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MAN this shit is so convincing. (tw: paragraph below mentions something potentially triggering!) So, while I was still in the worst of my OCD (currently in recovery), I heard that ‘people who are actually gay are able to stop thinking about their sexuality.’ Well, lo and behold, being in recovery means that I don’t always think about it. My coworker told me I seemed gay the other day (dude, mind your own business 🙄) and I’ve been spiraling since. I fit into a lot of bi stereotypes, am friends with a lot of queer people, and often worry that my attraction to men is too superficial. I have a feeling that a lot of that is because I’m neurodivergent, but I worry that I’m just making excuses. Since I’m in recovery, the compulsions aren’t TOO bad— just ruminating and some checking behaviors— but I am genuinely worrying so much that I’m nauseous. I seriously feel like it might be real at this point. I don’t expect reassurance here. I just wanted to vent, because I know you guys will understand.

A few month ago I woke up shaking every single morning, Vomiting most days from the debilitating anxiety ocd had thrown me in. I’ve realized I didn’t just wake up one morning with this but it sure felt like it. The intensity had simply built after years of my ocd being ignored not only by me but the 8 therapists I had seen. It became so intense I could barely pull myself to work in the morning. I had lost 20 pounds in probably around a month. That was the wake up call, My father struggled with ocd so I thought it was worth a shot to explore this possibility and sure enough after my first appointment with nocd I was not only certain that I had OCD but that I had it BAD. ERP didn’t make sense, Until IT DID. There are some of you who are at the beginning of your OCD journey, right where I was who do not believe recovery is possibly I know I sure as heck didn’t, BUT OH MY GOSH IS IT REAL and I’m doing it🥳!!! My ocd specialist GETS ME, I’ve never had someone get my weird little brain so much, let alone know how to get it to feel better.

When i was 16 I had the worst SO-OCD episode. At that time i had NO idea that what I was going through was OCD and that my problem actually had a name. Well, because i didnt know it was ocd i was so confused that i thought that I was actually going through a questioning or orientation discovering crisis. I remember how i used to put labels on me (but never told anyone) and I remember how none of those sexuality labels fit me. Each one of them made me uncomfortable or i was still doubting and questioning if this is really me. Then I signed up on one lgbt site. And i started to ask some people that what do they think about me. I do remember that i was so upset that i told myself “okay, maybe im bisexual”. But i wasnt satisfied either. I was still doubting like “is this really me? Really?” Anyway i had to get this off my chest. Maybe this is reassurance seeking but can anxiety make u feel like u are attracted?😔 because i think i was going through that phase back then….that i felt like what if im actually attracted to them. Also, i dont know if im the only one who experience this but now idk why my mind tells me “you know you are gay and u will be gay after recovery or you know you have attraction for same sex you just deny it” and then it actually makes me feel like its true😔 But i dont think that is what my heart really wants.

I’m a Christian who loves the Bible. I can feel in my core that belief. What makes it hard is the way my OCD latches on to what others say about the Bible. My faith is hard because there are SO many different opinions that are all valid. It’s a matter of choice but my brain keeps asking me if I’m making the right choice. I can recognize faith being a matter of choice and not logic. But why can’t my brain accept that? It wants 100% proof and for everyone to agree with me:( causes me to have panic attacks and extreme anxiety because it just won’t stop

I have been having trouble the past few nights with sleeping. Every night when I lay down I start to get restless. Like my body doesnt want to sleep. I fidget for a while tossing and turning for I don't know why. I have this urge to move and when I don't do it it's not painful but it's just very uncomfortable to sit still. I really want to know what this is because I am sleeping on the couch tonight cause I keep waking up my partner. Is this OCD? Or do I need to get checked out?

