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I did compulsions again after quitting that for a few days. So sad. Now the cycle is going to start again

I have ROCD (undiagnosed) but I’ve been told my themes and compulsions match it. I’ve started reminiscing about an ex, who was very toxic to me and I was young and thought I was in love. At one point I thought “oh I miss when we did that and I miss them a little bit” and my mind and anxiety is spiraling. I love my husband and we’ve been married for 2 years and together a total of 6 years. I’m anxious that me having the the thoughts of missing my ex is gonna eventually lead me to wanting to leave my husband or be anxious forever

This is my first post here and I really enjoy this app, since downloading and just reading through it has helped me already. It really makes me feel like I am not alone, and I’m not a freak, and I have struggled with that specifically with OCD for a very long time. Today I had a spike in anxiety and I figured let’s try and utilize the app for its intended purpose. I’m struggling just a bit with doubting my relationship (just married in October) because of some lack of intimacy and feeling like I am not wanted all the time. Even tho we have talked it through multiple times I still find myself having the same thoughts on loop “am I still really in love with her” “did we jump too soon” “what if it isn’t right” when I know 100% that I am in love with her and I wouldn’t want anyone else my side ever and I look forward to growing old together with my best friend. My ocd has also taken a toll on us due to the fact that I go to her for reassurance with my intrusive thoughts, which is not fair to her at all. So here I am, trying this out to see if I can get some support and relief talking with people that struggle with OCD as well. Thanks for reading of you got this far ❤️

Does anyone else strugfle really bad with ZOCD? Its scary for me because as much as I have a genuine care for animals, Im scared to ever own any in the future because I dont want to hurt them or do anything wrong with them. Im scared sometimes even just seeing stray dogs (not bc im scared of them, but bc of the intrusive thoughts about them...) i dont want to live like this :(

So I want to work in my OCD with ERP and I already have a therapist here on NOCD and stuff. The problem is, that: 1. When I want to trigger myself (in an exposure) it does nearly nothing, I don't feel it and I won't get triggered, also I have a hard time focusing on my ERP 2. When I am triggered in the wild, so by OCD in my daily life it's either so hard that I can't resist it and give in OR it's so overwhelming and chaotic that I can't see it clear and it's all messy, like I am walking in fog or try holding on to smoke I want to fix that with writing down the Situation and trigger Everytime I get triggered and then try to recreate that and trigger me, but I fear that it won't work. Plus the last days where so overwhelming. I want to focus on my ROCD right now, because that's most important to me but then I started and internship as a Smith yesterday and liked it and BOOM OCD came and lets me question my future plans. After that settles down I go to depressed desperate, where I feel unheard and hate and argue with my past therapist and friends in my mind which treated me wrong, or did something bad or whatever, I carry so much hate inside me. I litteraly can't fucking Stop imagining arguments and fights with them in my head. When I notice I am doing it and stop, I will start over again a few moments later. This is all so fucking much! PLEASE HELP ME. What can I do to still do ERP successfully while my mind is so polluted. It feels like I want to reach my car down the road. But the road is a fucking mountain range, it's foggy, with creatures keeping me from moving on and planes bombarding the area. What can I do please

I fucking hate my OCD I love boys and I know that for a fact I want my old life back I want to get married has kids and live in normal settled life, but my OCD doesn’t want me to leave it like that it keeps on playing games with me and I don’t know what to do about it. I want to manage my OCD I wanna walk along with it I love boys and I only love boys that don’t like girls and that way but why doesn’t my obsessive compulsive disorder understand that I’m fucking tired of it. I just want to end bloody pain I love boys and I always will. it has ruined my life. I want to have my own life back. It looks like I am being two people at once and me is locked inside me. I want to have my crushes on boys I want to live a happy and settled life the urges and unwanted thoughts about my own sexuality is getting with the top and I hate that I don’t know what to do I can’t eat or do anything else my University work is pending, but I can’t get that done because of my fucking obsessive-compulsive disorder. Can you suggest any UK based face-to-face therapies that are specializing in sexual orientation obsessive compulsive disorder I want to continue with NOCD. They are great but they are also expensive. I am a wheelchair person and I rely on my benefits. Thank you for listening to me I’m not asking for reassurance I just like to write what I’m feeling down. It gets out of my head.

