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I read a lot of other people’s posts where they deal with intrusive feelings, and sometimes even emotions? Would anyone care to further explain so i can understand this better? it would be very much appreciated.

I am scared, because we both like each other. We get a long very well, and I enjoy his company so much. He has had top surgery, he has a sharp jawline, he's on HRT, but he also has long hair and pretty eyes. He acknowledges that while he obviously presents masculinely he also some feminine traits, he's a "girly boy". But I am scared cause I don't know if I am really attracted to him for any of the "masculine" parts of him. I am attracted to him, I think, because of the "girly" parts. It feels almost like I am betraying him, like I am attracted to him not because he's a guy but because he looks like a girl to me. Which would be horrible to hear if you're a trans man I'm sure. I have been refusing to accept it for weeks now. It can't be the case, I hope. I have watched gay porn before, a lot actually. But I have never had interest in men before him. Everything in my head points to me doing this shameful act, that this whole time I have been misgendering him in my head. I hate it, because I know in my heart that he is a man. He's even looked like a man in the past to me. So I don't know why I can only see the feminine side now. I just don't want to lose him. I love liking him. I want to talk to him like we always do. Am I gay? I don't know? Do I like men? Same question, but I still don't know. Why do I like him? Because he looks like a man or a girl? I don't know. I am just sad, and scared. My therapist tells me I have to live in uncertainty. I don't doubt her. I am not asking for reassurance, just advice. I also needed to vent. Cause my thoughts are spiraling.

I genuinely feel like this terror inside myself, like this is my last day till everything gets horrible… idk suddenly I have this anxiety this “fear of nothing” makes me feel like I’m not gonna make it, that I will never feel okay and that my life is over. I’m scared, I’m always scared

Lemme explain, so quite often if I’m retelling something that happened I will lie about random details because I constantly think that if whatever I’m saying isn’t interesting enough or if it makes me seem like a bad person then the listener will absolutely hate me or think I’m boring and not want to talk to me anymore. I don’t know if that could potentially be based on ocd or if maybe it’s more like pathological lying ? Sometimes I’ll even take it as far as repetitively memorizing the lie details to the point where I actually feel like I remember it happening that way (like I almost gaslight myself into believing my own lies if that makes sense?)

Ohhh here we go again. So I have an obsession that I am the devil? So annoying. The delusions are getting ridiculous. But I am concerned I have schizo-obsessive.

my therapist isnt avaible for a this week and this weeks been hell, cant focus, i keep getting stuck in my thoughts, if i predict something will happen and it doesnt, my brain gets stuck on what if it did and then my obession keeps going, i keep trying to not pay attention or let go of my thoughts but feels like im in a trance when the thoughts come up and feels hard to snap out of it. also since my ocd is to the point of disability (despite social security keeps denying me) i cant go out much and my fears have been getting more and more dehabilitating and i dont know how to properly fix it, i dont know the right way to respond to these thoughts, i dont know how to let go, its just been super rough and demoralizing...

Just wanted to share two big victories I've had this past week. First, after a flood in my house from a hurricane about seven years ago, I convinced myself I had to use different pairs of shoes for upstairs and downstairs cause the floors downstairs were contaminated with flood germs. This may have made sense for like, the days after the flood but it went on til this week when I was able to bring myself to walk downstairs in my slippers and everything was fine! Second, I've had my cats in a fairly large cat enclosure to keep them separated from the dogs and also prevent them from getting into the walls that were taken down in the flood (long story, the fact that they still aren't fixed) but my brain always treated said space and by extension them as dirty. In order to give both me and the cats better quality of life, I decided to move them into my upstairs room and hall (using a gate to still prevent them from going anywhere dangerous for them while still having a bigger space to roam). I'm having to get past the stage of "Oh God, what if this was a bad idea and they contaminate my room with death germs" but I'm gonna win against my OCD and enjoy my cats!!! (Though as I write this, one of them went from the litter box straight to my bed and tracked litter onto it so there will be some more road bumps...)

I am so tired of this. I feel ashamed of myself. I waited until it was late to post this because I can’t take it anymore. My boyfriend is at my house right now. We saw each other today—he brought me a bouquet of flowers, we went out, and then came back home. But I just couldn’t stop thinking that he was annoying me or that I couldn’t stand him, even though he wasn’t doing anything wrong. I felt irritated and distant the entire time. And when we got home, it got even worse. We ended up arguing because of how distant I was, but I couldn’t help it. All I could think about was that I don’t love him, that I don’t like him, that I’m a liar, and that I’m just pretending when I’m with him. I kept thinking that I’m only with him because I’m used to him and that I just don’t want to accept the truth that I don’t love him. When he hugged me, I couldn’t be present. When we kissed, I felt absolutely nothing. Nothing. He kissed me, and I couldn’t even focus or try to connect with what was happening—I just wanted to cry. I feel like a liar who refuses to accept the truth. I started going to therapy, but I’ve only had one session. My psychologist told me to write in a journal, to reflect on what role fear plays in my life and why I feel so unsettled. I wrote, “The possibility that my thoughts might be true.” But now I just think I’m lying—to myself, to my boyfriend, even to my psychologist—because I want to believe I love him, but my mind tells me I don’t feel anything. I couldn’t even sit comfortably with him, I couldn’t enjoy being in his arms—I just felt sad. I’m so scared that this is real. It feels real. I don’t understand what’s happening to me. I feel like I’m lying to everyone. Like I’m in denial. I don’t know how to do this anymore.

