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And that’s why your fear isn’t truth. It’s a glitch in the system — not your soul.

I was super recently diagnosed with OCD and nervous to share my diagnosis with my family. I’m a somewhat messy person and don’t have germophobic tendencies, so since I don’t have the stereotypical OCD presentation I was terrified that nobody would believe me. I ended up talking to my mom and making a silly TikTok post about it, which my grandma saw. Not only did they believe and support me–I learned that my grandma has it too! Funny to look back on, but really cool to see that the worst outcome doesn’t always happen. (:

Potential TW: So I know this post is not technically FULLY about ocd but I was hoping maybe some people knew something about it or what to tell me. So I know my boyfriend has ocd and anxiety but it’s nothing he is in treatment for and he’s not on medication even though he probably should be. Anyway, I know he has IBD so he already has stomach issues. However, ever since we started dating he has been throwing up in the bathroom a lot. At first I didn’t think anything of it but then I noticed not only did he do this but he eats large amounts of food at a time like a lot of food and then whether it was directly after or a little hour later he would always throw it up and he would turn on the shower making it look like he was taking a shower but I always hear. He keeps saying it’s just that he sometimes feels sick from eating too much but I really think it is bulimia and now it seems like he throws up about 3-4 times a day. I know he has a lot of stress in his life cause so he’ll be applying to law school and his parents also pick on him when he does something wrong though they love him very much and he has this cousin that like is always trying to pressure him to do more social things and he clearly wants to impress his cousin but he’s trying to be something he isn’t. I also know he tends to bottle things up instead of talk about them but recently he has been communicating a bit more just not about this. I know there’s a lot of factors here but does this sound like bulimia? I kind of want to say something but I also know he will probably get very mad. But his parents clearly don’t realize this is happening as he just goes to his own bathroom and pretends to shower. Also, weirdly he has been gaining more weight even though he seems to throw up so much? Also can bulimia cause people to be like quickly defensive or frustrated easily? Because I’ve been seeing that too and I’d like to think that’s not really him cause I have seen he has a caring heart it just seems like he’s struggling a lot. Can anyone tell me some helpful things? Does this sound like bulimia? Does anyone have similar stories or advice they can share? Please help thanks!

17f I work at the restaurant as a cleaner, pot washer and a kitchen assistant. My job already made me freak out a bunch of times because couple times while cleaning I was kinda near children and my POCD is very severe just being around children makes me anxious and later I sometimes have false memory ocd that I touched the children even though I didn't And my boss said that in July I will probably be promoted to a waitress. And I'm terrified. It's a busy family restaurant in a city center and people constantly come here with little children. It's one thing to work in the kitchen and cleaning during closing shift, I still see children sometimes but I can avoid accidental physical contact for example. But as a waitress it will be hell on earth. I will need to walk between tables outside where children are constantly running around and if I have stuff in my hands I won't be able to move so fast to avoid touching them I need this job so much and its hard to get a job as a minor here but this will fucking ruin me. I can already see how I will have a mental breakdown because I accidentally touched the child while working and convinced myself I did it on purpose.

it feels to real i feel like my heart is ripping apart. it feel like i dont love him, that i lost feelings, im hollow

Hey y’all just wanted to share some stuff I feel has been helping me a lot as of lately. I been thinking a lot about my mental wellness in relation to physical wellness as I tend to have chronic pain and wonder how much of my anxious panicked tension is a factor because I also have a weird hip issue that moslty comes from skateboarding when I was young. A big thing that always drew my attention is my mobility and movement that i feel like can be easily overlooked because i am a bit hypermobile. So I’ve always experimented with different ways of managing the dysfunction because there are good days of feeling a lot more physically capable and slight better range of motion/movement where im reminded that there is definitely pain/discomfort that can be alleviated. Now to also bring up that I’ve been recovering from severe OCD for the last about 2 years(undiagnosed since a child) and facing a lot of things no doubt since than, tons of improvement after being able to identify the cause(want to point out I’m self diagnosed still, I try to implement the gold standard of ERP myself as much as I can along with other therapy practices but obviously understand that professional help ultimately is the best thing I can do, no health insurance/poor). Still in recovery no doubt but yea i really can say I’ve been doing a lot better with my OCD. So now going back to the chronic pain I also want to mention the way I’ve noticed my breathing that also feels as though it can be shallow in relation to the previous mentioned dysfunction that leads for me to have chronic pain. So now getting to the things that have helped me, one is understanding the role the psoas plays into your physical sort of biomechanics and then the way it is connected to our emotional responses, as it is known as the fight flight or freeze muscle. The way we can hold so much stress in our body can really wreak havoc, and the more I learn and understand myself and OCD the more it’s like I unpack to to the extent how much it’s completely taken over so much of me. I just started to notice this year how hypervigilant I am, and having Pure O I sort of end up feelin as though even in my own mind I am hypervigilant just scared of the intrusive thoughts/doubts worries and even when they aren’t present just on edge ready to fight back against it at any given moment. It makes so much sense why I ended up with insane amount of tension in my left psoas muscle and then that causing me to also build tension in surrounding areas of that muscle. Finding some chronic pain relief thru identifying where the heavy tension is around the psoas area and massaging it, hitting the trigger points to release the muscle has had so much relief and it really is also just giving me a sense of mental well being that truly is just great. I’ve always struggled with meditation but I’m also realizing how hard it can be when muscles are constantly in fight/flight/freeze mode. Mindful breathing along with the massage/trigger point relief is the first time I actually felt the air I was breathing pass through my body in a way that just made sense. Like as if some parts of my body haven’t had air pass in ages, and really feeling in tune with my senses and the room I was in. My body really is just used to being fearful, and I’ve tried to find ways of relieving the tension but with time and just kind of listening to my body, trying to learn about different ways of rehabilitating these types of chronic pain, mindfulness, mindful breathing, along with the different therapeutic tools for ocd I actually am starting to really let go of things and not have my body in constant fear/panic mode because speaking for most people whose OCD has gotten so severe, there really is a sort of trauma from having to deal with how bad it can get which your body keeps track of. Still continuing this journey recovering, and I hope y’all are also continuing !!