Guys i feel like struggling with this on and off for 6 years makes me actually believe that this is not OCD and im just going through sexuality crisis or discovery phase😔

Well I haven’t been diagnosed with ocd, but I have had themes in the past (health, and sexuality, as well as magical thinking) and to be honest if you were to ask me in april-may I would’ve told you that im super confident this is ocd. Now, I just don’t know, I know I shouldn’t be asking here and telling strangers to diagnose me and that I should go see a psychiatrist instead and I will soon enough. These Violent Thoughts have not gone away, only my emotions have. Thankfully I think I can classify the thoughts as intrusive (altough I think I involuntarily bring them up) and not ideation, but this again comes to me feeling numb, I think this is depression, but I just feel like I just don’t care anymore about anything. Just typing that I feel like I don’t care but also makes my stomach feel a little wierd. Recently I feel so off, Brain fog, and constant headaches on the back and top of my head, I don’t know if this is psychosis, dissociation, or a brain tumor. I don’t drink nor do I smoke and I’m glad I don’t but it makes me wonder what is the root of these mental problems I’m currently having. But it’s also bad because when people try to give me supportive words and advice, I cant feel anything when they do. I know that I’m not myself in the moment, and that I desperately need help. I’m sorry for those who have suicidal thoughts or ocd, but I wish my thoughts were more about myself rather then others (again sorry if you’re dealing with this and I hope you recover from these thoughts) and only two of my friends know what I’m going trough, and a few online strangers. I haven’t told my family because the fear of how they’ll view me on my thoughts. I just never thought that I would hit a mental health crisis when I’m about to be 18 going to college. I’m desperately trying to find a job so I could pay for a psychiatrist on my own. I think though I’ll ask my college to see if they have any there. I do want to get better and be normal like other people, but sometimes I wish I was just dead. Sorry for the long rant but this is the truth on how I’m feeling

I’ve been dissociating because of OCD these past two days. It’s been very bad it’s almost like I just don’t feel like myself. Tonight’s it’s gotten really bad, I’m so scared of like losing control of myself or like blacking out and not having control over my actions. Does anyone know how to make me feel like myself again. My ocd has been so good, I’ve never been better I hadn’t been doing compulsions I was able to push away intrusive thoughts easily, however I got discharged from Camhs recently and now I’m realising I can’t go to them with this. Anyways I got home from holidays two days ago and since that really stressful day at the airport I’ve had nothing but rlly bad days full of dissociating, a lack of routine as I had no work and loneliness as my favourite people aren’t able to hang out. Tonight old obsessions I had when I was younger came back and I’m getting really scared and I just want to feel like myself again. I just feel loopy and anxious and not like myself at all. Anyone know how to stop this feeling?

Hey everyone. So I have ocd, as well as everyone here of course, but! I’m having a bad issue. So I deal with fear of psychosis very badly and I got a lot of anxiety from having dpdr a few years ago that have lingered . Well Ive been dreaming very badly and having terrible nightmares and in my dreams I’m screaming to wake up. I don’t understand it. But its like in my dreams im so so scared of dpdr and psychosis and scary stuff happens in them. It’s causing a lot of distress , to the point I dread sleeping. Now in real life I’m scared sometimes I’ll see or hear things and I’m scared I’ll be stuck in dpdr forever and everything. But I’ve been doing better at calming down. But my dreams are so so so bad. I mean I’m waking up sweating and then being scared to get up bc I’m having horrible nightmares with weird shit happening in them. Anyone experience anything like this. And now my heads like what if I’m getting psychosis 🤦‍♀️. It’s like no break for me. It’s horrible.

I have a question. I feel like im convinced now that i do not need any treatment or visit a psychologist/therapist. I do have thoughts like : 1.) i just manipulated people around me into believing that i have HOCD and in reality I do not have it??? 2.) I even manipulated myself and made myself believe that i do have OCD, but in reality i do not. 3.) That i do not need any treatment, because RIGHT NOW i feel okay. That im not OCD enough. Not sick enough. Not anxious enough. Not feeling bad enough. Thoughts that therapist would be unnecessary for me. Or that therapist wouldnt even believe me that i have an issue. And sometimes it even makes me laugh when i think about it. Like why the fuck do I laugh? Ive been trough a hard times, so why this response?? My question is : Is this another OCD trick to not get any better? Or am I creating another reality for myself that this whole time this was just a whole big lie and i do not have OCD? Even though my diary is full of my repetitive thoughts. Again and again the same ones. So I HAVE LITERALLY AN EVIDENCE THAT THIS IS OCD CYCLE. Whats going on with me? Am I crazy?

do I have any Christ followers with ocd that can talk ?