Started my therapy yesterday, and i feel that it triggered my rocd. I went to spa to relax today with my friend, and there came a man sit next to me at pool. I felt uncomfortable immediately even he had his space and i was talking to my friend. I was prosessing rocd themes with a therapist yesterday and i have a lot of sexual instrutive thoughts. Just got upset that got them again, and somehow got ”scared” of them. Now them instrutive thought got stick to my head. Just feeling tired and somehow dissapointed that i let it affect myself this badly. Don’t know why i am posting this just feeling down after all of this. 😭 wish that i could just live a normal life without these instrutive thoughts

I was feeling suicidal the other day because I was feeling doubtful about myself and other people. That was scary. I was actually thinking about dying even though death or ending things are scary to me

Hi guys I’m currently going through a difficult phase. I have been trying to get out of this from almost a year. But recently the thing that makes is anxious is my loved ones. Whenever I’m talking or see my girl friend or even any other girls , I feel very nervous.Can anybody please help,if anybody gone through this please give me a hand. Regards,

My OCD has been running a little rampant for months. Most of my intrusive thoughts recently have been easier to decide as an intrusive thought but I’m starting to realize more and more how they’re deeply rooted in my trauma. I recently became incredibly uncomfortable in the presence of my brother because I was afraid he was attracted to me. TW: SA, intrusive thoughts related to incest/SA/RPE Recently I’ve been sharing a room with my 15yo brother. He is a football player, around 200lbs and 5’8. I’m 19, 98lbs and 5’1. Around 2 years ago he took a picture of my cleavage without asking. Needless to say, a lot of trust in him was lost. I’ve had very foul experiences with men in my life. My boyfriend (who suspected also has OCD) pointed out signs and said he felt uneasy around his presence. The other day he asked me if I was wearing pants under the blanket and offered his pants. I said no, I’m wearing pants. And that sent my mind spiraling. Thinking he was a creep or wanted to do something to harm me. I’ve been having bad intrusive thoughts about him harming me and they’ve even manifested in my dreams since I moved into the room beside him. I confronted my parents about it today (they’re not the most understanding) and they told him I basically called him a creep. We made up, but yeah. Bothers me. Kinda made me feel like I was falsely accusing him but like I really thought for a moment that he might hurt me. I often have intrusive thoughts or paranoia when going out anywhere of getting kidnapped, r/ped or beaten and it’s just a constant fear, I feel like I can’t trust any man I’m standing beside without my boyfriend there. Sometimes I have intrusive thoughts that he’d even do things to me in my sleep/without consent, even though he’s never and been the most supportive person in my life. Another thing, I have constant intrusive thoughts that he’s cheating on me or is truly to hurt/manipulate my feelings, plotting things against me, stuff like that… I can decode them much easier now that our relationship is in a better place, but yeah. I hope that makes sense.. it’s been really hard. I feel like I can’t talk to anyone about it because I’m so scared of being called crazy. I really want therapy but can’t keep a job.. it’s been debilitating.

Hello all! I have harm ocd, anxiety, and depression. I feel I know exactly how to get through most thoughts because I’ve probably had exactly what you are thinking myself. So, if you have any questions or any problems that needs solved please comment and if I don’t have an answer maybe someone else who is reading this does!

I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years. This past year we were at the best place we have ever been which honestly isn’t saying too because we’ve always had a pretty healthy relationship but last year we took a lot of big steps together. Moving in together, spending more time with each other’s family, sharing milestones like graduation with each other and our families. At some point I started getting real nit picky. Analyzing everything that he did. Constantly checking if I found him attractive. Comparing him and our relationship to what people around us looked like. It started to feel like everything he did I found a flaw in and it made me feel horrible. I’m with the best guy ever and he is so dedicated and loving. I would push these thoughts away, try and pray them away and that would work for a while. Eventually it felt like I was going insane. Things that I never( in all my years of dating) cared about now seemed to be all that I could focus on. I started measuring my attraction to everyone ( people who before this I never even gave a second thought to). I just wish I knew why it’s like this now or what triggered the intrusive thoughts. It makes me wonder if I’m settling but then I don’t feel like anything about him could ever be considered settling. I’m constantly praying for a sign or divine intervention. It wasn’t until I stumbled across a TikTok post that described Relationship Anxiety that I finally felt seen, like to a T every detail described what I’ve been feeling and doing. I’m not sure how ROCD differers from Relationship Anxiety but I’m hoping that by finally sharing and not holding this all in I can start to face and conquer this.