Hi everyone. I know there are some people who are not Christian, or do not believe in God. But after today of having 5 panic attacks, crying in my boyfriend’s arms for hours, and feeling like the anxiety and fear was going to end me, I prayed to God. But I do not mean just praying in your head, I mean TALKING OUT LOUD to God. In the times where we are so scared, it feels like we are completely alone. And cannot feel the presence of Christ. My mom showed me this when I had my onset ocd in 2021, I was 16, and this made me bawl my eyes out. I am in a horrible flare up right now where everything feels exactly the same, and sometimes when we feel the most alone, it is because Jesus is literally carrying our broken and hurting soul. He loves you so much, and your suffering has a purpose, no matter how awful OCD is, surrender to him, ask him to protect you from the enemy. Talk to God, talk to Jesus, really talk to him. Tell him you’re scared, sad, angry for having to deal with this, and he will save you. Remember, You are not Satan’s you are the child of the most high God. 🩵🩵🩵✝️

I've been doing well the past month in cutting down on compulsions and have been feeling better however, last night I had a set back that carried on into today. I had gotten very poor sleep (4ish hours) and then something triggered my memory. I think with the sudden anxiety spike and lack of sleep I didn't have the strength to ignore my compulsions. Last night and today I've realised I've gone back into rumination and mentally reviewing the event excessively again and comparing my situation to other people's, but most of the times that I start going down these rabbit holes I don't even realise I'm doing it? Also been fixating a bit on the fear that I've ruined my progress and that I will fall back into the deep end of it all again, that I have done so much work getting myself out of, although trying my best to not be too discouraged. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with rumination more specifically?

My mom passed Sunday and I didn’t cry when I got the news, I didn’t know how to react. Crazy, I haven’t cried until i started writing this. You see, I was her favorite child growing up I was attached to her hip. Through every rehab, every overdose, I was there. Guess what I’m getting to is the intrusive thoughts are saying I don’t care that she is dead. Also telling me she was a terrible mother. That I am a mess up as an adult because of her. I’m so angry but I miss her so much. I didn’t get to say goodbye. Weeks of trying to reach her and no one would tell me anything because I’m the “sick child”. Why do the intrusive thoughts get to do this? I can’t grieve properly with all this chatter.

Soon might be the end of my relationship. I have done 4 months or so of therapy but I feel like I haven’t seen much substantial progress. I am already grieving the loss of my relationship. Literally almost cried 3 times at work today just thinking about it. Not sure what to do. Idk if I’m avoiding it bc I’m scared out of my mind or not. Honestly this is the hardest point and decision I have ever been in, in my life. Any tips or at least people to relate?

Sometimes I get really really excited at the idea of falling in love with someone, I guess that’s pretty normal but what I’m feeling now isn’t. To make a long story short, I’ve known a boy from a video game for about a year, he all of a sudden got insanely sexual with me and refuses to talk to me now until I “ give him pics”. (I’m not gonna give that to him, no worries there). I realized I got obsessed with the idea that “ we might be friends then lovers”, and because of that I literally want to cry knowing his intentions. Someone told me” boys will be boys, they just think with their (redacted)”, and that made it worse. With my history of men being sexual with me as a child, my brain is obsessing over the idea that it will always be this way.