i need some advice!! when i was 16, i was watching an anime and this character had abs and he was 12. i remember at the time (from what i can remember), i made a weird comment on his physique. saying things like “omg how did he become this buff haha.” and “oh im going to jail.” i even said “it’s only a 4 year difference.” like WHAT?!? just because it’s a 4 year difference, doesn’t make it okay. its WEIRD!! why would i say that? i also want to mention that i have a hard time keeping my thoughts to myself bc of my ADHD, so i tend to blurt things out. i just find it disturbing that i would have such thoughts, let alone say it out loud. i never had attraction to kids bc its immorally wrong and disgusting, but i feel no different from the ppl who would hurt children irl. I’ve tried forgive myself multiple times, but what i did is irredeemable. i feel like i am using my OCD as an excuse. i am so scared that i am a p, i want to d1e. my life is ruined.

(TW- Please don’t read if you have ocd relating to one off/random medical events) ^ ^ ^ ^ okay so this is something I’ve been confused about for YEARS and completely sped up my ocd symptoms, I had a one off seizure a few years ago, it wasn’t a major one but enough to have family take me to the hospital afterwards, I don’t remember anything whilst it was happening and I was unwell at the time too. I did all the tests and nothing came back, even tested for epilepsy but I don’t have that. No one has been able to give me a reason and that set off my ocd since mine is mostly based around things I cant see hurting me or others (contamination ocd) or me making the wrong decision (rOCD, real event etc etc) (no clue I had ocd at this point though, only got diagnosed last year) I know they can be stressed induced too but I remember not feeling that stressed that night and not much was going on… Is there anyone that’s experienced the same thing?? Could it be OCD related at all?

I know I was here earlier on with a question as well lol but has anyone ever found that when a new false memory takes its place at the forefront of your mind, it's almost easier to disregard the old false memories and say "Yeah that stuff didn't actually happen that way". It feels like OCD giving you a little reward for letting it place a new, shinier false memory in your head. Anyone experience the same thing? Maybe I've asked a similar question before.

Hello, I was diagnosed with autism and ADHD at 25 years old. I attributed my overthinking to autism but I realised a few months ago that Pure O OCD is the most meaningful explanation for it. I am also an asexual, so I am, simply put, a shitshow of symptoms. I constantly review the past - particularly painful memories. I have a consistent fear of getting cancelled. When I was 18, some YouTubers I followed got accused of sexual misconduct and cancelled. I was obsessed and concerned for them. Others found my obsession strange. I did not like how their lives were ruined over accusation and no trial. (I was naive then to why public accusations are happening, as it is because the legal system often fails to address predatory men.) Even 6 years later, I googled one of them 240 times between January 2020 and April 2020. It was plain obsessive. When I burned bridges, I continued to search the people involved in my past dramas. Often multiple times in the same day with nothing new to see. They would likely be scared if they knew how obsessed I was with them. I have started doing ERP exercises. I wrote a script where I receive public false allegations and my life is ruined. It is forever googleable and I am a complete pariah. Completely unemployable, unliveable, even my family abandons me. I listen to it for 15 minutes on loop per day. What else would you recommend to tackle the ruminating? I wish I had this information at 18. I should have been solving these issues then and enjoying my life, not figuring it all out so much later in life.

I keep getting triggered by news stories related to my obsessive thoughts. I was feeling ok for a few days but now I'm spiralling again because of the news.

In lack of better wording, Sometimes I really just feel like I don’t understand myself and I want to. So I can fix it. I’m looking in the mirror and I’m body dysmorphic, I want to see myself when I was younger and physically healthier but cant. I used to be on birthcontrol, and it made me gain 70lbs and I haven’t been able to feel the same about my body ever since then. Somehow since allowing my ex to semi control everything about our sexual relationship, I have developed a complexity of desired intimacy with myself constantly alone. Because I feel like I want to be in more control with how my sexual feelings affect me. I can’t get sexual gratification from my self sometimes even though, and then I turn to peopke. And then it turns to; I can’t be satisfied by anyone, and I haven’t had sex within a loving relationship for a long time. Because well I have been going through a lot recently. And most of the encounters sexually were in fact not in relationships, but I didn’t feel the satisfaction I was looking for and it just didn’t make sense. I have to have all the right emotions or else the moment gets ruined. If I don’t feel love for them, if I don’t think they are attractive, if I don’t like how they react to seeing my body, if I don’t like how they interact with me during the sexual encounters. And since this is so difficult I All together just don’t desire to have sex with anyone most times I feel mentally aroused. Speaking of just mentally aroused, it confuses me that my body will be physically aroused all the time and beg for satisfaction and it’s a cold burning sensation pleading for constant attention. I hate it. I can’t help but wonder why that exists when I haven’t been mentally aroused. But when it happens I can’t seem to satisfy it and neither can other people. And that somewhat altogether made a plethora of issues in my last relationship because my ex dealt with feelings of guilt and or resentment towards themselves for not being able to satisfy me.. and I would be crying from days on end recently in fact from trying MYSELF to release that feeling, but I’d try to the point my body grew sore. .. I hate it. Genuinely I feel disgusted and want to get help on how to stop this. It’s going to ruin the much healthier relationship I have now just gotten into down the line and I don’t think I can handle that. Not again.