Votes just happened in the uk, and my boyfriend used vote and lent it to a very bad party, unfortunately that is against human rights, racist and all stuff like that. His intentions weren’t bad at all, he didn’t vote because he SUPPORTS the party, he voted because he was lending a vote/tactically voting and KNEW that the party he chose wouldn’t win and didn’t want them to. At no point as he “supported” the party, he just wanted to take votes away from the main 2 (conservative and labour) and vote for the next one down to show those 2 parties that seats weren’t safe and they need to improve if they won. My friend of 4 years has possibly decided to stop talking to me because of my partners decision. I tried to explain that they misunderstood my bf and he doesn’t support the party he voted, but they weren’t willing to listen and accused my partner of all sorts. It hurts so much. My boyfriend KNOWS the party he voted is bad and very much dislikes them, and after talking to him he realised he made a bad choice and there was a better, less problematic option that he wishes he had voted. He explained why he voted to some other people, who were open minded and willing to listen to his explanation. It just really hurts how my friend was closed minded and wasn’t willing to listen to how they misunderstood my boyfriend. My ocd is going crazy about if he’s a bad person, wether I made the right decision, when actually his values are similar to mine and my friends, but because as soon as my friend heard the name of the party my bf voted, they were rude and not willing to listen to anything. My friend mistakenly believed my partner voted for the party because those are his values when they aren’t and think he supports the party. He just wanted to take away a vote from the main 2 parties at the top. Am I right for stopping talking to the friend? I’m an open minded person who is willing to understand why people make certain decisions. My boyfriend has stated he regrets voting the party he did and he has realised how bad they really are. He dislikes people who vote the party and WANT them to win, he thinks they are bad people. In so upset about this and I’m feeling like a terrible person, my friend made me feel like I’m a bad person when it wasn’t even my view/vote and I can’t stop feeling guilty. Is my partner bad???

i don’t think i have ocd, i have no idea what my compulsions are or if i even do any. the stuff that used to help me doesn’t work anymore, the more i searched the more it was convincing me that i was. each time i’d talk to my mum about it all when she’d reassure me i’d just automatically feel like everything i was saying was a lie and that i left parts out so she didn’t think differently of me. this is all so much, someone told me that noticing what your compulsions are helps a lot but i don’t know what mine are or if i even have them. if i don’t have it that will mean all these thoughts are probably really who i am and all the stuff ive been convinced ive done in the past is true. when i first started taking medication it was really bad, i felt like i needed to die. i’d research about p’s or their behaviours or go on quora and stuff to see the answer to my questions, at first it reassured me that i was nothing like those people but the stuff people would say abt their experiences would go through my head over and over again. my mind was constantly repeating comments i had read. i stopped reading because it didn’t help me but now the damage has been done and i know all of this stuff about people that i don’t want to know. it would help me knowing p’s didn’t get a groinal response from a name or a simple word which reassured me but now i don’t get that anymore and im searching for that because it was the thing i relied on the most. it’s made me feel disgusting for even looking for that feeling. when i first used reddit and this app every time o saw something i related to i would screenshot it and read over it to remind myself that other people are going through the exact same things as me but now i just feel like because ive read so much about it, i’ve convinced myself i do have ocd to cover up that im a bad person. i don’t feel worthy enough to receive help or even be happy because im probably just convincing myself i do have it.

These past weeks I’ve made phenomenal steps toward fighting back my OCD , I’ve either stopped having thoughts or minimized them and I’ve been able to focus on other things. However, last night I randomly started obsessing over one of my triggers and then I had this terrible disgusting dream about another one of my triggers. I used to tell myself “well as long as I don’t have dreams about it then it’s fine” well I just had a dream and now I feel sick to my stomach to the point of nausea. I made all this progress with my OCD and now it’s back again, I just want to cry, well I already am, but this is too much. This is like a sick joke

I have been feeling off lately ever since I got a new temporary jib through the agency. I was cleaning and had a housekeeping job, I took the job because I was desperate. Anyways, An ugly lady I don't like bumped into me with my arms / - shoulders and my mind can't get rid of this intrusive thoughts I'm so annoyed with myself. The only thing that will help me is get a massage. I've been depressed since I my thoughts are reminding me of this and I unfortunately do not have a lot of money to get a massage right now. Since I can't solve my problem at the moment I have felt/fallen into a deep depression and I have no more energy because of it and my thoughts. As well as financial anxiety. Uggg! FUCK! I hate having ocd. It's driving me nuts! Also, that since my thoughts are also thinking that the germs are getting everywhere. My mind is going nuts and my ocd has been acting up a lot. I'm also tired of life. I also have been having a bit of a negative mindset thanks to my fogged up mind and depression thanks to all of this. I really hate people with moles. Sorry it just grosses me out and fucks up my mindset when somebody I don't like bumps into me. Help! I need advice!