Hey! I would like an opinion on a question that has been bothering me for a long time. About 10 months ago, I broke up with my previous, really difficult relationship. I already suffered from rocd symptoms during that relationship, but they went untreated because we broke up. I explained the obsessions with a "bad relationship". I got over the breakup well and found myself and was happy again. I enjoyed myself and was relieved that it was all over. In the summer I met a wonderful boy who is perfect to me, but the doubts immediately came back. (even before we met for the first time). I struggled with why I felt doubts and anxiety even though I was in love and happy with my boyfriend. I suffered from the symptoms for about three months. I spoke to a therapist who brought up rocd. I can fully identify myself with the symptoms of rocd. However, before the rocd information, I had time to think of any of reasons for anxiety and doubt, and one was definitely the most difficult and heaviest. "What if the reason for my anxiety is not ROCD, and the reason is that I haven't gotten over my ex". I know that's not the case because I handled the breakup well and I was really relieved and satisfied with my life and the breakup. And I am still. And I am very happy that the past relationship ended because otherwise I would not have met my lovely current partner. However, I can't get rid of this thought because I can't be completely 100% sure. I'm looking for 100% certainty, because without it I'm really anxious and I feel that I can't be together with my lovely and perfect man. I have one question that bothers me and I can't get an answer to it. Can ROCD cause me to obsess about not getting over my ex relationship which is causing me anxiety. (I do not feel that I have not but I still doubt it). I know that I have gotten rid of the previous relationship, and I have not even think about my previous relationship few months after break up, yet I can't get rid of the thought that I am only haunted. Hox, the previous relationship was my first and I am 20 yars old now. And that this is the reason why I can't be with my partner and I don't love him. This makes me so anxious and sad because I am currently with a man with whom I really want to spend the rest of my life. I've searched the internet for answers and googled things related to this issue every day to get confirmation, but the doubts don't stop. thanks in advance

Hi…okay so I don’t know if anyone would understand what I want to say but I hope anyone who sees this understands….so I’m suffering from rocd and when it all started I prayed , begged ,cried infront of god to just give me one more chance to make things right with my partner, I don’t want to lose him i don’t know why I’m feeling like this I just want to feel love for him please give me another chance please give me a new heart with love filled for my partner. I was miserable I was scared I was crying 24/7 day and night feeling terrified and asking god to please make me “feel” for my partner im sorry if I made any mistake . My partner and I are in long distance he’s working hard to build a life he wants so me I just wanted to pray for him with my WHOLE HEART! To please help him help him in managing his struggles and all but I don’t know I was just not feeling that I’m praying with my whole heart when I was trying my all to just pray for him with pure intentions and a pure heart. ( I got emotional while typing all this). I don’t know why but the thought - maybe I’m not right for him that’s why god isn’t helping him or answering my prayers. And now the situation is that I actually feel very difficult to pray to god for him I m just not able to talk to god words are so damn difficult to come out I think what if god thinks I’m not praying with my whole heart. ( believe me I really want to) does god thinks that my feelings now because of rocd (not feeling 100% in love ) is the reason why he’s not answering my prayers or because I don’t feel 100% in love with him I’m not able to make prayers( like something is stopping me really hard to go infront of god and talk to him) I’m not able to go even in the room which is dedicated to god in my home. What is all this? Can somebody help me in anyway. I’ll be really thankful.

My my name Brendan Simons. I first learned about my OCD when I was around 6 years old. It all started when I was in my daycare, and one of the kids was talking about the scary ghost of bloody Mary, and spinning three times in the mirror while saying her name will make her appear and harm you. As a kid, this horrified me as someone that was very afraid of ghost this led to my first experience with OCD. My OCD took this to a new extreme touching doing or saying anything threes times would cause harm to me or somebody that I love and care about this lasted around five years it seems to be a theme in my OCD that keeps coming back, but not always in the way of numbers are doing things multiple times. Later, on in life in my teenage years, it seemed to change from Numbers to that just right feeling. As I’m sure some of you as experienced as I’ve looked online and many people have had that just right feeling, it’s very hard to explain what we’re talking about but I would repeatedly do my actions over and over many times of whether that’s turning on and off water touching closing a door multiple times until I felt just right and if it didn’t feel right, I thought something bad again what happened to me or somebody I care about. More recently, my OCD has come along with intrusive thoughts, and it kind of like what was going on as a teenager with the just right feeling but now my mind tells me to think of harm to somebody that I do not care about so that way it will not affect somebody that I do care about. As family ages my worries continue to grow and I have just recently moved out and live on my own now and I’m very very stressed about my family back home. Now recently, my OCD has started to take over my life. I was prescribed Zoloft for anxiety and OCD and have noticed small changes in my personality. I feel like I have been able to resist the compulsions, but it hasn’t fully taken this anxiety feeling fully out of the picture. It really takes over my day-to-day activities and I still find myself doing multiple compulsions and rituals to try and prevent these things from happening. I understand and I’m self aware that me doing something or a ritual multiple times will have no effect on anybody at all in the world, but for some reason my brain overpowers that and gives you that what a feeling what if this were to happen. Join this app to find people who have possibly has similar experiences just like mine or any advice to help me get through this. As I live in a town that I’m unfamiliar with I know nobody here and I’m just trying to make friends. Please don’t hesitate to reach out.