I don't have an official OCD diagnosis, although I am near enough certain I have it after a long year of distressing intrusive thoughts and compulsions that have strongly affected my life. Unfortunately though, I do not have the opportunity or the finances to get checked or go to therapy for a good few months at least. Due to this, I have taken it upon myself to teach myself techniques to tackle it and to reduce and not engage in compulsions, as I did not want to take the risk of getting even worse before being able to get help (and desperation lol). For the first time in the past year I feel like I'm finally making some progress in getting better since incorporating these techniques into my life as my symptoms have become more manageable (minus the obvious bad days) at the time being. Is self-recovery actually possible? Has anyone managed to recover without a therapist's help?

Last week I fell into a bit of an existential spiral, which hasn't happened for a long while. Now that I'm mostly on the other side, I think it's important to reflect on the lessons I learned from it. I hope this is helpful for others who find themselves in their own spiral, existential or not. 1. The thought, "I'm never getting out of this one," will always be there, and it will always be a lie. Whenever I fall into a deep existential spiral (which is pretty rare these days), it *always* feels as though I've uncovered some horrible thought that I'm never going to be able to get past. As if I've finally found that one existential thought this is going to ruin me for the rest of my life. When that happens, allow the thought to come and go just like the rest of the thoughts, and take some time to reflect on how you've been there before. For me, it helps to sarcastically agree with it: "Yep you're right! THIS is the one that'll do me in." 2. Keep doing what you do A major difference between this spiral and past ones is that I forced myself to not cancel any plans because of it. I played at an open mic, accompanied my friend on mandolin for his performance, and I attended a run group, all while experiencing an existential crisis. I definitely think this shortened the length of the episode. I proved to myself that I could do some pretty demanding things despite the thoughts. I was also able to reflect on how when I was forced to be present (such as while performing), the existential crisis totally subsided. Which brings me to... 3. Trust in mindfulness I absolutely get it; when you're in the middle of a spiral, the idea of just "bringing yourself into the present moment" seems laughably unhelpful. This time in particular, it really felt irresponsible to *not* attend to the thoughts. It genuinely felt like I had to *solve* these existential questions before I could move on to anything else, including the present moment. But when I reflect on the times that I felt the most at-ease, it was always when I was present. It was during the 10 seconds I took to breath and notice my surroundings. It was when I disengaged from the thoughts and allowed them to come and go. It was when I smelled the fresh air after a thunderstorm, or during a conversation with a friend about her breakup. It was when I named the feelings and emotions I was experiencing, and welcomed it all. Existential thoughts are supposed to be about reality, but when you're lost in them, you aren't actually *in* reality. They're only scary in the virtual reality of the mind. And finally... 4. Yes, the compulsions are the problem I did a LOT of research last week. I watched videos, Googled, and even dove into ChatGPT. The compulsions were obvious, and they were never enough. Every answer that made me feel a little better was followed by doubt less than 15 minutes later. In the moment it genuinely feels like you HAVE to keep doing the compulsions, but you need to trust that that's exactly what is making you feel worse. In order to stop researching, I just had to...stop researching. It was hard at first, but eventually the spiral stopped spinning, and the longer I waited between compulsions, the easier it was to move on.

so about a week ago around june 12 or 13 coming back from the beach i was having vulva pain on one of the lips then eventually i went to grandmas house and everytime i bent down or moved around i was having some sharp pain “down there” eventually i was scared and then it started to kinda hurt to pee… and i was like ok this is kinda worrying me eventually i forgot about it for two days it didn’t hurt but then i come back and start to have it again. so then i was like okay i’m just gonna schedule a doctors appointment. i schedule my doctors appointment got tested and i was negative for UTI but i was having bad lower back psi so they sent off a cultural test and told me a few days after that i have bacterial vaginosis so i was like ok i’m guessing to get antibiotics for it… i get the antibiotics yesterday theyre capsules i can’t swallow them but i cut them and put it in apple sauce where it was so gross the smell was awful and the taste was awful… atp i got a liquid i haven’t took it yet.. but my stomach has been hurting and had numbness and weird tingling feeling down there… where it’s scaring me and now my stomach hurts almost like cramps but it makes me so nervous… i keep thinking i have ovarian cancer or some type of cancer or a cyst or kidney stones… even tho they told me i have bacterial vaginosis somehow i can’t believe them… but i soon start my period on the 30th and my OCD gets so bad 2 weeks before my period and symptoms start a week before my period… idk i’ve never had this OCD go out for so long but like my urine looks fine it’s just when i pee now it’s almost feels weird idk my stomach is hurting rn when i lay down and i’ve been freaking out ugh. and this morning i had sorenness down there… i also had some inner thigh pain… i can’t stop googling i keep thinking it’s something worse than i have from what the doctor told me