I’ve been doing okay, I’ve been a bit emotionally numb honestly. I’m stressed, tired, and just ugh. I was talking to my bf about exs and he was making a joke. An immediate comeback came into my head and for a second it felt fine. I was smirking. I felt like I was about to say this. It was a terribly mean thing that attacks things he’s told me in confidence that he’s insecure about. A comment comparing him to an ex. He saw when it hit me because I was genuinely too shocked for it to not be apparent. I had such a strong urge to confess, but I couldn’t because it was *so mean*. He’s been numb too and we honestly seem to hate each other in a loving way, and that’s somehow comforting. So, he pushed me to confess out of curiosity. I ended up telling him. He didn’t care but I’m still in so much distress. Had it been a moment where he wasn’t apathetic, had it been then and I spoke without thinking, I’m sure he would’ve cared, I know it would’ve hurt him. I feel so shocked at the cruelty my mind creates. I don’t even know if this was intrusive because I energized and felt good until a few seconds later when it felt like I got ice water thrown at me from the shock. I genuinely could’ve said this and I know there’s no point in dwelling on it now but it’s still so scary. I can’t seem to breathe properly right now. I feel so panicked. I haven’t had a panic attack in almost a week. My brain is a bully. I don’t want it to be apart of me. I feel so awful for having that thought and I feel like I’m drowning.

looked up some controversy involving a youtuber that received allegations & one of those involved minors. you already know. what did I do? submit to a compulsion and tried to compare the doings of that youtuber to mine. checking to see if I had done the same thing. then overthinking about a lot of things. read one sentence of a comment and immediately felt a flare up. had to close the website I was using (reddit) to calm down before my mind gave me horrible thoughts. I am tired of this. like I know what I like: adults. specifically older men. YET WHY DO I HAVE TO KEEP REPEATING SO MANY THINGS TO MYSELF??? WHY DO I ARGUE SO MUCH WHEN DEEP DOWN I KNOW WHO I AM???? why me?

Not super ocd related but I will be staying at a treatment center for mental health soon and I'm looking forward to nit being stuck at home where I have loads of ocd triggers. I know avoidance isn't the best and honestly leaving home for a month or two might make it harder to deal with when I come back but honestly I need a break, I feel trapped here and my mum hates dealing with me and my shitty brain so it's best for all of us if I go away for a bit. Am I the only one who's contamination ocd is worse at home because I hold more value over my room? Like everywhere in the house and even parts of my room are infected but the clean parts need to stay clean but if I'm in public on a random chair I don't care because it's not my chair

I hate feeling constantly conflicted no matter what. I have noticed with food intake, I find myself going back and forth between obsessing over eating too much and fear of gaining any weight to obsessing over eating too little and fear of losing an unhealthy amount of weight and the negative consequences of such. I am getting married this year and continuously think about how I need to be mindful and not eat too much since I need to fit into my dress and feel confident on my wedding day, as I don’t want to look back at pics and be unhappy with how I look. But I also think about how if I don’t eat enough, I will look too thin and will not be confident in myself, and will look back and be unhappy. Idk. It is so hard because I am always trying to figure out what is “right” but it feels like there is no “right.” And I have a really hard time recognizing what my body ACTUALLY looks like physically, not really knowing how I appear to others

Im having a OCD specifically contamination OCD flare up all month and I don’t want to feel this way going into March, I’ve thrown out clothes, towels, stayed up for hours doing compulsions, washed my hands till they crack and bleed, I have washing pilling up cause I’m so overwhelmed by all the extra things I’ve added cause I thought it was contaminated. It’s completely draining me to the point where I’ve become sleep deprived and are avoiding part of my home because they are deemed contaminated to me…I only moved in a few months ago, I had a roach problem and using baits and insecticides really messed with my ocd too. anyone have any tips or tricks to make this easier? I wasn’t doing this bad in January :( thankyou in advance :)

Im basically still a child, but have been an adult in the eyes of the government for 2 years. Then I made my grand escape away from home, broke but determined to be set free for the hell I was living. I’ve talked about it on another post but I’m a survivor of childhood s*xual assault. I’m too scared to cut my family off 100% because of like Stockholm syndrome I guess? But whenever I interact with them, good or bad, I find my ocd flare ups to be way more often. Like the intrusive thoughts that haunt me about sex and about my relationships consume me when I think of talk to my family. Is anyone here no contact with their family? How did you work through this. WAITTTTTT!!! Please take this capybara eating a watermelon on a stick for your travels.