Hi everyone, i’ve never done this before and I have a lot of trouble accepting help thinking I can do everything on my own. Due to some stressful life circumstances lately I have had a flare up after almost 5 years without any major flare ups. It has been extremely difficult to cope with the deep panic and physical symptoms that come along with it lately and I have taken the first step to getting help from a professional on here. I know I am not alone and I already have a lot of tools and tips that have worked for me in the past but sometimes you just need an extra hand to guide you. Trying to be hopeful and am proud of myself and grateful those around me support me getting extra help during a trying time such as this. 🤍

I have germ OCD/Emetophobia, and death OCD. I just started Luvox, but my OCD and anxiety has me scared something bad will happen if I take it so I haven’t been consistent. It’s ruining my marriage..I feel guilt 24/7. Can anyone relate…

does anyone remember what their first experience with OCD felt like? im pretty sure i know the exact minute it happened. I was nine and my cousin was over for a sleep over, i remember she was on my bed watching a youtube video, and i was on the floor watching a youtube video. Then all of a sudden i got this horrible feeling it felt almost like deja vu? but i was terrified and i was so anxious i went and threw up. After that my mind was never the same, at the time i was so scared that i had been possessed because thats what i imagined it would feel/ look like, i became obsessed with the thought that i had become possessed. i kept asking my mom for reassurance that I hadn’t gotten possessed or had “made god angry.” im just wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience or if maybe that wasn’t OCD? Part of me still wonders if maybe i actually am possessed and i don’t have OCD even after 10 years. I obviously know thats not true but it’s always the “what if” ya know?

And if so what does that look like to you. I think i may have and I can't figure out if I have or not.

Idk what is wrong with me. For so long I was so strong in my sexual preference for women as a straight man but after I was 17 I had a really bad experience where a girl told people around my school I sexually assaulted her and it fucking killed me. For years, massive depression couldn’t touch a women for years afterwards until after I graduated when in 2021. 2 months in my first trust gf when we had sex my anxiety went so far up that it put me in a panic attack or “fight or flight” reaction and my erection went soft immediately and couldn’t be put back up. I think also I was scared of sex itself and being good at it, I suck at calming my mind down in those situations and just being on the moment. Now since a young teenager I’ve always found women attractive and had crushes on them. Always fantasized about having sex with them and got aroused by it, just the act of making out with women gets me going or sometimes just being close to one. Mental attraction also goes a lot into my attraction to a women. But after that one altercation with my first gf out of fear I was gay i dumped her and left. Been struggling with it for years now. Never knew that I have HOCD till a couple years ago when I reading up on it. Then my past little fling past “situationship” ended horribly but I did have brief sex with her in my car but it ended fast because it was just too uncomfortable in the back of a Mustang😂but yeah then the next time after we had broke things off multiple times I just had no attraction to her anymore as a person although at one point I was almost in love with the girl and wanted to make her my gf. When I was younger I started a horrible addiction to porn that has horribly affected me. It’s comes to the point where straight porn doesn’t get me going anymore so I started resorting to stuff like trans porn. I always look for the most female looking one because the “manly” ones always just turn me off. So now I have stopped watching porn because I realized it was just turning was I truly liked and making it something it isn’t. My brain was just looking do true quick fix of a ejaculation. When I was younger I always watched straight porn and it always turned me on but as I got older watching it 3 to 4 times a day it started to attracted me less and less. Where now some days I struggle finding women attractive when before hand I adored and always found women attractive as long in my type range you know. Hope that all makes sense but yeah it’s brutal as man dealing with this problems because it just make you feel less than and like you are gay when as a young man this problem was not a problem. I was never attracted to men as a young teenager or even older teenager.