Hello everyone, I just wanted to share a part of my journey that I’m struggling with right now. I’ve been diagnosed with ocd and while this is not my first subtype, ROCD and so ocd have definitely been the ones I’ve been struggling with the most. For context I have a boyfriend who I love very much and am terrified of loosing. That’s probably what ocd latched onto. The so-ocd especially is tricky because I’ve come to acknowledge that I am bisexual. Don’t worry I didn’t “discover” this through ocd, I’ve always known and it’s been in the back of my mind way before ocd, I had just never really directly acknowledged it because romantically I just always leaned towards men. The thing my ocd latched onto is “what if you are actually a lesbian and don’t know it yet and will have to leave your partner or are lying to your partner or end up leading him on” The thing is, I don’t have much experience with women except kissing my female best friend once, which didn’t feel special or made me have romantic feelings for her. I’ve always seeked men more actively than women and didn’t feel like I was gonna miss out if I get into a serious relationship with a man before having had more experience. I just know that I can be sexually attracted to women as well. But now that I’m in this beautiful relationship I’m terrified of getting it wrong or having missed something about myself or being scared that I’m actually a lesbian and have been lying to myself all along. I’m not seeking reassurance, just wanting to share and maybe someone else is going through something similar? If so I’d be so grateful to know I’m not alone. I love my boyfriend dearly and i really hope we will work out in the long run.

Hey, So whenever I pray, often I will end up not feeling genuine when I pray and I don’t feel God when I pray and then I panic and end up basically trying to force my emotions to “feel right” and I repeat my words over and over and over again. It’s so frustrating and I want to stop but it’s hard. Does anyone have any tips on breaking this?

Can people please share their experiences on very low dose medications for their OCD? Maybe ones that have worked well with little side effects? Anything is helpful & thank you

Im a hypochondriac and recently I’ve been seeing posts about sicknesses and I got worried why all of a sudden they’re popping up on my page. I always think it’s a sign and it scares me especially if i accidentally skip over the videos anyone else?

I really need help. My ocd spiral has begun again over existential ocd…. That every second that passes becomes the past. Like my daughter will do something cute and my brain will go”thats in the past” it makes no sense but gives me panic attacks. I just want to enjoy my life. Anyone have this and have overcome it? Any help would be amazing!!

Hi. I’m writing this because I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve been suffering in silence for so long, and I feel like I’m losing myself more and more every day. I’m 18 years old, and I’ve been in a relationship for 2 years with someone who truly loves me( i have these thoughts and bad feelings since month 4 in the relationship) He’s kind, patient, and he really cares. But for a long time now… I’ve been stuck in this horrible cycle of fear, doubt, and emotional numbness. It started slowly — little intrusive thoughts like: • “Do I really love him?” • “What if I’m lying to him?” • “What if I never truly loved him, and I’m just realizing it now?” • “What if I’m wasting my youth in the wrong relationship?” And now? These thoughts feel louder than anything else. I don’t feel love anymore — not clearly. Sometimes I even feel repulsed or irritated. I hate admitting that, because I feel like a horrible person. He hasn’t done anything wrong — in fact, he just wants me to be happy and close again. But I feel like I’ve lost all my feelings, my sexual desire, my clarity, and my connection. It feels like my chest is heavy all the time. Every day I obsess: “Am I in denial?” “Is this ROCD, or is it just the truth?” “Should I break up? Should I stay?” “Am I wasting both our lives by not ending it?” “Why can’t I feel anything? Why can’t I be normal again?” I feel so guilty because I’m not treating him with love anymore. Sometimes I’m rude, cold, distant — and it kills me, because that’s not the kind of partner I want to be. I’m scared I’m ruining him and myself. What makes it worse is that I remember how things used to be — how safe I felt, how excited I was, how much I wanted him. But now, those memories feel so distant, like they happened to someone else. I feel disconnected from who I used to be, from him, and from myself. I keep thinking, “You’re only 18, you should be enjoying life, not crying every day over this.” I feel like I’m wasting my youth, my joy, my energy — but at the same time, I can’t leave. Because a part of me still wants to be with him. A part of me wants to want him again. But right now, I just feel broken and terrified and unsure of who I even am anymore. I’ve tried to talk to people close to me, but most don’t understand. Some get angry or say I’m overthinking. Others say “maybe it’s just not meant to be.” But it doesn’t feel that simple. Because if I didn’t care… I wouldn’t be this afraid. If I didn’t love him at all… I wouldn’t be this devastated by the idea of losing him. But what do you do when you want to love, and you can’t feel it? When your brain is screaming “THIS ISN’T RIGHT!” and your heart is too quiet to answer? Please… if anyone has been through this — if anyone has healed or has advice — I need to hear it. I want to be a kind partner again. I want to feel safe and clear again. I want to stop this spiral that’s been eating me alive. What helped you? What did you do when it felt so real and so final? How did you get through the days when all you felt was guilt and doubt and dread? Thank you for reading this. Even writing it helps me breathe a little. Please, if you’ve felt this way before… tell me how you kept going. 💔