. It has become debilitating (7 hours revising an email reply) and negatively impacts my social life (response inhibitions and shame) and my academic performance (excessive amounts of time spent on every task, resulting in easily found errors like unfinished sentences; cognitive impairments). Like, I have 7 planners and can't start a to-do list because it triggers my OC. My university is insufficient in my situation. Figuring out how to accomodate as a virtual student with neurodiversity/debilitating mental illness has been ridiculously exhausting. Despite communicating with every professor, the student accessibility services, and my department director, I feel like I am fighting an uphill battle alone. Everyone places such value in diversity, inclusion, and equity, but fail to actually have resources that support mental health conditions. Almost everyone I have contacted have no experience with OCD or how it works. Yes extended time of my due dates would be great, if it actually alleviated my anxiety and paralysis instead of extending masked compulsions. Asking chatGPT and trying to afford Grammarly premium is so far the only useful shit I've resorted to. I can't even mention AI because of how stigmatized it is from lack of information/tech literacy about it being a tool and not e-Satan.