Recently I have been getting very terrible thoughts and groinal responses that feel like arousal. This is worse usually if I am tired or am just waking up. I could barely sleep. When these pocd things happen especially when im half asleep it feels as if my brain is letting the thoughts come and it feels like my body likes it (with the groinal response) I end up hitting myself in the head to make it go away. This is one of my compulsions. I hate ocd. Sometimes I just want to say im a p and a bad person to just get it over with. I feel like I’m hiding behind an ocd mask. I hate this. I want to cry but I can’t.

for so long now i have felt alone in my OCD symptoms. it feels like it’s never ending. one of the many parts is my physical urges that hurt. i push down on my fingers, usually the middle and thumb, so much that they hurt and bruise. i’ve recently pushed down on and grinded my teeth so hard they became loose and my gums inflamed. it’s exhausting but the urges never stop. i’ve tried resisting them so much, it just never sticks

hello! so I just recently started having really bad intrusive thoughts, specifically harming myself and others, and it started after i broke up with my ex boyfriend. never once has it occurred to me that i may have OCD but now experiencing what i do now and looking back at my past, it kind of makes sense. I have never been diagnosed with OCD but i do struggle with anxiety. I’ve been questioning myself and asking myself if i am a bad person, when I know I am not, I mean i can’t even hurt a fly! i don’t understand where this is coming from or what to do to help myself because i just feel like isolating from everyone so i don’t have the intrusive thoughts or thinking about hurting someone. i feel alone and not like myself. i also have bad fomo so these thoughts aren’t helping😭

NSFW One of my compulsions is m-sturbation and I struggle with it here and there. Literally most of the time this compulsion is done is to get rid of groinal responses or the intrusive thoughts. but the compulsion itself is bad, and sometimes I think of really bad taboo thoughts and it gets me to finish but afterwards i feel very disgusted and shameful. i think these thoughts because i noticed they get me to finish way faster and im trying to look for a solution. i hate this so much because i know its wrong and i know it gives me temporary relief but thats the only “immediate” solution i guess. i feel like this makes me different. like something is ACTUALLY wrong with me. the taboo ranges from family, animals, trauma. how do i get out of this cycle. i feel disgusting and i feel as though this compulsion means im more likely to act this stuff out.

Not good. My mom and I used to have like a mental link but now she can’t really figure out what’s on my mind after my blow up. I had a choice, to regulate and do my best to figure things out it may have been difficult but it was technically the easier way since nothing bad would happen to anybody. But I chose to just let it all loose and tell my entire family everything on my mind. All thoughts anything really. Not true thoughts thou not really me I think I just let anything that disturbed me come into the light which was most likely not even true not me just a thought or stuff I already knew the answer to and so my thoughts were also untrue. I put myself in a space where I could just be comforted to let loose and I did. I didn’t take it or life seriously and now I am living the consequences with really tattered relationship with my sister and odd dynamics of mom and dad. Why did I do that? Because I kept on feeding the beast of my negative thoughts I didn’t pull through I didn’t take it seriously even though I was scared. I think my mom can’t read my mind because all I am really thinking about is how I could have done things differently in the past and how even after I kept on making mistakes and now my sister is pulling even more away not just boundaries but pulling away. I don’t feel real but that’s not fair to others in theory I get it but I just feel dead on the inside like my beautiful soul died and won’t come back. I don’t know what I want from this post. What I really want is someone to tell me I can go to the past and change all this. This is literally the worst most horrific thing I have ever experienced or done. Pls someone idk anybody help. Idk if I want reassurance or not because I’ve heard so many people say it I just want something that speaks to me hopefully something that sparks something in me to keep on living and doing my best to mend all of this. Pick up the pieces I broke and not feel so broken 😞which I am not but something like shattered